What Happens At Work, Stays At Work...

[fuckyeahworkquotes]

What Men Want

YK:

we sell a

Vibratory Accurate and Comfortable Controller for Xbox 360(White)

sounds like the perfect vibrator

vibratory accurate and comfortable

JO:

I like my vibrators to have a bit of hair on them

so for me that's not perfect

[fuckyeahworkquotes]

If It Only Would Be That Easy

JO:

oh no kanye west is talking

*deletes ears*

[fuckyeahworkquotes]

E.T.

LC: luvvvvvvvvvvvv the new Katy Perry song

i would so sign this song if I ever encounter a hawt alien

[fuckyeahworkquotes]

Mouth Fart

JO: mouth fart, worst kind

my taxi driver mouth farted the other day I almost puked on him

it's not a burp when your breath smells like shit

that's a mouth fart

[fuckyeahworkquotes]

Moobs

JO:

a lot of moobs in this office

GL:

whats a moob

JO:

man boob

[fuckyeahworkquotes]

[fuckyeahworkquotes]

He's The Smart One In Our Team

YK:

/inserts

The Procrastination Flowchart

JO:

meh

I'll read that later

^HAHAH SEE WHAT I DID THERE!?!?!?

[fuckyeahworkquotes]

I measure my penis starting from my asshole to the tip. So my penis is 15 inches.

JO

[fuckyeahworkquotes]

hehe

GL: hehe

SL: where did you learn the stupid "hehe"?

SL: "hehe" sounds special. the "special olympic" kind of special.

GL: HEY!

[fuckyeahworkquotes]

One Thing Trains & Peeing Have In Common

LC: hey guys quick question .... what sound does a train make? honestly...

JO: choo choo chaboogey woo woo

GW: chug a chug a chug a chug a CHOO CHOO

LC: i thought it was shu shuuuuuuuu

but i guess that's the spanish way

and it makes Y. wanna go peeeee

soo .... i'll go with Choo choo then

[fuckyeahworkquotes]

How To Spot Gay People

JO: here's the rule for straight men and their thoughts on gays

typical

if you're actually straight you have no opinion

gays exist outside your daily thoughts which include hating your job being hungry and wanting sex

if however you think you might be gay yourself

but are not comfortable with the idea

the gayness CONSUMES your daily thought process to the point of serious anger

you can no longer focus on hating your job being hungry and wanting sex

instead you burn for the penis

this penis craving goes against your strictly christian upbringing

so you have to FIGHT IT

you insult the gays and go to anti gay rallies

you tell everyone who will listen how much you hate gays

you have a lot of energy and time for gay hate

meanwhile straight men don't even think about them

oh it's a gay guy, that's nice

I hate my job I'm hungry and I want sex

in conclusion

how to spot a secret gay? it's no secret at all

he's the guy who HATES gays

and

(here's the catch)

thusly hates himself

The End.

by the way

I HATE gay people SO MUCH OH MY GOD

I just want to OOOOH ID ONT KNOW

SO ANGRY

[fuckyeahworkquotes]

chinglish likes it from the front but NEEDS it from the rear

JO

[fuckyeahworkquotes]

for the ones who weren't in the meeting yesterday we managed to write penis on the board

CV

[fuckyeahworkquotes]

On Mushroom-Pumpkins

JO: I think Snooki is a genius

you're born a mushroom-pumpkin with long hair

you have pretty much no shot in this world at anything

then you start drinking

wake up 20 years later and you're on TV

rich, famous

paid to show up at parties

it's the real american dream

YK: you're born a mushroom-pumpkin with long hair

XD

JO:

as a child she was nearly mistaken for food, but the hair saved her life

[fuckyeahworkquotes]

Gene Simmons Is More Evil Than Hitler. Fact.

CR: I fucking hate Kiss. Dreadful.

VA: They're awesome. They must be doing something right, cause they have millions of fans.

CR: Millions of people voted for the Nazis - doesn't make it right...

VA: Strange comparison.

CR: Well, I'd rather vote for the Nazi's than listen to Kiss.

[fuckyeahworkquotes]

are you saying my feet are fat?

JO

[fuckyeahworkquotes]

The Emote Saga

YK: why don't you use emotes?

JR: good question

do you want the long version or the short

YK: long please

JR: ok

well it all started back in 1993

i was a young boy earning a farthing reading knees in the rough streets of Newcastle under lyme

(a small market town in staffordshire)

i would work everyday before and after school as well as at the weekends

the older boys would pick on me and chase me with their BMX bikes, but i didn't let that stop me from earing some cash

eventually i managed to save up enough farthings to buy my first computer, from a man named smelly frank (who's life came to an end following an unfortunate incedent with a knife, a prostitute and a crisp box)

but that's a whole other story

YK: HAHA

you're insane

i like the story

JR: so i made the trip down to smelly franks store where he sold me my first apple computer that he had acquired from a nazi war criminal in 1985

the computer cost me 127 farthings which was the equivilant to 6523 knee readings

i will always remember that day and the wise words smelly frank gave me as i walked out of his stinky shop with my Apple computer and a bottle of Bishops Finger ale, that I had swiped and hidden in my jacket as a present for my grandfather

he told me that one day they would develop emotions for use with something he called "the Messenger" an idea he developed as a young man with his cousin called Bill

he said that these emotions will seem harmless enough at first but as with everything in this world they people will use and abuse them and before you know it you will have cartoon genitalia flashing on your screen whilst at work

he told me that day to be careful with my newly acquired computer and that i should avoid emotions at all costs

sadly for smelly frank he didn't listen to his own sage advice

and after forming an online relationship with a woman called gertrude

he decided to arrange a meeting, mainly because of the sexy emotions she would send him

smelly fank was completly besotted by gertrude and after sharing his most inner secrets with her, he felt that he could trust her enough to meet

unfortunately for smelly frank he told her that he had $50,000 stored in a box of crisps in the back of his shop

from that day forth i swore that i would never use an emote

the end

YK: hahahahaha

APPLAUSE

/bows