sabotage

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[sparrow-the-tired-lesbian]

Seeing the act of growing up and moving out of your parents’ house as an “escape” is so mentally draining. Eighteen years of my life will have been spent hiding and watching my six and keeping who I really am a secret. Eighteen years spent lying. Eighteen years wasted. Eighteen years begging for an escape. Pleading. It isn’t fair.

[elithelakes]

sure, we all love found family in fiction. but recently i’ve been thinking about what exactly draws me to it so much. and thinking about it, it’s unfortunately all too obvious. i’m obsessed with the idea of someone not being required to support and love another person, but doing so anyways, and doing it to such an extent that they essentially become family to each other. why? well, there were people in my life that should have automatically supported and loved me, but they didn’t; it’s the idea of someone doing something by choice what someone else wouldn’t even do by requirement. what one person saw and said “that’s an unlovable mess” another person saw said “maybe you are a mess but i’m going to go out of my way to love you anyways”. needless to say i’ve been crying for a while.

[dandelion-poems]

Open Your Eyes

Manipulation is when they blame you for your reaction to their toxic behavior but never discuss their disrespect that triggered you.

[timetravelsong]

𝐈 𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐬 - 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐥𝐥, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐟𝐚𝐫 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐞, 𝐈’𝐦 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞.

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐞.

excerpts from a book I’ll never write

[nemosopenletters-blog]

I just want to be important, too.

[maybe-an-aspd-angel]

[maybe-an-aspd-angel]

[lattedrinkr]

Sometimes you lay on your bed and then every emotion you’ve ever had is ripped away from you, now everyone you know thinks you don’t care about them but you actually just don’t care period.

[bittersweet-hiraeth]

And suddenly in the blink of an eye, I feel the familiar void I had thought that subsided.

Maybe it is forever.

[Bittersweet-Hiraeth]

[lochnesssage]

Just knowing that if someone were nicer to me growing up, maybe things would be different.

[a-healthy-dose-of-apathy]

part of me is jealous that i can’t be explosive the way that other people are with BPD. i understand, logically, i have it easier and people with more stereotypical bpd symptoms have it ROUGH. meanwhile my relationships are more stable and most people have no clue i have anything wrong with me at all. but that’s part of the PROBLEM. people don’t SEE me as sick and it feels so invalidating. my pain isn’t loud so it doesn’t exist.

this disorder just sucks lmao

[borderline-culture-is]

quiet BPD culture is having an entire meltdown on a private blog, screaming, yelling and venting so much there while you stare at your screen with the most neutral expression ever because you cant even physically express things from how hurt you are. its just angry typing until you get it out of your system and pretend like nothing has ever happened because you dont have anyone to rely on. (nor trust to ever hear about your problems)

.

[purgedpuke]

Quiet bpd is hell because absolutely nobody believes you

[luciferasing]

Maybe having a vent blog isn't the healthiest way to deal with my pain but fuck it man, at least I'm carving it out of me somewhat, instead of letting it fester inside my bones to kill me slowly.

[betweenmee]

[twistedsweethearts]

why couldn’t you just love me mama…

what did I do wrong…

[fucktrustsandpromises]

was born for the sole purpose of seeking validation and love.

[tu-es-le-soleil-de-ma-lune]

I'm at a point where I think it is just better to me sad and lonely than miserable and disappointed. I have given up trying to find my people because I do not think they even exist. I am tired of being let down. I am tired of getting my hopes up only for them to come crashing down around me. I am tired.