establishing questionnaire.
1. why did your muse become an idol?
initially, it was to fulfill the dream her mother was forced to abandoned. as written in yerin’s bio and on her intro post, i mentioned that yerin’s mother used to be an idol for a now disbanded girl group called sugar (see group insp/refs: baby vox, fin.k.l - but ofc, far less popular than their model groups. sugar was rather middling at the peak of their career: think laboum and brave girls type of popularity where they had one or two hits but were otherwise underrated), but was forced to leave the group and retire when she was hit with a scandal that was never cleared up. her departure did nothing to reduce the criticisms the public lodged at the company for their unclear statement and handling of the scandal and instead, led to a public boycott of sugar. the group disbands not long after her mother’s departure and her subsequent move to busan to hide.
growing up, her mother’s passion for singing and music never faded and yerin inherited that same love. although, she never spoke about what really happened, yerin knows that her mother never forgot her love for performing.
becoming an idol wasn’t exactly what yerin was pursuing. rather, she actually was content to continue singing as a hobby. she’s no soundcloud or social media cover artist trying to get discovered. instead, she sang simply to express her feelings.
as a quiet kid and being raised by a single mom, she was picked on a lot and shunned by the neighborhood kids. she was “weird” and didn’t like playing with others and preferred to keep to herself. kind of like she was much older than she physically was - her body not yet catching up to her brain. she learned early on to compartmentalize and only really show her emotions/who she was in the comfort of her own home.
so singing helped her let go of her inhibitions and in a way, it was cathartic for her.
getting scouted was a sign and based on her mother’s very visceral reaction to the idea of her past finally catching up to her a decade and some years later filled her with both bitter resentment, longing, and inexplicable wariness.
yerin was never pushed to become an idol. instead, she chose to walk on this gnarly path all on her own because she saw how unresolved her mother was at letting that part of her life go. if she could be successful in her stead and become someone well-known and loved as her mother’s daughter, she would consider it a dream come true and, hopefully, by then her mother would look back on it all and smile, not cry.
2. what does your muse think of their company and their group?
yerin is neutral regarding bc entertainment as a whole. she’s aware it’s a big company. she’s also doubly aware just how expendable she is as a person, as a pawn. she has absolutely no doubt that she can be replaced as easily as a snap of her fingers. she doesn’t hate nor love the company. instead, she is actually grateful they took a chance on her when 8 other companies did not spare her a second glance. if anything, bc entertainment’s callback for a second audition gave her a much needed push and boost to her confidence when she was almost ready to give up.
naturally, as a person who hates owing people, yerin’s way of compensating them is by being the perfect idol - complacent and rule-abiding; a non-troublemaker who does as she’s told when she’s told. she’s not yet at the stage where she can rebel openly when she needs them. and this power imbalance is something she is very conscious of.
bc entertainment does not need her. whereas, yerin very much needs their power, connections, and investment in her. so the more accurate representation of how she views her company would be a give and take.
as for candy, she adores her members a lot. even when people say she lowkey hates them. she may have been aloof in the beginning of their formation because she was still reeling from candy shop and actually having made it versus being so close to being cut that she didn’t have the time to spare anybody’s feelings. nor did she really make an effort to fake a bond.
yerin thrives on patience and communication, mutual trust and respect. initially, she may have seemed cold, but she sure wasn’t ignorant about her members’ struggles and tried to be a good leader. she might’ve been clumsy and fumbled through some conversations because Emotionally Repressed and not good at words of affirmation when they are needed, but she made sure to make herself as available as possible if and when they needed her. she remained as steadfast as she was since day one of candy’s formation and hasn’t yet crumbled.
candy functions well as a group largely because of her more charming and outgoing members. and she’s content to stay on the sidelines while they shined. she’s not greedy for the spotlight when part of the group and still maintains the image of the poised leader in all professional settings.
all in all, she can’t deny that being in candy has changed her a little. she’s learned to be less stubborn about certain things and more open to listening to her members and opening herself up.
candy may not be home for her, but it is a safe place to return to.
3. is your muse on their first contract or their second? if they’ve renewed, what were their feelings around that at the time and what were their hopes for their second contract? if they haven’t renewed, what are their current thoughts on the end of their eventual first contract?
candy is still on their first contract and aren’t up for renewal until 2025, so yerin still has plenty of time to consider where she wants to go. she’s always been a planner and she already has goals and mental checklists of things she wants to accomplish or experiment with (if given the opportunity) during these three years time — particularly in her individual activities.
she has no say in what candy has in store as far as bc entertainment is concerned, but she does have some leeway on the direction she wants her career to go. whether that is pursuing acting more vigorously or eventually branching out to solo music & performance is something she’s very tight-lipped about.
if candy’s popularity starts tapering off by 2025, yerin probably will not renew. hopefully by then, she’ll be a somewhat established idol actress with a solid fanbase and a reputable repertoire of credits under her belt and maybe some solo songs that charted moderately well (like kim sejeong).
if candy is still going strong by 2025....hmmm...who knows?
4. what are your muse’s goals, ambitions, and motivations?
to leave a legacy behind.
if ever the truth about her mother’s past comes to light, yerin wants her own accomplishments to overshadow all the negative backlash that could potentially arise in the aftermath. the whole point of her becoming an idol was to fulfill her mother’s dream and to sort of...wash away all of her mother’s regrets and kind of (???) clear her mother’s name (not that yerin will ever verbally address her mother’s scandal lol) but in the sense that she doesn’t want her mother to forever be associated with things like “that xx girl who ruined sugar” or “that mistress who slept her way to the top” — that sort of thing. instead, she wants her mother to have something positive she can take from the industry itself — being yerin’s mom. yerin may be a literal product of that scandal that cost her mother’s career and dreams, but she hopes she’ll leave a brighter legacy behind filled with happiness and success, something worthy to be proud of and remembered for years to come.
5. what moments or people in your muse’s life are or have been the most impactful and/or the most important to them?
her mother is the most important person in her life. there is no competition whatsoever. yerin can talk your ear off about how much she loves her mom and she will literally fight you if she hears anyone talk shit about her within earshot — like that snotty neighborhood kid who dared to call her mother a sl*t because they overheard their mother and the neighborhood aunties talking that way about her. damn right, the first time yerin gets into fisticuffs is when she pummeled that kid to the ground. that’s the actual catalyst as to why she gets ostracized amongst the town kids lol
her stepfather and her stepsister — when her mother remarries, yerin is relieved because she’s always wanted her to be happy and despite her initial misgivings and subtle hostility about him attempting to take her mom from her, she mellowed out and softened when she saw how kind and loving he was towards her mom, who she thinks deserves the entire universe. i’m not going to go too deep into her relationship with yerin’s stepfather and stepsister because i’m writing a headcanon about them but with them, yerin finally gets a complete family — even if she hated the move to seoul. she has them to thank for her decision to audition with bc ent. and accept the second chance on being a trainee. with them around, yerin worries a lot less about having to leave her mom behind to pursue her career.
family is an important factor in yerin’s life and is a great source of her motivation. she may seem cold and unfeeling, but she cares very deeply. her way of showing it is just not publicly and she tries very hard to keep her family protected from the dangers of sasaengs and antis. people can attack and hate on her all they want, but she will go out of her way to take a firm stance when it comes to that nasty attitude being redirected to her family and close friends.
gyuri and chaeyoung — her two best friends, whom i already wrote a headcanon about and will soon be posting an aesthetic about for visual interpretation of their dynamics, so i won’t really say much other then: she loves and appreciates them. a decade of friendship is nothing to scoff at and yerin is still amazed how long they’ve lasted and how they haven’t changed at all.
6. what are five of your muse’s favorite things? feel free to expand on why this is and/or how these became their favorite things.
an old vinyl record player — she still has it, keeping it for memories’ sake. it was the first thing she ever splurged on when she was younger and doing odd jobs around the neighborhood to save up for it as a birthday gift to herself. it’s the very thing that has accompanied her every day since she decided that people weren’t worth her time and that she was okay having no friends and nobody to talk to. it was (still is) her constant growing up and how music continues to be her best companion when she’s not in the mood for anyone or to do anything. music doesn’t judge. music doesn’t deliberately hurt her. music heals and comforts and she will forever chase after opportunities to one day sing a song she wrote.
tea blends from around the world — she blames chaeyoung for this. that year her friend spend traveling the world has spoiled yerin hard. chaeyoung had brought back samples of different tea leaves and recipes from various countries, declaring that she wanted to open a café and needed some help. naturally, yerin and gyuri chipped in by investing and helping chaeyoung turn her latest dream into reality. nowadays, whenever chaeyoung travels, she always brings back a variety of things for her to try.
small succulents collection — it started with a baby cactus gyuri gave her one day out of the blue. literally just barged into the house when she was on a break from schedules and visiting her family and left it on her dresser to wake up to. the note she left behind said she was out shopping when she saw this and wanted to give it to yerin, said it reminded gyuri of her. now as a joke, gyuri gets one baby cactus for her every year.
sewing kit — embroidery came as a surprise. a suggestion from a grandma she’d sat next to on a train to busan in summer 2014 when she was lost and didn’t know what the hell she was doing or where she wanted to go in the future. yerin had watched her weathered hands weaving the thread over and over until a branch formed and later a flower in half bloom, mesmerized. a conversation struck and yerin learns the grandma used to be a seamstress and was returning home after attending her granddaughter’s wedding. she comes away from the meeting enlightened, her hand clutching spools of colorful thread and some embroidery needles left rattling in a small plastic box. she takes up embroidery out of curiosity and takes to it like fish to water. eager to learn and prick her finger on her amateur mistakes and clumsy fumbling. she learns patience and perseverance with each precise stitch she weaves, each thread she cuts. it’s become a way for her to cool down, to relax and empty her mind after a long day. if she likes you, one day you might just receive something she’s made.
usb necklace — yerin doesn’t know how to give up. ever since she approached management about the possibility of a solo debut down the line and having plans of doing so postponed twice, she should feel a bit disheartened. she doesn’t, though. if anything, it makes her more determined to demonstrate her value. when asking for something in business, they would want to know the risks and what they’ll profit from should they invest and yerin is aware at present, her value as a product (because isn’t that what being an idol is about, being manufactured and created; a for-profit brand to attract buyers?) isn’t high. so she prepares — it’s what she’s good at. she readies herself by recording demos of melodies, bits and pieces of songs she’s made over the years. a tangible record of her progress as a singer, tracking her potential and what she has to offer. it’s one of her most prized possessions because everything on there is a culmination of years of struggling and honing herself — a melodic journey of hong yerin, a nobody to the yerin of candy, finally a somebody but still not good enough to stand on her own. it encompasses her current hopes and her future dreams. she wears it / keeps it on her person (except in the shower) at all times.
7. what is one conflict, internal or external, that your muse is currently dealing with, has recently dealt with, or will need to deal with in the future?
as mentioned earlier, family is yerin’s biggest motivation. however, she is currently dealing with meeting her biological father for the first time and she’s....kind of still processing. for someone who is usually very decisive, for the first time in a while, yerin is not sure how to act or feel. on one hand, this is a man she’s always been very quietly curious about — feelings like secondhand resentment and shock and involuntary relief (?) when he finally shows up in her life is giving her mixed feelings. sure, she’s always wanted to meet him some day, but that’s because she would’ve planned the meeting on her own and after she’s become a household name and can be on a level playing field, or enough to meet him eye-to-eye. him just randomly showing up catches her so off-guard that yerin is stuck and she’s never been unsure of anything in her life. she’s got so much conviction and her tendency to be prepared for anything is just...completely obliterated by him and she realizes that she’s not ready. she’ll never be ready. she’s not even good enough to look at him. she can’t even tell what he wants or what he’ll get out of this. yerin can’t read him. this one meeting alone (there will be more lol yerin will not catch a break this year) can send her off-course so badly, whose to say that she’ll be able to handle him when he’s at full power.
already, yerin is distracted by his existence. knowing that he has found her and has gone through lengths to let her know that he knows she exists is something she can’t make sense of. candy as whole has been busy with their slight shift in sound and image, preparing for comebacks and touring + yerin’s own acting career climbing higher and higher with each hit drama and fan favorite character, the meeting happening in the middle of everything means she hasn’t had the time to fully process the meaning of why her biological father’s decided to show up in her life now. before she can even gather her composure, her father’s presence will be much more prominent and occurring at random just when she thinks he’s got his fill and finds she’s really nothing at all and not worth the trouble. later, much later, she’ll be hit again — this time, she’ll meet her brothers.
8. if your muse has established career claims, what are their thoughts on their career so far? if they do not, how do they feel about not having individual activities yet? what would they like to do in the future, if anything? if they don’t have ambitions for individual activities, explain why.
at first, yerin balked at management’s suggestion to push her into acting. she was kind of insulted to hear that the major reasoning was that she has a pretty face and she’ll be okay to pull in new fans by looking good on screen, even if she couldn’t act for shit. so she went into it with all the finesse of a bull in a china shop determined to make a show of it, to prove them all wrong because yerin subverting expectations? yes, she hates being underestimated. very much “you think i can’t do it? i’ll do it and make you eat your words when i succeed.”
of course, she never planned on actually falling in love with acting at all. it just...happened. one day, she felt like something bloomed in her chest when the director looked at her coolly and patted her head, telling her good job, after a perfect take. she was sure everybody thought she got the role because of connections or under the table dealings or whatever. preconceptions, she’s used to them. it doesn’t bother her, really. but knowing they held her at arm’s length just waiting for her to fail and prove them all right only to get a compliment like that after wowing them felt good. and yerin wanted to feel it again. so she tried harder. put her whole heart and soul in it. and fell. fell in love with acting. there’s a flame burning inside of her now and she’s never felt that way performing with candy (lol sorry. tho yerin will change her mind when ive’s discog becomes candy canon :D yerin will be a changed person. the world will literally be her stage). she never wants this passion to go away. not before she was ready. not before she’s on top.
now, she’s not content with roles or scripts that are glossed over and passed through too many hands, so sanitized that she feels her potential being stunted. she wants grittier, meatier roles. darker concepts, scripts that made her feel alive and immersed in the world. but her future struggle(s) will lie in being denied for roles that are too far out of candy’s public perception as the nation’s girl group and their girly, cute concept. her image might not be in sync, but yerin is forever tethered to the concept all the same. she’s candy’s leader and different aura and her maturity aside, she’s still a part of them. and she’ll have to fight with management to get her way, to get roles that she wants to portray. not willing to be typecast. not willing to be boxed in or molded to fit into one category — forever one-dimensional and not being allowed to grow, to change, to experiment and become different versions of herself. it’ll be a brutal fight, she’s sure, but yerin won’t back down. not anymore. she has something she wants now and she’ll do anything to get it.
