[freakonalaesh]

art will be posted on @nuuppeppo from now on

i’ll restrict this account to analysis & rambles mainly

working on the following:

- a blog/website

- my youtube account

- a csm click and point fangame

- document compilations for analysis

- csm 232 chapter analysis (and more)

- moving a lot of my twt tweets/threads here

[freakonalaesh]

Fiction is what you make it, fiction is what you choose to derive from it. Fiction reflects you.

Fiction will reflect to you the worst parts if you fixate on them. Fiction will reflect to you the best parts if you fixate on them. Do you ask yourself what is the best and the worst of it? What is the bad and the good? What classifies as bad, and what classifies as good? How are you able to discern what is good and bad? Are you judge, jury and executioner? Do you need to be?

How do you criticize a work of fiction? How are you able to say that you know better than the author, or than others, who judge it differently? Do you criticize with the fact in mind that the very critique you seem to speak into reality is based on your personal enjoyment, your personal understanding, your disappointment, resentment and ego? Or, do you criticize by standards considered neutral, detached, impersonal, freed from ego and any lingering, secret vices that you slyly keep to yourself, in order to seem just and validated. Do you criticize in a manner considered professional? Do you follow guidelines or rules for it? If not, then why do you want a story to follow certain guidelines, when stories are art, and art is not in the realms of professionals. Art belongs to the creatives, to those who do not abide by societal rules and expectations. Art is not to be defined, labeled, categorized, yet, this society does not seem to function without. It seems to collapse in on itself if everything is not strictly explained, if it doesn’t go as expected. But with expectations, disappointment always will follow.

Assumptions are made when the ego wants to convince itself that everything is a personal attack. As long as your ego wins over you, speaks for you and acts for you, you will not be able to remain neutral, nor will you be as authentic as you claim yourself to be. Your ego is what deters you from it. Your ego is what makes the resentment within you accumulate, and once it spills over, so do your emotions. You react strongly because of the attachment grown to it. It is not necessarily bad. What matters is how you handle yourself. Your thoughts don’t define you. Do your words and actions define you, then?

If you allow societal norms to shape you, that will be what sets off your ruin. They not only influence personal habits but also professional conduct.

When you let go of everything, and follow solely yourself, the innermost you, the you that you attempt to bury, the you that your ego keeps silenced, the you no longer betray. It is important to stay true to yourself, to seek change and betterment, to acknowledge that it can be simple, if only you allow it to be. Love is undermined in its capabilities. At times, only love lets you see the truth of everthing, perhaps even the truth of yourself. With love comes acceptance, to love you overcome grief and shame, you forgive and forget because love triumphs over it all. Love opens a window that lets you see more than what you fixate on, it allows a broader perspective.

Constructive criticism is meant to be rooted in social interest. It is feedback, and it is not supposed to be used as a faucet for superiority. More often than not, it is underlined with the disrespectful notion of, “I could do better”. Criticism is used as a form of social pressure, meant to cause feelings of inadequacy, a “normal” part of human experience. When handled positively by the one who is critized, it motivates someone them work harder and improve (compensation).

Fiction is not based on reality on a 1:1 scale. Fiction does not affect reality on a 1:1 scale.

It is you who is reflected in the work of fiction, you who decides what is reflected, and it is only you who can truly affect reality, as you live in reality.

[freakonalaesh]

tokinaga x obikawa size difference saves millions

(this panel especially saved me)

[freakonalaesh]

newest addition

[freakonalaesh]

spoiler warning for those who aren’t up to date!

i can’t stress just how meaningful this hug of theirs is… the reversal of their positions. this time obikawa is on the floor and tokinaga is on the bed. despite finding out who or what tokinaga really is, obikawa accepts him regardless. continues to respect him. love him.

wants to help him even more than before— he no longer feels the urge to eat him either. he wants to keep both his memories of tokinaga and tokinaga himself alive and by his side.

it also makes me feel incredibly lightheaded to see obikawa acknowledge tokinaga when he’s never been properly acknowledged like this before… it’s soothing to hear that none of your efforts have been in vain. that you haven’t been enduring it all for nothing. if this isn’t love, then i don’t know what is.

the new chapter made me realize just how far obikawa is actually willing to go for tokinaga. i’ve only seen some pictures that a friend sent me (thank you nikuo) so this is going to be somewhat of a rough analysis. their relationship is already intense as it is but now it’s changed from obikawa wanting to eat tokinaga (which he mainly does as a way of keeping the memory intact of someone he loves/cares for greatly) to wanting to make sure no god can get rid of specifically this tokinaga that obikawa has learned so much about and grown undeniably close with. obikawa wants to remember tokinaga as he is and wants to ensure that tokinaga doesn’t revert back to a timeline where obikawa has forgotten just how close they’ve gotten, obikawa wants to hold onto all the memories he has of tokinaga so of course he’d change his mind about wanting to eat him in order to keep those memories alive. because if killing all the gods means he gets to keep both the memories and tokinaga alive, then why wouldn’t he do that instead?

i’ve described their relationship roughly as well already but there’s so much more to it… kinda drives me insane how their relationship represents one that a god and their worshipper or ‘loyal subject’ would have. obikawa is willing to take care of everything for the one he greatly admires (“you’re the kindest person i know.”) or loves, reveres, et cetera. tokinaga doesn’t have to do anything, he’s willing to go wherever tokinaga goes. do whatever tokinaga doesn’t want to do. except tokinaga isn’t the god, but obikawa is. what tokinaga really ‘is’, is the god killer, an existence that directly opposes obikawa’s. they shouldn’t be allowed to ‘coexist’ but everything they do borderline violates those boundaries or ‘rules’. i unfortunately need to catch up with all the recent chapters in order to explain myself better as i don’t know what exactly has been happening in the manga but i love the portrayal of their love (wether you want to view it as platonic or romantic is up to you, the reader, as interpretation is always individualistic) and how subtle it manages to be but also how strong and intense it feels. it’s addictive.

[freakonalaesh]

NiGHTS into Dreams is one of the games I hope to see make a comeback one day. It received ports but I’d love a completely new entry, one that won’t be dropped, that is. What sticks out to me most is how many characters and concepts in the game were inspired by Jungian psychology

NiGHTS, the main character of the franchise, is based on the Shadow (the true, repressed self) while Claris and Elliot are based on Anima and Animus (inner masculinity and femininity.)

There’s also Reala, who along with NiGHTS can wear special masks that are based off personas of Jungian Psychologically. These masks being what one wears to protect their true identity

The game takes place inside one’s dreams (or inner subconscious, also called Nightopia), as the antagonist Wizeman uses his Nightmaren in order to extract dream energy from the waking (Elliot and Claris)

[freakonalaesh]

THE WAY IT CUTS TO TOKINAGA

[freakonalaesh]

i was right again… tokinaga is a holy being himself (an angel, if you will) and it’s why each time he reverts time and returns to the past he sacrifices a piece of his body (the larger the bruises on his skin grow, the more likely it is for those body parts to end up turning into stone and falling/breaking off…) in order to use that power of his.

i’m trying to figure out the symbolism here but what makes most sense is it being a punishment? the loss of vitality is obvious too… in hinduism this sort of transformation represents an enduring presence, connection to the universe, reflecting themes of mortality, divinity and eternal remembrance. his presence is everlasting… something he isn’t particularly fond of

[freakonalaesh]

after god’s author (eno sumi) always manages to make me feel this uncomfortable dread before the chapters even begin. tokinaga’s cycle of life and death is depicted here.. he’s in the fetal position, longing for the comfort and safety that he once had long before, in his original life. his hoodie merges into a blanket and then a large white cloth as he loses his physical form to nisroca’s curse (or rather, waka’s…) and is then depicted as a corpse, the blood trails/markings merge with the background and resemble the curse’s magic. signifying the change?

[freakonalaesh]

after god chapter 78 allows us to take a closer look at who tokinaga is, or moreover what he used to be like before the ipos descended and catapulted the world into a state of chaos and disaster. distant, mellow and quite nostalgic… he wants his old life back, no matter how

difficult it may have been for him in his original lifeline, as it’s been established that he resets his life every-time things go awry, or rather, he also goes back in time to undo events of misfortune (or avoid any unwanted deaths… if possible) at the cost of his own health,

but it’s progressively made clear that tokinaga cares little for himself. it’s not easy to pick up on but in-between the cracks of his façade, you begin to realize that he considers himself deadweight. e.g. he considers marriage a sacrifice both for himself & the other.

only reminds us of how deep his self hatred & shame actually goes, how tired he is of himself & his life (which is why he seeks refuge somewhere where nobody knows him… why he wants to run away, to escape.)

[freakonalaesh]

psychosexual perversion & paraphilia

you detest and fear something so badly, you begin to ache for it to a disgusting degree…

you fantasize about it. think about it every night before you go to sleep. wether it’s to pleasure or punish yourself is unknown. you don’t want to be hurt but that’s exactly why you want it.

the more forbidden and taboo it is, the likelier it is to taint you, the more you want it. repulsed yet obsessed. uncomfortable comfort. unadulterated desire.

[freakonalaesh]

It doesn’t matter who you are because I’ll accept you as you are. I don’t care, because I understand you. Because I want you around.

The way Obikawa just leaves his hand on Tokinaga’s back… unmoving, a complete act of pure reassurance. Of comfort.

[freakonalaesh]

cannibalism as a ‘metaphor’ for love except it’s never been this literal before, never this misunderstood before

(after god, what are you doing to me? seriously.)

this is making me feel a type of way that’s similar to how you’d feel after seeing an absolutely gut wrenching movie. one that leaves you feeling hollowed out but oddly somber, pleased. yet there’s still something that gnaws at your conscience.

obikawa giving up parts of (offering) himself to tokinaga just to ensure that he can live comfortably, live a little longer. remain at his side because (as i’ve stated before) neither of them could survive separation, not anymore. i give you parts of me without asking for anything in return. i give you parts of me because i see /us/, not just me or you. i cannot bear the thought of ever losing you or watching you decay and ultimately crumble into dust. obikawa previously worried that tokinaga would only see him as an object or value him merely as a drug, something that would hide the ‘hideous’ parts of him away that he wishes he wouldn’t have to deal with (which obikawa unfortunately isn’t aware of, for jow at least) but then he realizes in chapter 77 that they both care for each other in an awfully raw manner. the body language speaks for itself (and it speaks volumes at that, tokinaga’s childlike and uncharacteristic happiness; something we only got to see in specific circumstances and ironically enough when he was able to sleep well thanks to obikawa[‘s drug] and his tears of happiness, pure and unadulterated glee to see obikawa back in one piece, rushing in to hug him despite the possible danger of the knife in the taller’s hands.)

[freakonalaesh]

after god makes you want to pull your hair out over literally everything that happens in the story. there’s so much to speak about and analyze that i have no idea where to start (and it’s time i do more actively because it deserves all the attention it can get)

these panels especially make my heart ache because more and more is revealed about obikawa, and we find out why he’s so resentful of those who ignore his pain/suffering and that he ‘cannot ever’ forgive them (a blatant lie) and that it speaks of his hypocrisy because he betrayed and hurt tokinaga in the same way he wishes not to be. it’s so awfully human for a god (even if gods ‘borrow’ human attributes— they’re stated to be like children who essentially also grow up and adapt/learn of human nature, which is inherently contradictory at times)

what tokinaga claims he doesn’t feel, he feels in volumes, sorrow is written all over his face when yoriko turns her back to him and walks away. to make it worse, he lets tokinaga view him that way; fearing the vulnerability that would come with denying his words. he fears tearing the walls down that are still somewhat present between the two, the obvious showcase of care & worry, adoration and love…

but gods and humans are not so different, they’re more alike than one would first believe. especially when it comes to obikawa’s & tokinaga’s relationship— they’re complimentary, they could complete each other (they already do, even if they’re unaware) and thus they’re the only ones who can ever truly understand each other.

although i do wonder what the original waka’s role is in all of this and who she was exactly to tokinaga…

[freakonalaesh]

Characters who view pain as pleasure or derive pleasure from pain (in what way changes depending on each character though they can also be the same/similar), harbor masochistic tendencies that stem from self hatred, guilt and shame, believe love = (physical) pain

[freakonalaesh]

neither of them can survive separation.

[freakonalaesh]

So this creature living inside of Tokinaga feeds off of the Ipos (considered Gods by humanity) and now that Obikawa has turned into ‚fuel‘ he’s basically become the perfect meal for Nisroca— who references the demon Nisroch, also known as the god of farming which would explain the ties between harvest, crops and fuel. I wonder if this depicts Nisroch before the fall. It’s said that he served as a guardian to the Tree of Life in the Garden of Eden which only makes this all the more interesting.

The first panel of the chapter depicts Tokinaga, who is surrounded by angel wings (seraphim!) which points to Tokinaga being something holy or celestial. The burn marks on his skin could be a direct linking to ‚saraph‘ meaning burning? Halo, beams of light, sanctity… but Tokinaga is an ‚impure‘ angel, if anything. Neither good/bad.

[freakonalaesh]

you have to be utterly insane to not see how much tokinaga and obikawa love each other (along with the ongoing co-dependence, enabling, worshipping, genuine connection, devotion, mutual respect, cannibalism-equals-love thematic, sacrifices, etc…) it pains me that they’re so criminally underrated

“i’ll follow you wherever you go.”

translates into ‘even if it means to die together’, that much is obvious. obikawa would rather eat tokinaga than let him suffer, he offers that grace only to him.

they’ve spent far too much time together (intimately so, awfully domestic, overly familiar) for it to ever amount to nothing. both of them are too deep into whatever it is that they’ve got going on.