Foster Care Symphony

My life as a foster parent.

[k1ssyourknuckles-deactivated201]

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[fostercaresymphony]

Update

Life is a little crazy around here!

Soooo….

*husband graduated from basic training! Seriously it was the most bittersweet feeling. I missed him so much but I was/am so very proud of him!

* we are still not licensed. DFPS put a hold on our agency so we are doing what we should’ve done last year, we are switching to a new agency

*I survived a semester back at university! Yay!

*we are doing kinship care for another one of husbands cousins. We got him a week before Christmas after he was in the hospital for almost two months. He is 8 months old with shaken baby syndrome. Born a perfectly normal baby, he is now blind, has a high powered shunt, was being tube fed but can now take a bottle but the formula has to be mixed in with thickener and be ice cold. We have to put the bottle into an ice bath when we stop in the middle of a feeding to burp him. He can’t hold his head up, sit up, or crawl. He has a seizure disorder. He is developmentally a one month old.

*baby was on life support for 8 days and was expected to DIE on October 15th.

*His goal is adoption or PMC by kin right now. Bios are heroin addicts and must be clean for 9 months in order to be considered for reunification.

*bios are missing court ordered drug tests by CPS and probation officers. They are refusing to take the polygraph.

*they want to press charges but no one knows who caused his injuries. Right now 6 people cannot be ruled

*I’m going to school full time and juggle the baby’s 3 appointments every week.

*some of his doctors are 3.5 hours away one way and we are required to bring him to all those appointments.

*because he is a kinship placement we get ZERO financial help.

*and I just found out that husband will be leaving for more training in June and won’t be back until august :(

[fostercaresymphony]

Hello!

Finally back! I know, better way too late than never! Long update coming up soon!

[everlarkandthechamberofmordor]

MilSO problem.

I have this hatred for doing things sometimes. It isn’t laziness. I just hate that he can’t be here to share these experiences. I don’t care if its errands or a night at the movies, a family party or my graduation. He would do anything to be here and it just kinda sucks that’s we can’t make it happen. It’s one of those I miss you so much I lost my appetite and wanna sleep til you’re home kinda days.

[fostercaresymphony]

I know how you feel! My hubby and i loved to make going to the grocery store a date so the first time I had to go grocery shopping after he left I cried while checking out lol the poor cashier didn't know what to do (teenage boy). I tried to hold it in the whole time but I just couldn't do it anymore!

[fostercaresymphony]

papercutpath said: What state do you live in?

  I live in Texas

[fostercaresymphony]

allmyprettyones • an hour ago

Going with another agency might be best... I have an agency that is always timely, reachable, and informative. I just can't believe the problems that I read about on other foster blogs!

Our first instinct is to switch but all my fellow foster mom friends say to wait... Im just frustrated with all the postponing and non-communication   I have been repeatedly told that our AREA is in dire need for foster parents and I repeatedly tell them that we have space for FOUR!!

When we first switched to this agency, we had amazing support and contact and was led every step of the way.  She would email me when she hadnt heard from me in a week or whatever and then she got promoted and then it all went down the toilet!

[fostercaresymphony]

I forgot..

To add that tomorrow I start my preservice training for becoming a CASA worker! I'm excited. I almost had the opportunity to be one back in college but stopped before I got any cases because my parents were getting divorced and so I had to move four hours away and find a job to help my mom out. I'm anxious to see both sides of the spectrum from a foster parents point of view and as a CASA. Only 2 of my placements had CASAs so I already know what I want to do different. No more of these show up to court an hour early so I can meet your kid for the first time and then write my report before court starts. I want to properly advocate for children in care. Foster care is traumatic and I want to make sure that the best interest of the children are thoroughly fought for! At my preservice interview last week they gave me my training book and I've been already reading! All I can say from what I've read from what is expected from a CASA and what has happened in my cases, it's not accurate but that was from the area where we used to live so I'm looking forward to seeing how CASAs do their job here. CASA expectations include having no more than 2 cases at a time and devoting around 10-15 hours a month to the cases. If you do the math then my CASAs have ZERO excuses for how they advocated for my children. They should have done better.

[fostercaresymphony]

MIA

So sorry for being MIA! I went to a mommy retreat with some other foster mommy friends back in April (most of whom I met for the first time after meeting through reading blogs) and just never really recovered, time flies fast. Absolutely NOTHING has happened with the licensing process lol still waiting. I called this morning and told agency licensing dude that I still hadn't heard anything and that husband was leaving June 3rd and won't be back until August 16th for training. He said he'd call me back shortly... It's been hours. And of course he knew nothing about our file although he claims he has gone through it many times. He "forgot" that we are a transfer family and not a first timer, he had to ask if we had any bio children (I sure wish we did!), and he had to ask what city we lived in! Seriously, c'mon and do your job! Frustrating. And I hate calling and asking things because I feel that they will judge me and think that we are doing this for the money. Trust me, we are NOT! This is the only way we will ever be able to build out family and we'd like to do that sooner than later. We want to be parents and I want to make our parents grandparents. Sigh. Last week husband and I were pretty much done with this agency. We have had nothing but runarounds for 3 months but a foster mom friend I have been talking to says to stick it out, it'd only take longer if we move to another agency now. I get what she is saying but even if it takes a while longer to get licensed somewhere else, at least I'd know that progress was being made. So I don't know. I'm thinking that ill give it until when husband leaves. If we haven't made any other progress by then, then when husband comes back we will switch to another agency. I just can't believe that we have been completely ready to be licensed minus the homestudy since March 1st and and this is where we still are. It's hard having every family member keep asking when were gonna get kids because they know we have been ready for so long. On another note, we have submitted our letter of interest for a one year old boy with Down syndrome. Once we get his file and review it husband and I will decide if we still want to move forward. It would be an international adoption so of course it could still be a while before we could call him our son but I have already shared with my parents and they are completely on board and support us and that just makes me excited!

[fostercaresymphony]

Kinship Care Part 2

This morning husband's cousin called me to tell me that CPS wanted to place the three kids with us, she made sure to ask us that we already didnt have any placements, nope!  She also said that the court has ordered that the children have visits with their father the first and third weekends of the month, from Friday 6 pm to Sunday no later than 6 pm.  I did tell her that since visits were going to be 5 hours from where we live that it was going to be a problem with the two older children missing so much school.  There is no way I am going to be picking up the kids at 6 pm then driving home and expecting them to be ready for school the next day, trauma just doesnt work that way.  She said that we could try to work something out.

She said that CPS would call my husband and then see how to get the kids into our care. Since husband works all day and then goes on base to work out, he basically played phone tag all day with CPS.  He was able to talk to his cousin and found out that the reason why his cousin does not want the kids placed with her friend anymore is because her friend has been telling the kids that the reason they are staying with her is because their mom hates them and doesnt love or want them anymore. (heart is breaking for the kids)

Ultimately CPS decided that we live too far away and doesnt want the kids placed with us.  I told husband to call his cousin after working out and tell her to call her lawyer and to tell them that CPS's excuse that we live too far is against the law and that it is not in the best interest of the kids to be placed into foster care if they do have family that is willing to care for them and have been foster parents before.  CPS by law has to exhaust every means of trying to place kids with family before placing the  kids into foster care.  SIGH!  Ironically the CPS office that is managing this case is in the same itty bitty shit-hole of a town that we lived for two years before moving here and I know the CPS worker, Im just gonna say that she isnt exactly known for doing things in the best interest of children,  just what is a convenience to her.  

Guess we will find out more within the next couple days.

[fostercaresymphony]

crafty-artsy-and-a-mom said: have you guys ever thought of using a surrogate?

We have definitely thought about a surrogate but it is also definitely way out our price range!  I wish it were so simple or that it would be covered by insurance or something.

[fostercaresymphony]

WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?

At a wedding with my mom and the ac was broken and it was really hot outside.  She was pregnant with my brother so I must have been about 2 and a half.

[fostercaresymphony]

Argh!

Im just frustrated beyond normal means!  The last time I heard from Agency Licensing Dude was last week Friday so of course I asked hubby to call him today and see what was going on and if there was anything else they needed from us so we could get the ball moving....

No, our file is complete but they are in the middle of hiring a new area director and they are not going to be approving any new families until that is done so its going to be about 30 days before we get licensed.   Well thanks, agency licensing dude I would have known that, had you called me like you said!

All this administrative mess is the reason why we moved to another agency in the first place.  Not sure if we will look for another agency or just wait the 30 days.  I mean we are done with everything paperwork, trainings, applications, background checks, references, inspections, everything except the seal that says that we have been approved to foster.

When I feel this frustrated with just being able to foster, all the hoops and BS i have to go through just to have a child in my house, is when all my jealousy breaks out.  Why cant I have a baby? Why not me? Im good enough to mother other peoples children, broken children at that, but not worthy enough in Gods eyes to have my own?  I would give anything to be able to experience pregnancy!!  I hate myself for tearing up inside and resenting friends who are pregnant or just had a baby, especially those that just pop them out like nothing and dont even want them.  Im not that person, Im not a jealous person, I am not a hateful person, but sometimes its just not fair. Im also starting to run out of excuses as to why I cant make it to people's baby showers and excuses to family why we dont want biological children right now.  Its hard enough to have to deal with reality that I cant have children, now I got to make up an excuse so that you wont comment on oh well maybe if you did this or did this.... trust me, Ive tried everything!

[justbesplendid]

“Raise your words, not voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.”

― Rumi (via justbesplendid)

So true as a foster parent dealing with RAD behaviors

[fostercaresymphony]

Nothing Yet

Still havent heard from agency licensing dude, I think I am going to give him until tomorrow morning.  If I dont hear from him before lunch, Ill be making a call sometime after lunch.

[fostercaresymphony]

Touched Base

Although I clearly stated in my emails to agency licensing dude to call or email me about what else I needed to do to finish up our file so it can be sent off to licensing, I just called and surprisingly he answered!

Me: " Hi, Im Foster Care Symphony, and I was just calling to see what else I needed to turn in so we can finish up our file."

Agency Licensing Dude: (in a very annoyed voice) " Oh yeah, hey, I looked at your file this morning, did you get the health and fire inspections?"

Me: "Yes, I already scanned them both and emailed them to you last night."

Agency Licensing Dude: "Oh ok, I guess I gotta go through my email, so I guess the next step is for me to get that together, and then look over your file again.  We will need to do an addendum to your homestudy because you are a transfer, correct?"

Me: "Yes, thats correct.  I apologize for being so naggy, I just wanted to touch base with you and get things rolling."

Agency Licensing Dude: "Ok, um yeah."

Me: "So should I call back sometime next week or should I wait for you to call me?"

Agency Licensing Dude: " Um, no I'll call you sometime next week to schedule a walk through of your home and to update the homestudy."

Me: "Ok, great, thank you so much, and I hope you have a wonderful day."

Agency Licensing Dude: "Um yeah, thanks."

I truly miss the other lady, she was warm, interested, insightful, knowledgeable, and just amazing!  She knew all of her cases and what needed to be done next.  Agency Licensing Dude, not so much! I hope he does get the ball rolling, because I am ready!  I am excited!  I am ready for the adrenaline that comes with each placement call.

[fostercaresymphony]

Called agency licensing dude since I havent had any kind of response from him after two emails, went straight to voicemail.... called the agency director and that too went straight to voicemail.... 

Starting to get frustrated, probably since Im so anxious now.  We had placements before we were even licensed last time!

[fostercaresymphony]

We've Been Fire Inspected!

Passed our fire inspection now so I am just waiting to hear back from the guy that handles all the people in the process of getting licensed. I wish the lady that was there before him was still there, she was on top of everything! Guess I'm gonna wait til this afternoon and if I still don't hear anything I'm going to call.