Health Journey

sex: female/ age: 27/ starting weight: 365/ goal weight: 135/ Calories in calories out is the name of the game. no diet fad business. this is really for me to look back on and hold myself accountable.

[from-now-to-forever]

A small victory today.

I’ve been anxious the past few days due to work. So I was cooking dinner tonight, in the throws of a full blown anxiety attack and my brain wanted to used food to cope so I decided to say fuck it I’m eating the whole bag of Swedish fish candy and the whole pizza and a soda.

But i managed to stop myself. Yes i still had the candy, but only one serving. and yes i still had the pizza, but only half. (Which is how much i had budgeted for dinner anyway.)

A small win. But I’m calling it a win regardless

[from-now-to-forever]

June 18th to June 23

Current weight: 359.6

Last week 361.8

Loss/gain -2.2 lbs

Total loss: -5.5lbs

Alright 5 lbs down. Baby steps, baby steps. I fear I was too ambitious as I realize I am lazy af and even logging is a chore. We are scaling back. We gonna just log for a month or two until it is second nature. Then we’ll incorporate the other aspects of what I wanted to do. More water, more steps. You get the idea.

[from-now-to-forever]

First weigh in (June 11th - june17th)

Current weight: 361.8

Last week 365

Loss/gain -3.2 lbs

Total loss: -3.2lbs

I don’t really feel like posting this. Sunday was hard but over all this was Good start. And Happy with that. I tracked consistently all week stayed mostly under what myfitnesspal thinks. I did not do very well at increasing steps.

[from-now-to-forever]

I’m Back at an all time low (or high i suppose)

Hey, It’s been a minute. So lots of things have happened in the past 5 years and i quite frankly forgot about this page, Quite frankly the progress I made 5 years ago has been wiped and then some.

I weighed myself yesterday and found myself at 365 pounds. Nearly triple what I should weigh. More pounds than there are degrees in a circle, which is sobering. It’s time to draw my line in the sand. I’m 27, no longer in college and only have myself to hold me accountable.

So here’s what we’re gonna do.

Week 1-2

- only eat when I’m hungry. End of discussion. [My hunger cues are shot. I’m well aware of this. Snacking is constant, leading to my next point.]

- Make snack a nuisance to get too. [I like connivence, and honestly who doesn’t, so let’s make the snack harder to reach. I can’t stop buying them, that won’t improve my self control and may just lead to me gorging myself on them later. So the are going on the highest shelf at the back of the pantry.]

- make walking a habit. [I’ll introduce exercise later, if I do everything at once I’ll burn myself out. I work a desk job. And probably leave only leave my desk 4-6 times a day. My phone says i average 1,500 steps a day. My 1st goal is to simply double this average. I plan to achieve this with 3 small changes. using the upstairs restroom during the workday so I can take the stairs. Take a few minutes of my lunch hour to walk around the building and some time after I get off work to do it again at the end of the day.]

- write down what I eat and how many calories it is. [I’ll probably use my fitness pal at the end of the day to calculate everything because I need to know my base line but I’m looking into other apps cuz my fitness pals interface doesn’t really jive with my brain. After about a week or two I’ll start adjusting meals and snacks for healthier decisions. Then after about a month I’ll start making calorie goals.]

-find my gym clothes.

Why do I want to do this?

This isn’t solely about losing weight. I want to be healthy. I want to be able to say sure let’s walk to the convenience store when my friend asks even tho it’s hot. I want to be able to zip around my apartment because I’m so excited about whatever craft I’m doing. I don’t wanna worry about squeezing into the backseat of a small car with two other people. I don’t want to feel embarrassed when I put on a loaner lab coat and jacket when I’m visiting my jobs production line and the biggest one is too small. I don’t want to feel relieved when I’m not the biggest person in the room. I don’t want to time my finishing a meal so I’m not the first or last on done when out to dinner with friend. I want to just be with our worrying about how much space I take up. I remember the last time I got up off the floor with no hands, Halloween 3 years ago. I used to be able to put my foot on my knee while sitting in a chairs to tie my shoes. Little things I didn’t even think about. I’m 27 darn it and I want to be move freely. To dance and not tire in one minute. To hold really long notes while signing. I want live man.

Long term Goals (May update later)

have to buy new clothes

Work up to 10,000 steps a day

follow the USDA nutritional guidelines

Be able to cross my legs at my knees

Weigh 135lbs smack dab in the middle of a health BMI for my height.

Well, it’s Wednesday June 11th 2025 and I think I’ve ranted long enough. Time to get cracking

~stay bright bitches.

[from-now-to-forever]

Heeeey so due to recent events purposefully tracking weight loss is gonna have to be put on hold for now. I was supposed to be back at my dorm today where I have my scale and stuff but i can't get to it due to the current situation. The health of myself and my family is one of my top priorities. With my family in mind I need to shift my focus to ensure there well being. I don't know when I will pick this up again but this is not the end this is only an interuption and I will be picking this up again once things settle.

~stay bright sunshine

[from-now-to-forever]

Weekly weigh in Mar 1-7

Current weight 300.5

Last week 304

Loss/gain -3.5 lbs

Total change - 9.5 lbs

Alright

Woop woop! I'm really surprised by that actually, happy but surprised. I definitely would not want to keep losing weight the way I did this week. I was ridiculously busy with school and apartment stuff so I didn't have a lot of time for anything.

I was skipping break fast and lunch was a honey bun+coffee I bought out of the vending machine. Then dinner was just the easiest thing I could grab, usually fast food or pizza. Definitely not healthy or sustainable. Still kinda cool I still lost something tho. I don't really know what I ate cuz I didn't track. My goal was to just eat until I was full, not stuff, not till my plate was clear just full. Which is really something I try to do anyway but alot of the time I feel like I need to finish my plate any way Apparently that worked pretty well Probably cuz I didn't have time to snack lol.

So idk how this next week is gonna go I'm leaving to visit family for spring break and they don't have the best habits. I mean neither do but I but they are just weird about the whole diet thing. we ALL have to be in the SAME diet which is usually keto. The way they do keto doesn't work for me. its a whole lot of meat. I don't like meat very much, I can go days with out any and not even realize. I just don't want them to find out what I'm doing then hop on the diet train then try to change what I'm doing. Man summer is gonna be terrible in that regard. I don't know how i'm gonna be there, try to lose weight and not give away what I am doing. I guess if it comes up it comes up and if it doesn't i'll be eternally grateful. Oh well I'll deal with it when I get to it.

So because I'll be gone for a week next weeks weigh in is gonna be day late. My family's house doesn't have a scale and I can't bring mine with me so sorry about that.

Anyway if things go as planned I'll be back in the 200s next week baby! That will be sweeeeeeet so let hope they do! If not well, you can't win them all. But for now, Things are going well, there are gonna be a few bumps in the near future but i hope i can keep up the good work!

~Stay Bright Sunshine

[from-now-to-forever]

Weekly weight in Feb 23-29

Current weight: 304

Last week 302.5

Loss/gain 1.5 pounds

Total loss: 6 lbs

Ok well that's discouraging. But it's fine. It's mostly cuz I just started my period today and there is always this weird weight fluctuation thing due to bloating and stuff. But i will say a 1.5 lb weight fluctuation for me personally on my period is pretty low I usually gain 3 to 4 lbs so that probably means I've lost something the scale just isn't showing it. God I really don't enjoy my period, But it's whatever It's actually pretty manageable. I know some people who just have God awful ones.

I've felt pretty blah these past few days so I didn't track my calories as well as I could have which probably means I did go over. BUT I didn't go completely out of control like in the past. I tried to eat healthy and was still mindful of what I ate. I also as usual need to drink more water because I'm forgetful and will just for get to drink water.

I walked alot more than usual this week. Now that was more put of necessity that healthy decision making. I'm trying to rent an apartment and had to walk to them for a tours. I already miss the stove. I like to bake, tho baking and weight loss don't really go together. Whatever its an apartment of college kids I'll give stuff to my roommates and neighbors.

In all honesty I'm feeling pretty lame but i gotta stay positive and expect my best. I'm not letting this bring me down.

~stay bright sunshine

[from-now-to-forever]

Weekly weigh in (Feb 16-22)

Current weight: 302.5 lb

Last week weight: 302lb

Weekly Gain/loss: +.5 lb

Total loss: 7.5 lb

Well

I gained again but surprisingly only a little bit I thought it was gonna be worse lol.

I just never learn. I ate a couple pieces candy on Wednesday cuz I thought i could handle it and the next thing you know I'm like like a cat on cat rolling in cat nip and I've eaten 3500 calories that day. One day leads to 2 days which leads to 3.

I think the issue is I'm trying to keep my lunches under 500 calories cuz at dinner I tend to say screw it and go big and if I have the big buffer I rarely go over. other people can eat 500 calorie meals like that and are just fine.

But I am not like other people. I'm bigger, alot bigger. According to my fitness pal my current goal Calorie goal to lose 2 lbs a week is 2010 calories. that means to maintain my weight I need to eat 3010 calories. That's insane. Another issue is that I'm broke a college student with not spending money. I live in a dorm with a microwave and I am forced to pay $2000 something to have a meal plan at a dinning hall that doesn't know the definition of portion size. I really don't want to be that girl walking around with a set of measuring cups in my backpack. But it's probably a good thing that the dinning is necessary. What healthy food am I gonna have time to make I'm a microwave? That I can afford any way.

So the plan to improve is to keep break fast the same for now l but try to eat a bigger lunch. I don't need 1000 calories for dinner. Oh and maybe crochet another purse i already have made 2 but it gives me something to do with my hands and I don't have to think about food constantly. Which in is self is a problem that I am trying to work on.

Oh and I've started the daily push up challenge thing which pretty cool. Now o have to do wall push up cuz my upper arm strength isn't that great but I've figured I'll do it as wall push up then do it again as angled push ups and then if I can do that do it with the knee push ups and finally the normal push up.

~stay bright sunshine

[from-now-to-forever]

So the coffee thing

So I looked into why I was eating less when drank the a Carmel Triple shot energy. After a very brief google seach, It looks likes caffeine is a mild appetite and that it kicks up your metabolism a little. Milk also has proteins in it that might also be appetie suppressors. So thats cool.

That being said the internet also said that if you drink it everyday it loses its affect and it also raises cortazol Levels which makes since. I personally usually get really nervous and can't focus after drinking coffee. I have a hard enough time focusing normally so that is the LAST thing is need. But I also have a low level anxiety so that might be a me thing.

So yea, Yesterday I said I was gonna look into the whole coffee thing and just figured i would post it on here for future reference.

~stay bright sunshine

[from-now-to-forever]

Weekly weigh in (February 6-15 2020)

Current weight: 302lb

Last week weight: 305lb

Weeks loss: 3 lb.

Total loss: 8lb

So

I lost 3 pounds! But I'm not really sure why. I wasn't to bad this week but my first week was definitely better when it came to food. I know I went over on Wednesday. Yesterday I didn't even count calories cuz it was Valentine's day so I'm a little dumb founded.

Maybe it because I drank more water than last week? But I'm not really sure. Pretty cool tho. I hung out with my roommate more than usual this week but I doubt that I had any affect. I also had a lot of school related stress but I usually eat when I'm stressed that probably not a factor either.

Oh I also drank more "coffee" (Starbucks Carmel Triple shot energy) this week than usual. Actually something I've noticed is most of the time when I drink one of those around 10am I don't eat as much through out the rest of the day. I wonder if it has something to do with the caffeine or maybe all the milk that is in it? I will look into it and post an update if I find anything interesting about that.

Anyway I've decided my banana and yogurt for breakfast thing isn't working. It just makes me Hungry through out the day so. It might be because I'm starting off the day with to much sugar. I'm gonna back to what I was doing before (scrambled eggs and toast) until I think of a better idea (hopefully by next week)

Well all things considered I still think I can call this week a good week. I didn't handle it as well as I would of liked but sometimes time things aren't gonna be done the way you envisioned. But regardless, another win in the books. Stay strong. Stay optimistic.

~stay bright sunshine.

[from-now-to-forever]

Weekly weigh in

Last week: 303.5

Current 305

Total loss: 5

OK.

So I know I goofed up this week. I was kinda lenient on portion sizes, I haven't been drinking enough water and Wednesday I just went went berserk for no justifyable reason. i I haven't even tracked the past 2 days due to laziness. I have a really hard time remembering what i eat for whatever reason. So that's pretty much go gone now.

So what do I think I did that caused the "bender" I didn't follow what I said I was gonna do. No sweets during the week. Only one weekends. Once I start with that kinda stuff... It hard to stop myself. On Wednesday I had a 3 hour class where we sat around learned about fruit and ate it. Which was fun but way to much sugar. You would think sitting around and eating fruit for 3 hours would of filled me up. But I wasn't. I wasn't hungry but I wasn't full either. So what did I do. I justified going on a rampage that day because I already didn't know the calories I ate in class what the point for today. That turned into 2 days and then 3 days.

I want to stop trying. not because i think it's impossible or it to complicated. It's cuz it WORK. and I am a very lazy person. I do not like using my will power. but if I can't get through to myself this time then I don't know what to do. I'm fat and uncomfortable. my ankles already are weak cuz I've sprained them so many times probably because I've been over weight my whole life! I don't want to go see my friend who lives 2 hours away because I'm worried I'll take up to much room on the bus. Not to mention I've gained over 40 lb since the last time I saw her. I barely fit into movie theater sets. I've never DREAMED of flying on a plane. When I was younger I refused to ride a horse because I was scared I was gonna hurt him And I was lighter then. My weight is stopping me. I know it is I know once it's gone that I'll find other excuses but untill the I'll just keep on blaming my weight whether I realize it or not. I have to do this now or I never will. So this is a reminder to myself, of all the thing I've refused to do because of my weight. I've fallen down but I am getting back up. I'm doing this. I AM DOING THIS.

~stay bright sunshine

[from-now-to-forever]

Weekly (ish) weigh in.

Starting: 310

Last week: 305.5

Current: 303.5

Total loss: 6.5

Well...

I'm glad! My goal is 2lb a week for the time being and I still hit it. it was my this birthday this week and I was on my period so I was worried it would go up but it didn't! Another win in the books!

This week was actually a lot harder than last week when I came to self control. I think its because i was on my period but it could just be me losing steam. I tend to give up 2 weeks in. But I am not going to this time. I am in this for the long hall. (Thus the Tumblr to keep track) So my plan this week is to start alternating between eggs + toast and banana+ yogurt for breakfast. Hopefully the sugar won't leave me wanting sweets all day, if it does. I'll have to think of another way to get my fruits into my routine. It'll all work out in the end I'm sure.

~stay bright sunshine

[from-now-to-forever]

Weekly weigh in

Starting weight: 310lb

Current weight: 305.5lb

Total loss: 4.5lb

So...

I know, I know. "B r u h you just posted that you were starting this blog like and hour ago, what gives?" Let me explain.

I actually started trying to lose weight a week ago on the 20th and didn't think about keeping a blog about it until now. So today was actually my first weigh in. I'm not gonna lie. I completely failed the 1st and 2nd day. I just kinda... forgot that I was supposed to be keeping track of my food. So 1st 2 days were a bust but since Wednesday I have been rolling. I know some of this loss is water weight cuz that's what a lot of the 1st weeks weight loss always is so I'm not gonna get cocky.

That being said Its my birthday tomorrow and I'll be turning 22.

"but you said that you were already 22!" Yea, I know. It was just easier to go a head and say I'm 22 cuz i mean come on... It's one day.

So anyway what I have been doing is saving my left over calories from the past week (about 150 each day) and I'm gonna put them on my birthday. That way I still feel like I'm getting a treat but I still have to show some self control. Now my goal is to NOT use any of those calories but if I dooooo, well. I'm not going to beat myself up about it.

This will probably be the only weigh in on Monday because I really don't want to start my week looking at a scale. The plan is to do them on Saturday mornings from now on. Only reason I didn't do it this time was... I didn't think about it until right now. So Yea, You live and learn.

~Stay bright sunshine!

[from-now-to-forever]

Beginnings

Hey... So this is gonna be a my weight loss blog. I'm going to try to document my weight loss journey here about every week.

So a little bit about me.

I'm a 22 year old 5'6" female and my starting weight is 310 lb. (Big yikes I know.)

I've made excuses for my weight all my life, from family issues to depression to not having control of what I eat, but I've come to realize that at some point the blame mine and mine alone. I told myself in highschool that if I ever got to 300 lbs I would really kick myself in the pants get going. I bet you can guess what happened over the holiday season.

I've tried losing weight before In highschool but quickly gave up due to one reason or another. Now I am in my 6th semester of college and weigh 50 lbs more that my junior year of high school.

Starting Goals

lose 2 lbs a week

Lose 20 to 30 lbs by the end of the spring 2020 semester (sometime in early May.)

Get out of the morbidly obese range before my college graduation (should be at the end of this year)

Eventually get to a healthy weight (hopefully in about 3 years time.)

The Plan

first is to only eat until I'm full. I've got a bad habit of eating till I feel like I'm gonna pop so hopefully this will be helpful with my self control and portion control as well.

introduce more fruit and veggies into my diet, specifically fruit. The reason for not doing this simultaneously with phase 1 is I love sugar. It doesn't matter if it's cookies or apples. If it's sweet I am going to eat it I'm copious amounts. Thus I'm not going to try to get more into my diet until I gain a little more self control.

I will start to incorporate exercise once I hit my first plateau. Exercise is usually what makes me stop trying to lose weight cuz I'm just so lazy. So I want to hold off on it until i get better at self discipline I get on average about 8000 steps a day walking around campus. I get a little less on weekends cuz Im not walking to and from class.

About every 3 or 4 weeks I'm going to do maintenance week where all I try to do is keep my current weight the same.

When the summer starts somethings are going to charge because I'll be home for about 3 months untill the dorms open for the fall semester. I always always gain weight when I go home. This is due to me having no control of what food goes into the house (it all high calorie food that isn't filling) and my activity decreases cuz I'm not going anywhere and its to hot and I don't think I'm going to be able to regularly convince myself work out in 110F weather outside or 90F inside. Yes that really how much my family's air-conditioner cools the house, a whole 20F it's better than nothing tho. Due to these factors I don't plan on losing more than 1lb a week and my main goal is to NOT. GAIN. WEIGHT. I gain 15lb over Christmas break and that was only 1 month.

I really don't want to fall below a 1500 hundred calorie limit so when MyFitnessPal drops below that I am going to change how much weight I want to lose a week. My goal is to lose 2lb a week until I got 220. My new goal will be 1.5lb a week till I reach 180. After that my goal will be 1lb a week. Once I hit 140 i will change to my final goal to 0.5lb a week until I hit my goal weight of 135. The reason I want to be 135lb is because it is in the middle of the normal range for my height 118-154 (according to healthline.com)

Conclusions

So Yea! That is the plan. I know there will be set backs such as summer break and when I graduate college and try to enter the work force and getting my own place. And that's ok, I don't expect everything to go smoothly as long as I get there in the end.

~stay bright sunshine!