The summer between my junior and senior years of high school was particularly desolate. I was lonely, without a car or a driver’s license, lacking good friendships, feeling constantly betrayed or caged by my parents, dealing with crushes from guys but practically in love with a boy I wouldn't go out with - instead, I smooshed all my feelings into some misguided notion that I needed to lead him to salvation through the Lord Jesus Christ. (You can laugh, you can laugh. I still believe in God and Jesus, but you can laugh.)
Here is the first of a series of pathetic, hilarious entries that would only be better if I could read them out loud to you. (*Names might be changed for privacy*)
My Diary, Entry: June 7, 2007 (last day of school; junior year; age 16; In which my friend, Molly, and I try to overcome the fact that we both have a crush on the same person by bonding over making jokes at said person’s expense. We were terrible people.)
I LOVE MOLLY MCBUTTER!!
Yesterday afternoon I called her and it was the best thing I’ve done in weeks. AND we wrote the COOLEST notes in school today.
Hahahahahaha
Yesterday we talked about M** and made fun of M and laughed at the things M does and says.
“Listen, bro.” “No no no, we’re friends.” “g3g bye!”
hahahahahaha!
Today, Molly sat in during 1st period, and while I was taking the exam, she wrote me this note. When I was done with my exam, Staebler had me deliver things to the library and Dr. Peat’s room, but I didn’t know where that was, so M says, “I’ll go with her!”
So Molls slipped me the note as I walked by. On the inside it says:
Hanna -
I just saw this in my Spanish book: es cierto qui cantas bien. [It’s true that she sings well.] And I remembered what M said about Alysha. “She’s just the dumbest fuck I’ve ever met.” That’s when I said, “Well you don’t have to be vague about it.”
He laughed. *swooooooon*
I really should be studying right now, but I have a perfect view of M *still swooning* and I thought I’d tell you that. I hope I never have a class with him. I wouldn't be able to concentrate. I don’t know how you do it, being so close to him.
Wow. Time to shut up.
I’m going to tell you a story now:
Once upon a time, there was a princess. She was ugly and flat. One day, while strolling through the lightly wooded forrest, she came upon a magic apple tree. She decided to eat the apple so she could be pretty... but instead it started a civil war.
‘Damn it,’ she said.
And they lived ever after.
The END.
So, as I was reading that when M and I got back, I was just cracking up! So I wrote one back. I wrote, “’I’ll go with her!’ *SWOOOOOON* Man, I feel weird writing this because he’s sitting RIGHT THERE.”
Then I wrote her this story, because the day before we were talking about how M tried to be just like his friend Theo:
Once upon a time, there was a shoe. This particular shoe was upset. She was tired of people walking all over her. So, one day, she visited the magic genie, who looked mysteriously like gum at the bottom of a sneaker. The shoe said, “Please, magical gum-at-the-bottom-of-a-sneaker, make me into a duck!” So the magical genie/gum-at-the-bottom-of-a-sneaker did.
But then the duck/former shoe got the bird flu. So it begged the magical genie, “Please, please turn me into a human boy!” So the magical genie did. And the new human boy was given the name M. But then, poor M didn’t like being himself. He wanted to be like Theo. So his friend shot him.
THE END.
So she laughed her guts out. It was great.
It was terrible, and for this - the first of many things - I apologize.
pixelskylines
yousharknotpass
baratheonpilled
discoholicmusic
romaincrisis
