marz

[foundlifeonmarzz]

60% of an e5's waking life is spent fixating on their niches and things they love. the other 40% is spent doing other things while thinking about when they can get back to fixating on said niches.

[foundlifeonmarzz]

in my early teens i had a special disdain for those who ghost. that was because no one texted me. now i'm the ghoster extraordinaire. if i don't reply within the day i won't reply for weeks. it makes me an asshole but i don't know any other way to be.

[rollerska8er]

the incredible existential sadness of seeing an ant on the bus. a loneliness no human being will ever know. imagine if you will finding yourself moved by means you don't even comprehend an inconceivable distance from anyone you've ever known. tragic

[foundlifeonmarzz]

being greyrose (greyrom + greysexual) is an odd way of being.

i long. and i yearn. and i feel like i'm missing out. then i see other relationships and i WANT to miss out.

it feels so oddly reprehensible to me, the thought of sending cutesy morning texts with kissy faces and hearts. yet, i wish i had that kind of capacity to feel so strongly for another consistently.

[foundlifeonmarzz]

during the worst period of my life, i wrote a song called "The Color Pink".

it's amateur and more of a poem if anything. i talked about how when people would ask me what my favorite color is, i would always say pink, because the truth was difficult to explain, and rarely was it understood. because i didn't have a favorite color. i liked all of them, because they all represented different thoughts and feelings to me. it's rather contrarian, which is why this line of thinking was never voiced aloud. but i've always wanted someone to try a little harder. dig a little deeper. to not just accept "pink" as my answer, but look into the "why" behind it.

there are so many things that i, and other people do, on a day to day basis that may not make sense to outsiders. but the only obstacle to mutual understanding is our hesitancy and unwillingness to stop and ask why. and what i want, more than i want anything else in the world, is for someone to see what i do and think, "what does it mean?"

to see me not as another stage piece in the scheme of their life, but a being with a heart. with a mind.

that's the song.

oh, and my favorite color is black. it always has been. but for a long time, i didn't think that was an answer. i didn't even know it was my answer.