I need to vent and I have no one to actually talk about this. I mean I don't feel like I can do it, but it's because of me, not them. I've already talked about it and I feel like they don't want to hear about it anymore. But I can't take it out of my head and it still haunts me.
I'll start from the beginning. I'm an artist and it took me years to be able to start selling my art at cons. The art community can be very toxic gatekeeping and I couldn't find any help. So when I was finally able to learn some things to navigate the con world I met some artists in my same situation and decided to make a group chat for artists in my country, the first one I knew that was completely open to anyone. I was the only admin but I made it so it wouldn't matter since anyone could let new people in and I refused to remove members even if they insulted or attacked me. It started in 2019 and it grew until it became the biggest artist group in my country with over 700 members at some point.
Then a year later I removed from the chat one person. It was after many fights in the chat, they used to police everyone and bullied other people. Two friends did it too many times and I asked both to stop doing that many times until it was too much, they were bullying a young girl after she accidentally said something they considered transphobic. The poor girl apologized many times and asked me in private chat if she should leave the group because she didn't want to bother everyone else and that it was never her intention to be disrespectful.
Maybe I should say exactly what she had said so you can see how it was not transphobic at all. The conversation that day evolved out of the art stuff because pride month was starting and some people were talking about sexuality, some argued about straight people being part of the community and this girl in particular asked how could someone be straight and LGBT at the same time and the two toxic ones said trans people could be straight. She said something on the lines of "You are right, sorry. I forgot about trans people" and there were they lost their minds and started ranting and bullying her. She apologized and tried to explain many times that she meant she forgot that transgender people also align with a sexuality, not that she denied they're existence as these two were making it sound. Didn't matter.
I asked both of them to stop the argument and if they didn't I'd remove them from the chat. They had bullied people before, but it would usually be me so I never threatened them before. But this time they were going against someone smaller and weaker so I decided to act. One of them stopped, the other refused to let it go so I removed her. Then months later the other kept doing the same type of toxic things and I did the same with her. She then tried to cancel me on Twitter and Etsy by making up that I draw pedo stuff. Etsy removed my products automatically until I could get a human to check that the accusations were false.
After that it took me years until the next time I had to kick someone out. Every time it was something similar, people who were too conflictive and wouldn't stop when asked to keep some peace. For years I had kicked out no more than 6 people and the group had maxed the amount of people allowed in WhatsApp groups (287), then the max was removed and we doubled it in a few days. And mean while there was a pattern, JW would change something in their cons and the chat would explode with messages. People would sometimes argue about something and the chat would explode with messages. People would bring up off topic subjects and the chat would explode with messages and many people would complain about me not stopping that. If I tried to tell people to keep the chat only for art related topics I was a dictator. Then JW again, etc. I was being attacked no matter what but I allowed it, I would always tell my friends I'd rather be insulted than risk people to think they couldn't express their opinion.
Then the spy happened. JW started making rules and posts that seemed suspiciously aimed against the group chat. Literally! Imagine if the San Diego Comic Con started banning artist after they complained about them in a private group chat? That's literally what was happening. We knew we had a spying the group and people became afraid to talk about JW. Some became obsessed with the idea of a black list and this one girl would bring the subject very often.
By Oct 2023 we finally found out who the spy was, and the girl became even more obsessed with the black list. So much that when people tried to help her in any way she felt attacked because anything that was not feeding her obsession was offensive in her eyes. That same year in December she argued again with someone who offered to help her improve her porfolio so she started complaining to me in private at 1am and then got upset when I wasn't on her side. She started complaining about how I was a dictator who wouldn't protect her from bullying, said a bunch of ableist comments, some very offensive comments about others mental health, and when I told her she could leave is the group was so horrible she sent a rant in the group chat and left.
People were in shock and asked what was that about so I explained what happened and then someone probably told her because she started ranting to me again. So I blocked her. I should have given her a name since she'll be mentioned again so she'll be agent D
Then for most of 2024 some new people got in the group and the pattern changed. Suddenly there were many people who wouldn't stop picking fights with me all the time (also keep in mind I was pregnant from Feb to Nov). They tried to force me to make more admin, then tried to force me to join a "community" by any means. Since I always refused they made a website to vote if the chat would stay as a group or join their community and that was such a horrible experience... At first the community was winning (since only the group of friends who started were voting) but then I started notifying every member about it and the not join took over. And they ranted in the group about how it was suspicious that they were suddenly loosing and I was somehow rigging the votes, then proceed to explain exactly how that could be done (something about incognito mode, I don't know. That's why I didn't want to join the fucking community, because I'm not that good at technology and I know most people there aren't so I wanted to keep the chat as simple as possible)
People started arguing, people who were against the community started asking the one who wanted it to go and make their fucking community and leave the group alone. Suddenly I was a dictator and with an army so again I was the villain. And once again I didn't kick them out.
They ended making the community and eventually some left the group because they didn't like me, I think that's more than fair. I should give them a name since they will be mentioned again too, so here's agent C
Things didn't change much until Feb2025 (my baby was 3 months old). Once again JW did something and the group exploded. This time they had accepted for the artist alley two girls who painted 3D figures. They bought the files, printed the figure and fully painted by hand each figure. The thing is that they explained this in their application to make sure no one mistakes their work with stealing 3D files. But JW didn't paid much attention to the text and just looked at the figures and approved them. Then someone told them that the girls didn't model their figures and the week before the con they notified them their work was not allowed by their rules and banned them from selling it. Many people were by their side and many against them. But this particular group of people started bullying them as if they intentionally tried to deceive JW and we're stealing opportunities from "real artists" and they continued with that for two days straight. I talked with the girls in private to make sure I had the story straight, they had never participate in a JW before, they read the rules but we're not sure if their work was allowed or not so that's why they included a text explaining everything so the judges would tell them. When JW approved their porfolio they thought it was because everything was ok, not because they didn't pay attention. It never was that they tried to deceive the judges, it was not their fault.
But this people were accusing them of trying to pass stolen art as their work and talking so much shit I asked them to stop and leave them alone. They not only refused to do so, they again started accusing me of things. This lasted hours and I finally got to the point where I told them I would kick them out if they continue with such behavior. Once again I kicked one out and instantly I was a fascist, a dictator and I was attacked by the people who always wanted me to join the community.
Some people argued too defending the way I manage the group, saying how me allowing everyone to call me names was incongruent with the fascist accusations. That the prove that I was not a doctor was the fact that they were always calling me that and they still were in the group. They those people were accused of being paid by me to say that.
Someone said something in the lines of "this is not your group chat anymore, it stopped when more than 700 people are not your friends" and I snapped. I said "you are right, and I'll solve that right now" no more open link to join, no more disrespect to me or anyone, from now on the group should go back to my group of friends. Anyone who doesn't like it can leave and I pinned the link to the community they made for anyone who preferred it. I also started asking people one by one if they wanted to be in the group chat knowing what had happened and how I was taking control back and most wanted to stay.
So for the next months the group chat stopped growing and was way more calmed. Until May 2025 when once again JW changing something in their rules started a fight, and OMG this time things went too far. Because of the new rules many artist won't be able to go to any JW for one full year and many are upset about it and vent in the group, but others take the chance to try to cancel people they don't like. There's this sweet girl in the group that started drawing in 2022 and the started by tracing, when other artists called her out on that she apologized and removed those pieces from her profile and stand and started working in her own style (something I describe as always chibis in pastel colors, pretty common actually but not traced anymore) she also had to deal with JW about it and they approved her porfolio as long as there was no tracing in it. Everything should be fine but some people don't forget and they brought it back as if it was something she still does. This one will be called agent G. As I was there the first time I tried to explain G that it was something from the past and there was no point in arguing that again. After all that I told G I didn't care if she hated the other artist or whatever, but I wouldn't allow her to start fights and keep harassing people like that for things from years ago that were already solved. G wouldn't stop, I tried to make her understand that it was not about the other artists, but the fact that she was bringing fights to the chat and that was disruptive. I spent 3 hours the first day and 5 de next day with the same conversation until I finally told her I was going to kick her out because of her behavior.
The chat exploded again in hate against me, the dictator. Again some people insulted me, called me names, left, etc. But this time something more happened.
Remember the community? I assumed they would talked shit about me in there, but this time they brought my daughter into the conversation and some people who saw it though that was crossing an line and sent me screenshots. My baby was 6 months and they started saying I was a bad mother, I was neglecting my child and worse. I got mad and shared in the group that I knew it was happening and I was going to kick anyone who was taking part in that conversation. People in the community started talking about how it was my fault and if I didn't want people to talk about my daughter I shouldn't share her life online, I was fuming but also scared, I haven't shared my child's life or pictures online (the only one are the one picture of her covering her face and the few things about being exhausted I shared here) Yet they were saying things that made it look as if they had seen pictures or me neglecting my child as she cried. And the one saying that was fucking agente D!
I unblock her to ask where she had seen pictures of my daughter, I tried to explain that it was actually about the safety of a child. Since I had never shared her online if she had seen her it meant someone else had posted it and I needed to know where to take it down. First she denied it, I showed her the screenshot. Then it's my fault and she's done nothing wrong, then she admits she's not seen her and it's someone who told her but refuses to tell me who. She also said I was trying to victimize myself with all this and I'm pretending to be a worried mom when all I want is control over her and her friends.
I go back to the group chat and tell them what I know and that I have decided to kick out everyone I know who has been part of the conversation about my daughter in the community. People freak out, some deny knowing anything about it but I have the screenshots. In the community they are freaking out too and joking about how I'll be unavailable to find them all, and D is joking with her friends calling them her spys and saying I won't be able to find all of the spys she has in the group.
The next day I get more screenshots from the community, the admin (agent C) wrote how someone had warned them that I was mad because of the conversation there, that apparently had been way worse than the usual monthly roast (yes, they literally admitted that they do that periodically) and when someone summarizes what happened the day prior even C admitted it was too personal and I was in my right to me mad.
So now some people sent me screenshots from months before and they had also talked about my baby's father too, about where he works, started talking about how bad of a person he must be if he is with me, then someone said they met him and he is such a good person so now they feel so bad for him because he is with me and poor guy probably don't know hoy I really am...
It's just so crazy I can't believe it happened. I get that artist sometimes are extremely toxic. I know about gatekeeping. I know about beef between artist and how they can sometimes attack each other. I know there's a lot of call-out for tracing and copying. A lot of art theft. And now since they couldn't go after me for any of those things they went for my family? How low is that? I really think I made a huge mistake making the group chat open to anyone. I wanted to help artist who were starting, since I couldn't get help when I needed it I wanted to be that help to others, but it ended so bad I really want to shut it down. But if I do that the only place the new artists can go now will be the community, that same extremely toxic community that has been trying to destroy the group chat and I don't really know why. I don't want that.
And I can't take it out of my head, how they talked about me as a mother, about my partner and my child. That feels wrong at so many levels it's crazy... And yet they took it to X and I'm the bad guy? Some of the people involved literally made threads saying how "they only said that my baby was heard crying when I left voice notes and I was a bad mother for that and I was trying to portray them as monsters" and all I can think is how are they not seeing that they themselves recognized how they talked about my child? Online?? In public??? And yet I'm the one trying to make them look bad when I didn't say a single thing? (Until now, obviously)
It's just something I can't stop thinking about. 6 years since the group started and here I am now, thinking about every conversation trying to find where did I fucked up so badly that a bunch of people though talking about my child to hurt me was acceptable.
romaincrisis
jbbartram-illu
jacobvanloon
