LifeHurts

Poetry about love, life and loss I’m 22 and I live in upstate NY. I’ve never shared my poems but I’ve decided to open up. Please I’d love your comments. I’m new to this and just writing how I feel ❤️

[fromtheheartpoetry313]

How don’t you notice?

I’m struggling,

I’m slowly going under,

I’m drowning right in front you.

Are you okay? You say.

“I’m Fine”

I don’t know what to say.

How do I tell you the most awful things that have crossed my mind?

I’m failing

Failing

Failing

Am I a…

Good mom? Nope.

Good housekeeper? Nope.

Good Friend? Not lately.

Good wife? Apparently not.

How has no one has noticed I am over my head…in bad thoughts, bad feelings, hatred for myself.

Sinking deeper and deeper into a dark still abyss.

No light below and just a small shimmer of sun above.

Keep fighting, keep trying, keep pushing.

Swim, swim, swim

More sun can be seen above and below doesn’t seem so welcoming anymore.

But when you reach the surface after struggling and struggling…

No one is there.

No one notices.

No one cares.

No one is proud you made it out.

Why bother to keep fighting for nothing.

So not so slowly this time the light above fades away and the deep, dark abyss becomes home.

[fromtheheartpoetry313]

So many thoughts race through my head, Mostly at night while lying in bed.

They rip their way in, and stir me awake, then all I can do is lie there and shake.

I want you to notice that I’m not okay, but you’re so peaceful so I just let you lay.

I sneak out so quiet, as not to disturb, then Plop on the couch and light up some herb.

I sit here getting high, thinking about life, and about how someday I’ll be you’re wife.

I wonder about all that will be.

And if you can really be happy with me.

I’m far from perfect, and my flaws are real, but love for you is all I feel.

Moving away causes so much emotion, I hope this proves my true devotion.

Anxiety makes me lay there and tremble, sometimes it makes me so sentimental.

All I can think of is what can wrong, this is something I’ve wanted for so long.

I wish I could tell our plans to my mother, but those plan she would surely smother.

So for now I just sit here thinking,

Staring blankly at the screen, not even blinking.

[fromtheheartpoetry313]

The Reasons I Love You...

There are so many reasons to love you

But I’ll only list a few 😘

You make me smile,

Even when life is kicking my ass. 😊

You are so kind,

Except during Mario Kart then you get kinda sassy. 🤷🏼‍♀️

You’re eyes,

Anytime I look into them I get lost in our future 🏡👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

You’re handsome,

Even on days you don’t believe it I love all of you. 😍

You’re humor,

Makes the worst day at a little better. 🤣

But most of all I love how you much you love me,

Especially on the days I don’t love myself ♥️

[432hzvibes]

                        floating in space….

…watching you drift away, my eyes drowning in oceans of memories.

the first time we met, the mornings waking up to your smile, walks hand- in-hand, happy and carefree.

you don’t think I’m hurt because I never cry.

I just keep on drowning.

there’s no gravity up here to pull out the tears.

[fromtheheartpoetry313]

How do you not see me.

How can you sit there while I’m breaking

How can you talk about all the things you used to do for people who didn’t deserve it, but can’t help me do one thing.

All I want is to make your life better.

All you do is Take.

Take.

Take.

I can’t keep Giving.

Giving.

Giving.

Eventually, sooner than you think I’ll have nothing left to give you.

You’ve taken the happiness out of coming home from work.

You see a few little things that aren’t a big deal.

They aren’t.

Unless little thing after little thing builds and builds.

Like a few small snowflakes falling until you have a foot a snow.

Eventually the weight of that snow makes a roof collapse.

I’m the you’re roof baby

I wanna protect your and keep you warm.

But once this roof breaks and your whole house fills with cold and snow,

Maybe you’ll understand how the small things actually mean so much.

[fromtheheartpoetry313]

Days...

Someday, I’ll have a job I love

Someday, I won’t be in debt

Someday, I’ll find the one

Someday, my dad will walk me down the aisle

Someday, I’ll hold my baby

Someday, I will have a beautiful family

Someday, I’ll travel the world

Someday, I will love myself

Someday may not be today, but

Someday can be any day

Live everyday like it’s someday, because

One day. Someday will be your last.

[fromtheheartpoetry313]

Don’t fall for me.

These words hurt.

When you say them,

my heart breaks.

Why?

What is so bad about me falling for you?

Is it because I’m not pretty enough?

Skinny enough?

Smart enough?

Rich enough?

Am I annoying?

You say it’s because you don’t want me to get hurt.

But it hurts more to not have a chance.

You say you’re a bad guy.

But I just don’t see that

You’re sweet

Funny. Smart. Handsome. Caring.

You make me feel safe.

You make me feel loved.

When I’m with you I feel like nothing else matters.

The stress of life and the world just floats away

Seeing your eyes makes even the worst day better

Please don’t tell me not to fall

I already fell the first time I met you

Your smile

Your eyes

Your kindness

Everyone has a rough past some worse than others.

All I wanna do is make your future better

Our future.

Together.

I can see us

A family

A life

I can see so many things

But all you see

are reasons not to be with me.

All I wanna tell you is I love you.

But all you tell me is...

Don’t fall for me

[fromtheheartpoetry313]

I don’t know how to help you...

For as long as I can remember you’ve been apart of my life.

A person I could go to.

Someone I love.

Someone who I call family.

Technically we’re just friends but I love you like my brother.

You haven’t been dealt a very good hand.

You’ve grieved more than anyone should.

But when I look at you I don’t see my best friend anymore.

I see a stranger.

Someone I don’t recognize.

That scares me. You scare me.

You snap on the drop of a dime.

People are trying to help. But you can’t see that.

It may appear to you that everyone is out to get you.

Look closer. Please. I beg of you.

All we want is the old you.

The person who makes us laugh.

Not the person who makes me cry.

The person we know you are.

I wanna wake up tomorrow and hang out with YOU.

But instead I fall asleep every night wondering.

Wondering if tomorrow is the day that I get a phone call.

A call that would change my entire being.

To lose you is something I do not wanna fathom.

But lately it seems like it’s going to be my reality.

I don’t know what to do.

I wish I could help.

I haven’t been through the same things.

All I can do is be there for you.

Or at least try.

I hope one day you look back and understand just how many people you’ve hurt.

But most of all I want you to know.

I love you.

I just don’t know how to help you.

[fromtheheartpoetry313]

No..

Since we were little kids we’ve always heard the word no.

No don’t touch that

No don’t eat that

No you can’t say that

No you have to be nice

All of us have been taught what the word means.

Yet to some the word means nothing at all...

I do not understand what is so difficult to understand

Why is it worth hurting someone

Mentally

&

Physically

Just for a few minutes of fun

Your few minutes of fun ruined my entire life.

You seemed kind and sweet

I made it clear from the start that I wanted to move slow

I guess slow to you is hitting a homerun the first inning of the game.

I hope your homerun was worth it.

I wonder why you didn’t respect me

Did I do something wrong

Oh yeah,

It’s my fault

Maybe my camo pajama pants and hoodie were just too revealing for you

Maybe it was something I said

But I only remember saying no

Begging you to stop

You didn’t listen

You turned into a wild animal

Bruised me

Broke me

When you were done you laid there like nothing happened

I just laid there frozen

I couldn’t believe it

After what felt like hours you got up, got dressed and left

But I just laid there

I thought you were different

But boy did I think wrong

I wonder what happened to that child who listened when someone said no

[fromtheheartpoetry313]

Alone

What does is it really mean to be alone

Is it when your sitting by yourself in a room

Maybe when your walking through the park with no hand to hold

Most don’t understand you don’t have to be by yourself to be alone

I have many people who love and care about me

But I still feel like I’m facing the world just me, myself and I

No one knows about my problems I face

Everyday I wake up with no will to live

I don’t keep going for myself

I’m getting no where

I keep going so I don’t leave my family and friends alone

Alone in a world where being alone means your unloved

Alone in world that judges our every move and every moment

When people ask me to hangout I say I’m busy

But I’d rather be alone

To be alone is my happy place and my biggest fear all in one

[fromtheheartpoetry313]

Life’s a bitch...

Life isn't fair

Not all love is great

I show no tears

Inside my heart breaks

I try to hide the pain

Somedays it's to much

But I can't die in vain

Leaving this world

Could stop all these feelings

But hurting my friends

Is something I could not do.

I wish there was something

That someone could do

But that's not going to bring back you

You chose this path

And for that I'm sorry.

Sorry that no one was there

Sorry you felt all alone

Sorry things got to this point

It's not everyday I meet a person like you

Your one of kind

And none of this seems real

We weren't as close as we used to be

But I still cared about you

I wish I could have helped you

But your no longer in pain

And I hope your at peace

This never should have happened

Things shouldn't get this bad

This world needs to understand

Some people can't be helped

When good people like you try to help

Your the only one who gets hurt.

You don't deserve this

No one deserves this

I wish you would have called

I would have dropped everything....

Anything to help you

To have you here

To see you accomplish your goals

You were a fresh breath of air

A unique kind soul

This world lost a great person

And we just need answers

Why?

Could we have helped.

Could I have done more

Is there anything I could have done

Look out for all of us down here

Things need to change

This world is burning

Turning into a war zone

So many lives lost

So many that could have been saved

Maybe soon people will realize

That we can't keep going like this

Losing too many lives

Of the way too young

Way too soon

I hope your in a better place

And that your no longer in pain

It doesn't seem real

I’ll never see you again

[fromtheheartpoetry313]

Reality...

They say it’s Easy to find the good in every day

but how can you do that when you wake up in pain emotional and physical dragging you down

you get up with tears in your eyes

your body aches

You think of simpler times when you were Young

But soon The fond memories fade

and you’re slammed back into reality

wake up

get ready

Drive to work

spend your day with a smile pretending you’re Okay

inside you’re screaming but on the outside...

its “have a nice day”

you can finally stop smiling and climb Into bed.

Hit the bong and hope your memories fade

Fade like the smoke you exhale

scroll through every feed a hundred times

filling your brain with Memes and videos

so you don’t think about anything else

you finally fall asleep

no dreams

just empty thoughts

then you wake up and do it all over again

[fromtheheartpoetry313]

What is now only a dream...

When I’m with you

I feel like I’m on top of the world

I look into your eyes and my problems disappear

Your touch sends chills down my spine

The way you treat me is like no other

Too you I’m perfect

Which i still don’t see

And you.

Your perfect too me

I don’t care about your flaws everyone has them

I can tell you everything and anything

Without fear of being judged

You don’t see me how I see myself

I never expect to be the only one who holds your heart

But I’d like the chance to have a piece

Most would say you come with baggage

But I think you come with more to love

More to offer

A different outlook on life

You make me a better me

And all I wanna do is make you a happier you

[fromtheheartpoetry313]

When you’re number two...

To be the second choice

When you are the second choice

It makes you feel like you aren’t good enough

Especially when their first choice

is someone who’s not so nice

The first choice

makes you feel like shit

tells you you’re not good enough

Holds things over your head

she treats you like an animal or

like a toy she can just swing around

To her you’re just Clay

Clay she can mold to whatever she wants you to be

you don’t deserve that

but me, your second choice

I want to give you the world

I never want to see you sad

all I ever want to do is make you happy

I want to learn with you and grow with you

I want to go on adventures with you

I want you there at my lowest Lows

And at my highest highs

She only wants you to give her the world

But I wanna give the world to you

[fromtheheartpoetry313]

They say family can’t be toxic...

What I would give for you to be proud.

You remind me everyday that I wasn’t good enough

Every email that starts with “what could have been”

And every conversation about you doubting me

It rips me apart

All I ever wanted was to make you proud.

Go to an amazing school

Become a doctor

Have a great job

And live an amazing life.

I chose not to do this

But instead to do something I hoped to enjoy.

Every Grade no matter how high.

You say I can do better

But what if I can’t do better

Will you ever be happy with what I achieve

I’m so proud of myself for so many things...

But you’ll never know

Proud that even though I’m not skinny, I’m not beautiful I have the confidence to step out of my room everyday and face our cruel world.

Proud that I’ve ignored the peer pressure do to some pretty stupid things.

Proud that I moved over a hundred miles away on my own

Proud that I learned to take care of myself.

Proud that I smile everyday even when that takes all of the energy I have to give.

Proud that when a guy gets a little too touchy I’ve learned to say no and not just lay there and let it happen

Proud that I have so many amazing friends who are there to help me

Proud of myself for loving the people who don’t always deserve it, but being cruel doesn’t make the world a better place.

Proud of me for overcoming challenges none of us thought would happen.

But most of all I’m so proud of myself for waking up every single day and ignoring the voice inside my head that says I’d be better of dead.

You may not know how much your words affect someone you love.

Every, you can do better

Every, what could have been

Every nasty email

Every time you told me I was an ungrateful bitch

Those words may not mean much to you.

But to me all I hear is you’re not good enough and you don’t deserve our love.

You may say I love you

But you act as though I’m just a burden

I just want you to be proud

Of me.

My life.

My future.

I may be caring to a fault and

They say cut toxic people out of your life even if they’re family.

I don’t understand that.

No matter how many times you’ve hurt me.

I still love you.

Im still proud to be your daughter.

So what will it take to make you proud of me?