Shit My Housemates Say

Four sexy single ladies who like making fart jokes and making action heroes cuddle in their minds. We also play D&D and watch a lot of anime.

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Jana did not like our suggestions.

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We had a lot of thoughts about elvish dental care. 

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It got better, and then it got WAY WORSE. 

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We had a lot of thoughts about elvish dental care. 

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Jana: As you read through the pamphlets, you find lots of misinformation, such as that the plague is spread through miasma-

HD: Who's miasma?

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[an enemy combatant attempts to harm Sutha, our lovely but dumb barbarian boy, and Valvari reacts]

Jana: 7 points of damage? He doesn't like that.

Valvari: Well, I don't like that you tried to hurt those beautiful abs!

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NPC: My name is Capreses the Miserable.

Gretchen: *scoffs* Like the salad?

Willa: And that's why he's so miserable!

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[discussing pronouns we should use when referring to a new (but ancient) NPC]

Jana: Current gender: needs a bath.

HD: Got that ELF STINK. That's how you know they're a real old elf, gotta be aged properly to get that kinda smell.

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NPC: You have the sickness?

Gretchen: I have the sickness, yes.

NPC: Would you go so far as to say that you are getting down with the sickness?

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[discussing the navigational capabilities of a character with the unfortunate epithet of "Cowfucker".]

HD: Maybe that's why he's called the Cowfucker, maybe he just took a wrong turn and walked into a cow while he was trying to pee.

Jana: I don't think that's how fucking a cow works?? It's not like all of those people who go to the hospital with shit up their ass, like "Oh, I just accidentally sat on it"-

HD: Jana, shit up your ass is a normal way to live! Buzz Lightyear up your ass is a very different thing!

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Hala, currently shoved in someone's mailbox: You've got a letter!

Our annoyed and bewildered NPC: I doubt that, we haven't received mail in 100 years.

Hala: It's a coupon from Bed, Bath & Beyond!

(later)

Hala: I'm going to be pulling coupons out of my pockets for years.

HD: BUTT, Bath & Beyond.

Willa: They only sell bidets!

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Hala, currently shoved in someone's mailbox: You've got a letter!

Our annoyed and bewildered NPC: I doubt that, we haven't received mail in 100 years.

Hala: It's a coupon from Bed, Bath & Beyond!

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[Our warlock is burnt by a rock.]

Willa: I could kiss it and make it better!

HD: The rock?

Willa: Your burns!

HD: Oh, I thought you were gonna kiss the rock, and I was like, please don't kiss the rock that just gave me second-degree burns.

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Jana: Her wife's name is...fuck, where'd I put it?

HD: That's not a good name for her to have!

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HD: Do angels fuck?

Jana: ...do you want to fuck this celestial river elemental?

HD: Angels do NOT fuck

Hic & Willa: Wellllll...

HD: Yeah okay, I sent you several fanfics that are based on the idea that angels DO fuck.

Jana: HD, I knew we were into monsterfucking but this angel fucking is new.

HD: Listen man, we saw Good Omens and I like these angels to fuck. Angel and a demon. Whatever. Not this river though.

[fourgirlstalking]

Sometimes you gotta do who you gotta do.

HD

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Hic: I roll it up and put it in the Bag of Holding.

HD: We’re gonna find out if that bag of holding has limits. How much RAM is in that?

Jana: How many terabytes?