Not wanting to die is hard work - Blythe Baird

Used to be an active member of the Pro Ana community. I’m currently still in what I would call the worst of my ED, but I see a therapist and nutritionist and am in the process of recovery. I hate parts of this community but I need people to talk to who understand what an ED is like. This blog is to document my recovery, share my experiences, and hopefully inspire others.

[formerlyknownasbulimic]

Recovery Journal 6/6

When you’re curled up in the fetal position in the shower, hot water washing away your shame, staring at your shower curtain and wondering, “is that acne wash or vomit?”, you realize that those pro Ana/mia tumblr posts were lies.

This isn’t beautiful, or artistic, or some sort of poetic suffering. It’s disgusting, it’s horrible, it’s painful. And when you’re sitting in your shower all alone, having just puked your guts out, wondering if you’ve done a good enough job at cleaning the mess, you’ll realize how ugly this disorder is.

Bulimia isn’t beautiful or poetic,

Recovery is.

So as I’m sitting in the shower, wondering what to tell my therapist, my resolve to recover gets stronger.

[formerlyknownasbulimic]

Introducing Myself

Hi there!

I’m not going to give away name or age beyond that I’m a girl in highschool. My disorder is relatively new (about a year) but it progressed quickly. For a while I was in the EDNOS stage (a perfectly valid, still very dangerous disorder!) but I was officially diagnosed with bulimia a couple months ago by the same therapist I am seeing now.

All bulimics are different, so here is how it affects me. I still restrict, and in the beginning purging was something I did rarely whenever I ate “bad” food. I actually lost my period due to restriction and could have suffered many more health consequences.

As I got worse, I started purging more and more and doing it even at school, at home, wherever. On a bad week, I could be purging multiple times a day for the whole week. This causes a lot of side effects that I’ll discuss in other posts.

Anyway, eventually my mom caught on and sent me to therapy. Now I’m working to fix my relationship with food, stop my destructive eating habits, and learn to accept my body. This is a side blog, so I can’t follow back, sorry.