Since the name “Josh” reminds me of a soda and LetsGameItOut, let’s write a description for it: 1. The can would have the design like a can of Coke, but it would be blue instead of red. There would be a logo on the front, and it’d have the same font as the Coke logo. However, it’d just read as “Josh” instead of “Coca-Cola”. 2. The soda itself would only have one flavor, blue raspberry. There are no other flavor options, as the blue raspberry flavor is strictly enforced. At the soda factory, employees known as Josh Inspectors make sure no other flavor makes it to the shelves of any store. Failure to do so results in a 5 day long banishment to the Josh mines. In the Josh mines, you have to look for blue colored Josh flavor crystals, as they add those to the soda to make it blue raspberry flavored. 3. The nutrition facts and ingredients would all read as “Josh, made from Josh.” without further elaboration.
4. Josh is the head manager of the Josh soda factory. Do not ask them where they get the Josh flavor crystals.
5. The Josh soda is actually made during the Joshification process, in which the strongest faucets are used to blend the Josh crystals in with regular carbonated water. These faucets can withstand pressures comparable to those within the Sun, and it needs that because the Josh crystals are as hard as diamond. The crystals themselves are the size of salt crystals after they are ground up via the use of sandpaper in step 1 of the process.
6. The soda has an option with estrogen in it. There’s also versions that have testosterone in it instead, as to be inclusive. The estrogen cans are bright pink, and the testosterone ones are dark blue. For the usual cans with caffeine in them, they’d be a shade of bright blue. Also the estrogen and testosterone cans have a label on them telling people about the hormones, because they’d not be sold in stores otherwise. Each regular Josh can has 2.3 Red Bulls worth of caffeine in it. Each can with hormones in it has the legal limit of said hormones in it. All three types aren’t fatal due to sitting right below the limit required to harm someone. 7. The soda itself is somehow politically corrupt, it values money over anything, but it also supports the LGBTQ+. This means the soda itself is sentient, but only sentient enough to say “hey my name’s Josh” any time you open the can. It can’t say anything else, and it only says that line once. After it says that line, it loses sentience and becomes just a liquid.
8. The Josh soda company has their own FDA, which is called the JJA, or the Josh and Josh Association. It manages the amount of Josh crystals in the soda. If someone puts too many of them in a soda, the entire batch is discarded for “too much Josh”. 9. The last time the Josh factory had an incident was in 1899 because of a Josh explosion caused by too many Josh crystals. People unfortunately perished due to that accident, but only people named Josh, approximately 14 of them. No accidents have happened since them.
10. The Beatles were officially sponsored by the Josh soda company at one point. This has no significance to anything at all. 11. Josh crystals are formed when blue raspberry flavored syrup encounters someone named Josh. The sheer amount of Josh in the room will slowly crystalize the syrup, resulting in Josh crystals. The syrup bottle then breaks, and the crystals migrate to somewhere deep underground. 12. Josh crystals are mildly explosive, and they will cause Josh Inspectors to legally change their name to Josh upon consumption. This probably explains why the Josh explosion of 1899 only killed people named Josh. 13. Every Josh soda advertisement just says “Get more Josh per Josh!” 14. Nobody knows who founded the Josh company. It just appeared one day, and Josh got hired as the head manager. The business itself is a complete anomaly, and it hasn’t closed down once. 15. If you work a long enough time as a Josh Inspector, your vocabulary will be reduced to “Josh” and nothing else. You’ll also lose all your hair. 16. Factory workers might take the oddly flavored Josh cans home with them instead of tossing them out. Most of them would be flavors people would actually want. Here’s some more flavors they’d be told to toss: 1. Cherry flavor
2. Lemonade flavor
3. Pineapple flavor 4. Grape flavor
5. Orange flavor
6. Limeade flavor
7. Root Beer flavor
8. Strawberry flavor
9. Josh flavor (caused by too many Josh crystals. It just tastes like salt.) 10. Cream Soda flavor
11. Lemon Lime flavor
12. Maple Syrup flavor 13. Vanilla flavor 14. Chocolate Strawberry flavor 15. Snickers Bar flavor
16. Red Bull flavor 17. Peppermint flavor
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17. Each can of Josh costs five dollars each. They mysteriously only sell them at Dollar General locations.
I am utterly confused
