#13reasonswhy ... Nah doesn't cut it.. Unlike this book/show.. Life is much more complicated. Some of us deal with a human instinct called survival. And as it sounds, sometimes it just won't let you die, give up, throw it all away, take your pick of words. You could be watching your life fall apart, destroy every good thing you had going for you.. And just freeze. For a second all you think is what can I do? And then you sink deeper into the hole.. And notice the quantum leap of decisions..... Suicide. And you just distance yourself and plan this elaborate thing to unplug the cables and move on to what some think is a second chance or throwing it all away. And you sit there seconds away from deaths door. Not a care in the world because it isn't an experience to experience nothing, so anything that isn't your situation specially not having to be... To not experience anything specially the cold numbness of your apparently self hollowed heart. Anything is better. And as you're about to knock on that door.... You stop. A sea of possibilities, meet calculations being shown to you because your flight or fight response is going haywire. It doesn't understand what it's doing to itself.... And it frustrates you.. And it hollows you deeper inside.. Knowing that this object of self destruction and torment will not let you run away. You can make every bad decision in the book, obviously knowingly but bewildered by the outcomes and watch as your everything is slowly disintegrated into nothing... While your body won't let you be nothing.... Yes suicide is an option... One that very few have. Because you know what is worse than death? Being the watcher and the tormented of the self destructive behaviours of the mind. And not being able to run from something you always knew you'd be. The victim of your own monsters. And then you live feeling nothing like the smooth freshly polished surface of a once rugged surface. #cut #depressionen #baddecisions #suicide #selbsthass #mistakes #soul #anxiety #killme #letmedie #tumblr #anorexia #I #sadquotes #unsteady #sadnes #alonebychoice #numb
