wires.

jess; 8teen. asshole. the wires got the best of him, and all that he invested in goes straight to hell.

[not-painted-anymore-blog-deacti]

“Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. Their bodies are constantly bombarded by visceral warning signs, and, in an attempt to control these processes, they often become expert at ignoring their gut feelings and in numbing awareness of what is played out inside. They learn to hide from their selves.

“The Body Keeps The Score” by Bessel Van Der Kolk (via mischabarton2004)

[davidcorensweet]

[rabbitinthemoon-blog]

A burnt child loves the fire.

Oscar Wilde (via sharingneedles)

[hellabeebo]

my happy little pill. take me away, dry my eyes, bring color to my skies.

happy little pill - troye sivan (via hellabeebo)

[dannymruni]

[fqujess]

the only saving grace of my night tonight was ordering a nasa/space sweatshirt and my mom bringing me salt water taffy lol 

[moonwvlkers]

“Is that all you got?” Kovu yelled, automatically running and tackling some guy to the ground. He was much bigger than Kovu but the thing about the seventeen year old was that it didn’t matter what size you were or who your family was, if he was pissed off at you, he’d go through you and absolutely destroy you. He knew what he was doing. Not to mention Kovu just had the worst temper in the world. The crowd was gathering around the two brawling on the corridors but it didn’t make Ko stop. He didn’t even stop when he saw blood come from the other boy’s face, he just continued to swing and punch at their face.

[fqujess]

jess had actually gone to class today, which was a surprise to his teachers, but he really just wanted to avoid another call to the principals office and his mother taking time off to sit and repeat what everyone already knew. when he had gotten out of class he had watched what looked like could be a fight, though he wasn’t sure since it seemed a bit unfair. jess was a boxer, and often had a lot of anger problems himself so he watched for a while to see if the smaller one could actually defeat the guy. there was blood being drawn and jess was impressed but not impressed enough, plus he knew the look that one got when their energy was low. jess sighed as he moved through the crowd and then grabbed the bigger one and slammed him against the wall, giving him a quick swift punch and then grabbed the younger one and pushed him to the other wall. “you guys are fucking stupid to be fighting right here,” he muttered, watching as the other one noticed jess and then mutter something under his breath. he looked at the smaller one and then rose an eyebrow, “what did he do to you?”

[sophiafcknmitchell-blog]

“sophia,” she replied quietly, sensing that he wasn’t huge on talking. she had to admit, it was difficult to carry on a conversation with the boy when he was giving her grunts and mutters from the hood of his jeep. still, she didn’t want to be rude and just walk away, plus- he talked less than most of redwood, sure, but it was a nice quiet, away from all the noise. sitting down on the parking lot concrete, she tucked her sneaker clad feet beneath her and glanced up at him. “what about yours, stranger?”

[fqujess]

he had heard her name and though it didn’t ring a bell he still nodded his head and then put the wrench down, he needed a break from it. “jess,” he said with a small smile, or an attempt at one. he had watched as it was still smokey but he had sat down next to her, wiping his hands on his pants. “are you new?” he questioned, not noticing her, but then again he didn’t know that many people other than a few. 

[willowsloan]

willow had spent a lot of nights crying in her mother’s lap over jess; probably too many. anyone who knew about how she felt and the two of them would always protest how awful he was, how he shouldn’t show his face again & she’d just quietly shrug; insisting that she was okay. but seeing him again felt like she’d been punched in the stomach. that, apparently, was part of having feelings for someone and she hadn’t quite decided if she’d ever attempt it again knowing what hard results it could have. “yeah, i guess we are,” she replied softly, leaning her head on her shoulder comfortably for a moment before he glanced down and she stepped away. it felt sad, oddly final although she knew it wasnt. “now is good. i always need coffee,” she smiled crookedly, he already knew that about her. he knew a lot about her, she wasn’t super secretive so he was able to figure her out in point two seconds.

[fqujess]

he had looked at her in the face and knew that he must have disappointed her or let her down again. and he hated himself for it. he took a deep breath before realizing something, “i actually found something when i was in mexico,” he said with a slightly louder octave than normal. “and i bought it,” he went to his car and grabbed the book, it was well loved, underlinings, and the cover art was different but he knew that she’d appreciate it. he had given it to her, it was a book that she had told him to read a couple months ago and he said he would and he loved it, and when he had found it at a flee market with the rest of the venders, he had bought it for her and wanted to give it to her. “i really liked it. i never got to tell you.” he rubbed the back of his neck out of nervousness as he walked with her to the coffee shop. “its in a different language, different cover art as to be expected, but um, i thought you’d appreciate it.”

[fqujess]

headcanon; this is the face that evelyn often gives jess when he comes to the hospital late at night on her breaks from surgery. he doesn’t have to say anything for her to know that something has derailed him. a lot of times he questions himself, and though he’s always normally angry or in some sort of sour mood evelyn has always known what to say. her famous saying to jess that he’s heard numerous times over several amounts of coffee is this, “it had looked like the world had already given up on you. and i wasn’t about to let that happen again,” she loves her very lost adopted son, when she first visited him in juvie she knew that he was the one for her, this bruised and beat up sixteen year old boy. often times when they’re sitting in waiting chairs he leans against her, (which took a year for him to be comfortable enough to do that.) and she’ll rub his shoulders, trying to mat out his often tangly hair. whenever he leaves he always feels a little bit better and ends up saying, “good night mom. save some lives.” and she’ll never tell him -- but hearing the word ‘mom’ is more rewarding than any surgery she’s ever done because she saved a boy who means more than the world to her. 

[fqujess]

what's your damage?

i don’t know. what’s yours?

[jakegyllenhaal]

[fqujess]

[dylanbrians-deactivated20160703]

[sophiafcknmitchell-blog]

“well, the mechanic i know actually is an eighteen year old boy, and he wouldn’t do that. i’m not gonna push, but if you ever need one, i have his name and number. he’s the one who taught me to fix my car when it overheated,” sophia explained hastily, assuring him that if it got to the point where he needed a good mechanic, the one she was vouching for wouldn’t try and overcharge him. shifting on her feet, the blonde tucked her hands into her shorts pockets, not regarding him with an unkind expression, just curious. he spoke in monosyllabic sentences and had an air about him that screamed bad attitude. but the same could be said for sophia, so there was no judgement. “okay, well, i hope so. it’s a nice jeep, wouldn’t want it to burst into flames or anything,”

[fqujess]

he wasn’t much for conversation. he nodded his head towards her suggestion, if it got to that point he would take up the offer, but he liked trying to see how things went together. he liked finding the truth. his adopted mother had always said that was his problem, he didn’t accept things until he worked it himself out. he was analytical and a bit of a perfectionist when it came down to it. he knew that she was still here, since she helped him for a moment he figured he could let his guard down a bit. “so um,” he said, grunting as something wouldn’t come undone, he swore under his breath, “what’s your name?”

[willowsloan]

it had been a long fourteen years since they’d last seen each other. after he’d been moved to another foster home and her sister had passed away, it felt like willow was losing everyone she cared for and for a five year old, that was difficult to process. the silence that followed those losses carried over for months, to the point where she was taken out of kindergarten halfway through the year and homeschooled up until she came to redwood. when he finally spoke, she glanced up and the corners of her lips quirked. stepping over to him and resting her head on his shoulder, the petite girl nodded. “It is what it is, you, me,” she remarked softly. a beat passed and she wondered what happened now, but that was up to her. she didn’t want to lose this friendship; her father had always taught her, people need people. and he’d also told her how he had pushed her mother away for a long time. but you didn’t just give up on someone. even if they hurt you, you had faith, you restarted. “when your car’s fixed, want to go get coffee?”

[fqujess]

he knew that it must have been hard to like him. it wasn’t easy liking jess or even being around him, but he was working on it. he was a work in progress and he would be for a while. he craved what normal people had, he wished that he could just flip a switch and be normal. but that wasn’t who he was, whatever his parents did to him before he was taken away had fucked him up, and though his disorder was hereditary, it didn’t help the chaotic environment that he had grew up in. but he knew -- no matter what, he had evelyn, his adopted mother and she would always be there for him, always in his corner and backing up. whenever else would eventually leave he knew that she wouldn’t, even if there was a tiny bit of paranoia that she would. “we’re our own kind of special,” he added to her sentence, squeezing her shoulder, smiling slightly as he looked down, though it was a little sad. he didn’t want to just be her friend, but before anything else, he needed to learn to like himself again. he hated everything about himself -- but god, did he love everything about willow. he shook it off and then put the wrench down. “i think i need to give this a break anyways. we can go now if you want,”

[sunnieblues]

LOST BOY - Troye Sivan