r u there god

[fh3207972]

i trust girls with literally everything but if a boy asks me like what my favorite color is im like what the fuck are u trying to do…….

[millennial-review-deactivated20]

[hidingoutbackstage]

I’m right and I should say it

[tsuki-dono-7-deactivated2019102]

[strangegirlsclub-deactivated202]

Me: laying down in the nurses office w the lights off waiting for my mom to pick me up

You: in class learning division

[dbejfdewfbwekf-deactivated20211]

*girl is born* time to start preparing her for marriage

*boy turns 30* i know you are still a child but just pretend to get your life enough bit together so that other parents can give you their daughter she can take it from there you can go back being a baby nbd

[gowns]

[pinkisbitter]

My mattress is strapped to eight roombas and I leave all my doors open at night so the roombas can go where they want to. I wake up where they want me to be. I trust their decisions.

[bisexuanal]

Me to my 3 year old: now sweetheart I know Chase the police pup from the paw patrol seems nice but he is what we call a class traitor.

[inahiddenplace]

i don’t want to see anyone be sexy anymore. tired of it. bored. have sex or wahtevr i don’t care just stop being sexy … it’s been done to death.. at least like spill some juice on ur jeans or somethin so i can relate 2 u… make that face that is like “this baby carrot that i’m eating isn’t like sweet it is instead that weird boring carrot flavor” it looks like this :\ but with bigger cheeks because u are eating the carrot anyways because you don’t want to waste it. UGH . hello ? i am typing on my keyboard to you. can you hear me ? 

[fuckyeah2000s]

[butchwifing]

If you’re trying to figure out if she’s gay, ask her who her favorite member of the Fab 5 is and if she says Antoni, she’s straight.

[santa-klaus]

This is… correct

[make--it--gayer]

[istanbul-not-constantinople]

Yesterday at work this lady was buying a leaf plate and when I told her I thought it was cute she said “Yeah, it’s perfect for my treehouse!”. I was like “oh, do you have kids?” and she said “yeah, I have kids, they just aren’t allowed in my treehouse” and honestly same

[testostergnomes]

When did Justin Bieber become the dude from the Princess Bride?

[goosewithajob]

[teenagerposts]

[wodneswynn-deactivated-deactiva]