✚ @teethcore - Tumblr Blog

• adam • 21+ • he/any •

just another mental illness/trauma recovery page

#pinned post #teeth divider by anarchysin #meat divider by violetbudd

I FORGOT MY FUCKING PASSWORD

#suddenly remembered it #but i'm so high right noe fuck #so much has happened and i'm ao sad i wasn't around to log it and scrwam anout it on here for attention #my job is fucing crazy i wanna kill myself

i'm getting tired of realizing that xyz situation was traumatic.

#goddamn trauma onion over here.#keep peeling back different layers. finding more #it's annoyinggg ugh #i'm realizing recently i have a lot more trauma due to the horror of being autistic and not knowing it.#just. different horrific situations that i was in where i had no idea the people around me had negative feelings towards me only to have it-#-all come crashing down— from my perspective— for no reason at all.#anyways my high school gf's best friend's family banned me from their home because they all thought i was like.#a ticking time bomb about to kill them all or something. and i had no clue?? i thought like.#that we were all friends. i thought they liked me.#and that hurt obviously.#but what really hurts is that my gf continued to go there. like. she would have me drop her off still.#and i wasn't allowed to even get out of my car.#like. despite how they demonized me she still spent time with them. had me DRIVE HER to them.#it kinda fucked me up i'm realizing.#she cheated on me with him lol. go figure #they're still together! afaik #i don't harbor any negative feelings towards her we were seventeen y'know. stupid kids.#i don't think she could've realized how much that fucked with my head.#i hope they've both grown.#i do hold something of a grudge towards him still admittedly. he kind of bullied me in school.#and that's a whole other thing y'know. intentionally cruelty and all that.#bite.txt #—peter

every time i start to wonder if a CDD is an accurate description for me, and wanted to go to my therapist and be like "i dunno about this one, chief," i open this digital diary and read my own posts and am filled with confusion and cringe.

#i do vaguely recall being online for a min yesterday but like....#calm down edgelord #my god #anyway good morning i don't exactly feel that way today #—peter #which i guess makes sense.#the nickname tagging system has really helped with that lmao.#i thiiiiink. if we were gonna do labels or roles or jobs or whatever the official term actually is. i might be the host???#like. the Main Guy? is that a thing?#i kinda feel like that but i also kinda feel like that's reductive of how it Actually works. for us at least #bite.txt

i need to get back on bumble or something. this humiliating human need for connection is going to destroy me. the shame over wanting it is eating me from the inside out, and i can't tolerate sustained connections anyways. casual dating is where it's at.

#social fulfillment. supply. no consequences when you get bored and drop them.#just like.#what is the point of a sustained connection? of a deep relationship?#everyone is terrible. i don't care.#—kieran #bite.txt

guy i was trying to be friends with who completely ignored me and brushed me off when i shared something vulnerable has sent me this long paragraph about some stuff he's dealing with in his life rn and every time i see the preview of the unread message i see red.

#you expect me to give a fuck when you can't be assed to even like.#say ''oh damn that's rough''#when i tried to share with you?#what do you think i'm your fucking therapist?#no bitch we're supposed to be friends.#this is why i don't do relationships man it's just all bullshit.#oh adam you're a narcissist it's part of your disorder you have an irrational world view you need to do opposite emotional action to recover #no. it's not fucking irrational.#everyone is a self serving asshat. some of you are just in denial.#there is no point in attempting to find equal footing with anyone. interpersonal equal footing is a goddamn myth.#it's not fucking real!! it doesn't happen!!#god.#i was trying to be NICE honesty. this kid is an incel [not like a redpilled misogynist just literal def. in that he's a virgin not by choice #and he's a sheltered little shame riddled catholic. like. zero self respect.#unemployed also not by choice. kind of. that's complicated.#the point is he's like. self loathing over these things and it's like #oh i thought I'd do some opposite emotional action and try to do the Right thing and repair some bridges from my past #we went through being the weird kids in HS together so i thought hey this can be good #but no. it doesn't matter.#not worth my fucking time anyways #bite.txt #—kieran

I'm not sure if you're still looking for the handsome NPD dude's source you reblogged a couple days ago, but he's from Tales from the DSM-5. Obviously problematic media and caused some drama when it existed.

oml thank you i personally love problems and drama so you've most certainly introduced me to my next internet rabbit hole, can't wait to learn abt it

#that sounds terrible #i cannot begin to imagine

cringefailroboguy

"I'm going out, you better not be a cunty little narcissist when I come home"

Me:

#this is what i look like irl guys just btw #GOD #what is this FROM it's so fucking funny #i'm sure it's hateful and stigmatizing asf and i would hate it but my GOD this image is SENDING me

how to stop developing obsessive tumblr crushes where i check their blog multiple times a day, store every scrap of personal information about them that i can find, think about finding their home, psychoanalyze every post they make and every reblog they share, entertain wildly detailed fantasies about what i'd do when i found them so detailed in fact they become absorbed for a short while into my very immersive dreamscape until i find myself fantasizing about depraved shit to dissociate from and cope with everyday stressors,

#like oh no some minor inconvenience has happened? time to visit my mindbasement where i keep tumblruser12345 chained up #after i kidnapped them four episodes ago #risque #ish #most people who have interacted with my posts sorry to say this has probably happened with you #though mostly it happens with people whom i've never spoken to #—kieran #—gabriel

my insurance randomly decided to fuck me, and sent me a new "here's your info and provider and stuff for 2024" packet in the mail, yet apparently my coverage actually lapsed in may?? (they probably didn't actually "randomly decide" i'm exaggerating i'm sure i was told this and i'm just stupid) so what was the point of sending me new shit for the year after???? my coverage lapsed???

anyways i had to tell my therapist obvi like hey yeah the reason you couldn't get my account from my ins prov is because i'm apparently not a member now, i'll get back to you soon, just cancel my next appt.

and she was like "haha you think you're getting off the hook for that? anyways i'll talk to [boss's name] i actually don't have any pro bono clients right now so he'll almost definitely approve it since we have slots available. see you friday."

#i wanted to reply bitch i will kill you and then myself #god.#she's not perfect but she refuses to give up on me.#and sometimes.... that's all i fucking want y'know.#everyone else does.#because i'm hopeless.#but for whatever reason she's deluded enough to disagree. and keeps trying.#and keeps trying. and keeps trying.#it actually makes me want to do better because like #fuck. i don't know. it just does.#bite.txt #—peter

i can't do this shit man

whyyy do i botherrrrr

#i've been home for like. an hour.#she's already ignored me while i was speaking [huge trigger for me that we talk about constantly].#made a joke at the expense of my trauma.#and told me i looked bad in the new clothes i got that i was super excited about.#AND she was late [admittedly not by a lot so i don't wanna be dramatic about it. it's just that when you add it in with everything else it-#does sting a bit more.] because she was chatting with the same friends she talks to all day every day because they're doing this like.#text based 24/7 dnd campaign thing.#which has already stopped us from going on two planned outings that she just.#said for two or three weeks now ''oh my gosh i'm so sorry i forgot i said i'#d do that!! next weekend for sure.''#then just. stopped even mentioning it.#why do i bother.#every time i start trying to be affectionate with her again and think things might be healing up a little.#every time i start trying to push down my hurt over the small stuff like the ignoring me when i try to talk.#it starts getting worse.#it's like she takes my affection as a sign she can start being outwardly cruel again.#i wonder if i keep cuddling up to her if she'll fucking assault me again.#probably.#the sad thing is i don't even care really.#i think about it and imagine it happening and i just feel numb.#—peter #bite.txt

only-man-in-the-sky

you guys demonize men with npd but what you don't know is that we get a massive ego boost from being really fucking good in bed so dating a guy with npd means you just get to cum a lot

#this hits #i'm a stone top who's probably just asexual and i use sex as supply #you literally just get to have your mind blown you're so fucking welcome #narcissist posting

traumasurvivors

Your trauma is valid even if it was avoidable.

People pointing out it was avoidable is usually victim blaming. Please see article on Victim Blaming.

#mmmm.#trying to accept this

hauntedandabandoned

i hate when i know im just insane and what someone said was not meant to be insulting or condescending or offensive in any way. but at the same time i will still fully feel like it was.

#for fucking real

ed-recoverry

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser(s) were never punished.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser is living a normal life.

Shoutout to everyone whose allegations were immediately dismissed.

Shoutout to everyone reported their abuser to the police and nothing happened.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser was able to get out of significant legal punishment.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser is generally seen as a good person.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser is a “pillar of the community.”

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser has lied about you.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser has framed them.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser threatened them into silence.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser who discouraged them from reporting.

Shoutout to everyone who lost friends after reporting and or exposing their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who lost family after reporting and or exposing their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who received backlash for reporting and or exposing their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who has created a rift in their family or friends by reporting or exposing their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who is terrified to tell anyone about their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who never had the opportunity to talk about their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who feels like talking about their abuser is worthless.

Shoutout to everyone whose case was dismissed by the court.

Shoutout to everyone who faced backlash after their abuser was put in jail.

Shoutout to everyone who faced backlash for testifying against their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who still has yet to be believed that they were abused.

Shoutout to everyone who knows their abuser will never be punished.

Shoutout to everyone who knows their abuser will never face backlash.

Shoutout to everyone who knows their story will be dismissed by loved ones.

Shoutout to everyone who spoke out about their abuser, but wasn’t believed until something happened to someone else.

Shoutout to everyone who spoke out about their abuser and wasn’t believed until they seriously harmed you.

Shoutout to everyone who has been mocked for trying to speak out about their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who has faced social repercussions for speaking out or exposing their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone who has suffered financially for speaking out or exposing their abuser.

Shoutout to everyone whose abuser has admitted guilt, but never faced justice.

Shoutout to everyone who knows they were abused and are punished for it.

#thank you #i lost everything.#and her life has never been better.

i am not loved.

#that's all it boils down to.#i am an afterthought to the few friends i am trying so fucking hard to keep. if that.#and she demonstrates to me almost daily. through both small boundary violations and emotional dismissals as well as larger more direct and-#painful borderline abusive behaviors. that she just. doesn't really care.#and to me. that's what love is.#it's behaving in ways that demonstrate you value the person and their perspective.#no one does that for me.#that's genuinely all there is to it.#no way to therapy speak my way out of it.#i'm just. not loved.#—untagged #bite.txt

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