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The ones I’ll never write #6

I’m deep cleaning my house to move, packing for vacation and have eleventy million things to do at work…. So naturally my brain is like remember that college AU you read last week… yeah so we need to imagine scenes for our own one you’ll never write!

So Shane is at college, on the hockey team … of course. He’s roommates with Marleau.

Ilya transfers in mid year, settles into the team, friend group etc. It’s one of those dorms with a shared common room and then rooms going off it so it’s Marleau and Shane, Ilya and Hayden… yeah that goes about as well you expect….

Ilya pretty much establishes his fuck boy with a heart of gold reputation straight away, lit’s a different sock on the door every night if you catch my drift. Guys, girls, on their own, in groups, it’s an open door policy basically, but you only get through the door once.

Shane is out and proud in this one, everyone is who they want to be. Still has his kind of shy, reserved persona but he can bite and he will if he wants to.

He’s dating someone and eventually he gets dumped. He’s sad etc…. Cue chilling in the living room.

Shane, sad but dealing with it “he was happy dating me he just didn’t want anyone to know about it.”

Marleau “dude that’s fucked up, you’re better off without him Hollander, we’ll find you a nice guy.”

“You?” Shane laughs, “you don’t know any nice guys.”

Marly and Ilya in mock offence point at each other and laugh.

“Seriously guys, I’m fine. Just let me wallow for a few hours and I’ll be all good in the morning.”

Ilya is looking at Shane intensely, they’ve been getting to know each other etc, are friends.

“It’s his loss Hollander, guy is an idiot. Anyone that would keep you a secret doesn’t deserve you anyway.”

It’s uncharacteristically heartfelt, Shane just swallows hard and doesn’t know what to do. Excuses himself to the bathroom, Marly is looking at Ilya with a furrowed brow.

“Don’t.” He warns.

“What?” Ilya asks, kind of playing dumb but he also kind of knows.

“Roz, you’re a great guy and I love you, but how do I put this nicely…. You’re a fuckboy.”

“Wow Marly I’m glad you were being nice you might hurt my feelings.”

“Seriously…. You fuck around, it’s casual, that’s your thing and no judgement man, you do you. But Shane doesn’t do that ok…. Don’t fuck with him.”

Ilya starts to cut him off with a protest….

“We can all see that you like him dude, but just….., if you do this you have to do it for real …. Can you do that?”

“I….” Ilya can’t answer,

“Exactly, I’m not putting Shane off limits or anything, he’s a grown up and it’s not my place but just…. Don’t fuck around.”

So naturally…. He fucks around and he finds out…..

They end up hooking up, Ilya thinks by saying upfront to Shane that this is casual, I don’t wanna be your boyfriend, it’s just if we’re free and nobody gets a better option that night… you know a backup plan… that that means he’s not fucking around because they’re on the same page…..

And for a long time, they are… but then feelings happen….on both sides. Neither one says anything because Ilya is terrified and Shane knows if he does that it’s over because Ilya only wants casual so he’ll take what he can get.

Then of course it will all hit the fan. They’re cuddled up in bed in Ilya’s room, Hayden spends half his time with Jackie who lives off campus and has her own room. They’re just making out and watching tv, being cute.

Marly knocks Ilyas door and when he opens it, Marly looks like he’s about ready to murder Ilya.

“What?”

Marly just gestures to the sofa where a girl is sitting, waiting clearly having been invited over to hook up. Ilya totally forgot… or maybe not I’ve not decided.

Shane won’t look at Ilya when he realises, just goes to his room. This isn’t new, it’s the agreement they have, but it’s not usually so in his face.

“Hollander…. Hollander.” Ilya is internally freaking out, this is the arrangement right, he knows he’s fucked up though, maybe he even did it on purpose for some Self sabotage because he knows things are getting out of his depth, but he didn’t expect to feel this shitty when he did it. Shane just ignores him, until. “Shane ….”

Shane cuts him off and is like, “no I get it, it’s fine, we agreed, I’m just a back up plan….” Ilya feels sick when he hears Shane say it like that again.

Then Shane sees the girl on the couch from the corner of his eye and he’s pissed again.

“Just do me a favour and atleast let the bed get cold next time.”

He slams his door and doesn’t come back out. Marly just shakes his head and joins Shane in their room.

The girl is like. “I think maybe I should go?”

“Yeah, sorry, I ….”

“I get it, but why did you arrange to meet me if you’re dating someone…”

“I’m not…we’re not… it’s just casual…. It’s not.”

She looks him up and down and how heartbroken he clearly is. “Sure…”

Then avoidance, angst, fighting, make up, happy ending!

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The ones I'll never write #5

Another ridiculous AU that I'm never going to write but now it exists in my head, so you all have to hear about it.

It's a medieval/historical AU (no fantasy, no magic) where Shane and Ilya are the princes of rival kingdoms.

Shane's kingdom is old money, essentially. It's been ruled by his family for generations and generations. They have prestige, history, wealth and legitimacy. Their problem is that their military has weakened over time.

Ilya's kingdom is the opposite. They're a military power. Strong army, respected on the battlefield, but wars are expensive. The treasury is struggling, and to make matters worse Ilya's father has just died. He's about to become king, but there are nobles circling who would happily challenge his claim if they thought he looked weak.

So an arranged marriage is proposed.

Ilya gets legitimacy, money and the backing of one of the oldest royal houses in the world.

Shane's kingdom gets military protection.

Politically, it's the perfect alliance.

Personally...

Absolutely not.

They're from rival kingdoms. They've grown up hearing stories about one another. Neither of them expected to marry for love anyway, but they certainly didn't expect to marry each other.

One thing I'm ignoring completely is same-sex marriage. In this universe it's happens all the time. Royal marriages are still about succession, though, so it's common for a royal couple to have an officially recognised consort or mistress for producing heirs. In Ilya's case, that's Svetlana. It's written into the marriage contract from the beginning, nobody is scandalised by it, everyone just accepts it as part of royal life.

After the wedding, Shane leaves everything he has ever known and moves to Ilya's kingdom.

And this is where the real story starts.

Neither of them actually hates the other. There's no big betrayal. No dramatic act of cruelty. No burning hatred.

Just two people who have been forced into a marriage neither of them chose, trying to navigate lives that were never supposed to intersect.

At first, they're almost strangers sharing the same space.

They pass one another in the corridors with polite conversation that never lasts long enough to become personal.

Some nights they both end up in the library long after everyone else has gone, reading because neither of them can sleep.

Sometimes they find themselves wandering the palace gardens after dark, Ilya visiting his parents' graves, Shane just feeling out of place.

It's awkward. Tentative. Neither really knows how to reach the other.

But those quiet moments gradually become the easiest parts of the day.

Because they're the only moments where neither of them has to perform.

Ilya's story is obvious.

He's grieving his father while trying to become the king everyone expects him to be. Every decision feels like it could cost him his throne. Every noble is watching for weakness. Every mistake feels catastrophic.

Shane's struggle is quieter.

His entire life has been planned. He has always known exactly what was expected of him.

Study. Lead. Represent the Crown. One day become king.

He's learned every law. Every treaty. Every noble family.

He's spent his entire life preparing to rule.

But he's never really had the chance to simply be Shane.

He's always been the Crown Prince.

His parents' son. His kingdom's future.

Then he arrives in Ilya's kingdom and suddenly he isn't even that anymore.

He's not the heir. He isn't inheriting this throne. He won't produce heirs. He has no formal authority.

For the first time in his life, nobody seems to need him.

And he starts wondering whether there was ever anything about him worth needing at all.

At first, he still tries to help.

A council meeting reaches an impasse and he quietly mentions a historical treaty.

A border dispute reminds him of an old alliance. He suggests a diplomatic approach.

Points out something he'd learned years ago during his education.

Never trying to overrule Ilya. Never trying to embarrass him.

Just... contributing.

Every single time, he's shut down.

"You don't understand how things work here."

"This doesn't concern you."

"You've said enough."

"Remember whose kingdom this is."

The worst part is that Ilya isn't trying to be cruel.

He's exhausted. Grieving.

Trying to prove to an entire court that he deserves to wear the crown.

To him, Shane's comments just feel like another voice demanding his attention, undermining him.

To Shane... Every dismissal chips away at the only thing he's has ever been taught he was good for.

So eventually...

He stops.

He stops speaking in council.

Stops offering ideas.

Stops mentioning the treaties he remembers at three in the morning.

Stops pointing out things that might help.

Because what's the point?

People don't bow quite as low.

Servants make him walk behind Ilya.

Courtiers speak over him.

Some don't bother using his title at all.

He's royalty, but only technically.

The important thing is that Ilya doesn't really notice.

Not because he doesn't care. Because he's overwhelmed.

Shane never complains. Ilya never sees.

So Shane mistakes neglect for indifference.

Ilya mistakes silence for contentment.

Cue enemies-to-lovers, misunderstandings, mutual frustration, and two people quietly convincing themselves the other one would rather be anywhere else.

Eventually Shane returns to his own kingdom... probably after a fight

"If you're so miserable here then why don't you just go home."

It takes Ilya a few days to realise that Shane is gone.

Council meetings are quieter.

The maps he needs aren't already laid out.

No one quietly remembers which ambassador prefers private dinners.

Little things, he assumed his advisers were doing.

They weren't.

And now those little kindnesses are gone.

For the first time, Ilya misses Shane, not because of politics.

He misses him.

He realises that somewhere along the way, Shane had become part of the rhythm of his life.

Then Ilya travels to Shane's kingdom... maybe because he's lonely or maybe there has been an attack on Shane's family and Ilya definitely isn't worried, he's doing his duty and sending his military to guard.....sure

And suddenly everything is reversed.

Here, everyone knows Shane.

This is his home.

His parents are still king and queen, but this is still his court, his future, his people.

Ilya is the outsider now.

One day, completely by accident, Ilya overhears a conversation.

He's behind one of the old carved screens that separate the gallery from the audience chamber.

No one knows he's there.

One of Shane's oldest friends references him with a dismissive,

"Ilya."

Shane corrects him immediately. "King Ilya."

The friend rolls his eyes. "He's not my king."

"No," Shane replies evenly. "He isn't.... but he is my husband, and you will treat him with the respect he deserves."

The friend laughs. "You're making quite the issue over this."

"You don't have to like him. You don't have to agree with him, but you will treat him with respect."

Another silence.

"And if that's something you're unwilling to do..." Shane gestures towards the door. "...then I think it's time you left."

The entire conversation happens without Shane having the faintest idea that Ilya is listening.

And that's the moment everything clicks for Ilya.

Because this is what Shane must have felt.

Every servant who made him walk behind.

Every courtier who ignored him.

Every time someone acted as though he mattered just a little bit less.

It's one giant mirror.

Shane is powerless in Ilya's kingdom.

Ilya becomes powerless in Shane's.

So it's enemies to lovers, arranged marriage, political alliances, mutual pining, "I thought you hated me", "I thought you hated me", two idiots who can't communicate, all the angst leading to a happy ending, that I am absolutely never going to write as I wouldn't know where to start with an AU like this....

...but I would read it. "hint hint".

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The Ones I'll Never Write #3 (Remastered)

So I’ve “remastered” this one because writing down that little ramble the other day made me remember a self indulgent totally random version of this idea I’ve had in almost every fandom I've ever been in. 

I still don't know the entire plot, in some parts it doesn’t even have one its just scenes that randomly live in my head now and then.

Again if anyone wants to write any of this for real please do, just tag me so I can read it :)

—--

Living Out Loud

Ilya is an actor. Maybe it's a huge movie franchise, maybe a prestige TV show. Whatever it is, it's an industry where image matters, and he genuinely believes that being openly bisexual would cost him the career he's spent years building.

He needs this career to keep him in North America, he never wants to go back to Russia. 

Shane works on the production.

I'm leaning towards him being a production assistant or another behind-the-scenes role. Somebody everybody knows, everybody likes, but nobody really notices.

He turns up and works hard. He's quiet. He goes home. He's just... Shane.

Eventually they become friends. Then they start sleeping together. No strings attached (yeah sure....).

The relationship stays secret because whilst Shane is out, Ilya is not.

Ilya is clear from the start so it's fair, "I don't do relationships, I'm not out and I'm not coming out, you get what you get with me and that's it....understand?"

At first that isn't really a problem. Shane understands why Ilya is nervous. He's never pushing him to come out, never issuing ultimatums, never making dramatic speeches about choosing between him and a career.

Then, somewhere along the way, they screw it all up by falling in love.

—-

At some point Ilya ends up back at Shane's apartment - it can be for any reason, pre or post being together.

It's comfortable, understated and unexpectedly nice. Maybe nicer than he'd expect someone with Shane's job to be able to afford.

There's a piano. Stacks of notebooks. Pages of handwritten lyrics.

Maybe some recording equipment tucked away in the corner.

Ilya asks if he plays. Shane just shrugs. "Sometimes, when I can't sleep."

That's all he says. No dramatic reveal.

No explanation that he's been writing songs for years. To Shane, it's no different to telling someone he enjoys cooking.

Shane isn't secretly famous. He's not living a double life. He's simply a songwriter.

He sells songs quietly under a pen name.

He's respected enough that people in the music industry know his work.

The general public doesn't know his face. And that's exactly how he likes it.

He never wanted fame. He just likes writing. He sometimes struggles to say what he wants to say to people directly but this is his way of getting it out there.

The "reveal" comes later. It's an open mic night.

Shane goes fairly regularly. Sometimes to test out songs. Sometimes just because he enjoys it.

One night the cast and crew happen to turn up, a birthday, a night out just because.. whatever.

They didn't even know Shane would be there, maybe its a second job, he’s a bar tender and he sings every now and then if its a slow night to encourage the crowd to take part….

Everyone is kind of laughing and joking thinking like WTF is that Shane? What is he doing here…. Did we invite him, is he with us?.

They expect that he’s up there because someone dared him or something, that he’ll either suck or be average.

Instead, he gets up on stage and completely silences the room.

He's incredible. Not flashy. Just effortlessly good.

Afterwards someone calls him over and says something like,

"Wow Hollander, you’ve been keeping that under wraps…..”

Shane smiles and laughs it off, modest. "Yeah, thanks, I better get back to work…..”

One of the group is like "you work here?"

Shane plays it off , like yeah, we can't all be movie stars. Ilya is watching this because of course he knows Shane works there but he doesn't know Shane can sing like that, this is still early in the "just hooking up" stage.

The manager or someone comes over to call Shane back to the bar, its busy,

"Shane.... we need you back..." Throws an off hand comment out there like, "Remember this moment guys, you'll want to know where you were when you saw him play for the first time after he makes it big,"

Shane just laughs it off and goes back to the bar, everyone else laughs too, but the manager is like "no, seriously, he wrote that song and a million more....he's gonna be big one day. I know it,"

Ilya just stares. Because he thought he knew this man. Turns out he only knew the smallest part of him.

That becomes the running theme of the whole story.

Shane keeps quietly revealing these unexpected parts of himself.

Not because he's hiding them. Because nobody ever thought to ask.

And Ilya slowly realises that the man he's falling in love with, and damn he is falling in love with him despite all of his internal protests, has an entire inner life expressed through music.

Every lyric notebook. Every unfinished melody. Every sleepless night at the piano.

It's all there.

Then it’s plenty of fluff and happy times. 

Ilya spends the entire first half of the story encouraging Shane to share his music with the world. The irony, of course, is that Ilya keeps telling Shane he shouldn't hide his music from the world while hiding the most important part of his own life. Because by this part, whether they have admitted it or not, they are very much in a relationship.

I'd need to flesh this out as its not a a “Sad Shane” story, I just haven’t worked out the arcs for them both yet.

Then, eventually, the relationship begins to crack. Not because either of them stops loving the other.

But because one of them is slowly disappearing. Shane never wanted to be famous, it’s not about that.

He just wanted to stop feeling like the person he loved had to pretend he didn't exist.

That's what finally breaks them.

The scene I image is, Ilya is nominated for an award of some kind, he gets the call when he’s on set, or someone comes over, a producer and loudly announces it to everyone. 

Its a happy moment, laughing, cheering, Ilya very nearly goes and hugs and kisses Shane but the movement is stopped short when he realises what he’s doing. Shane does his best to hide that that devastated him and joins in the celebrations. 

Later that night at Ilya’s apartment.

“I’m sorry,” (Ilya is apologising for earlier and them being a secret… again) 

“Don’t be. I get it, it’s ok. We should be celebrating, do you want take out?” Shane putting on a brave face….

“It’s not ok.”

Shane now stops trying to pretend because he knows the tone and that they need to talk.

“No, it isn’t …. What do you want me to say Ilya? This is how things are, I accepted that, we can’t let it ruin things…. It sucks but I get it.”

Maybe more conversation, eventually things get tense.

Ilya is like, “I don’t want to keep hurting you Shane.”

Shane just replies kind of broken, “Then don’t.” It’s not an ultimatum, it's not a solution, it's just all he has left to say on it that night. 

Shane stays up all night, he’s at his keyboard that he has at Ilya’s place, headphones on so he doesn’t wake him, he’s writing, he’s crying, Ilya is watching from the bedroom door hidden in the dark.

Instead of hopeful songs about falling in love from a distance Shane’s songs become about loving someone who can only love you in secret.

Think “Secret Love Song.” type vibes, he doesn’t let Ilya see any of those ones. 

They break up…. I’m not sure if Shane calls it off, or maybe Ilya does because he knows it not fair…. 

—-

They still work on the same production so it’s angsty glances across the set, people who didn’t even know they were dating are starting to notice that they don’t hang out and things are awkward. 

Thanks @maplerosekisses for inspiring this part. 

Post breakup an album comes out  from a popular artist, full of all heartbreak songs about loving from afar, regret, loneliness. One that basically describes the last however many years they were together, as this wasn’t a brief flirtation, it was real. I think maybe to Shane’s parents and very close friends it wasn’t a secret….

Ilya only hears about it because social media is melting down trying to figure out what this artist is talking about in their new album. (The artist is happily married and insists the songs are "fiction" that anyone can relate to and not recently autobiographical)

Ilya listens to the album out of curiosity. He finds it very relatable. *Suspiciously* relatable. 

He checks the credits and finds Shane's name or usual pen name on nearly every song.

He realises and/or remembers the good times as not all the songs are angsty but also the depth of the emotions that Shane hid because he was trying to be ok.

—

Ilya wins his award, he takes Svetlana to the ceremony, he makes his speech….Shane watches on TV.

He’s thanking everyone in his life, maybe opening up about coming here from Russia, missing his Mom, dedicating it to her and to someone else….

“You know who you are. Thank you. If it weren’t for you I wouldn’t be receiving this tonight. Before you I could never have played this character because I didn’t understand how it feels to love someone like that… to be loved like that. I’m sorry, you deserved so much more than what I gave you. I love you. I hope one day to be worthy of the love that you gave to me. 

He just kind of trails off as he never meant to say any of that. Shane is in tears at home….

—-

Shane wants to reach out to Ilya, but he doesn’t, because yeah it was a beautiful speech but it wasn’t an invitation to come back. If anything it was an ending, closure.

Ilya is hoping to hear from Shane.. Basically they can’t communicate….who knew?

—-

The artist that has Shane’s songs goes on tour, there’s some kind of announcement party - this is the biggest break Shane has ever had as he normally sells a song here and there, they do well, but nothing like this. 

He’s invited to the event. The artist is mega famous, getting so much praise and they basically say well this album would be nothing if it weren’t for the amazing song writer. Shane is off in the shadows, eyes pleading, don’t say my name.

He and the artist have become good friends, they know all about the inspiration for the album, they saw Ilya’s speech. They respect that Shane doesn’t want to be in the public eye but also they want to matchmake a bit.

In the green room of the event they bring up Ilya, trying to convince Shane to reach out, 

“He clearly still loves you…he said so in front of hundreds of people.”

“No, he said he loved someone…an anonymous someone. Nothing has changed.”

Somehow, we get to the point where Shane decides/is convinced to sing at the event, maybe he decides ok fine, Ilya made a gesture, let me make one too.

The artist is performing and calls Shane on to the stage.

“I have a special friend with me tonight, you don’t know his name and I won’t be sharing it, but there’s someone out there in the world who knows him and he has something he wants to say to you.”

Shane comes out and sits at the piano, tries to hide in the shadows as much as he can. 

He plays a song, it’s him pouring his heart out, I heard you, I’m still here, I still love you but I can’t hide anymore. 

He barely makes it to the end, he’s in tears, the crowd is blown away by his voice but also the song, the emotion, the mystery…

It goes viral, Ilya sees it. The comments are speculation run amok.

“It must be someone famous.”

“It’s so tragic, poor guy…. Who is he by the way because this song is amazing”

“We need to find who this is about….they belong together.”

Maybe some speculation that it’s Ilya because of his equally cryptic speech not that long ago.

Cue more angst and eventually they get back together but that’s complex emotions/plot and I haven’t worked that out yet - hence why this is half an idea and not a fic. 

Songs I listened to when doing this:

And more, these are songs inspired by the show.

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Master Post - The Ones I Wrote

Just doing a bit of a tidy up of my random ramblings on here. A master post of all fics I’ve written.

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

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The ones I’ll never write #4

Just a general note as with all of these ideas, anyone is free to take them, just tag me please if you write it so I can read it 🥰

I’m feeling angsty, and just watched Episode 3 for the first time in ages.

——

Shane joins the Centaurs, but they aren’t out yet.

It starts off ok…ish, we still have the usual tensions from TLG but the plane crash hasn’t happened so they are just coasting and for a while just enjoying each other.

It’s kind of fun and hot to start with, stolen glances across the locker room, stolen kisses, hands touching under the table kind of thing…. But of course that grows old.

I don’t have a plot in my head just a scene where the team are wanting to get to know Shane and are asking if he’s dating anyone etc.

Shane has to be super cagey about it of course… like Yeah I’m seeing someone (side glance to Ilya). It’s uh… complicated.

The bubble is kind of burst for them both then because the secret is right in their faces.

They still live separately, Shane has a place a mile or so from Ilya’s, mostly for show.

And I guess the rest of the fic is them trying to be in a relationship and it’s increasingly difficult to keep it a secret.

Shane gets sick one day and Ilya wants to stay home and look after him… but won’t that be too obvious so he doesn’t.

They arrive together one day forgetting Shane should have gone home first to keep up appearances.

They know each other way too well.

All little things like that.

Eventually they decide to come out on their own terms (I’d always hoped it would be that way in the book too… just generally don’t like being outed by accident… but that’s why we have fanfic! 😀)

The team are great… happy endings etc

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The ones I’ll never write #3

Don’t even really have a proper plot for this one… hence why I’ll never write it but every song I’ve listened to today has screamed Hollanov break up song!

Basic premise though;

Shane is a song writer (famous if you want)

Ilya is either still in Hockey or an actor or some other job where being out would cause “issues”….

(We’re basically thinking Scott and Kip story line but make it Shane and Ilya).

So they are together but Shane is a secret, things go south and they break up and Shane releases a new album and it’s basically him pouring his heart out…

About being a secret

About missing him

About wanting him back

About all the things he can’t say etc

Then cue happy ending…. With lots of angst in the middle because I’m me! 😈

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The ones I’ll never write #2

This one is pretty far fetched … hence why I will never write it because outside of curses and witchcraft etc which doesn’t fit in this universe I’m not sure that amnesia this selective is even a thing….. but if it was…

Post wedding Ilya gets amnesia…. Sound familiar?.. probably because I’ve already written two Ilya amnesia fics and am struggling with a third I’ll probably never finish….

In this one, he gets super selective amnesia … he forgets only Shane, being with him , loving him, etc. He knows who Shane is but in his head it’s all been changed to actual rivalry and none of the canon with Shane remains, it’s almost like false memories rather than none.

He remembers everything else.

(Hence the far fetched because I don’t think this is really a thing.)

It also changes his personality quite a lot and he’s basically just a super dick to Shane about everything, kind of cruel at times, because he plays for Ottawa, can’t go home to Russia…. Etc etc and all of that in his head is Shane’s fault because they came out, are married etc.

He’s not homophobic or anything he just can’t deal with this “new” reality and is acting out.

Shane is really affected by this, depressed, sad etc as you would be.

Svetlana, Rose, the team, Shane’s parents etc are all trying to get Ilya to remember… he will eventually but I’ve not imagined that bit yet..

This is basically just an excuse for me to be super angsty because angst fuels me!

This goes on for months, to a year because they are avoidant and dumb.. another reason I’ll never write it, as long fics like this I just can’t do.

Eventually Shane loses all hope, they’re not living together, all attempts to recreate any moments they had are shot down etc.

One day Ilya opens the mail and there are divorce papers inside and it hurts him more than he expects,even though they’d thrown that at each other in a fight.

Shane: well if the idea of being married to me is that awful then maybe we shouldn’t be married.

Ilya: Fine by me….

Shane is just kind of in stunned silence and leaves.

Ilya doesn’t expect Shane to actually do it. Because even though he’s denying feelings (for reasons), he’s having them. He wants Shane to keep fighting him, it’s that old push and pull they always had but he doesn’t get it.

He keeps hoping every time he pushes Shane will come back and then that one time that he doesn’t it’s like “oh shit” and lots of other “oh shit” moments throughout the story when he realises how awful he’s been/being.

Then more stuff, which leads to eventual happy ending….but I don’t know what or how we get there.

The angst flows more freely in my head than the happy stuff!

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New Series: The ones I’ll Never Write

As I struggle with writing my current fic which will probably be a lost because I’m realising I have more imagination than I have skill, and more ideas than I have time.

So making a little series of stories I’ll never write so I can get them out of my head, share and if it sparks someone to write something… great!

The Ones I’ll Never Write - #1

Post Tuna Melt and Pre Tampa All Stars… Shane is transferred to play for Boston … for reasons. (My personal one he comes out to Montreal and we all know how that goes.)

Before he signs with Boston he decides he wants to tell everyone so if they take it badly then he hasn’t signed a contract and he can leave and go somewhere else.

They take it really well, Ilya still isn’t out.

They haven’t reconnected.

Ilya is acting weird around Shane all the time because, they don’t talk…. Of course.

It gets out wider than just the team… thanks media.

Other teams start being dicks to Shane, Shane pretends he’s fine…

One game, Ilya is captain still, the opposing team are checking Shane super hard and just being awful to him.

Ilya doesn’t do or say anything about it because he’s overcompensating too far… you know… so Shane has come out, fine, no big deal, so he plays for my team, whatever I’m the captain, so he lives in my city and I can see him whenever I want, but I don’t want to see him, because he ran away…. Yeah right ok…. I’m fine.

Marly calls him out on it, like if that was any other player you’d be all over it, what’s your problem with Hollander? You homophobic or something?

And then because I just come up with random ideas and then it’s hard to make them a real story that’s all I have…

But needless to say angst, sexy times, happy ending.

Things like they get to know each other properly outside of sleeping together, Shane loves to cook, he’s genuinely funny, Ilya is quiet sometimes… all the things we know but they don’t because they never actually spend time together..

Feel free to add to or write this if you like.

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The Ones I’ll Never Write: Remastered #1

Spent a bit of time just expanding on the idea and tidying it up a bit.

The Boston Trade

This one starts immediately after the Tuna Melt incident.

Instead of eventually coming out in Montreal years later, Shane reaches a breaking point much earlier. 

Calling each other by their first names causes Shane to admit something he’d been trying not to think about: he isn’t just sleeping with Ilya anymore. 

He’s completely in love with him.

He knows, or at least tells himself, because of his freak out, that he needs to earn Ilya back. (Rose doesn’t happen.)

It also makes him realise something about himself. Whether things with Ilya are over or not, he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life hiding. 

Coming out isn’t about winning Ilya back or convincing him to try again. It’s something Shane decides to do for himself.

So he comes out to the Montreal team. Unfortunately… it goes about as well as you’d expect.

Nobody knows about him and Ilya. As far as the team are concerned, Shane is simply telling them he’s gay. Some teammates are awkward, others openly hostile, and the atmosphere changes completely. 

Shane feels betrayed by the people who meant the most to him.

Shane decides he wants out. Whether he formally requests a trade or simply tells management he can’t stay there anymore, I haven’t decided, but he ultimately ends up being traded to Boston.

Before he signs, he decides that he is going to tell them upfront.

His reasoning is simple: if they react badly, he can walk away before committing to the team….and on a personal note Ilya will know that he’s ready to be open about things in general. 

Maybe Ilya won’t be ready for that and not want to be out himself and Shane of course is fine with that, but as much as this decision was for himself, it’s also an olive branch of sorts.

The Boston team takes it really well. For the first time in his career, Shane gets to be himself.

The irony is that he’s still hiding because, yeah he can be out, but he can’t tell the world, he can’t even tell Ilya, that he loves him.

And they still haven’t spoken since Tuna Melt.

The media gets hold of the story before long, so now everyone knows Shane is gay.

Not everyone is supportive.

Opposing teams start targeting him. Extra hits. Cheap shots. Constant comments. Shane insists he’s fine, but he’s carrying far more than he lets anyone see. 

Ilya sees all of this, knows Shane is lying but things between them have never been resolved. Despite being physically closer than they have ever been, they are now also the furthest apart they have ever been.

Whenever Boston plays Montreal, things become even more complicated, more hostile. Shane doubles down on pretending he’s fine. By now, even the Boston team can tell it’s an act but they don’t know how to help him.

Ilya is still Captain.

Every instinct tells him to protect Shane whenever another team starts messing with him.

Instead, he does absolutely nothing.

He’s trying so hard to prove to himself that Shane doesn’t matter anymore.

He came out. Fine.

He lives in my city. Fine.

I could see him whenever I wanted…..I don’t want to.

Because he left….I’m fine.

Except he obviously isn’t. Eventually Marley calls him out.

“If that was literally anyone else you’d already be over there putting the other team straight. What’s your problem with Hollander? You homophobic or something?”

Ilya says “No,” offended because, of course, he is the furthest thing from homophobic, but also because, now he finally realises that the way he’s acting, in the guise of being civil and normal, is being noticed as “other”. 

He’s not being himself and whilst he’s not being deliberately unkind, the end result is the same. 

At some the team ends up at the same bar or league event.

They are asking Shane about relationships.

Is he seeing anyone?

He admits he was. It didn’t work out.

His teammates tell him to reach out, apologise, see if there’s still a chance.

Shane quietly tells them he already tried.

“I really messed up.. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t ever want to speak to me again.”

The entire conversation is happening while Ilya can hear every word and Shane is trying so hard not to look at him. He’s not trying to make a point, he’s not trying to ask for forgiveness, he’s already done that, he’s just answering the question he was asked. 

Trying to fit in with his new team.

Ilya’s getting more and more frustrated because he knows that Shane is talking about him. He wants to take him away from there and talk to him, yell at him, kiss him…. All of it…. None of it… he doesn’t know. 

Finally as the guys keep asking him more and more Shane says something like,

“I did reach out. He ignored me.”

That’s it.

Ilya reaches his limit. “No, you didn’t. You ran away. If you’d reached out to me, I would know.”

The entire room suddenly goes silent. Everyone is looking back and forth between the two of them thinking…

…oh shit.

Shane looks like he’s about to have a complete breakdown because Ilya has just outed himself and Shane feels guilty for that, confused, scared, overwhelmed.

Ilya notices all of this, looks at the team, realises where they are, what he’s just said, that this isn’t a private conversation and deflects.

“Yes, he’s talking about me. I am bisexual. He is an idiot. Is everyone caught up now?”

And then, turning back to Shane, softer now.

“Hollander… you didn’t reach out to me. I wanted you to....but you didn't”

Shane is completely confused. “I texted you a million times.”

(I haven’t decided exactly why Ilya never got them. Maybe his phone broke. Maybe he lost it. Maybe something else entirely. The reason doesn’t really matter yet, only that neither of them actually ignored the other.)

This is where I run out of story.

I know they don’t immediately get back together. They’ve lost too much time for that.

I want them to actually become friends for the first time.

Not secret lovers.

Friends.

So now instead of avoiding each other, they hang out in the open just them and with the team, they learn each other as friends, instead of just stolen moments in secret.

That Shane cooks and is good at it.

Ilya is occasionally quiet because he wants to be, not because he’s hiding. His bravado is all an act.

Ilya discovers that Shane is genuinely funny, thoughtful and warm outside of hotel rooms and stolen weekends.

They actually spend time together, it’s realisations of things they don’t know about each other and importantly as well, how other people interact with the other. 

The pressures the outside world puts on both of them, as those are things they never took into their time together.

Basically all the things we know about them as readers…

…but they never really got the chance to know about each other.

Needless to say there would be angst, plenty of sexy times, and eventually a happy ending.

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Character and Scene Analysis series (Part 9)

The Olympics

This is the first real break in their dynamic.

Not because of what’s said between them,but because of what stops.

Up to this point, Ilya has always been the one sustaining the connection. He initiates, he follows through, he keeps things moving.

Here, that disappears.

Shane sends his text and gets nothing back.

That silence matters because it’s new. It breaks the pattern they’ve been operating in, and you can see the effect of that immediately. Shane keeps checking his phone, distracted, unsettled, not because the message itself is unanswered, but because the person who always answers hasn’t.

The shift that follows isn’t emotional, it’s contextual.

The conversation about Russia and being gay doesn’t name Ilya, but it reframes him. It introduces a constraint that has been completely absent from how Shane has been understanding everything up to this point.

So when Shane goes to find him later, he isn’t guessing anymore.

He’s working with a new awareness.

Seeing Ilya in the stands confirms it.

He isn’t hidden, but he’s separate. Physically present, but not part of anything.

The posture alone, head leaning against the wall, completely still, carries more weight than anything he says later.

Before Shane even speaks, the situation is already defined.

The interaction itself is controlled from Ilya’s side.

Ilya shuts it down immediately with “not here.” That line does two things at once.

It acknowledges the risk and it closes the space.

Shane adjusts straight away. He clarifies that he’s not trying to start anything, just checking in.

But it doesn’t change the outcome.

Ilya doesn’t turn, doesn’t engage, just answers flatly: “fine. go sit down.”

There’s no opening in it.

When Shane hesitates, starts “we…” and stops, Ilya cuts it off anyway:

“we are not anything.” That isn’t a response to what Shane actually says.

It’s a pre-emptive boundary. He shuts down the possibility before it can even be formed.

Even then, there’s a crack.

That brief sideways glance.

It doesn’t soften anything, but it shows awareness.

He isn’t disconnected.

He’s choosing not to engage.

Shane tries once more, still grounded, still reasonable:

“are you okay?”

At this point, he must already know the answer. But he asks anyway.

And Ilya’s response sharpens:

“please… go.”

That’s the clearest boundary in the scene.

Not reactive. Not emotional.

Deliberate.

When Shane brings up the message—“you didn’t answer my text”—that’s the point where Ilya finally turns.

Fully faces him.

Engages.

But instead of opening anything, he reinforces the distance:

“no. i did not answer your boring text.”

That line matters.

Because it isn’t just dismissal, it’s rejection of the connection itself.

Not ignoring it.

Actively pushing it away.

Shane’s reaction reflects the imbalance:

“fine… fuck.”

It doesn’t read as heartbreak.

It reads as frustration. He was just trying to be nice.

And that’s the disconnect.

Shane is approaching this from within the interaction.

Ilya is responding from everything outside of it.

Because what’s driving Ilya here isn’t Shane.

It’s everything already sitting on him:

the loss

his country

his father

his own expectations of himself

His desire for Shane - his inability to accept it - he’s russiian - to paraphrase a different scene which is lighter but can be interpreted here too. “russians do not do this”

He doesn’t have the capacity to separate that out.

So instead of explaining it, he removes the interaction entirely.

The scene ends with distance.

Physical. Visible. Deliberate.

And then that final detail, him reading the message back later at the party and still not replying, locks it in.

The connection is still there.

He just refuses to allow it.

Not because there’s nothing underneath it but because there is.

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Chapters: 4/? Fandom: Heated Rivalry (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander & Ilya Rozanov Characters: Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov Summary:

Two players. One connection that refuses to stay simple. Ilya doesn’t remember how it started. Only that it shouldn’t matter. But the closer he gets to Shane again, the harder that lie becomes to believe.

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Character and Scene Analysis series - Part 8 - Shane's apartment)

This is where the interaction moves beyond what they’ve been able to contain before. The setting already changes the structure.

Up to this point, everything between them has existed in neutral or temporary spaces, hotels, events, places that carry their own boundaries and natural endpoints.

This doesn’t. Ilya is in Shane’s home. (Kind of, it's not if you follow the book....)

That removes the external structure before anything else even happens.

From the beginning, there is a clear, shared intention. This isn’t ambiguous or exploratory.

They are moving toward something specific, and the interaction follows that direction. It stays within a structure they both understand, physical, defined, with a clear endpoint.

There’s no need to interpret it while it’s happening. The shift only comes after that structure completes.

There is an implied natural exit point. The established pattern is simple:

meet

hook up

leave

But this time, it lingers. Ilya showers. At that point, he could get dressed and go.

That would be consistent. It would keep everything contained, defined, and within the structure they both understand.

But he doesn’t. He comes back.And chooses to return to the bed.

That choice matters.

Because it extends the moment beyond where it’s "supposed" to end and removes a boundary.

When he lies back down, the tone shifts. Not through escalation, but through stillness.

The contact begins as neutral, proximity, light touch, something that could remain surface-level. But it doesn’t stay there.

Shane initiates the change.

The way he touches Ilya’s face is slow, deliberate, attentive. Bridge of the nose, forehead. Not quick. Not incidental. Sustained enough to register as intentional.*

*(Personal note - one of my favourite moments of the whole show, because its so sweet and because whilst Shane has never been passive, he's kind of the one driving things here where Ilya is generally in that role.)

🔁 Ilya’s Recognition

This is where it lands. The moment only exists because Ilya chose to stay a little longer.

If he had left, as he normally would, this doesn’t happen, but its not just that.

You see the shift in him clearly.

Not confusion from Shane’s tenderness….Recognition.

This is new. And more importantly, this could change what this is, it probably already has.

Nothing is said about it. The moment isn’t addressed.

But it doesn’t disappear. He's not running from it when he leaves, just recognising that it's there.

🔁 Stairwell

The physical space changes, but the dynamic carries through directly from the bedroom.

Ilya is getting ready to leave.

On the surface, the tone returns to something familiar, casual conversation, lightness, something that fits their established dynamic.

But it isn’t a reset.

Because the shift from earlier is still there. Just unspoken.

Shane stays close. There’s still a point of contact, holding onto Ilya’s hoodie. It isn’t emphasised. It reads as unselfconscious. Not an attempt to hold on, just an absence of distance.

The conversation stays light.

Teasing. Familiar. Something that keeps everything on the surface.

When Shane brings up the Olympics, it’s framed practically. It isn’t presented as an emotional boundary.

When Shane asks about Ilya’s family, the same pattern holds.

The question is straightforward, but we the viewer see that the answer isn't by Ilya's almost avoidance. Shane doesn't pick up on it just yet.

There is again a clear exit point. Everything is in place for Ilya to leave.

But he delays again. Closes the distance.

The kiss that follows mirrors what Shane initiated earlier.

Slow. Gentle. Deliberate.

Ilya meets that softer intimacy without redirecting it or turning it into something else.

He matches it. There’s no visible recognition at the moment.

It reads as natural. It's confined, content and doesn't foreshadow what will come.

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Character and Scene Analysis series - Part 7 - Two-Year Phase — Texting & Distance)

After the "first Vegas", nothing fully breaks, but nothing moves forward either.

And then time passes. Not cleanly, and not entirely by choice.

There’s a gap, summer, schedule, the natural separation of the season.

So some of the distance is circumstantial. But not all of it.

Because “next time” didn’t happen when it was supposed to, that changes how Shane holds it.

Because instead of moving forward while everything is still immediate, he gets distance he didn’t ask for, but convinces himself he needs.

The distance wasn’t all created by Shane, but he chooses to use it.

It gives him space to reset. To reframe it. To tell himself it didn’t mean anything.

That’s where the denial sets in.

Not because he doesn’t want it, but because this is the first point where he has enough distance to pretend he doesn’t.

Shane makes that boundary. Not explicitly, and not by cutting Ilya off, that would be clearer, easier to define.

Instead, he manages it.

He allows contact to continue, but only within limits. His responses are inconsistent, sometimes engaged, sometimes absent, but when he does reply, the tone is controlled and literal.

He redirects anything suggestive into something neutral, flattening it into something that doesn’t escalate. (And he's maybe just bad at sexting!)

That pattern matters. Because it isn’t disinterested. It’s containment.

He stays connected, but prevents it from becoming something he can’t handle.

Ilya operates differently. He treats the connection as ongoing.

There’s no clear shift on his side that suggests it has ended. He approaches it as something that just hasn’t happened again yet, rather than something that shouldn’t happen.

He continues to push toward meeting. Not aggressively but persistently. The intention is always forward-facing.

Over time, the tone from Ilya becomes harder for Shane to neutralise

More direct. Less easy to deflect. Which puts pressure on the structure Shane has been maintaining. Because that structure relies on control, on his ability to keep everything within a defined limit without fully stepping away from it. And that becomes harder to sustain.

Eventually, that structure gives way. There isn’t a clear, logical. single moment that explains the shift. He just stops holding the boundary and allows himself to have why he wants. 

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Character and Scene Analysis series - Part 6 - Vegas (First Time)

This is the first real break in understanding between them.

There’s already something unresolved going into it. They were supposed to meet before and didn’t. The game gets called off. Next time never happens.

That doesn’t go anywhere. It just sits there.

Shane carries that with him.

He’s been looking for Ilya all night, with the quiet assumption that what didn’t happen before might happen now instead, that this could still be next time.

There’s intention there, even if he hasn’t fully said it out loud to himself.

But when he finds him, it doesn’t match that expectation.

Ilya is separate from everything else, removed, distracted, caught up in something internal that Shane can’t read clearly.

And Shane fills that gap the only way he knows how.

He assigns it a cause.

He assumes it’s about the award.

That Ilya is avoiding him because Shane won. That this is distance, irritation, something directed at him.

It fits into something he understands.

Especially here, he’s already off-balance. Drunk, out of routine, less filtered than usual.

So he misreads it. Completely.

He pushes at it, frustrated, trying to make sense of it, trying to bring it back into something manageable.

And that’s where it shifts.

Because Ilya doesn’t explain.

He rejects the assumption outright.

Not everything is about him.

That lands.

Not as confrontation, but as correction.

And Shane realises, quietly, that he’s read it wrong.

But that doesn’t fix anything.

Because now the only explanation he had is gone.

And instead, Ilya offers something else.

He’s going home.

That carries weight, but only if you understand what it means for him.

Shane doesn’t.

Because Ilya has never allowed that part of himself to exist between them. Everything they’ve had has been casual, contained, surface-level.

So Shane responds to what’s actually been said, not what’s implied.

He takes it at face value.

And that response is genuine.

That’s what makes it miss.

From Ilya’s side, this is as close as he comes to opening something up.

It isn’t explicit, but it’s a shift away from the surface.

And it isn’t met.

Not rejected, just not recognised.

And Ilya doesn’t correct it. He doesn’t expand or make it clearer.

So the moment doesn’t deepen.

It closes.

At that point, Shane is left with something he can’t interpret.

He can feel the distance, but not why.

So he simplifies it.

He assumes this is what it always was: something casual, something situational, something that isn’t continuing.

And he adjusts to that.

He pulls back.

Defaults to something safer. Structured. Contained.

He resets the interaction.

And he mirrors the first time they met.

Offers his hand.

That matters.

Because it’s deliberate.

It’s him choosing familiarity over uncertainty trying to move the moment back into something he knows how to handle.

Ilya doesn’t accept that.

He breaks it immediately.

Closes the distance, shifts it out of something polite and contained into something direct and real before Shane can step away from it again. Kissed him.

And Shane responds.

There’s no hesitation in that moment.

For a second, they’re aligned.

But it doesn’t hold.

Because the second it becomes visible, actually visible, not hidden or contained, Shane reacts to that exposure.

Not to Ilya.

Not even to what just happened.

But to what it means for it to exist like that.

And he pulls away.

Pushes it back. Rejects it after already stepping into it.

And then he leaves.

What runs through the entire scene is Ilya’s position in it.

He starts alone.

He offers something real, but not in a way that can be understood.

He isn’t met in it.

And even in the moment where they briefly align, it doesn’t hold.

He ends the scene the same way he began, alone.

FYI - My Amnesia Fic is done - Finally! Posting the first chapter tomorrow.

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Character and Scene Analysis series - Part 6 - Vegas (First Time)

This is the first real break in understanding between them.

There’s already something unresolved going into it. They were supposed to meet before and didn’t. The game gets called off. Next time never happens.

That doesn’t go anywhere. It just sits there.

Shane carries that with him.

He’s been looking for Ilya all night, with the quiet assumption that what didn’t happen before might happen now instead, that this could still be next time.

There’s intention there, even if he hasn’t fully said it out loud to himself.

But when he finds him, it doesn’t match that expectation.

Ilya is separate from everything else, removed, distracted, caught up in something internal that Shane can’t read clearly.

And Shane fills that gap the only way he knows how.

He assigns it a cause.

He assumes it’s about the award.

That Ilya is avoiding him because Shane won. That this is distance, irritation, something directed at him.

It fits into something he understands.

Especially here, he’s already off-balance. Drunk, out of routine, less filtered than usual.

So he misreads it. Completely.

He pushes at it, frustrated, trying to make sense of it, trying to bring it back into something manageable.

And that’s where it shifts.

Because Ilya doesn’t explain.

He rejects the assumption outright.

Not everything is about him.

That lands.

Not as confrontation, but as correction.

And Shane realises, quietly, that he’s read it wrong.

But that doesn’t fix anything.

Because now the only explanation he had is gone.

And instead, Ilya offers something else.

He’s going home.

That carries weight, but only if you understand what it means for him.

Shane doesn’t.

Because Ilya has never allowed that part of himself to exist between them. Everything they’ve had has been casual, contained, surface-level.

So Shane responds to what’s actually been said, not what’s implied.

He takes it at face value.

And that response is genuine.

That’s what makes it miss.

From Ilya’s side, this is as close as he comes to opening something up.

It isn’t explicit, but it’s a shift away from the surface.

And it isn’t met.

Not rejected, just not recognised.

And Ilya doesn’t correct it. He doesn’t expand or make it clearer.

So the moment doesn’t deepen.

It closes.

At that point, Shane is left with something he can’t interpret.

He can feel the distance, but not why.

So he simplifies it.

He assumes this is what it always was: something casual, something situational, something that isn’t continuing.

And he adjusts to that.

He pulls back.

Defaults to something safer. Structured. Contained.

He resets the interaction.

And he mirrors the first time they met.

Offers his hand.

That matters.

Because it’s deliberate.

It’s him choosing familiarity over uncertainty trying to move the moment back into something he knows how to handle.

Ilya doesn’t accept that.

He breaks it immediately.

Closes the distance, shifts it out of something polite and contained into something direct and real before Shane can step away from it again. Kissed him.

And Shane responds.

There’s no hesitation in that moment.

For a second, they’re aligned.

But it doesn’t hold.

Because the second it becomes visible, actually visible, not hidden or contained, Shane reacts to that exposure.

Not to Ilya.

Not even to what just happened.

But to what it means for it to exist like that.

And he pulls away.

Pushes it back. Rejects it after already stepping into it.

And then he leaves.

What runs through the entire scene is Ilya’s position in it.

He starts alone.

He offers something real, but not in a way that can be understood.

He isn’t met in it.

And even in the moment where they briefly align, it doesn’t hold.

He ends the scene the same way he began, alone.

FYI - My Amnesia Fic is done - Finally! Posting the first chapter tomorrow.

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Character and Scene Analysis series - Part 5 - All Star (First One)

⭐ All-Star

On the surface, it feels light.

There’s playfulness to it, banter, familiarity, something that could almost pass as uncomplicated.

And then Ilya gives him a room number.

“1221.”

Unprompted. Out loud. In public.

Anyone could hear it.

Shane doesn’t know how to process it. He’s completely thrown, dumbfounded, and the moment passes when he gets pulled into conversation with Scott Hunter.

But it doesn’t go away.

It sits there, buzzing in the back of his head while he tries to focus.

An invitation. A choice.

A choice he thinks he’s weighing, without realising the decision is already made.

When he gets to 1221, he comes in with a front. Pushes the door open harder than necessary.

“Scott Hunter is right next door.”

It sounds like concern about being caught. But it isn’t just that.

There’s fear in it. And something sharper, excitement.

It’s still a bad idea. That’s part of what makes it feel like this.

And then he crosses the room almost immediately.

Like he can’t stop himself.

There’s still ease on the surface. Teasing. Familiarity.

Ilya asks if he’s ever ..... the implication clear.

He hasn’t.

There’s banter around it, but the boundary is real.

Shane isn’t ready. He frames it as situational, not here, not when Scott Hunter is right next door, but that isn’t the whole truth.

Ilya knows that.

He doesn’t say it. But he adjusts, doesn’t push.

That matters.

“Okay. Next time.”

That’s where it changes.

Up until now, everything between them has been contained within moments, something that happens to them, like the universe just hands it to them. It happens, and then it ends.

That makes it manageable.

If it ends, it doesn’t have to mean anything.

Next time breaks that.

It introduces continuity.

Something that carries forward.

And Shane feels that immediately.

Because now it isn’t just this moment.

It’s something he has to think about, anticipate, make space for, something that exists outside of when they’re in the same room.

And he doesn’t know how to do that.

So he tries to pull it back.

Make it smaller. Safer. Something that doesn’t need defining.

Ilya doesn’t meet it that way.

To him, this is still simple. Easy. Casual. Something that doesn’t need to be overthought.

“Just a plan to fuck.”

On the surface, that’s true for him. Contained. Manageable.

And afterwards, as Shane is leaving, he tries to pull it back again.

Undo it. Ilya doesn’t let it sit there.

“Oh my god, Hollander, you’re so boring.”

There’s no weight in it from his side. No sense that anything has changed.

Because for him, in that moment, it is still simple.

Just a hook up. What’s the big deal?

So instead of letting Shane retreat, he moves it forward again.

He takes Shane’s phone. Puts his number in.

But even that isn’t straightforward.

Not fully open. Not fully real.

He doesn’t use his name. He can’t.

So he’s Lily. And Shane becomes Jane.

It doesn’t read as denial. It reads as structure.

This is how it has to exist.... until it doesn't.

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Character and Scene Analysis series - Part 4 - 1410

Just a short one this time - this scene kind of explains itself :)

Hotel Room (1410)

By the time they get here, it isn’t a question anymore.

The outcome was already set in motion before they arrived. This is just where it plays out.

Ilya moves forward in the same way he has been, direct, certain, acting on something he already understands. There’s no hesitation on his side, no need to check or define it further.

Shane pushes back, but only at the surface level. He recognises that it’s a bad idea, understands the implications of it, but that doesn’t translate into stopping.

Nothing about it is forced.

That matters.

He is choosing to stay in it, even while resisting it.

And that becomes the pattern that defines everything that follows.

Ilya moving forward, and Shane allowing it… before trying to create distance around it afterwards.

------

Next up - First All Star (Not Tampa)

[freshlyreheated]

Character and Scene Analysis series - Part 3 - Commercial and Locker Room

This is the first time Ilya actively closes the distance.

He chooses to bring Shane into this space. That matters, because it removes any sense of coincidence. They’re alone together because he made that happen.

Up until now, everything has sat in looks and brief contact, something that could still be ignored if either of them wanted to. The commercial takes that away. It creates proximity, time, and a kind of contained environment where neither of them can just walk past it anymore.

There’s already an awareness here that this isn’t neutral. Ilya isn’t approaching it like something accidental, he’s put them here deliberately.

Shane feels that, even if he doesn’t fully process it yet.

⸻

🚿 Shower

This is where it stops being avoidable.

There’s no space for distance in that environment. It’s all exposure, all awareness, and no real way to pretend nothing is happening. The tension that’s been building finally has nowhere to go except into the open.

Shane slips. There’s an unspoken rule in that space: you don’t look. And he does.

At first, it’s just a glance, something that could still be dismissed. Then it lingers.

Long enough to register. Long enough to become a choice.

And then there’s a visible reaction.

Ilya sees it.

What matters is that he doesn’t react negatively, there’s no judgement, no discomfort. Instead, it reads as something closer to amusement. A raised eyebrow. Light, almost teasing. A kind of challenge.

Shane reacts to that, embarrassment, immediate, defensive. Fuck off.

But Ilya doesn’t back off. He escalates. That’s the risk point.

Because at that stage, it could still go either way. Shane could shut it down completely, or it could continue. Ilya moves forward anyway, which only works because he’s already read the reaction correctly.

And Shane doesn’t look away.

He keeps looking, because at that point, he can’t not. He’s already crossed that threshold.

That’s where it tips from accidental into active.

And then the awareness catches up.

Where they are. Who they are.

Not here....

That’s the line he says out loud. The internal version lands harder, not at all.

That’s the containment.

Not a rejection of what just happened, but a refusal to let it exist in that space.

⸻

Locker Room

The moment carries through. Shane shuts it down immediately, we can forget that happened.

Ilya doesn’t reset or step away from it. He treats what just happened as something already established, not something uncertain or open to interpretation.

“Is that what you want?”

He can read Shane almost immediately. “Wow… you’re such a bad liar.”

That dynamic sets in early, and it carries forward into everything that follows:

Ilya is perceptive, he knows more than he says, reads more than he explains.

Shane doesn’t always understand it consciously, but he feels it, and he can’t hide it. His expressions give him away. 🥺

This isn’t just a beat within the scene, it’s a pattern being established.

Ilya keeps it grounded, practical. Moves it forward without needing to define it.

That matters, because it removes any ambiguity. It turns what could have stayed as tension into something with direction.

He closes the gap, physically this time, not just in awareness.

And Shane doesn’t stop him.

“What’s your room number?”

Now Ilya is closing the gap out loud.

“1410.”

Shane answers almost immediately, like he couldn’t have stopped himself saying it even if he’d wanted to. That’s where the decision really happens, not in the room that comes next, but here, in the fact that Shane allows it to continue.