having turned 70 this past december, the memories of previous milestone birthdays seem to blend together and minimize in the whole scheme of things. still, they were important as they occurred and there are "things" about them i shall always remember. so, here i go, sorting them out for anyone who wishes to travel down that...no, MY... OLD memory lane:
21! WOW! the age that, back in the "olden days" was a seemingly magic number. we could drink without an ID. not that i drank so much yet, it was a thrill when someone asked for my ID to be able to flash a big smile and practically, what's more, WILLINGLY (unlike previous submissions) shove that license in the face of the inquisitor. then, there was that other thing. now that i was truly an adult, my mother could stop giving me advice about EVERYTHING! how wrong i was about that. turning the "magic number" never deterred my mother from offering her opinions on just about anything and everything in MY life. you know what's funny about that? now that i don't have her to voice her opinions, i wish i did. but wait, that's more about turning 70 and comes further down the pike.
NO! STOP! HOW CAN IT BE? i was going to be in my 20's forever. besides, someone back then said these words that echoed throughout the decade to come, "NEVER TRUST ANYONE OVER 30." so here it was. a true disaster. i was out of my trustworthy 20's and G-D only knew what was in store with such an albatross around my 30 year old neck.
that was the bad news. the GOOD news? i was married, pregnant and soon would win back at least some trust. after all, i was american as apple pie and would soon be a mom. if you can't trust a mother, who can you trust? thus, i welcomed 30 with VERY mixed emotions. 30 was confusing. not yet truly OLD...just confusing.
here it came. snuck up on me, kinda. i didn't really notice it yet, here it was. a sudden shock. flahses of lightening inside my head. i was so busy being in my 30's, living the life of a political wife, the mother of a young daughter, a medical office manager, getting spearated then divorced, i just didn't see 40 tiptoeing softly behind me until SMACK, all of a sudden, there it was. the halfway mark, assuming i would make it to 80. yes, sure, i could live to be 90 but so what. then 45 would be that marker and that was only 5 years away. i got somewhat depressed and urgent. i had to do something. change my life. decide what i really wanted to be when i grew up and hurry, hurry, before it was too late. i took classes, i joined meaningful groups that tried to change the world and do good, i volunteered. i got married again. i was the wife of a physician, the mother of a 10 year old and, still, a medical office manager, etc., etc. 40 was urgent...almost OLD...and urgent.
certainly a milestone. yet, this one didn't bother me as much as 40. i was prepared. i thought about it a lot before it arrived and, well, so what? i was alive, well and reaching the place in life where i felt more secure about who and what i was. maybe a bit unsettled because i still didn't really know what i wanted to be when i grew up. my marriage was still intact. my daughter was off at college and had met a nice young man and seemed happy. many of my friends were freaking out about turning the "BIG 50" yet, to me, it all seemed ok. old...but ok.
i was separated and soon to be divorced after 20 some years of marriage. on my own, in my own apartment which i loved coming home to for the quiet and peace it provided me. my daughter had left to continue her own voyage through life, living in exciting place like colorado, san diego, and, finally, the place she now calls home, san francisco. she had a brilliant career that allowed her to exhibit the creativity i saw in her as a small child. i was happy for her. i knew i had done my best as a parent though i made mistakes, too. it was too late to undo them and, i wasn't going to worry about them anymore. she was independent, she was on her own and, so was i. and, i had met a wonderful man who was quckly becoming my best friend and the love of my life. it all felt good. 65 was good. old...but good.
OH MY G-D! THIS WAS THE ONE. THE SCARIEST OF THEM ALL. the big KAHUNA of birthdays. DECEMBER 16TH. MY 70TH. it was beethoven's b'day, too. and, all i could think about was his 5th...da da da dum, da da dum. it is said those opening lines were meant to be the sound of death knocking at the door and that is exactly how i felt. i read the obits every day and so many people who were dying were in their late 70's and early 80's. sure, there were those who were in their 90's...more of those then ever but still, what were the chances i would be one of those? so, i would tell myself, if i'm lucky, i'll be here for 10 more years and, wow!, the past 10 years sure went fast. so, i worried. when i expressed my fears and thoughts about this to friends and family, they all had similar reactions: "don't worry about it. just live each day to it's fullest." i guess they don't get it. even if i do that, which i am certainly trying to do (taking more classes, traveling, connecting more with those whom i love and like), DA DA DA DUM... sigh! so, the guy i met when i was on my own again, we got married two years ago and i was right, he has turned out to be the LOVE OF MY LIFE as well as my best friend. I can't imagine life without him. in this respect, 70 is good. so now i want to lvie with him at my side for at least another 20 years, knowing full well the chances of that are...
so, 70 is chancy. OLD... and chancy. OLD and HAPPY and chancy.
titsay
annaxmalina
yousharknotpass
dailybridgerton
izzy806
gummygunk
tangentwithtanner
pixelskylines
