the mystery bruises you're getting aren't from anemia or something stupid like that. they're from me. i go into your house while you're asleep and softly hit you with hammers until i am satisfied
~ The Possibility of You: A Story of 8th and 12th House Synastry ~
You walk into the room and my breath stiffens in my chest. My heart drops before I can stop it. You're holding her hand, and I'm standing next to him.
I lower my eyes to the floor and let out a quiet sigh, the kind that escapes before you even realize you're carrying it. And suddenly it's there again—that feeling. The feeling of recognizing someone who was never mine.
Not in this life, at least.
Maybe somewhere else.
Maybe somewhere beyond this version of reality there was a place where we found each other sooner, where neither of us hesitated, where neither of us looked away.
A place where we chose each other before life had the chance to choose for us. Maybe that’s all it is a story, a fantasy, a way of making sense of something that never made sense.
But every time I see you, something inside me wakes up. Not loudly. Not dramatically. Just enough. Just enough to remind me that some part of me never truly left. Some part of me is still standing exactly where I left it years ago, waiting, listening, wondering.
And that old pull begins again.
The one I buried.
The one I convinced myself was gone.
The one I spent years trying to explain away. The one that makes me wonder why standing beside him suddenly feels so different when you’re standing across the room.
A quiet ache begins whispering in my ear, and suddenly all the certainty I fought so hard to build starts unraveling thread by thread. The parts of me that never got the chance to love you rise to the surface.
And no matter how many times I've repeated the same words—
It's time to let go.
It's time to move on.
It's over.
The second I see your eyes, none of those words matter. Because all I feel is the what if.
The endless, haunting what if.
What if you chose me?
What if we had trusted what we felt?
What if we had stopped pretending not to see it?
What if we had finally said something?
Then our eyes meet.
And that invisible thread that has existed since the first time my eyes found yours pulls tight between us, like a violin string stretched just before it breaks.
I feel it.
I wonder if you feel it too.
But neither of us says anything.
We never did anyway.
The room continues moving around us. People laugh. Conversations happen. Life goes on.
And yet every time you smile at her, every time your hand finds the small of her back, every time you look at her the way I've imagined you looking at me, something inside me twists.
The part of me that still carries the idea of us begins replaying a life that never happened, as if I am grieving memories that don't even exist.
I'm mourning a story that never got the chance to be written and yet I grieve versions of us that only ever lived inside my imagination.
And I hate how real it feels.
Because I am with him.
And I like him.
Don't I?
So why does the foundation of whoever I'm standing beside begin to disappear the second you walk into the room?
Why does everyone else suddenly feel quieter?
Smaller.
Farther away.
Why does your presence make me feel regret before it makes me feel happiness?
Why does some stubborn part of me still wish it were you?
We never were.
We never got the chance to be.
There was never an us to lose.
And yet my body clings to you as though you were the safest thing it ever knew. As though somewhere deep inside me, you became the definition of home before you ever had the chance to become mine.
You make visible the parts of me I spend my life hiding. The lonely parts. The wounded parts. The hopeful parts that continue reaching for a love I never got the chance to experience, yet somehow still believe exists.
And because of that, the version of us that never existed stays wrapped around me like a second skin.
I can't scrape it off.
I can't scrape you off.
No matter how many showers I take. No matter how many new memories I make. No matter how many times I tell myself the story is over.
The ghost of you remains.
Not even the real you.
Just the possibility of you.
And somehow that's worse.
Because you and I were never given an ending, instead we linger as a possibility. And possibility leaves empty spaces where certainty should be. So I weave stories through those spaces, turning you into a remedy for a loneliness that was never yours to heal, but one I keep hoping you could.
And so Instead, I imagine myself beside you. I imagine my hand resting on your arm. I imagine your shoulder against mine. I imagine your eyes searching the room until they find me.
And every time I do, something inside me finally exhales.
Something starving inside me feels fed.
Something empty feels full.
For one brief moment, I experience the thing I've spent my whole life searching for.
Home.
Not a place.
Not a person.
Just a feeling.
A feeling that says:
You are safe here.
You are seen here.
And you are allowed to be loved here.
The feeling is so familiar it almost feels remembered. As if I've held it before. As if I've known you before.
And maybe that's why I can't let go.
Because you make me feel every part of my own existence.
The beautiful parts.
The terrifying parts.
The parts that want love and the parts that are terrified to receive it.
And because of that, I don't want to lose it. I don't want to let you go.
But then you turn away.
The thread loosens.
The room returns.
The noise returns.
Reality returns.
I look back toward him.
And neither of us says anything.
We never did anyway.
Synastry Aspects:
My Moon (and possible Venus) is in his 12th house. (My Venus could also be in his 1st hose)
His Neptune tightly squares my Moon.
His Moon and Venus are in my 8th house, and those planets make multiple aspects to my inner planets.
His South Node conjuncts my Mercury and Ascendant.
His Neptune conjuncts my South Node.
(Other aspects: My Vesta, Pluto, Chiron Lilith in his 1st house, my Sun, Mercury and Ascendant in his 2nd house, his Mars is in my 1st house/conjuncts my ascendant, his Pallas conjuncts my Pluto and my Eros likely conjuncts his Ascendant).
My Natal Aspects:
I have a 12th house Venus, Mercury, Pluto, Chiron and Lilith.
My Moon tightly squares my Neptune.
My Venus sextiles my Neptune.
Book a synastry reading with me or shop my store: https://myunsaidthoughts.gumroad.com
Dreams are one of the ways your subconscious communicates with you. While not every dream has a deep spiritual meaning, the 12th house is often associated with the hidden mind, intuition, symbolism, and the things that we process when we're asleep. The sign ruling your 12th house can add its own flavor to your dream world, influencing the themes, emotions, and experiences that show up again and again. Here's a look at the kinds of dreams you may be more likely to have based on the sign ruling your 12th house.✨🫧
Channeled Song:
Aries 12H
You tend to dream about your traumatic past a lot…in this life and in the previous one. Past life dreams could look like w*r cr*mes, abrasive att*cks, and vi*lence. You might find the nature of your dreams feels very personal and very direct, almost like you're not only meant to have the dream, but you're meant to experience it. This could look like having a lot of point-of-view dreams, and out of every sign, I think Aries suffers from this the most. You could have a lot of dreams where you're running to a specific location or from somebody; you could be chasing someone or being chased, escaping something, fighting back, etc. You can dream about competing against a rival or just competitive situations in general. Even if nothing scary is happening, it could just feel like an urgency to get somewhere else in your dream, or maybe an urgency to get out of the dream. Your dreams are also sometimes aligned with what's currently going on in society or what's currently stressing you out and your personal life. For instance, you could have a dream directly mirroring what happened in your waking life, so if you fought that day, you could have a dream about that exact fight that same night. I've also noticed that you could have accident-related dreams, which could honestly be a bit terrifying, because you could literally have a dream of you being in an accident, or if you’re witnessing one. You may also wake up from your dreams with a headache, specifically if your dreams carry on for longer than expected.
Taurus 12H
You tend to be a very sensory dreamer, so a lot of your dreams could be more about material things like food, physical things, touch, smells, etc. Sometimes you can wake up craving something that you had in your dream, like food, a specific drink, a certain scent/perfume, etc. lol, you could also dream about specific songs as well. Your dreams could be about comfort, luxury living, money, etc. You could be the kind of person to dream about being rich lol; these dreams are tied to your past life. You can dream about Parenthood as well, and most definitely about love. On the negative side, you can have dreams about loss; you could have pretty aggressive dreams about losing your property. You can also have humiliation- ritual like dreams. Similar to having a dream about getting in front of a crowd only to realize that you're naked, but way worse. These are the events that actually did happen in your past and still haunt you in your waking life. You also have dreams about betrayal, specifically in love, and how past romantic partners could have disappointed you. You might think you have gotten over something in your day-to-day life, but your subconscious will bring it back up if you truly have not let it go. I've also noticed that you could dream about losing something really valuable to you, and not just something that comes with a big price point… something that you have attached a lot of emotional meaning to.
Gemini 12H
You're a chaotic dreamer; your dreams are literally all over the place. The content of the dream switches up a lot because you do have a very vivid imagination, so you could be dreaming about things that go beyond anyone else's imagination. But what I commonly find with this placement is that people typically have dreams where information is shared with them. For example, you could have a dream about a random conversation that might seem relevant in the moment but then end up being very significant in your life in the future. You could have dreams about receiving a phone call from somebody from your past, or from somebody who has passed away. You may dream about old classmates showing up with a message for you. Now, everything I just mentioned could happen in the same dream because of how chaotic your dreaming patterns are and how there are endless plot twists. I’d pay attention to your dreams, though, because I do feel that you’re meant to hear something important from them. You have very inspiring dreams that could compel you to create art from them. You might get pieces of inspiration—like lyrics, novel ideas, or artistic inspiration—from your dreams. The problem you might deal with the most is how quickly you forget your dreams.
Cancer 12H
You dream about the woman in your life a lot, in both good and bad dreams. There is somebody, specifically, that you might dream about who haunts you. You dream about motherhood; you can dream about your children a lot, too—the children you have, the children you will have, or the children you had in a past life, etc. Your dreams are very psychic and intuitive, and deeply emotional. You sometimes carry the emotional weight of the dream into your daily life, due to the heavy nature of your psyche and emotional world. You can dream about your family a lot as well, and some people might find you to be like the psychic of the family because you could dream about somebody and then something happens to them, for example. You could dream a lot about your childhood home as well, and any memories attached to it. You may have dreams about important conversations or emotional moments with your mom. You dream about the life she could have had, or the life you could have had with her. Your dreams definitely serve the purpose of reminding you that you still harbor hurt, pain, or resentment over a situation.
Leo 12H
I find that your dreams are a bit cinematic? lol, like even when they are not super dramatic, there's always a little pizzazz to your dream that just really reminds you that you're having a dream. For example, you are a very vivid dreamer, so your dreams could feel more like movie scenes. You might know all the characters, you might know the script, and everybody might act accordingly… almost to the point of confusion. Your dreams feel very real until something goes terribly wrong, and usually the plot twist is very dramatic and maybe even a little funny. You can dream about being watched both in a non-creepy and very creepy way. I've noticed this looks like people being watched due to fame or performing on a stage, and people being watched by a stalker or admirer/obsessed person. You have dreams about expressing yourself very dramatically, about being who you are to your core. You also have dreams about children, and if you have Karma With children, you will dream about them more often. You are the kind of person to wake up from a dream about your child, longing for that child and genuinely being sad that they aren't real.
Virgo 12H
You honestly don't get a lot of rest to have very regular dreams, or if you do, they don't always feel very eventful or outside of the norm. But this is because you tend to carry the weight of your day into your subconscious, and so even when you're trying to rest, you might not feel very rested. Your dreams could reflect that through nightmares that lead to headaches when you wake up. You could have dreams about being late somewhere, forgetting something important, or letting people down. You tend to have very burdensome dreams, either because your dreams are literally a burden to your life at some point, or because you dream about the burdens you carry in your day-to-day life. You could dream about missing bills, running out of something important, losing all of your money, or being unstable, etc. On the flip side, you could have dreams where you are helping other people, or where an angelic presence enters your life and helps you. You could have dreams where communication with somebody from your past is clear, healthy, and healing. Your dreams could be healing as well, and you can sometimes gain closure from them. Sometimes, your subconscious will use dreams to process your daily anxiety.
Libra 12H
You definitely tend to dream about other people. You dream about crushes, exes, current partners, spouses, etc. You dream about people who made an impact on you, and sometimes you even dream about alternate endings or paths that you could have taken with this person. It is kind of sad, in a sense, that your dreams feel very hopelessly romantic, very dark rom-com, and very emotionally twisted sometimes. Your dreams reflect your desire for truth, for love, and for equality. Because of this, a lot of your dreams could look like coming to a resolution with somebody that you've had a problem with for a long time. It could look like you resolving an issue that has been tough in your life for a long time. You may dream about soulmates that you have in this lifetime, or in a previous life. Your dreams can be very beautiful—very vivid and scenic—and very Venusian. You can dream about traveling with your lover, fine dining in France on a Friday evening, honeymooning in Italy, slow dancing under starlight, etc. Yeah, sometimes your dreams give Hallmark Channel, but it is sweet because it's what your subconscious truly wants. On the flip side, you could have dreams about people intentionally humiliating you. You could have dreams about people bullying you, attacking your character, attacking your looks or your sense of style, etc. To be honest, your nightmares are definitely the prom scene in Carrie when they pour blood all over her as a gag. Your dreams might not be that dramatic exactly, but the humiliation could feel very similar. You could have dreams about past instances where you were the target of bullying. If you have bad dreams, it's typically about the way that other people have made you question your self-worth. You also have dreams about mean girls/guys sometimes lol. You can also have dreams about confronting people that you’ve wanted to confront for a while.
Scorpio 12H
You definitely have the most intense dreams, and they are always very dramatic. You could be prone to nightmares, sleep paralysis, or night terrors. You could have a lot of dreams about literal d*ath, or someone dy*ng, but you could also have a lot of dreams connected to your father as well. Your dreams are heavy for a lot of reasons. For starters, they are very aggressive, and you might feel like you’re in the center of a battlefield against an enemy that you can’t even put a face to. The scorpionic energy here is hidden and shows up in detrimental ways in your dreams. You could feel haunted in your dreams, or you could have dreams where you are literally being hunted. You have dreams where you mistrust people, or you could have dreams where the person you trust the most betrays you in a very volatile way. I’ve also noticed that you have dreams that are very fleshed out, but what sticks with you the most is the emotional impact of the dream. Nonetheless, your dreams can also show you what’s going on beneath the surface, and because this is a water-ruled house for you, your dreams could deliver psychic messages to your subconscious. Your dreams could be warnings of future betrayal, past betrayal, or a betrayal that has yet to be resolved. If you aren’t seeing something in your day-to-day life, your dreams will reveal it, and it will be obvious in a way. So if you are concerned about somebody, for instance, and you suddenly dream about them stealing from you, I think it’s safe to say that you’re suspicious of that person—maybe accurately. You dream about that, you dream about betrayal, and you dream about misfortune specifically when you are feeling out of control. You might find that your most difficult dreams surface when you are stuck in a bad situation, feel little control over your situation, or are in the middle of a massive lifestyle change.
Sagittarius 12H
You tend to have insanely euphoric dreams. You are the kind of dreamer who can reach higher realms of consciousness; you might even be very skilled at dream hopping. There's something to be learned from your dreams, so I think it's a good idea to take notes of the very vivid dreams that you could have. You are the kind of person who can astral project pretty easily due to your ability of being able to reach higher realms. You might dream about traveling; this could be world travel or traveling out of the universe. You are not bound by any restrictions in your subconscious. Your dreams might be very quest or puzzle-based, always wanting a challenge even in your dreams. You could also have a lot of school dreams, specifically your time in higher ed or college. You can dream about college mistakes you've made, or situations where you felt the most alive. This placement truly reminds me of the scene in The Perks of Being a Wallflower when Sam stands in the back of the pickup truck with her arms fully out as they're driving through the tunnel with "Heroes" playing. Your dreams could be exactly that. You also have dreams of being a teacher or motivational speaker on a stage in front of hundreds of people waiting to hear your speech. You could dream about making a difference in somebody's life; you can dream about being a hero and saving people, and a lot of your dreams could be about the ways that you were courageous and conquered the day, rather than gave up. A lot of your dreams could be about your past life too, and that’s how you were both the student and the teacher.
Capricorn 12H
You have a lot of rough dreams, and it's always involve you being too hard on yourself. You are even your own worst enemy in the dream state, as your dreams could remind you of embarrassing moments, moments you feel you failed, moments of weakness, etc. You could dream a lot about your father, dealings with him, old conversations or moments that felt detrimental or emotional, etc. You could have dreams about having courage in moments of weakness. You could be the kind of person who has nightmares or dreams where it feels like responsibility has fallen in your lap, in a very dramatic way. You might also dream about your career a lot, and any failures/shortcomings you fear having one day. You could dream about a leader or authority correcting you, ruining you, or tainting your reputation. Your dreams could really demonstrate the fears you have been trying to hide or run away from; it's like you cannot escape them, even in your dream state, because you are meant to overcome these fears. It is these fears that are holding you back. You could also have dreams where you are relaxed, somewhere away from the chaos. Much like other earth-ruled 12H individuals, you dream and yearn for a break, and this will slip into your dream state.
Aquarius 12H
Your dreams are... kinda weird? You dream about things you try not to think about because they make you feel different, and maybe not in a good way. You have very random dreams about very random situations with extremely random people. You can have very futuristic types of dreams, dreams that feel euphoric or dystopian. What is interesting about your dreams is the fact that they can correlate with your emotions and paint a very dramatic picture. Your dreams might make you feel a little detached, or while you are dreaming, there's a certain distance, and things feel out of reach. Your dreams can also end on dramatic cliffhangers, or just before things get really juicy. Your dreams could be full of scandals, affairs, affairs in foreign places or vacation spots, a new and improved world, etc. You might even have dreams about random inventions, or an idea that could be turned into something more serving for the collective. Speaking of, your dreams can feel a bit prophetic regarding the current spiritual collective climate. You could also have dreams where you are not involved at all, but more so watching from afar. Your nightmares may be surrounding having your freedom restricted, being arrested/detained, taken/kidnapped, wrongfully persecuted, etc. Sometimes this is due to paranoia or day-to-day stressors, and sometimes this is psychic flashes into your past life where you may have lived a life of detainment, false accusations/persecution, and social ostracism.
Pisces 12H
Your dreams could truly feel boundaryless, and it is really tough to have this placement sometimes. Your dreams are very symbolic, so if you ever expect to have a straightforward dream, good luck to you! You are more likely to have to pick apart a weird and emotionally symbolic dream than you are to have a dream that addresses the problem head-on. Your subconscious will remind you of the things that you are avoiding, and this can be through fear-based dreams. You could have a lot of dreams about escaping something, and a lot of the time these dreams are linked to your escapist tendencies. You may dream about the ocean, large bodies of water, water rising at rapid rates, skyscrapers being surrounded by water, etc. You, much like Sagittarius 12H, can't dream about otherworldly landscapes, otherworldly oceans and creatures, magic and magical realms, etc. You can literally escape to another universe through your subconscious because there are no boundaries when it comes to this placement. Some people are astral projectors, and then there are people whose 12th house is ruled by Pisces, and these people, like you, are very skilled and naturally gifted with this ability to energetically travel through their subconscious. You will have a lot of dreams about passed-over loved ones. What is interesting about these dreams is that they are very mundane, so for instance, you could have a dream about having a cup of coffee with your grandma who has passed, and the conversation and energy in the room will be filled with so much love, familiarity, and happiness that you won't even realize that she passed. Your dreams, those specifically dealing with the afterlife, are typically very gentle and very warm. You could also find that your ancestors communicate with you more easily in the dream state, and you could be the kind of person who could telepathically or clairaudiently hear spirits or energy as you fall asleep. Your dreams can be very chaotic too, and when they are, they are typically about the worst-case scenario. You have very apocalyptic dreams, or you could dream about the apocalypse. You have dreams about natural disasters and chaos out of your control; you dream about having no boundaries or having no limits. You dream about betrayal that led to a spiritual awakening. You dream about enemies that disguise themselves as healers, mentors, or guides. Sometimes, your dreams will warn you about somebody wanting to contact you. You are the kind of person to dream about somebody and then hear from them shortly after.
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