I wonder how long it’s been
Since I’ve seen the light
It’s always at the end of a tunnel
While everyone tells me I’m alright
I don’t know how long it’s been
Since this ache inside of me
Has filled me with anything other
Than the hated I always carry
This self directed hatred
Is the most dangerous thing I own
Especially when it takes me
And makes me feel alone
This hatred always forces me
To stare at myself
A reflection in the mirror
I compare to everyone else
And I wonder how long it’s been
Since I’ve felt ok
When I wasn’t crying
When the day came to an end
And it’s been so long since I’ve woken up
And didn’t want to be
Anyone else
Anything else
But me
I wonder how long it’s been
Since the imprint of a knife
Flayed apart my skin
To make me feel alright
And the the thick steady ache
As toxic as can be
Is there again
To take the knife
Are carve in
To make myself a canvas
Of the way I feel inside
The steady pain
Intermingled with I’m fines
I wonder how long it’s been
Since I have seen myself
In a warm and glowing light
When I felt alright
When my eyes were not tired
With a constant red rim haze
With tears that flowed and ebbed for days
I wonder how long it’s been