Fuck Yeah, Sex Positivity!

For sex positive posts, posts about safer sex and sex education, and questions regarding healthy relationships of all orientations and levels of attraction.

[fuckyeahsexpositivity]

Is it true that using a vibrator can desensitize you? I have really painful periods (possibly endometriosis), and I've found that masturbating really helps with my cramps. If I use my hands, it takes me a long time, and when I'm on my period I'm usually not in the mood for all that and just want to go to sleep so I use a vibrator. I thought that was pretty normal for people with vulvas. But someone told me that that would desensitize me and I won't be able to enjoy sex? I'm not sexually active so I have no idea if it's true or not. I can still orgasm with just my hands, so I'm assuming that would still be the case with a partner, it would just take longer (which is fine, I'd want to enjoy it and not just get it over with quickly and go to sleep). Also, couldn't I just use toys with a partner if I wanted to? Is there something wrong with that? Do most people not like it or is it difficult or something?

Acidreign, rising from the waves:

The claim that using a vibrator can desensitize you is 100% bullshit. Vibe away! don't have to take my word for it though: https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/overusing-vibrator-sensitivity#The-takeaway

[fuckyeahsexpositivity]

I'm a girl Is it true that while masturbating and having sex, girls (or afab ppl) can't experience as much pleasure as boys (or amab ppl)? Like. Idk. Is the most pleasure a male can get higher then the pleasure a female can? Also, when do girls usually start to masturbate? Is it later then boys? Last question: does it hurt for females the first time they have sex? And also generally when the have sex -A

1. No, that is not true. It is, first off, impossible to say definitively who feels something more because sensation is a subjective and personal experience. Sure, I can tell you “this feels really good” or “this hurts a lot,” but you can’t tell if my “hurts a lot” is the same as someone else’s. It’s not like taking someone’s temperature or their pulse. But we do know that clits and penises have the same number of nerve endings, it’s just that clits are smaller and therefore the sensation is more concentrated. 

But each person is different, and lots of things can affect how sex feels. If you’re stressed or uncomfortable or on certain kinds of medication, that can make it harder for sex to feel good. (There is also a very small number of people who can’t orgasm at all, ever, but it’s very uncommon.)

2. The age of first masturbation depends on the person. On average, boys start a little bit earlier, but that’s an average: that means that there are people who start earlier than the average and people who start later than the average. (And the differences in gender probably doesn’t have anything to do with biology, and is more likely just that 

3. It can hurt, but it should not. If you go slow, make sure you’ve done a lot of foreplay so you’re very turned on, and have enough lube, it should not hurt. (BTW, if you’re very turned on but still don’t get very wet, that’s okay. If you can’t produce a lot of lube naturally, storebought is fine.)

4. The age of first having penis-in-vagina sex (obviously not everyone has PIV sex, and sometimes people try other things before they do PIV) depends on the study you look at, but it tends to be around 17 for everyone. Again, THAT IS AN AVERAGE. That means there are a lot of people who have sex before and after that number. 

I hope this helps!

--BB

[fuckyeahsexpositivity]

Blow jobs really gross me out, will it be expected of me to give one to my partner? Do most women give blow jobs?

Okay, so, let’s address two separate issues.

One is whether the average person you come across is going to have a very specific cultural idea of what sex is, how it works, what acts are common or not, and how to progress from “total stranger” to “having a sexual relationship.”

The other issue is whether the existence of that cultural idea means that you are required to adhere to that in your relationships specifically.

The answer to the first question is yes. American culture has a very specific idea of how stuff works and progresses. And that does include the idea that oral sex is “less” than PIV sex (therefore it should be explored before committing to PIV) and that it’s part of a standard sex act toolkit that everyone should know how to do.

Does this mean that you have to give blowjobs (or any sex act at all) if you don’t like it? No. Fuck that. The whole point of this blog is that just because there is a cultural expectation doesn’t mean that you have to follow it. There’s a cultural expectation that people are or should be straight, monogamous, and vanilla, and fuck that, too. 

Part of being ready to have sex includes the ability to express your likes and dislikes with a partner. And if your partner is a safe and good partner for you, then they will take that into account and not try to pressure, force, or guilt you into doing those acts anyway. And the same is true in reverse: your partner should be able to express stuff to you and you should be able to respect that and not pressure them. And if at some point either of you changes your mind or gets interested in exploring something new and different, again you talk about it with your partner and see whether you want to do it together.

Okay, but what happens if something you really like is one of your partner’s hard “no”s, or something you hate is something they love? Then you either work with it by finding stuff you both like (and give up the stuff that one or both of you dislikes), meet that desire elsewhere (with each other’s knowledge and consent), or recognize that you might not be sexually compatible. And that’s fine. Just like how some people wouldn’t be compatible with someone who’s into building elaborate Lego models or who works a third shift job, some people aren’t compatible sexually. You don’t need any reason to break up, but “the sex isn’t good” is not a wrong or invalid reason to break up.

Part of being a human being is that you’re always going to be slightly different from other people. There are going to be commonalities (lots of people might like the same books as you, or have the same hobbies, or have a similar fashion sense), but no one is going to have the same constellation of traits and interests and abilities as you do. And it’s the same with relationships: your relationship might be the same as other people’s in some ways (maybe you and your partner call each other “bae,” like a lot of other people do), but that doesn’t mean you are or have to be identical, including what sex things you do with each other.

So, tl;dr: you do not have to give blowjobs if you don’t want to. It doesn’t matter what other women do, what matters is if you want to do it.

--BB

[fuckyeahsexpositivity]

How soon after getting my lip pierced can i give my vagina-having partner head? Everything I've seen while googling is aimed at giving penis-owners head, and I'm wondering if it might be different between the two?

If you’re still healing, then you should try to avoid anything that might introduce foreign bacteria to what’s technically an open wound. I don’t know how long your particular piercing will take to heal (you should ask your piercer about it), but until it does, I would avoid it.

--BB

[hellyeahscarleteen]

There’s a big meme in a lot of our cultures that says that sex is only hot when it feels like it just happened to us and our partners; when throughout, there’s a sense of wild abandon, a lack of control, an effortlessness, or when someone is being, or feels like they’re being, taken or surrendered in some way. Some of that meme is crap, and some of it is even bullshit of the worst possible kind: the kind that enables and excuses rape and other abuse, that presents sex or sexuality as something that is out of everyone’s control and which we all need to be afraid of, a collective vulnerability some big groups have exploited throughout history – and are still exploiting now, and boy howdy, do you know about that if you’re a young person – to socially control or oppress people. On the other hand, some of that meme is about some of the good stuff people often want from sex that not only doesn’t hurt anyone, but is beneficial for everyone involved: an escape from the more stressful parts of life, for instance, or from negatives we might often experience or feel about our bodies or minds. An ease. A place or way to feel free or less guarded. A safe way to explore parts of ourselves we wouldn’t bring to dinner with anyone’s parents. A way to be vulnerable with someone else where we and our partners might well be giving or sharing parts of ourselves to each other we often keep just to ourselves. An adult way to play like we played in other ways as kids, where we do things on the fly, forget who we are a little bit, and get totally caught up in the play to the point where we almost forget about everything else, like what time we were supposed to be home for dinner or that we’re not, as it turns out, in an actual castle, but instead are playing inside a cardboard box. There’s no need to get all judgy about anyone who wants to enjoy or experience spontaneity, or a feeling of surrender, freedom or abandon in their sexual life. There’s nothing that isn’t okay about enjoying those things or wanting those kinds of experiences. The good news is that whatever good feelings we can have or enjoy from that general feeling of sex “just happening,” are things we can still have when we’re all being a lot more intentional, and when we all have real control in and of sexual experiences and interactions. We have the capacity to have sex that feels like a lot of it’s just happening in the good ways – where plenty of it feels spontaneous, and like we can let ourselves go in it, or float in it – while it’s all also what we’ve mutually, consensually and actively chosen, both at the time and in advance. We can feel out of control with something while still actually being in control, and if you don’t believe me, ask a professional skydiver, a musician or a dancer.

When Sex “Just Happened” (And How to Make It Happen Instead)

[fuckyeahsexpositivity]

Research Study on Sexual Pleasure for Curvy, Queer, Women

Hello!

My name is Carolyn Meiller, and I am working on my dissertation project towards my doctorate in Counseling Psychology. I am looking to interview curvy queer women about sexual pleasure. Research on curvy queer women is limited, and when focused on sexuality, mostly focuses on the negative aspects of sex. I am hoping to raise the varied experiences curvy queer women have with sex and gain an understanding for how curvy queer women experience and understand sexual pleasure. I hope this data will be used to create a theory for how identity, societal messages, and other external forces influence the experiences of pleasure for curvy queer women. Furthermore, this research will be used to further promote sexual health, justice, and fair treatment for curvy queer women in medical and mental health settings.

To be eligible for this study you must:

Be between the ages of 18-29

Identify as a woman

Identify as curvy, fat, plus size, or of a larger body size

Identify within the LGBQ+ spectrum

Be willing to talk about your experiences over a video call related to your identity, sex, and sexual pleasure in a 1-2 hour interview that will be audio-recorded.

If you are interested in participating please fill out the eligibility screener at https://uky.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_4MVGs8C5gZ3J6oR

If you have questions or would like further information, please contact me at [email protected] and I’d be happy to talk about the study further! If you are not eligible or interested, but know others who might be, I’d appreciate you sharing this email with them. Participants who participate in the interviews will receive $20 to compensate them for their time. Thank you again for your consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you!

Thank you!

Carolyn Meiller, M.S.

Pronouns: she, her, hers

Doctoral Candidate

Counseling Psychology

University of Kentucky

[jackawful]

One of the most healing things I’ve strove (striven?) to do in my life is viewing sex as just another thing people do, among a host of other things like eating and pooping and playing with cats.

Our entire society, feminists and puritans alike, pushes the idea that sex is uniquely powerful and dangerous, capable of inflicting The Worst Trauma or the Highest Fulfillment, and that’s…just flat out untrue. Other experiences can cause similar trauma: violence, disasters, war, instability. Other experiences can result in transcendent pleasure: trance states, live music, non-sexual intimacy, tattoos.

I think this is where the disconnect in perception about sex positivity comes from, because the phrase itself makes people who already view sex as being uniquely powerful think sex positivity means viewing sex as uniquely good, when actually…it’s mostly about taking sex off that pedestal. Normalizing sex. Making it into just another thing people do. Because that’s the first step in making sure people can engage with sex on their own terms in a healthy way.

Taking sex off its cultural pedestal was the thing that allowed me to overcome the deeply-instilled shame I developed from being raised within Christian purity culture, and from being queer, and from existing as a woman. I think a failure to do that, in feminist circles, often leads to an overblowing of the (very real) harm that sex has the potential to do at the exclusion of other problems facing women and other marginalized groups, which often leads to more shaming rhetoric - just rhetoric that shames different people for different reasons.

Sex is not the enemy and it’s not our savior. It’s just one more thing people can do with their bodies.

[midwest-medblr]

Ok docs and future docs, we need to be better at talking about sex with our patients. Sex is about more than STIs and pregnancy when it comes to living a healthy life. Sex (and masturbation for that matter) is something that should be an enjoyable and fulfilling part of being a human.

I have heard two friends relay concerns about how their healthcare providers spoke to them about sex in the last week (although I know this happens All. The. Freaking. Time.).

1) A friend asked if her depo shot could be causing her low sex drive. The provider told her that it’s unlikely and that her boyfriend just probably wasn’t “the one”. That’s problematic as fuck for several reasons. First, that’s heteronormative as fuck. Second, depo CAN cause low sex drive and that dismissed the problem without delving into the issue more. Third, sex can be enjoyed with one or many partners whether there’s commitment or not. Let me also mention that this happened at a Planned Parenthood! Of all places!!! This isn’t some rural, conservative clinic.

2) Another friend told her provider that her SSRI made it impossible to orgasm. Said friend is in a long distance relationship, so the provider said “so how is that an issue?” Oh. My. God. 1) She should be able to enjoy sex when her boyfriend is there right? 2) Masturbation is a thing, and anorgasmia affects that too which is frustrating! She should have a sexually fulfilling life even without her significant other physically present. Sexual satisfaction doesn’t solely depend on a penis. Sorry men.

I could apply both of these scenarios to men as well! So, to learn more about patient’s sex lives, here’s some questions you can ask:

1. Are you in a relationship, single, married? This also helps you get to know them more without moving straight into question 2.

2. Are you sexually active? Ask this even if they’re married! That way they can bring up concerns if they’re married and aren’t having sex but want to. This is especially relevant during menopause for both women AND men.

3. Are you sexually active with men, women, or both?

4. Have you had one or multiple partners in the last 6 months? Again, ask this to married people as well! It’s all about how you deliver the question. Make no assumptions. Don’t forget to ask if they’ve been tested for STIs since their most recent new partner here.

5. Do you have any sexual concerns? Pain with sex? Are you currently satisfied with your sex life? This opens the door for discussing so many sexual problems without having the patient bring it up on their own.

6. Would you like to become pregnant in the next year? Or for men, would your partner like to become pregnant in the next year? This is from a new public health initiative called “One Key Question”. I could go on about this since it’s a research interest of mine, but basically, it’s a less stigmatizing way to ask what are you using for birth control, and patients are more likely to make a safe plan to avoid pregnancy or become pregnant based on their individual preferences. This isn’t just a women’s health issue. Men should be talking about birth control with their providers and partners too.

These are just a few of my go to questions. Anyone else can add more! Overall, I’m upset at my friends experiences and think we should all just talk about sex more because sex is kind of a big deal. I strongly believe everyone should have a healthy AND satisfying sex life, and doctors should be a trusted source of information not judgemental pieces of shit. Rant over.

[whitecoat-bluegown]

Yes to all of this!

[toomanylokifeels]

“This tumblr may contain sensitive media. Go to Dashboard.”

Give me the option to consent to see it. 

If you actually care about the community you’re building on social media, you’d give people - especially adult people - the option to consent to see “sensitive” or adult content. Censorship does not contribute to a healthy, informed outlook on adult content such as but not limited to: sex and sexuality. Giving people the option to make informed decisions about the consumption of adult content lets people decide for themselves how they feel about said content and whether or not they want to see it. The control is put in the hands of consumers.

Warnings and disclaimers are great. Effective content-sharing websites use warnings and disclaimers on adult content to help people monitor the content that they consume. It gives people the ability to opt out of seeing content that could potentially be inappropriate for them. However, it’s effective because it also gives people the ability to opt in. It’s a choice. Either way people are giving their consent to say “no” or “yes” to adult content. Making adult content inaccessible does not allow people to make an informed decision like this.

When adult content is made by consenting adults and shared with consenting adults with fair warnings and disclaimers to protect people from seeing content that may be inappropriate for them on an individual basis, you are building a community based around consent. Censorship of consent does not prevent people from using adult content to be abusive. If the concern was actually about abusive/harmful content wherein consent is severely compromised, then the pedophiles and Nazis would have been banned en masse a long time ago. 

[fuckyeahsexpositivity]

Hey, everyone.

So, Tumblr is officially banning NSFW content. Despite their assurances that this does not include written or educational content, in practice this ban has affected both. pervocracy, a sex positive and educational blog, was deactivated before the ban was announced despite never posting any pornographic content; other allegedly “safe” content such as transition pictures have also been flagged. We cannot assume that the ban will not affect us.

Neither Wordpress nor Dreamwidth support the reblogging and anonymous messaging necessary to support the blog. If we ever move to Pillowfort, it will be well after the ban is enacted. We haven’t yet decided if we will delete the blog ourselves, but Tumblr may make that decision for us. 

When I started this blog seven years ago, I had no idea how much I would learn. I have learned so, so much: about sexual health, about relationships, about how vast and diverse and wonderful our experiences are. I’ve let the blog fall by the wayside in the past couple of years (law school will do that), but I’ve enjoyed every minute I’ve been here. I’m saddened and frustrated that it has to end on these terms, but I appreciate all of you.

If you are in need of resources:

Scarleteen is one of the best websites for sex education. They have moderated forums to answer questions and hundreds of articles on everything you have ever wanted to know about sex, relationships, and growing up. They have a Tumblr, @hellyeahscarleteen

Planned Parenthood is also very accessible, with loads of articles on safer sex and relationships. Their in-person clinics can also help with pressing medical needs.

Advocates for Youth is a nonprofit dedicated towards issues affecting young people, particularly reproductive rights and sexual health. They have a lot of job and internship opportunities, particularly for people who are in their late teens and early twenties.

There are a lot of local health clinics with websites that can both provide medical care and educational resources; your doctor’s office or hospital can also be a great resource.

I want to close by saying that despite what our society might say about it –despite what Tumblr might say about it – sex is not a bad thing. It is not wrong to want to learn about it, discuss it, witness it, or participate in it. It is not a negative, and banning it is not a “positive”: its existence is morally neutral.

Being exposed to information about sex is important to making healthy and informed decisions, setting boundaries, navigating relationships, and understanding oneself. Preventing access to this information only keeps people ignorant and less able to make choices for themselves.

If you shield someone’s eyes from something you find inappropriate or awkward or frightening, you may indeed be protecting them. But you are also keeping them in the dark. 

–BB

[fuckyeahsexpositivity]

Hey, everyone.

So, Tumblr is officially banning NSFW content. Despite their assurances that this does not include written or educational content, in practice this ban has affected both. pervocracy, a sex positive and educational blog, was deactivated before the ban was announced despite never posting any pornographic content; other allegedly “safe” content such as transition pictures have also been flagged. We cannot assume that the ban will not affect us.

Neither Wordpress nor Dreamwidth support the reblogging and anonymous messaging necessary to support the blog. If we ever move to Pillowfort, it will be well after the ban is enacted. We haven’t yet decided if we will delete the blog ourselves, but Tumblr may make that decision for us. 

When I started this blog seven years ago, I had no idea how much I would learn. I have learned so, so much: about sexual health, about relationships, about how vast and diverse and wonderful our experiences are. I’ve let the blog fall by the wayside in the past couple of years (law school will do that), but I’ve enjoyed every minute I’ve been here. I’m saddened and frustrated that it has to end on these terms, but I appreciate all of you.

If you are in need of resources:

Scarleteen is one of the best websites for sex education. They have moderated forums to answer questions and hundreds of articles on everything you have ever wanted to know about sex, relationships, and growing up. They have a Tumblr, @hellyeahscarleteen

Planned Parenthood is also very accessible, with loads of articles on safer sex and relationships. Their in-person clinics can also help with pressing medical needs.

Advocates for Youth is a nonprofit dedicated towards issues affecting young people, particularly reproductive rights and sexual health. They have a lot of job and internship opportunities, particularly for people who are in their late teens and early twenties.

There are a lot of local health clinics with websites that can both provide medical care and educational resources; your doctor’s office or hospital can also be a great resource.

I want to close by saying that despite what our society might say about it –despite what Tumblr might say about it – sex is not a bad thing. It is not wrong to want to learn about it, discuss it, witness it, or participate in it. It is not a negative, and banning it is not a “positive”: its existence is morally neutral.

Being exposed to information about sex is important to making healthy and informed decisions, setting boundaries, navigating relationships, and understanding oneself. Preventing access to this information only keeps people ignorant and less able to make choices for themselves.

If you shield someone’s eyes from something you find inappropriate or awkward or frightening, you may indeed be protecting them. But you are also keeping them in the dark. 

--BB

[nonbinarypastels]

What sex positivity should be.

It’s consent-based. Sex positivity should encourage healthy consent practices, not only for sex but for all physical and emotional intimacy. It should encourage personal relationships and a larger society where people not only have the right to say no but the comfort in knowing that if they do say no they won’t be punished, pressured, or condemned for that. It should encourage people to be comfortable in setting their own boundaries and feeling safe calling out people who encroach upon those boundaries.

It’s risk-aware. Sex positiivty should encourage people to educate themselves and be open in discussions with their partners so that everyone knows the potential risks in whatever activity they’re participating in and how to participate in those activities in a safe manner. If, for example, a person is interested in bondage they should be aware of how to practice it safely so that it can be done without doing unwanted or serious harm to them or their partners.

It encourages safe sexual practices. See: risk-aware but sex positivity should also encourage the use of condoms, birth control, dental dams, etc. It should encourage people who are having sex with multiple partners to get tested regularly. It should also educate people about how to properly clean sexual devices and maintain good sanitary habits.

It’s shame-free. Sex positivity should remove the concept of shame from consensual adult sex. It should be based in the idea that if all participants in an act are consenting, adults, safe, risk-aware, not being harmed in a way that they did not consent to then, and that no one who does not want to participate is being unduly exposed to their act then they are doing nothing wrong and should not feel that they are.

It acknowledges that thoughts/fantasies are not the same thing as actions. This also falls under the category of being shame-free but more specifically, sex positivity should make an effort to remind people that their fantasies are not the same as real-life actions that and people with violent fantasies or who are aroused by fantasizing about things that would not be acceptable if acted on outside of their head are not bad for this and that their fantasies are not on the same level as the equivalent real-life action. Sex positivity is not believing in the concept of ‘thought crimes’ and refusing to shame people for thoughts/fantasies as though they were real-life actions.

It supports comprehensive sex ed. Sex positivity should support comprehensive sexual education being taught in every school. The curriculum should be inclusive to LGBTQIA+ people and focus on all forms of sex rather than just PIV as well as teach students about puberty, consent, birth control options, what a healthy relationship should be like, various forms of interpersonal abuse and how to spot red flags in relationships, menstruation (what is/is not normal for a period, different menstrual products and how to use them), and some other things I’m probably forgetting. Comprehensive sex ed should above all be shame free and make an effort to educate children about their bodies, sex, relationships, and selves in a safe and judgment-free environment.

It supports sex workers. Sex positivity should support the decriminalization of sex work and actively focus on improving the rights and safety of sex workers while also actively fighting against people and systems of oppression which force people into sex work who do not want to be there, namely among them being classism as no one should be forced into sex work due to financial circumstances which mean that without doing sex work they would be homeless or unable to afford basic living expenses (an issue that should be addressed not by further penalizing or otherwise harming, shaming or discriminating against these sex workers but by attacking the system of classism and supporting more social welfare and expanding opportunities for the poor).

It supports a person’s right to their own sexuality. Sex positivity should acknowledge that all people have different sexualities, different levels of interest in sex, different kinks, and just different feelings about and experiences with sex in general, and it should embrace this. People who experience no sexual attraction, people who don’t ever want to have sex, people who are attracted to everyone, people who want to have sex with multiple partners, people who are ‘vanilla’, people who are into ‘extreme’ kinks—people with every level of sexual interest and interest in specific kinds of sex should be accepted provided that everyone involved with whatever is going on is a consenting adult. This should include asexuals and people who are sex-repulsed (asexual or not) as sex positivity should encourage and support people who don’t experience sexual attraction or don’t want sex as much as we do people who do.

It refuses to harbor, accept, or excuse abusers. Sex positivity is not worth a shit unless it’s anti-abuse. Consent and safety are the foundation for good sex positivity and people who violate another person’s consent or compromise their safety should not be accepted and their actions should not be swept under the rug. Sex positivity should focus on educating people on various forms of abuse and how to spot them, creating a society where abuse victims are able to safely come forward about their abuse without fear of victim-blaming or punishment, and refuse to allow abusers to continue being part of of our communities. It means acknowledging abuse when it happens, addressing it seriously, and doing everything in your power to support the survivors.

It encourages honesty and open communication. Sex positivity should encourage people to be honest to the people they’re involved with and with themselves as well. It should encourage people to be introspective about what they feel and what they want and it should provide them a safe environment by which to express these things to their partners. People should be comfortable discussing sex with the people they’re involved with and not be afraid to do so.

It’s inclusive to people of all identities and body types. Sex positivity should actively acknowledge and support people of all kinds and make an effort to discuss the sexual issues pertinent to certain identities that are rarely given much attention. It should actively fight against the idea that only a certain kind of body is the ‘right’ kind of body, that only a certain kind of people are ‘desirable’, that conventional beauty standards are the end-all/be-all. Sex positivity should be inclusive towards fat people, disable people, trans and nonbinary people, people of color, mentally ill people, queer people—everyone. Sex positivity should create and encourage the existence of people of all identities being able to talk specifically about sex, sexuality, and how it intersects with different aspects of their selves.

Sex positivity to me essentially should mean consenting adults making their own choices with regards to sex—whether or not they have it, what kind they have, who they have it with, etc—while acknowledging and respecting that other consenting adults will make other choices because all people are different and want different things, and it should focus not only on an individual’s sexual choices but also on building a broader society which is open and honest and legitimately cares about the well-being, happiness, safety, and autonomy of other people.

[hellyeahscarleteen]

Online porn filters will never work

Beyond the massive technical challenge, filters are a lazy alternative to effective sex education.

[fuckyeahsexpositivity]

Hi! So I’m 21 and I’ve never been to the gyno before. Do you think I should make an appointment soon? (I’m not sexually active yet). Also, how do I say to my mom I want to go? Because she has never told me anything about it. (I don’t live with my parents but they are very “suffocating”, they want to know where I am and what I am doing always).

It’s a good idea to make an appointment with a gynecologist around the time you turn 21, even if you’re not sexually active yet. That’s because 21 is the age that it’s recommended that you start routine screenings for cervical cancer, though you can start seeing a gynecologist earlier or choose to go later. It doesn’t mean you are having sex, or even want to have sex: your reproductive organs are part of your body, and taking care of them is just as important as taking care of your lungs or your heart. Gynecologists can help with a lot of things, not just sex: some cancers, issues with menstruation, and conditions like polycystic ovarian syndrome or endometriosis are all things that a gynecologist can help you with that have little or nothing to do with sex.

You can try giving a possible reason for going, if you have a reason, like unusually painful or heavy periods. Or you can try phrasing it the way I just did: it’s a routine medical exam that is recommended for everyone once they turn 21, even if they’re not sexually active. Or you can give even less information than that: it’s a routine check-up, and you don’t say what doctor it’s with. Your health is important, and part of health includes your personal safety: if, to protect yourself, you need to lie, that’s okay.

If you are still on your parents’ health insurance, they may find out that you went through insurance records. If you think it’s necessary, here’s a link to a possible way to prevent them seeing those records, since you’re over 18 and are allowed by law to keep your medical information private.

I know that this is something you’ve probably already thought about, but I’m going to tell you anyway: your health is nobody’s business but yours, and only you get to decide who knows about it. Your sex life, if and when you have one, is nobody’s business but yours, and only you get to decide who knows about it. Even if you’re dependent on your parents as an adult, as a lot of people are (hi!), you’re allowed to have your own life. That’s part of being an adult. I don’t know your situation, and can’t know what judgements you’re making about your own privacy and safety, but I wanted to remind you of that.

--BB

[rapeculturerealities]

7 Dangerous Sex Myths Teens Still Learn in American Classrooms

In 2018, students are more likely to learn BS than real information in sex ed.

Under the Trump administration, sex-ed programs that stress abstinence until marriage—and use tactics like these to scare teenagers out of sex—are prioritized. Only 13 states require information in sex ed to be medically accurate, according to the most recent data from the Guttmacher Institute. But even when the information isn’t factually wrong, abstinence-based curricula might convey it in a way that excludes, shames, or stigmatizes certain students. It’s time to set the record straight.

read more

[fuckyeahsexpositivity]

I usually make fun of Cosmo but.... dang. Go Cosmo.

--BB

[cognitivedissonance]

You Can Now Get Safe Abortion Pills Mailed to You in the United States 

For years, an organization called Women on Web has been helping women who need an abortion have them in the privacy of their own homes—by

This is invaluable for people who can get pregnant to bookmark.

[actupny]

We’re as confident now that undetectable gay men pose no risk of HIV transmission as we already were for heterosexuals, researchers say

The chance of any HIV-positive person with an undetectable viral load transmitting the virus to a sexual partner is scientifically equivalent to zero, researchers confirmed at the 22nd International AIDS Conference (AIDS 2018) in Amsterdam today.

Final results from the PARTNER study were presented this morning at a press conference on the opening day of AIDS 2018. Results originally announced in 2014 from the first phase, PARTNER 1, already indicated that “Undetectable equals Untransmittable” (U=U). However, the statistical certainty of this result was not quite as convincing in the case of gay men, or for anal sex, as it was for vaginal sex.

Results from PARTNER 2, the second phase, which only recruited gay couples, were presented today.

The results indicate, in the words of the researchers, “A precise rate of within-couple transmission of zero” for gay men as well as for heterosexuals.

The PARTNER study recruited HIV serodiscordant couples (one partner positive, one negative) at 75 clinical sites in 14 European countries. They tested the HIV-negative partners every six to 12 months for HIV, and tested viral load in the HIV-positive partners. Both partners also completed behavioural surveys. In cases of HIV infection in the negative partners, their HIV was genetically analysed to see if it came from their regular partner.

The study found no transmissions between gay couples where the HIV-positive partner had a viral load under 200 copies/ml – even though there were nearly 77,000 acts of condomless sex between them.

Why PARTNER matters

It is fitting that the results of PARTNER 2 appear on the tenth anniversary of an impassioned debate at the Mexico City International AIDS Conference in 2008 on the validity of the Swiss Statement, which was the first published document to say that, under defined circumstances, people with HIV who have fully suppressed viral loads due to treatment cannot transmit HIV.

At the time it was said that due to lack of viral load monitoring in anything but high-income countries, this fact – even if true – would have little relevance to most people with HIV.

There was also concern that telling people with HIV that they were not infectious if virally suppressed would be counter-productive because it would discourage safer sex. The more important message to give to people, some experts said, was that they should take every dose of their therapy.

The U=U (Undetectable equals Untransmittable) campaign was founded as a reaction to these positions.

The thinking behind U=U is that telling people they are not infectious if virally suppressed was a message of hope, and something earnestly desired by many people with HIV. It would help to combat the stigma against them, and their own self-stigma. By providing a powerful incentive to take treatment it could also have a positive impact on public health, as well as on individuals.

The Swiss doctors who issued the original 2008 statement apologised at the time that stating that people “do not” transmit HIV under the circumstances above was too definite, and that they had only meant to indicate that the likelihood of transmission was reduced.

But what PARTNER tells us is that they were right all along. People who are virally suppressed do not transmit HIV.

It was widely assumed at the time that sexually transmitted infections (STIs) might make people infectious even when they normally had an undetectable viral load.

But PARTNER tells us that STI infections have no impact on HIV infectiousness in people who are fully suppressed.

And it was thought that because HIV is transmitted more easily via anal than vaginal sex, the results might not hold for gay men.

But PARTNER 2 now tells us that U=U holds just as strongly for gay men (and for anal sex) as for heterosexuals.

[…]

PARTNER is not the only study about viral load and infectiousness. Last year the Opposites Attract study also found no transmissions in nearly 17,000 acts of condomless anal sex between serodiscordant gay male partners, meaning that no transmission has been seen in about 126,000 occasions of sex, if you combine this study with PARTNER 1 and 2.

What has changed is that we can now state that U=U with at least as much confidence for gay men as we already could for heterosexuals or, as the researchers say, “PARTNER2 provides a similar level of confidence for gay men as for heterosexual couples in PARTNER 1.”

“We looked so hard for transmissions,” Alison Rodger told aidsmap.com. “And we didn’t find any.”

The last line in the last slide she presented today was “Undetectable = Untransmittable.”

This is great news and so important, emphatically confirming what we already knew: UNDETECTABLE = UNTRANSMITTABLE for HIV. Pass it on.