I have 12% of a plan

Output for my mild marvel obsession and other random shit

[realnoenie]

Uploaded fic nuber two for the Perfectly Imperfect series to AO3!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25876270

[realnoenie]

Part three for the Perfectly Imperfect series is up on AO3!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25921825

[realnoenie]

New fic on AO3 :)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25859953

[fluffysax]

Love this! Perfect if you need something fluffy and short :)

[funnystories]

funny story

when I was little, I would go on Nickelodeon.com all the time and they had this game similar to club penguin except it was called Nicktropolis. and if you forgot your password, a security question you could choose was “what is your eye color?” and if you got it right it’d tell you your password. so I would go to popular locations in Nicktropolis and write down random usernames who were also in those areas, and then i would log out and type in the username as if it were my own and see which of these usernames had a security question set to “what is your eye color?” (which was most of them, since it was easy and we were all kids). i would then try either brown, blue, or green, and always get in, then I would go to their house and send all of their furniture and decorations to my own account’s. and if it I didn’t want it, i could sell it for money

[khanos-deactivated20170219]

I love robbery and fraud

[pupu-platter]

[rhube]

TikTok has banned LGBT content

I think some people might not know, so I’m spreading this, but TikTok has banned LGBT content.

For that reason, I’m not going to be reblogging TikTok videos anymore, and I encourage you to do the same.

I know it’s hard. TikTok felt like getting Vine back, but they’re scummy homophobic poo-poos and I feel like we should take a stand against that.

[12drakon]

^^

TikTok is owned by the Chinese government oligarchs. It’s designed specifically as a propaganda tool.

[ifeelbetterer]

[smooththegoofyshark]

IT’S WHAT

[nyctosaurid]

the thing all sherlock holmes adaptations get wrong is making the guy an irredeemable asshole who treats everyone like shit . not only is it not reflective of the original stories they miss that “nice, smart, well mannered dude who snorts coke when he needs to think” is possibly the funniest character ever devised 

[aerialsquid]

I feel like the modern equivalent is that guy you think is super well put together until you find out exactly how much red bull he ingests on a regular basis.

[domicileensnared]

Modern Sherlock is that very nice English Professor-seeming guy who you bring a problem and while walking from the door of his office to his desk he starts explaining the entire solution you need

And upon reaching his desk he’s like “Excuse me one moment.” and pulls out one of those huge Monster canisters they legally aren’t allowed to make anymore, cracks the whole thing, chugs it, takes a deep breath, and then nods at you and is like “Alright, and then what you need to do is…”

[younggayanddoingokay]

Imagine how much better the dynamic of bbc sherlock could have been if they did this.

[kaylapocalypse-deactivated20201]

why even modernize it to energy drinks??? coke didn’t go anywhere. we still have coke. energy drinks aren’t NEARLY chaotic enough. 

Its is more like you hiring some guy to do private investigation about how your husband maybe cheating on you and Sherlock comes to your house high as fuck. Walks into your living room and without taking a moment to even talk to you or sign any paperwork, he turns around—pupils as big as god—and just says

“Its your best friend Brenda. I’ll email you the invoice.” 

and walks right out of your house. 

[gay-irl]

gay_irl

[cr3v]

Sjsjsjs steve asking Tony if he has a grindr 😂😂😂

[festiveferret]

Tony was sitting on the couch flipping through his emails on a tablet when Steve called out, ”Hey, Tony?” from the kitchen.

“Yeah?”

“Do you have a Grindr?”

Tony froze. Steve Rogers was asking him about Grindr? Who had even told him about Grinder? Who had told him about online dating? Who had told him about gay online dating? “Uh. Why do you ask?”

Something clanged in the kitchen and then Steve appeared at the end of the couch, rubbing a tea towel over his hands. He looked decidedly unflushed, and the only reason Tony could think of for that was that he didn’t know what Grindr was. Cause there was no way Mr. Nineteen Forties American Virtue was casually throwing around knowledge of gay “dating” sites with such reckless abandon. Was there? Unless - ?

Steve shrugged. “I was just wonder-”

“Did Clint put you up to this?” Tony looked around, eyes narrowed.

“What? No.” And Steve was such a horrific liar that Tony had to believe him. “I was just wondering, because you seem like the sort of person to have one, and uh -” now he was blushing a little “- I kind of wanted to get you coffee and I didn’t know if you needed to -”

“What? Steve.” Tony pushed himself up of the couch, tablet forgotten, heart in his throat. “Wow. Uh. I’m really flattered, and obviously you’re gorgeous and amazing, and who wouldn’t want to go out with you? And as I’m saying this I’m realizing I have no idea why I thought this sentence was going to end with me turning you down so, uh, yes. I mean, you don’t need Grindr to ask a guy out, Steve. You can just do it. And he’ll say yes. Apparently. With enthusiasm.”

“Um.” Steve was stock still, staring at Tony with such utter bewilderment that Tony rewound the conversation four times and replayed it in his head.

“I missed something,” Tony said, when the action replays provided no clues. “What did I miss?”

“I -” Steve said, and it was more a squeak than a word “- wasn’t asking… you out? Was I?”

“Weren’t you?”

“I’m really confused.”

“Start at the beginning.” Tony was starting to feel like the conversation was about to take a sharp left turn off a cliff and he wasn’t looking forward to it.

“I was asking if you had a Grindr because when I was at the store the other day, I saw they had Iron Man branded coffee beans and I thought you might like them, at least for fun and to see if they tasted any good. But when I went to buy them the lady at the counter told me you need a grinder to use them. And I know you’re really into coffee, but the machine you have is all so automated, I wasn’t actually a hundred percent sure they’d work in it. So I figured it was better to ask you before I embarrassed you and wasted food, getting you something you couldn’t use.”

“Oh.” Tony stood still and silent while he considered his options for having the floor swallow him whole. Obviously, the best solution would have been to have originally made the floors out of nano tech that could be controlled the same way as his suit, but it was a little late for that. Maybe DUM-E could set something on fire and he’d be urgently needed elsewhere, but how to signal that to JARVIS?

“Tony? Are you okay?”

“Yes!” he said, too brightly, too loud. “Just fine. Ha ha. What a silly misunderstanding. Of course, I have a coffee grinder, I have like seven, and even if I didn’t, I’d build one, happily, just to grind your beans, oh god, I can’t believe I said that, please excuse me while I exit stage left, pursued by bear and my own mortification.” Tony turned on his heel and made a beeline for the door, but Steve, being a super soldier, caught his sleeve before he made it to the hall.

“Wait, Tony. Please.” Steve released him when Tony stopped and turned back towards him. “Did you - I mean - Did you mean it when you said you’d go out with me?”

“Don’t worry about it. You said coffee and I got confused.”

“But… you really would?”

“I mean -” Tony shrugged. The only way to get out of this with his dignity intact was to hurt Steve, and that was something he definitely couldn’t do. “Yeah. Yeah, I would.”

“Oh!” This oh was bright and cheerful, like a door had just been opened to reveal a beautiful sunny meadow on a lazy Sunday afternoon. “Oh. Well, in that case. Maybe we can go back to the store and I’ll get you the coffee beans and then we can, uh, get lunch? Together?”

“Really?”

“Yes, please.”

“I - well, yeah. Of course. That sounds wonderful.”

Steve beamed. “Okay. I’ll grab my jacket and meet you back down here in ten.”

“Uh. Okay. Wow.” Tony blinked at Steve until he turned to go, still grinning. “Wait, Steve?”

“Yeah?”

“There’s one condition.” Tony was smiling too now, unable to hold back a giddy grin to match Steve’s.

Steve bounced on his toes, like a little kid about to go to the zoo. “Anything.”

“Just don’t ask me what I thought you meant by grinder.”

[timsenblue]

Captain America:The Winter Soldier,Sebastian Stan .Chris Evans。Bucky Barnes ，Steve Rogers(from)

[basic-banshee]

I keep using my girlfriend with unusual work hours to get out of coworker interactions and happy hours and hanging out.

But now the company holiday party is upon us.

And I’ve been lying about the girlfriend.

I suddenly really empathise with the characters in Hallmark Christmas movies.

[basic-banshee]

I like that people have two reactions to this post.

Reasonable: “just say she couldn’t make it!”

Chaotic: FAKE DATING AU

[victorxaxvale]

Well, which one is it going to be?

[basic-banshee]

And so it begins

[contentcrisis]

having the DMV area Craigslist bookmarked has never come in handy before but now

[basic-banshee]

Update, Craigslist has flagged my post as inappropriate.

[basic-banshee]

Apparently you can’t solicit a date as a “gig”

I now see my mistake

[basic-banshee]

Update: a date has been acquired. This is true lesbian solidarity in action.

[justluckyiguess]

My wife has now read this and wonders how baby gays are even meeting and mating

[basic-banshee]

Can confirm I am meeting and mating just fine 😂

[basic-banshee]

By the way I’m in a relationship with this woman now

[raveneil-deactivated20220513]

fanfiction is so wild cause im like…..ugh im not in the mood to read a book…..i’ll just read an 82k word fic instead……

[brawltogethernow]

Look…. To start a book… You have to make room in yourself for new characters and worlds. Do I look like I have the emotional energy for that? Do I look like I can trust like that right now? Just show me the things I already know pay good returns on my investment, except I also want to read something new so I guess they can be in a coffee shop this time.

[justgot1]

This - this is it, you’ve put it into words

[buckisthatyou]

sebastian is that friend who will burst into your house just because you don’t reply to his text and he knows damn well that you’re laying on your bed being sad so he is like “don’t isolate yourself” and hugs you.

but bucky is that friend who will burst into your house and sees you laying on bed being sad and goes “big mood” as he joins you in bed.

[tytranosaurusrex]

becoming an adult is essentially having all your friends in different cities and permanently missing someone

[lecretary]

the stereotype that women talk more than men is infinitely amusing to me because men are literally incapable of shutting the fuck up

[lecretary]

i hope this post gets popular enough that i hurt a man’s feelings

[touch-my-cuboner]

It’s not a stereotype it’s a proven fact you femanazi piece of shit.

[verodwrath]

lmao there it is 

[madmaudlingoes]

You wanna talk proven facts? This shit’s been done, son: researcher Dale Spencer in Australia used audio and video tape to independently evaluate who talked the most in mixed-gender university classroom discussions. Regardless of the gender ratio of the students, whether the instructor was deliberately trying to encourage female participation or not, men always talked more—whether the metric was minutes of talking or number of words spoken. 

Moreover, men literally have no clue how much they talk. When Spencer asked students to evaluate their perception of who talked more in a given discussion, women were pretty accurate; but men perceived the discussion as being “equal” when women talked only 15% of the time, and the discussion as being dominated by women if they talked only 30% of the time.

Spencer’s conclusion, if I may parahprase: you only think we talk too much because you’d rather we were silent.

Don’t fuck with me, asshole, I’m a scientist.

[shinykari]

[sick-lost-soul-blog]

Damn I love when female scientists prove men wrong. I’m like yeah I’m gonna be like her when I graduate college

[unclefather]

cashier: I’m sorry it’s going to be a 5 minute wait for your food

old people: let me speak to your manager. This never would have happened in my day. And yet you all want the minimum wage raised. I’m going to kill you.

cashier: I’m sorry it’s going to be a 5 minute wait for your food

millennials: okay, my apologies. I apologize for the inconvenience. I’m sorry I’m here.

[chasing-asterion]

me, walking into a store: are you guys busy? i can come back later. please don’t push yourselves on my account. things happen

[heatherleigh02-deactivated20230]

Had a baby boomer in front of me at the Dairy Queen. She INSISTED she was a Blizzard EXPERT and there was simply NOT ENOUGH chocolate pieces in her blizzard and she wanted to complain to "whoever is in charge". She's going on and on with this teenager. The teenager is calmly explaining they make them all the same etc etc procedure etc etc. But this woman is now yelling at the teen.

So I walk past the woman and put money in teen's tip jar. Haven't even gotten ice cream yet.

Woman looks at me. Turns back and yells some more with the teen. I put more money in the tip jar.

The teen smiles at me. The woman can't think of what to say to me and stops yelling, because I'm looking at her dead in the eye like "atm is over there, I can go all night. The more you yell at her, the more money she makes."

[aplatonicjacuzzi]

Aggressive generosity to combat boomer selfishness is so punk

[tiktokarchive]

[A mashup between 'In the Hall of the Mountain King' and 'Low' is playing.]

[frogandtoadpdf]

in this essay i won’t

[frogandtoadpdf]

fuck you for coming to my ted talk

[books-read-in-nooks]

“What are your hobbies?”

me: “Well, I love reading - I’m a massive bookworm! Literally all I do is read-”

my books:

[the-hope-that-sleeps-inside-you]

My bookmarked AO3 stories: