fredicancompose

i can click

[fredineverwritesatall]

I built the walls to be forgotten, but all I ever wanted was to be found.

- Fredrick Fabian

[fredineverwritesatall]

Last 10 Minutes of Life

Minute 1:

The rush of realization. A flood of awareness that these are the last moments, the seconds ticking away like soft raindrops. Thoughts scatter! You think of the time you wasted, and then, just as quickly, forgive yourself. There was beauty in the moments you let slip by.

Minute 2:

The faces of those you loved flash before your eyes, your mother, your best friend, the quiet smile of a stranger who helped you when you were lost. In this minute, you understand how deeply human connection runs. Even the shortest encounters have left their mark on you, you get reminded of these memories

Minute 3:

A deep breath, and with it, the scent of your childhood home freshly cut grass, the warmth of the kitchen. You see yourself as a child, lying in the grass under an endless sky, feeling that everything ahead was a beautiful mystery. In this moment, you are that child again, unburdened, full of wonder.

Minute 4:

You think of roads you never took, words left unspoken. But it isn’t sorrow. It’s just the natural weight of knowing there’s never enough time. You release it, realizing how much love has been woven through every decision.

Minute 5:

Laughter. It bubbles up from some forgotten corner of your soul, the sound of shared joy with friends long gone, or the absurd moments with family that always made you laugh until you couldn’t breathe. You carry that lightness with you now, laughter, the greatest gift we give each other, echoing in your chest.

Minute 6:

A sudden silence. The realization that you are completely present, no longer chasing anything. It’s a quiet surrender, the calmness of knowing there’s nothing more to do, nowhere else to be. And in that stillness, you find peace. You think of how often you rushed through life, forgetting to importance of silence.

Minute 7:

An image of love. A hand held in yours, fingers intertwined with someone who walked beside you through life. The touch that conveyed all words left unsaid. This minute is a moment to dwell in that one true love. You remember their voice, their laugh, and the way they made you feel whole.

Minute 8:

The things you held onto. Objects, places, and memories they come to you now with a new understanding. The old leather-bound book, the chipped mug, the tree you planted. These things were never just possessions, but vessels of moments, rich with meaning. You smile softly, seeing the beauty in the ordinary.

Minute 9:

The world outside. You see the vastness of the earth, the oceans, the mountains, and the vast plains you once traveled. You are part of this, and it’s all part of you connected, eternal. A sense of wonder washes over you, as if you’ve been a witness to something far greater than yourself.

Minute 10:

The final breath. All the thoughts, all the memories, all the dreams everything flows out like a gentle wave. In this last minute, you understand the full circle of life. You are ready, but also, not quite ready at all. Yet, you feel no fear, only love, peace, and the soft assurance that life was enough, cover your eyes!

[fredineverwritesatall]

How it feels to skip the question, "How are you" for a long time

It starts as a harmless habit of dodging the question. Cause its easier than explaining. Skipping the question brings a strange comfort, like sidestepping a puddle on a rainy day.

Then comes the Guilt, it's a bit unsettling, cause people ask because they care, but the avoidance feels like rejection. Then follows the phase of Detachment. Over time, it creates an invisible wall, making every interaction feel a little more hollow and limited.

When you meet up with friends or your loved ones, you can't smile properly. The smile appears forced, and this results in 2 extremes. They either think, that you are avoiding them, or they'll understand something is not right with you.

The struggle to keep the conversation, on a surface level becomes heavier, cause answering honestly may make people look down on you, or consider you suicidal. But there's a feeling that there's no use in opening up anymore.

People always think having a reason to be depressed hurts the most, but in reality having pang of weight in your heart without even knowing what's happening to you hurts the most.

Somewhere in the middle, there's a feeling that makes you want to connect with your loved ones and thank them for their efforts, but the habit of avoidance kicks in, destroying everything.

Then comes a feeling where you feel like you've mastered the art of smiling at others even when you're not happy anymore, but it drains your energy drastically, and each time you do this, it becomes even more exhausting.

The cycle of regret continues, convincing us that the more we speak, the more we silence how we truly feel, making us liars, which makes us distance from almost anyone.

It's a complicated feeling, it feels like "I'm being seen but not noticed." I mean, there's a difference between being seen and being noticed. We always long to be heard.

[fredineverwritesatall]

Our love at the start, seemed to be so sweet;

But now, it became a forbidden fruit to eat!

- Fredi

[fredineverwritesatall]

We could've healed one another, yet we lied that time will.

~ Fredi

[fredineverwritesatall]

"Like the stars miss the sun's warm glow

My love for you remains within, even if I never show"

[fredineverwritesatall]

Maybe we are unique, maybe we are not just people, but art museums displaying vivid colours.

- Fredicancompose

[fredineverwritesatall]

"Sometimes, the silence screams more than the mouth ever could."

[fredineverwritesatall]

I know we have a lot of indifference, but under the moon we appear blue. It'll just be you, me, the pale moon lights.

~Fredi

[fredineverwritesatall]

You were the poem, that I tried reciting all these days.

[fredineverwritesatall]

And at one point, my mind lingered, wanting to spend more time listening to the ocean waves, spending more time in the cold-breeze-strummed fields, and holding wild flowers in my hands. I desired more nights where I sleep under the moonlight and wake up to my favorite drink.

[fredineverwritesatall]

Sometimes, you need to lose you to love them. Is this love, or am i risking my originality to make it worth it?

[fredineverwritesatall]

The library was quiet, with only the sound of pages turning and the occasional cough from a nearby reader breaking the silence. He leaned in closer, feeling the warmth of her body against his. They exchanged whispered words and fleeting glances. Whether they were reading or not, the time spent together was priceless, and they never wanted to leave.

Couple 2:

Somewhere nearby the exam library her eyes focused on the portion she's yet to cover. He couldn't resist to lean in and steal a kiss, and she giggled and said "it's public!!" in response. They were both studying for their finals, but they couldn't help stealing glances at each other, everytime she turned the pages.

The way she adjusted her hair as she concentrated on the book in her hands was <3.

The library was a place of quiet concentration, but their love made it come alive. They shared earphones and listened to music together, exchanging smiles when a particularly romantic song came on. The scent of books and the quiet hum of the air conditioning provided a windy atmosphere, but they didn't need it to feel at peace. They were in love, and that was all that mattered.

After a long fight, they met somewhere nearby the canteen, they sat down on a stone bench. He was completely out of ideas on what to talk next. He was a loner while she was quite the opposite. Though they both had nothing to talk, they shared strong glances, they were fluent with silence but filled with love.

They were outside the college, it was somewhere around 7.47, she said "I'm pieces of all places, am i even remembered? Will you remember me when I'm gone?" To which he said, "The moonlight, the smell of coffee, scent from books, places, late nights, deep conversations, and my shadows in the absence of yours will kill me softly."

"You're not just a visitor to me, you're something different, you became my life!"

She hugged him with all her heart.

[fredineverwritesatall]

And i tried writing your name in the paper, but it's too wet with all my tears.

[fredineverwritesatall]

On my campus, there are some cute things that i noticed - Part 9

She was in the library. Her eyes were wide open, thinking she was slightly over the weight. He slowly dropped the book and said, "Sometimes, the weight you need to lose is not on your body, you carry a weight that's not visible to our eyes, a weight that's not on your body but rather on your time and well-being."

They were on a train, only four stops away from Tambaram, and it was her first time traveling by train. In the midst of the crowded train, she was unable to grab onto the straphanger, so she held his hand. He felt an adrenaline rush, something he had only ever witnessed in movies and Wattpad.

Amidst a group of friends who labeled him as the quiet one, fate had a different plan for him. He fell for a girl who never hesitated to speak her mind, even in the serene corners of the library. One day, feeling dejected, he skipped class and ended up in the Boxer ring. As they sat in silence, lost in their own thoughts, she broke the silence and asked him the reason for his silence. Hesitantly, he replied, "I don't speak much because I'm not interesting." Without a second thought, she turned towards him and said, "Don't say that. I see things differently. You are honest, and that, is always interesting."

I saw two couples who were holding back because of the  heartbreaks they carried from their past. Their shadows were close, yet emotionally distant, they were two steps away from each other in their hearts. I was just a spectator, but I realised "Often times, it is utter madness to hate every flower just because you got scratched by one of them. The same applies to people."

She was a good girl, but people often mistook her for her looks and the way she conversed. With a heavy heart and teary eyes, she asked him, "Am I a b*tch?" To which he said, "You’re never a b*tch, you’re just born in a critical and judgmental society." She cried once again, with happy tears.

[fredineverwritesatall]

POV: You are searching for a reason to be happier once again

[fredineverwritesatall]

We used to be close, but people can go

From people you know

To people you don't

It all starts with a very formal "Hi", and somehow this strangely lasts for weeks or months. At the start you can't help but to wish that this level of comfort lasts forever.

The lack of "something to discuss about" might be the reason why our curiosity ended. And the conversation that made us stay till the A.M is just a memory.

This is the part where you try your best to entertain them and keep them close to you, but you lose a part of yourself while doing so.

In the end it appears as if you were the only load bearer who took all the initiatives to keep the bond alive, but in reality the one sided care hurts you more than any rejection.

Sometimes the memories that once belongs with them, often swings on your mind while seeing the rain, or when couples hold their hands, and in the nights their memories won't rest either.

If you look back, you'll understand the reasons they explained are nothing but empty excuses to run away from you.

And what hurts the most is that, they'll move on by venting out our sad stories with someone new. But if i do the same, i feel that it is nothing but betrayal.

However, in the end you realise that healing without venting out is the real healing.