my internal demons are so bad right now that they immediately overtake the fact that my facebook just got hacked and that im sick or have 3 unstarted papers due this week. my internal demons are so bad that often any real life situation can't compare. People are always sorry that i have so much work to do or they're sorry that i have substance abusing parents. None of these external forces are even half the intensity of my self-doubt and severe aversion to being myself. are you ever so filled with self-hate that you begin to twitch and cry? feel like jumping in front of the oncoming train for a week straight? feed your body a quick and unhealthy fix of food or chemicals or anything in your arsenal to avoid thinking about yourself? I'm spending a larger proportion of my time braindead and its no way to pass life by. this time here is so finite and i can't seem to make it work
