The majority of this post is just going to be a vent instead of useful info, so the TL;DR is that I think I'll be leaving this blog, and moving on from writing on Tumblr as a whole.
A lot, too much, has happened since I tried to come back months ago. My health worsened in several ways, I tried, and failed, to commit suicide, I've been dealing with a somewhat unexpected diagnosis of ASD, a lot of things in my personal life involving family and other important circumstances have changed for better or worseโand while obviously not a direct contributor to most of those things, the feeling of inadequacy I felt when here only made me feel worse when I would try to come here and escape into writing. Almost constantly it felt like the majority of people didn't want to write with me and made it hard to muster the motivation to do something I used to love, and even when I would take the rare break from my blogs, I could never help but wonder if I should even bother to return. At the point where I barely feel enjoyment in coming here, there's no reason to force myself to, no matter how bad I feel for the radio silence after my last procedure. I was spending more time trying to reach out and create opportunities for interaction than actually interacting; a part of me kept thinking that people would move on and forget about me if I didn't come back fast enough, while the other part felt like it had already happened anyway and there was no point in worrying about it. There's no reason to subject myself to it, and no reason to allow my brain to try and make it the fault of other people.
But regardless, I still appreciate everyone who ever tried to write with me, even if it went nowhere, and even if in the end I didn't make the cut.