NeedSleep

I have evolved past the need of canon                                                                         I contribute absolutely nothing to this website, just mindless smash reblog

[homunculus-argument]

Putting zucchini in everything is the opposite of a guilty pleasure. It's a purifying penance that absolves you of all sin.

[homunculus-argument]

Any sufficiently advanced form of catholism is indistinguishable from bdsm.

[hadesisqueer]

Two World Cup finalists from opposing teams in this fucking picture, this sport isn't real

[hadesisqueer]

Context for anyone who is wondering: Lamine Yamal's parents won an UNICEF raffle for a charity photoshoot in which Barça players posed with kids, and 5 month old Lamine happened to get 20yo Messi. Which is like. Literally insane

[joyflameball]

[clowniconography]

this is one of the more creative hate comments i've seen and i felt the need to immortalize it

[shamebats]

[image ID: TikTok comment by Spedubopy: I once had a german bouncer look at my pre transition-ID and then back at me and just go "ja das ist an improvement" /end ID]

[abigailunderthemoon]

After I came out as an adult to my childhood best friend, he went back to his family and told them and then when we next spoke he said, ‘we’ve decided this is a good move for you.’

[moss-wizard]

[emilyelizabethfowl]

[homunculus-argument]

There's this one specific interaction on reddit that I wouldn't call "infamous" but I also know that everyone who knows it knows it by the punchline, so in order to not ruin it for the ones who haven't, I'm just going to talk all of you through it as I'm saying this.

The beauty of it is that you could place that exact same dialogue into any time and place in human history and it would make just as much sense, you could have it as a conversation between sailors in a 1600s ship, a group of bronze-age warriors cleaning their weapons, stone age hunters walking home from a hunt, or a bunch of 21st century redditors on the internet, and it would hit just as splendidly.

There was this conversation about if you could have sex with any specific person from any time through human history, which one would you choose? Famous legendary lovers were brought up, queens, emperors and such were popular, might as well fuck Rasputin just to see what the hype was all about, the kind of answers one would expect.

Then some guy said he would choose his own late wife. He went on to talk about how brutal it is, that you might find the love of your life, but there's no promise that this life couldn't be suddenly cut short. That his body aches for hers and how there isn't much he wouldn't do for one more opportunity to make love to her one last time.

Now, I'd like you to imagine a pause in the conversation. A solemn, contemplative moment of silence, with several of the people present nodding in agreement that this is indeed the finest answer - it wasn't a competition, but there's no doing better than that.

And then someone breaks this solemn silence and says:

"I also choose this guy's dead wife."

[enby-denby]

For the sake of letting the full story be known: you have to imagine that after another moment of horrified silence, Dead Wife giy bursts out laughing and says, with a bittersweet smile "yeah, that was her sense of humor..."

[homunculus-argument]

Oh fuck that's right I neglected the most important part of this.

[pukicho]

Pirate’s booty, Pirate’s penis, Pirate’s balls. All treasure.

[hollowboobtheory]

I support the "fiction isn't real so nothing matters" mindset but tbf at a certain point it can tip over into "the curtains are just blue" territory

[hollowboobtheory]

like yes actually there is a conversation to be had about how a characters actions are framed and how they thematically fit with the rest of the story and it can in fact reflect the author's beliefs. some authors are even trying to make a point

[hollowboobtheory]

not all depiction is glorification but sometimes it is and you need to be able to tell the difference. not because your immortal soul will be tainted by reading The Bad One, but because you need to have reading comprehension skills

[hollowboobtheory]

peer reviewed

[hollowboobtheory]

[thesummoningdark]

The last week has been so ridiculous even the satirists can’t take it any more

[the-stray-liger]

the fucking timestamp

[thesummoningdark]

Happy tenth birthday to this post which will apparently haunt my notifications for all eternity.

It’s about Brexit, by the way. The timestamp is a week post-referendum. Newsthump is UK-based and I myself am scottish. And yes, things have 100% got worse since then, but personally I regard the referendum as the point at which we entered the Clownshoes Timeline.

[koiagain]

im going to fix my entire life

[fruitcakebro]

When?

[koiagain]

Like Um. later

[hiveswap]

Im afraid we've lost the plot a little

[hiveswap]

Like ok but I dont think it was

[phantomrose96]

job interviewer: would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for nothing?

[phantomrose96]

job interviewer: (reading the room) would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for a pizza party?

[xalatath]

I like when you click a link and it turns purple its like youre bruising it

[slugmania]

[pukicho]

Opinion on monkeys?

Yeah… I GUESS you could say I’m a fan

[pukicho]

[joey-wheeler-official]

gettin real tired of people pretending that the writers not explaining every little thing in detail is the same thing as a plothole tbh

[joey-wheeler-official]

has to think once while watching something whoa this is bad writing

[pressxtodavid]

The Cinema Sins effect

[curt-the-lizard]

Cinema Sins would never had existed if we were all lizards.

[the-haiku-bot]

Cinema Sins would

never had existed if

we were all lizards.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[valtsv]

anon hate economy is in shambles they're sending me cartoon criminal with a striped black and white shirt and burlap sack with a dollar sign on it ass anons now

[dramatic-dolphin]

and if i said nolan's odyssey starring no greek actors and with no recognizable aspects of greek culture or involvement by greeks, is the direct legacy of white supremacist colonialism that treated ancient greece as not just the pinnacle of ancient culture, but of an artificially created "european" culture, which white western europeans and their settler descendants, as the new pinnacle of culture, were the sole spiritual inheritors of.

[hiveswap]

^^^ PEOPLE ARE STILL THERE. There's a metro station across the street from the colosseum where i found a hair in my pizza slice. We drove by ruins of an amphitheater next to a motorway in greece once. It's literally just real places where real people live and have lived. It's not mythical perfect lands that once existed. I went to Itacha in 2023 and there was not enough parking space.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Hey so that was a great date, yeah, but I don't think it's going to work out. Nono you didn't do anything wrong, and I have indeed had a crush on you since we started high school, it's just... well, I didn't want to bring it up at the time but we kinda got sucked into a portal fantasy midway through. We saved the kingdom over and over, relying on our knowledge of and trust in each other every time, throwing ourselves into the firing line to protect each other and using each others' conviction as a rock. We got married and lived a happy life together until the portal sucked us back mid-battle and you gave up all your memories of our journey in order to save my life right when we ended up back in the coffee shop. Yeah that was when I got a bit weird and went to the bathroom.

Anyway I thought we could push on and make the date work but I have all of these memories of secrets that this you never chose to share, decisions that this you never made, and intimacies that this you never experienced. And it's kind of screwing with the vibe yeah. Also on the date it was really, blatantly clear that you're sixteen whereas I have memories of ruling a fantasy kingdom for thirty years so like... that's a problem all on its own. Anyway this you just feels more like a daughter to me. A daughter with the woman I gave my heart and soul to over and over and received like in return, only to lose her forever on the journey home. On the plus side I can definitely help you with your math homework now.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#what the fuck#this one was actually really very short why is it still like that what

The shorter it is, the more concentrated the what the fuck can be.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I can help you with your math homework because the fantasy world's magic system was based on calculus and I was a gifted mage, stop nitpicking.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#this world's magic system is also based in calculus