Im sitting across from you in Jordan’s coffee shop, my toes are cold. I know you will tell me that’s my own fault because I choose to ware flip flops again despite the below freezing temperatures outside. Im sorry i dragged you to live in an ice box with no internet to speak of. I feel it acutely some days, that i have removed you from the things you enjoy. I know you say it’s okay but it doesn’t really make me feel better. I’m sorry if I’ve been kind of odd lately, I just feel...blank, like I should be doing something but there’s nothing. I look over my lines for the next show, I draw clothing every so often and I write a bit. We’ve cleaned (You cleaned today and Im thankful for that) but it’s like everything is just sort of...hollow. I don’t know what to do with myself because the things I want to do are not feasible. I’m scared about money and about working or not and nervous as hell because im going to run the costume shop and I dont know what I want to do for my thesis next fall and gods Im graduating in six months. Not a year, two semesters yes, but SIX MONTHS and then we work and move to Oregon and that is terrifying. It will all be okay but I feel extremely unprepared for everything. I am glad that I have the stability of you. It helps and yet I feel like there’s something between us right now and I don’t know if I’ve irritated you today or if im just being silly but I want to leave, I want to go home and pack a bag and get on a plane and find adventure for a few days. And I kinda wanna do it alone and that concerns me but also maybe I just need....a minute? I don;t know. Ill stop rambling now. I love you.
