25 things I learned in my 20's. By a Financially Ruined Fat Woman of Color.
1. Don’t hold yourself up to white standards. Life is played on a different level (hard) when you are a person of color. Whether it’s financial or beauty standards, you should never hold your self up the the white norm. Not everyone will have a heteronormative quiant life in suburbia with stocks and bonds and republican values. We all can’t be light skinned, rail thin blondes. Bleach your hair if you want to, but don’t bleach your skin. This goes for white people too. Someone made up this fictitious version of success that is unattainable to many people. Just do your best.
2. Racism exists. Let the sweet feeling of anger wash over you and realize that yes, there are lots of people that will treat you different because of your race. Ignore those people at all costs.
3. If you are a woman, beauty matters. Everyone will like you and treat you better if they like the way you look. Give yourself a makeover if you’re tired of being treated like shit because you are not conventionally attractice. Just remember, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
4. If you are going to stay ugly, then be fierce. OWN THAT SHIT. Do not give a fuck about anything and be your fabulous self. Shatter everyones prejudice with your magnificence.
5. There is fat prejudice. It’s true. I see lot’s of people that I like and respect make snide remarks about fat people all the time. If you have a fat body be brave and hold your head up high. Fat bodies matter.
6. Take care of your body. Exfoliate, run, sleep, eat well, then binge eat cake all you want because you are still going to die. And when you do die you’ll at least die with the sweet taste of chocolate cake on your lips.
7. Go to therapy. Trust me, life is fucking hard. Especially when you are a minority. Find a therapist that understands you and let them help you.
8. Cut the ties that bind. If your family is weird and abusive then try to leave. If you can’t leave find a safe space where you can be yourself and feel calm. Especially if you are queer and your family just doesn’t get it.
9. If you are dumb like me and are saddled with student loan debt, then try not to kill yourself. A lot of people will say dumb shit to you like “it’s just money”. Yeah, fuck you, it’s not “just money”, it’s my quality of life. Take it one day at a time and breath deeply. Yes your life is in financial ruin, but if you manage to live till 105 there is a chance you will be able to get your self out of it.
10. Don’t play by the rules. The rules were written by white people with white standards and white lives. They didn’t even include you when they were being thought up.
11. Hold on to your cultural heritage. Learn your native language. Be bilingual. Fuck, be trilingual. The last thing you want to happen is to lose out on a job to some white girl named Kathy because she knows Spanish and you don’t.
12. Learn to trust, but do so selectively. Remember that you can love someone but you can’t always trust them.
13. Find a religion/faith. Look for a faith that speaks to you and find comfort in it. Sometimes it’s nice to know/feel that the things that are out of your control are actually out of your control. Saddle a higher power with your burdens.
14. Live below your means. Save money. Don’t shop at Whole foods. Go to the local Mexican grocer and buy your stuff there. You’ll spend pennies on the dollar.
15. Many people will break your heart. Try not to be angry at all the people that haven’t. There are good people out there. And even if you die alone with only your cats, you can rest peacefully knowing that love is out there. Also, don’t get caught up on marriage and kids. If it’s gonna happen, it’s gonna happen.
16. Cry as often as you need to. Crying is a biological response that helps your body relieve stress. It’s like peeing, but with your eyeballs and for your emotions not for your bladder.
17. Find your tribe. Make good friends and keep them with you. Make sure they get you and make sure that you can have emotional breakdowns in front of them. Good friends are the ones that will stick by you even if through your insane radical mood swings and anxiety attacks.
18. If some one hurts you, tell the world. If someone sexually harasses you at work, tell your boss. If a man makes a sexist remark, shame them. If you are in an abusive relationship, seek help. ALWAYS ASK FOR HELP.
19. You are not above anyone, but you sure as hell aren’t under anyones thumb. Be proud of your accomplishments and NEVER let anyone make you feel like shit, not even your mom.
20. Anger is a gift. Fight. Fight for yourself and fight for others. Let that anger fuel your passions.
21. Depression is real. Depression will kill you. Please seek help.
22. Make peace with the past and try no to obsess about the future. You can’t go back in time and change what’s happened. As far as the future goes, you may die in your sleep tonight. Try not to worry.
23. Find a way to mute your internal monologue. Over-thinking everything leads to fear. Fear is terrible. Don’t let it get you. The only thing that should be getting you is the rythm.
24. Have fun! Go dancing, go to the beach, play board games, watch movies, braid your friends hair, binge drink (jk). Do whatever makes you happy. All the problems you have can wait an afternoon. Give yourself a time to breath and relax.
25. Be nice. I like to do this thing where I get together with 3 or 4 friends and shower someone with compliments. I call it a compliment gang-bang. It feels great to make some one feel nice. There are lots of ways to be nice. Be polite, donate to charity, help someone study. Be the good you want to see in the world.
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