Zombies, Run characters as John Mulaney quotes
Runner Five: You know those days when you’re like, “this might as well happen?”
Sam Yao: When I’m walking down the street, I don’t think anybody goes, “Hey, look at that man!” they’re just like, “Woah! That tall child looks terrible! Get some rest, tall child!”
Maxine Myers: You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.
Paula Cohen: I don’t care for these new Nazis, and you may quote me on that.
Janine De Luca: I’ll keep all my emotions right here, and then one day I’ll die.
Simon Lauchlan: I also don’t want me to be doing what I’m doing.
Sara Smith: Hey, do you want me to kill that guy for you? ‘Cause it sounds like he sucks, and I will totally kill that guy for you!
Jody Marsh: I am very small, and I have no money, so you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under.
Amelia Spens: And I said, “no.” You know. Like a liar.
Peter Lynne: Do my friends hate me, or do I just need to go to sleep?
Steve Sissay: They’re like, “Does that work?” and I’m like “It didn’t not work!”
Kefilwe Lobatse: I mean, we’re all violent here, but you’re very friendly.
Sigrid Hakkinen: A lot of people don’t seem that nice, and they seem to be doing just fine in the world.
Van Ark: But instead, he made his living in murder.
Jack Holden: Hello, I’m very gay, I’d like a few dollars.
Eugene Woods: I just want to sit here and feed my birds!
Zoe Crick: Some people give off a vibe of, right away, they’re like “do not fuck with me.”
Phil Cheeseman: My vibe is more like, “Hey, you could pour soup in my lap and I’d probably apologize to you!”
Veronica McShell: None of us really know our fathers - anyway.
Archie Jensen: I try to stay optimistic, even though I must admit, things are getting pretty sticky.
