Escape from Bibleville

A sub-blog about the misadventures of a former Fundie kid. No proselytizing, trolling, or any other such nonsense, please. I'm crazy enough as it is. Main blog: @staticbeacon.

[gramarobin]

[bo-oliver-deactivated20241005]

The cross and the gallows they both look the same when erected by white supremacy you wave your Christian flags high and I watch a bit bewildered when did the Christ march with Rome? when did Jesus stand with Caesar?

This is all so appalling though I am in no way surprised you forget I was raised in your cult and groomed to be your pawn I saw how you twisted his words and preached the opposite of love the opposite of justice the opposite of peace

I watched you and my faith in your words dissolved as you shamed the abused and lifted up the abuser you exploited the poor and called the rich righteous

I watched you I know your slimy ways I see your forked tongue and I have heard your venomous lies I have seen the inner workings of your oppression fueled machine

I felt your patriarchal poison coursing through my veins holding me down keeping me weak contained and submissive

I have felt your abuse your obsession with my soul at the expense and endangerment of my physical body

This is only my experience I have seen worse done to those with darker skin to queer and immigrant and child and disabled to single mother and homeless to frightened pregnant teen

The cross and the gallows they look the same both a symbol of oppression to the marginalized and abused both a symbol of empire and unchecked power both a symbol of death at the hands of evil men

You can have your cross it suits you quite well your centuries of supremacy justified by a god you invented and marked by this symbol of terror and murder

Just keep in mind the cross and the gallows are both the same in the hands of white supremacy

[formerfundiekid]

It’s about time we started discussing toxic, militarized christianity and its influence on the political right. This perverted form of christianity is an inextricable component of white supremacy and alt-right domestic terrorism. 

[youareyourown]

The evangelical spectrum of doomsday preppers ranges from a simple:

“no one knows the day or hour ;)”

—which leaves you sitting in youth group hoping Jesus doesn’t come back before you get married because it could really be anytime by that logic and yeah, sometimes you get intrusive thoughts of hearing trumpets playing from the clouds and seeing Him™️ emerge—which is still vaguely terrifying but not as terrifying as:

“the end? Oh yeah, it’s literally RIGHT NOW according to this book I read by this white man who got way too deep into analyzing solar eclipses and blood moons™️and also the Middle East and !!!!IRAQ!!!! Only you can prevent wildfires? NO! Only Iraq holds the key to the end of times. And don’t forget CHINA!!! So don’t WORRY honey, I’m sorry you’re getting bullied homoerotically at school but I promise you that we’re all going to die very soon so it won’t even matter :)”

[formerfundiekid]

When I was a tyke, Jack Van Impe’s fever dreams of apocalypse were all the rage. Don’t miss that crazy circus one bit.

[edeyess]

I miss my childhood, Tails.

[formerfundiekid]

End-of-the-World Absurdisms

So, apparently my father has bought into the concept that end of the world is indeed nigh and that the end coincides with the annual Feast of Trumpets, or Rosh Hashanah.

According to this source, Rosh Hashanah (aka the Jewish New Year) is a solemn celebration -- a time of introspection, repentance, and forgiveness. Unless, of course, you’re a certain breed of Fundamental Evangelical, and then it’s a sure sign that Jesus is going to drop from the sky like a cosmic paratrooper and save you from all the chaos and misery fueled by the day-glo dictator that you helped put into office. Because, you know, grace. 

Evangelicals love their freedom, and no freedom is more dear to them than the freedom from the consequences of their own poor choices. 

My father is sending me letters, a la snail mail, asking my husband and I to read scripture. He’s also hijacking our calls on Google Duo to remind us that the end of the world is coming. Jeepers. 

End-of-the-world absurdisms used to be part of my daily life when I was growing up Fundie. While other kids worried about acne and test scores, I was worried about being “left behind” in a blistered hellscape. 

It’s scary to think this is the world I used to live in. 

When I spoke to my dad tonight on the phone, his voice sounded heavy and distant. He asked if I was reading my Bible -- to which I replied that I was not -- then his voice turned cold as he said, “I guess we don’t have anything else to say to each other.”

My father lives in a box of his own making -- a box hand-crafted with his own fear and self-loathing. The narrow confines of this box don’t have room for me, yet he tries to cram me inside it all the same. When I don’t fit, he wonders what he did wrong to make such a hard-headed, hard-hearted daughter. 

He is enamored with the nihilist cop-out that is the Rapture, but he is terrified of the end of the world. He is terrified of leaving me behind. I feel that, viscerally, and it’s painful. Yet I’m infinitely relieved that I am no longer trapped in that cramped box of the mind, crouching in the dark and waiting for the world to end. 

[dearest-rebecca]

TRAYVON MARTIN was walking home with an iced tea and Skittles. He was shot by George Zimmerman, who was found not guilty.

KEITH SCOTT was sitting in a car, reading. He was shot by a police officer, who was not charged.

ATATIANA JEFFERSON was looking out her window, and was shot by a police officer, who is still under indictment for murder.

JONATHAN FERRELL was asking for help after an auto accident. He was shot twelve times by police, case ended in mistrial.

JORDAN EDWARDS was riding in a car and was shot in the back of the head by a police officer, who was found guilty of murder.

STEPHON CLARK was holding a cell phone, and was shot 8 times, 6 in the back. The officers were not charged.

AMADOU DIALLO while taking out his wallet, 41 shots were fired by four different officers. They were all acquitted.

RENISHA MCBRIDE after an auto accident, she knocked on someone’s door for help. The homeowner was found guilty of second-degree murder.

TAMIR RICE was playing with a toy gun, and was shot by police officer arriving on scene. Officer was not charged.

SEAN BELL was hosting a bachelor party. 50 rounds were fired by police officers who were found not guilty of charges.

WALTER SCOTT was pulled over for brake lights, and was shot in the back by a police officer who pleaded guilty to civil rights violations.

PHILANDO CASTILE was pulled over and told officer he had a legally registered weapon in car. Officer acquitted of all charges.

AIYANA JONES was sleeping and was accidentally shot by an officer in a raid on wrong apartment. Officer cleared of all charges.

TERRENCE CRUTCHER needed help when his vehicle broke down. Was shot by a police officer who was found not guilty of manslaughter.

ALTON STERLING was selling CDs, and was shot at close range while being arrested. No charges filed.

FREDDIE GRAY was beaten to death by officers while being transported in police van. All officers involved were acquitted.

JOHN CRAWFORD was shopping at WalMart, holding a BB gun that was on sale—police officer was not charged for his murder.

MICHAEL BROWN was shot twelve times by an officer, including in the back. No charges filed.

JORDAN DAVIS was killed because he was playing loud music. Shooter found guilty of first-degree murder.

SANDRA BLAND was pulled over for traffic ticket; was tasered and then arrested. Suspicious “suicide” while in jail. No charges.

BOTHAM JEAN was fatally shot in his home, which female officer ¿mistook for her own? (Which I’ll never understand.) Officer found guilty of murder.

OSCAR GRANT was handcuffed and placed face-down, officer then shot him in the back. Officer found guilty of involuntary manslaughter.

COREY JONES was waiting by his car which was broken down, and was shot three times by police officer, who was found guilty of murder.

AHMAUD AUBREY was jogging. He was shot by two racist men who claimed they suspected him of burglaries. Both men were charged with murder and aggravated assault.

GEORGE FLOYD was suspected of alleged fraud. He handcuffed and pinned to the ground by an officer’s knee. He begged for mercy and he was ignored.

ERIC GARNER: Stopped for selling cigarettes on a nyc street and choked by a cop in broad daylight. Complications of the stress put on his throat by the hold caused his death; Openly said “I can’t breathe” several times and pretty much died while three other cops watched their compatriot kill a man. Eric was well known for just trying to sell goods as a side hustle and never actually hurt anybody.

DJ HENRY was fatally shot in his car by police officer Aaron Hess in the early morning hours of Oct. 17, 2010. DJ's passengers say they were doing nothing wrong when Hess ran out in front of them in the road. Hess says he only fired because he was in fear for his life. Hess later admitted to lying on multiple occasions after DJ’s death about the shooting.

These were all murders. They were not accidental. All of these innocent people: men, women AND children. Were murdered because they were black. Not because they were violent. Not because they were threatening, but because they were black. Something has to change. We have to MAKE a change. Black lives matter. Black men. Black women. Black children. Non-Binary blacks. Trans blacks. Every single one of their lives matter. Your friends. Your neighbors. Your teachers. Your brothers. Your sisters. We are the change.

——————

this list isn’t even close to a being a quarter of the wrongful African American deaths in America and if there is anyone you’d like me to add please message me. I will gladly add them because people deserve to know their names.

[formerfundiekid]

Here’s something we can do to help: Sign the petition on Change.org to get justice for George Floyd. It currently has 10.9M signatures, and they’re looking to get 12M.

Sign the Petition

Justice for George Floyd

[gentleaffirmations]

[formerfundiekid]

“My feelings are valid. My boundaries are important.” Man, what an empowering affirmation.

If you’re going through some stuff — if you’re trying to manage your relationship with the parent who’s sending you passive-aggressive texts about your lack of church attendance, say — keep this one close to your heart. Build those boundaries, man. Love your family members, but do it from a safe distance if you have to.

[robochai]

I thought that this might be helpful to talk about.

Keep reading

[missmonstermel]

Important- wish i had learned about this a long time ago.

[fleshrottingautomaton]

I will ALWAYS reblog stuff about gaslighting. I’ve been affected by it as others I know. And I don’t wish it on anyone.

[formerfundiekid]

Reflection: (Finally) telling my parents about my deconversion

I finally told my parents the truth tonight: I’m not a Christian anymore. 

That’s the short story. Compared to all the other problems in the world right now, this would seem trivial. But to my fellow deconverts, you know how difficult a thing this is. It’s no trivial thing to break your parents’ hearts, possibly irrevocably, and risk endangering any hope you have of maintaining a relationship with them. 

What follows is me writing my way through this, trying to feel its contours and make sense of it. Read it if it’s helpful to you; feel free to move on if it’s not. 

One favor, though: If you’re still in the faith, or if you believe in any kind of god at all, I’d ask that you say a prayer for my father; he’s in a lot of pain right now. Thanks. 

When I told my father that I resonate with other traditions, like Buddhism, I prefaced the disclosure by telling him that it would probably be disturbing to him. 

“Yes,” he answered, his voice small and weak, “you were right. That does disturb me.”

He sounded lost, disoriented, like the floor had suddenly fallen out from under him. “I guess we’ve said all we need to say tonight,” he finally managed to say. 

“Except this,” I answered. “I still love you. You mean a lot to me and I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he answered, his voice sounding labored. I think he was crying. “That’s why I’m concerned about you.”

***

I realize I’m not responsible for how my father interprets my choices. I’m not responsible for how he feels or how he reacts. If his relationship with his adult daughter is imperiled by her choice to find meaning in something other than Christianity, then that’s not a problem I can fix. The worldview -- the box -- that he lives in makes my choice untenable. He chose to live in that box long before I was born.

I know this. Cognitively. 

Still, I empathize with his pain. His heart is broken; he’s terrified for me. For a decade since my deconversion, I believed that hiding the truth from him would spare him the pain and save our relationship. But, over the years, I’ve realized that this doesn’t work. The lies were eating me alive, like a cancer of the mind. Well-meaning falsehoods only eroded the relationship. 

Honestly, I don’t know what kind of relationship we’ll have now. It’s going to be messy and difficult. There are no guarantees that it will work. I need to broaden my expectations to include undesirable scenarios, including the one in which the relationship doesn’t work at all. 

I can choose to be honest, kind, loving and brave. I can control the means by which I approach the problem, but I cannot control the final outcome.  

***

[aavalanche]

Be friends with the non-Christian/ “non-believers”.

Not because they are lost and need someone to show them “Love” or “Christ”, not because of a narrative where they’re empty, void, and missing something, or where they are wild and need saving from their own “flesh” or “demise”.

Do not befriend based off of any perceived lack, where your presence is the tool that can save or heal.

Befriend others because they also can sharpen you, but be careful to not make it for your own gain and their own demise.

Be friends because that is a whole entire human being just like you with beauty and meaning and validity and a complex story that has a purpose. Non Christians can can show you love in ways you thought incapable (gonna go ahead and say it because I was taught only Christians know what real love and compassion and peace is). Non-Christians People of all backgrounds can open your eyes to the vastness and glory of God.

Be friends because fear shouldn’t dictate any of us, and if you’re afraid because you might be “lead astray”, you are allowing yourself to stay in a box you were never meant to live in. You are pushing away gifts that could draw you into deeper forms of love for yourself, others, and the Divine. Also can we just talk about that level of fear?

I just really want to see more genuine friendship between Christians and non-Christians and those in-between, still figuring things out. (Understand that putting others in such strict boxes puts you and God in one to).

— From an ex-christian that still wants to be loved rightly, and to see others loved rightly.

[formerfundiekid]

Via @lovelyethos; lovely.

[asicksenseofhumor]

[formerfundiekid]

I’m partial to reciting the Necronomicon myself, although the sprinkler idea is quite effective in a pinch.

[formerfundiekid]

Conversations with my dad:

Two weeks ago: The coronavirus is being blown out of proportion by Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats.

One week ago: The governor’s stay-home order is just another example of liberals panicking.

Today: Coronavirus is a massive crisis and is probably a sign that the return of Christ is imminent.

[formerfundiekid]

The Fundamentalist Rulebook courtesy of the excellent former blog, Stuff Fundies Like. Excerpts:

5. “There is no fight that is not worth fighting.”

21. “Pastors should preach as frequently as possible on sin — preferably the sins of other people.”

24. “We believe in individual soul liberty — although we’ve never seen a good reason for anybody to actually use it.”

30. “A Christian taking government aid is a sure sign they are not trusting God. (Not that our church is going to start paying its employees enough to live on, mind you.)”

70. “When you pick on our guy for something stupid he did, it’s judgement. When we pick on your guy for something stupid he did, it’s discernment.”

Rules | Stuff Fundies Like

[formerfundiekid]

I loved how this book compared and contrasted worldviews influenced by science and religion. What got me most, though, was this quote. Had someone told me 10 years ago that religion is something you can do -- that belief was not the only factor that made your faith valid -- I think there’s a good chance I wouldn’t have deconverted. 

I think I’m starting to understand something. Doubt, faith, a sense of oneness with God -- you really don’t have control over these things any more than you can choose which emotions you feel at any given moment. They come and go in their vicissitudes, unbidden and mysterious. In the churches I attended -- both the fundamental ones of my childhood and the more mainstream churches of my college years -- there was this expectation that you were supposed to feel close to God at all times. Like, you know, really feel it. If you did, hey, cool. Keep prioritizing your walk with the Lord. If you didn’t, though -- and if you had the audacity to admit it to anyone else -- you got the feeling that you had become a pariah. (Or, at least I did. Your experience may have been totally different.) Pray more, the well-meaning chapel minister said. Stop being so faithless and get right with God, the less-well-meaning worship leader said. In any case, people began to distance themselves. It was like doubt was a contagion and they lived in fear of being contaminated by it. 

I suspect that trying to control how you feel about God is about as useless and wrong-headed as trying to think away every unwanted thought or feeling. You don’t get to choose how you feel, but you can choose what you do. 

Religion doesn’t have to be something you believe. It can be something you do. Interesting realization. 

[teethcore]

Baptist Gothic

the preacher is screaming. the men in the congregation shout their "amen"'s. the preacher screams louder. his face is growing red. the volume of the congregation's agreement rises to meet the shouts. the sound system gives feed back. an explosion is impending. the preacher screams louder.

you left your coloring sheet in your sunday school classroom. you go to get it. the exit sign down the darkened hall glows red. the light in the hall will not turn on. the light in the classroom will not turn on. you are illuminated by the red glow. you hear the devil's distant laugh.

your neighbor's mother asks you what you want to be when you grow up. you tell her you don't have any plans since these are the end times and you know you will likely be raptured before you are an adult. she looks scared. you do not understand why.

you pass out flyers and pieces of bubblegum on saturday afternoon to kids in other neighborhoods, inviting them to come to church. you hope they do not come.

your sunday school teacher has eyes in the back of her head. the youth pastor has ears like a dog. they are demons.

you attend an eight-hour, four-session revival. waves and waves of sobbing teenagers are making their way to the alter. they are clawing at each other to get there. they are wailing and gnashing their teeth. the pianist continues to play.

you will be okay. you are not alone. you are never alone. you can never be alone. you can never run far enough. he is everywhere. he is everywhere. he is everywhere. you will be okay.

you volunteer during vacation bible school. the ventriloquist's puppets stare at you from their box as you straighten up backstage. your turn your back to them. this is a mistake.

the roaring lion seeketh whom he may devour. do not slip up. your god will leave you to the lions in the blink of an eye.

you were born into sin. you are inherently dirty. you can never wash it off. you will never be enough. pray.

god will send you to hell. jesus loves you. they are the same person.

give your money to the missionary in africa. give your money to the building renovations. give your money to the christian bluegrass band. give your money to feed the pastor. give your money for tithing. give until there is nothing. blessed are the poor.

people go to hell for not knowing about hell. this is your fault, they tell you. you have blood on your hands, they tell you. you are eleven years old.

the music director walks to the podium and instructs you to the correct hymn number. the congregation rises. you are still flipping to the correct page. they begin to sing. you grow frantic. you don't recognize the song. you don't recognize the numbers. you have failed to praise the lord. he has taken notice.

you wake up in your bed. the power is out in your house. you look for your parents to find you are alone in the house. the rapture has occurred. you were left behind. you will burn for this. when your parents pull up in the driveway that evening you cry.

every member of the congregation has been washed in the blood of the lamb. you can smell it.

the pastor eases you under the water. he does not bring you back up. you have not been born again. judgement day has arrived.

[formerfundiekid]

Holy God. Someone at Netflix needs to take this and turn it into a horror movie. Three-quarters of America would be shocked and repulsed; the rest of us — those of us who grew up in this shit — would be like, “Yep, that about sums it up.”

[jspark3000]

If your theology leads you to exclude the poor, minorities, the “unbiblical,” and “impure,” then either your theology is the problem or you are.