One thing we don't talk about much in polyamory is the fact that you have to get "good" at break ups. I mean - I hope you don't "have" to, but that's been my experience.
In a number of cases I've had to say, "I did not like xyz behavior so I'm not willing to continue this relationship."
It's even harder having to say, "I've appreciated our time together, but I don't want to continue." When there's not really a single reason to bring up. Even when there's multiple reasons, but they're not worth bringing up because overall we're not aligned, I don't feel connected, I'm just not interested anymore. No one is a villain, no one did anything egregious. The relationship just isn't working.
I think we avoid conversations around break ups because we want people to see that polyamory "works". And there's already so many bad narratives about poly drama, relationships ending, infidelity etc.
It's important to point out that break ups are normal - Monogamous or Non-Monogamous. Most relationships are not "til death due us part".
In all my years of polyamory, all of my break ups had nothing to do with Poly. They had to do with recognizing my own boundaries. I don't accept unacceptable behavior. Scheduling doesn't work out. Feelings just aren't there after NRE passes. Life events happen and one of us doesn't have the time or energy to put toward a partner. I won't remain in a relationship that I don't want to.
We were only together for about 5 months, things just weren't working. He was a great guy and I really did enjoy the time we shared, but the right thing to do was end it. I'm definitely grieving, but we both deserve the fulfilling relationships we want.
I still have hubby, my comet, and play partner. Not that the success of a relationship needs quantified by time - but nearly a decade with each of them is pretty amazing.
A relationship ending doesn't mean it was "unsuccessful". The experiences can still be precious and valuable regardless of how much or how little time. Unfortunately, most relationships end and being Poly means there's a lot of relationships and sometimes a lot of endings.
Here's to the next chapter <3
dededos
turnnoffyourmind
origamiaround
snowghoul
discoholicmusic
jbbartram-illu
yousharknotpass
areudirty
