she braided her hair and kidnapped a painting

i no longer use this blog!

[formerandromedalogic]

ok i'm out.

i'm going to... move blogues, only follow a few people for now and re-follow gradually, hibernate a little, try to post mostly about west wing and stuff.

my brain is p much where it was at pre-sertraline and it's... not good, or useful.

i used to only write the spirals in notebooks/on looseleaf paper but it didnt really occur to me how switching to an online format meant that i was more widely inflicting those thought processes on my friends. (if you don't feel inflicted upon, that's fine! great! and i know you choose to follow me and whatnot, i just... i know i haven't been fun or easy to interact with, for the most part, and i have felt myself straining things, and i don't want to do that.)

maybe i'll use livejournal a bit, who knows (also andromedalogic there)

argyleplasmid at gmail if you need me

[stayuglystayangry-deactivated20]

Some women with disabilities reported that they avoid regular visits to the gynecologist because services are so difficult to obtain.[70]  In a telling example, one study reported that a gynecologist caring for a woman who uses a wheelchair assumed she was not sexually active and, therefore, saw no need to test for STDs.[71]  In another example that arose during focus group research, a deaf woman spoke about her doctor’s negative attitude toward people who are deaf: “The doctor had a mask on so I could not read his lips, but we had this interpreter with us, and [she interpreted when]  the doctor said, ‘Well, the Deaf woman should tie her tubes so she doesn’t get pregnant again.’”

The Current State of Healthcare for People with Disabilities (x)

[formerandromedalogic]

........ omg i completely forgot mimi doesn't die. i just assumed she did because of the source material. holy shit reevaluating my entire memory.

i still think the narrative uses both angel and mimi in like... dehumanizing ways. but idk how to explain it well

and that's the end of my liveblog of my special interest from senior year of hs

gbluh

[formerandromedalogic]

the juxtaposition in 'what you own' where mimi is roger's muse and angel is mark's muse (?? kind of out of nowhere) and they are the ones who die in the end is... weird. that... i feel like the women are kind of... used, and turned into symbols, by that storyline. and that's unfair. grbhle.

[formerandromedalogic]

oh my goD... joanne's mother is nancy mcnally.........

[formerandromedalogic]

i just -- need to figure out how to not care about peoples "politics" because i care way more about their survival

so much is out to kill

[formerandromedalogic]

i hate that maureen is an Evil Cheating Bisexual stereotype but mark and joanne's session of (basically) bonding over the same manipulative (ex)partner and then deciding to fucking tango about it is so glorious

[formerandromedalogic]

roger's delivery of "i've seen you out and about... when i used to go out" is like, wincingly 2close

i'm convinced that tom collins and toby ziegler are cosmically related somehow

i know a lot of ppl have Problems with RENT but i think it's often an issue of mistaking the setting for the moral of the story. the characters aren't fine upstanding people or anything but they are dying and the story is more about... facing up to your shit [before you die] than it is about Sticking It To The Man or anything else they superficially claim to be doing

[formerandromedalogic]

IM GONNA REWATCH 'RENT'... IT'S BEEN SO LONG

[formerandromedalogic]

i know dr horrible has the fridging problem but i think it's a rly excellent -- morality play, perhaps, and a really well-executed portrayal of different kinds of badness. captain hammer is bad and in opposing captain hammer it's easy to become dr horrible. i still relate to dr horrible after all this time, though he's more villainous than i've ever been. but penny is the only one who has half a chance of making the world a better place, and she dies on account of their petty rivalry. it's almost like a shakespearean or greek tragedy. the viewer can form their own conclusions but it's easy to see that both hammer and horrible are coming at the idea of improving the world from very warped places. and i need reminders, not to become dr horrible. (or hammer, for that matter.)

[formerandromedalogic]

IN CYBERLAND WE ONLY DRINK DIET COKE

[formerandromedalogic]

i seriously don't think i've been this crazy -- in an endogenous way, i.e., not frickn ptsd -- for about 4 or 5 years and i'm just so scared i'm just so scared

[formerandromedalogic]

ringing in the new year terrified of my own brain, wanting to be better but not knowing how, feeling myself spiraling, knowing some of my actions have been in my control but others have not been and not knowing which is scarier, unable to differentiate between genuine remorse and the crazies, every turn in the maze runs to a corner

im just gonna think about jed/leo really hard

[machomachi-deactivated20171216]

Congratulations on another successful orbit around the sun, people of earth

[formerandromedalogic]

new year's resolutions in theory in theory in not the best mental state, for a given value of

move in with aaron and be roommates.

keep getting "treatment" for your badbrains, whatever form that may take.

be less intellectually lazy

be severely mentally ill. look, it's on the list, can't complain about it taking up your precious time now!

try not to spiral so hard when other people's hurts clash against your own. people are just people.

work on this thing (listen with the intent to understand.)

use the goddamn savant skills you have. ('Freak.')

shower more. (i KNOW, this is the really hard one)

do more of the active friendship thing, the reciprocal conversation, the reaching out -- it's hard, it's stupidly hard to remember people even exist, but it's worthwhile and gets easier with practice.

keep moving.

write a fanfic (CHALLENGE MODE)

#jewishethics2k15 -- learn more stuff. go to temple.

you want to be the guy the guy counts on; now fucking act like it.

this love came back to me

also i may be switching blogs soon so keep a heads up. <3

[paulsrockinpagoda]

current mood: facebook sticker of that cactus about to slam a pint of beer

[paulsrockinpagoda]

[formerandromedalogic]

aprilwitching replied to your post: i know the extent to which the world...

i think those people might not understand your perspective either, fwiw. i dont think thats unique to autism, or to you personally. i think ppl are just often bad at understanding that others function and cope with things differently than they do.

yeah. i think you're right. that strikes me as unfortunate though! :/