iTitleThee

[vexheart]

[isaipoet]

You'll be always special to me, you'll be always a little more preachable to me, you're precious, cherishing, be-loving, bewitching memories of my heart and eyes.

[fullyshizo]

I had a hot shower today. It was so soothing feeling the water wash over me. Wrapping itself around me. Caressing every part that aches. The steam blurred the room, my body, my reflection on the mirror... blurred my thoughts.

I was determined to stay there until the water ran bone dry. But the water eventually ran cold instead. I should've known it would. It was inevitable, obvious. And yet, I never left.

It was hot before. Maybe if I wait long enough, it'll surely be warm again. Maybe if I stood where I was before it might just warm up once more.

What am I doing wrong? Be warm to be again! Please. Soothe me again. Comfort me. I beg of you! What's wrong with me? Am I not enough?

I, the victim of the lustful, cling to the comfort that has long since gone cold. A comfort never mine in it's entirety. A comfort that must fade with the passage of time.

I am only ever worth a shower that runs chills down my back in the end. A shower I can never shut off and leave before it begins to cool.

A glutton for comfort. I always stay. So naive.

[fullyshizo]

I am a mosaic of every fragment of love given to me. Always fragmented. Never whole.

[fullyshizo]

The greatest misfortune is many will meet death before they find their purpose.

Mine is to long for you.

Day and night.

Morning and evening.

Each waking moment!

My dreams!

All of it!

It is only you.

Always... you.

[mournfulroses]

Nikolay Punin, from a diary entry featured in The Diaries of Nikolay Punin: 1904 - 1953

[fullyshizo]

I have lost and lost again.

I have lost in ways you can only know of through my written history.

Ways in which my eyes spill about in tears.

Ways in which even the cursed refuse to experience.

Through it all, nothing can compare to having lost you...

[fullyshizo]

Like trying to light a candle when the wind is blowing...

I am desperate to forget you but my feelings are flowing.

[fullyshizo]

Before I even know what I am doing, my knees are bent, and my lips whisper your name.

How much longer will you paint God cruel?

Be the instrument of God's will.

You are the answer to my prayers.

Come back to me.

[fullyshizo]

I'm not really sad and heartbroken anymore.

Might just unblock my muse just to feel something raw again. I enjoyed my art. As messy, sloppy, cringe, corny as it was. In the end, it was mine.

Come ruin me again, pretty boy.

[you-are-another-me]

[fullyshizo]

I believe you love me. It’s in the way you mock me, the way you scorn me, then defile me.

I believe you love me. Do not spare me. Be patient, I will list all the other ways you’ve forgotten to love:

Control me. Betray me. Diminish me. Abandon me. Erase me.

I am all yours. Take all that remains. Spare nothing! I believe you love me.

[fullyshizo]

Nightly - the memory of you drew tears from me. An involuntary act that vexed me.

Daily - the thoughts of you preyed upon me. A battle I had to fight to go on living.

I asked myself, again and again, 'what part of me aches so deeply that it still craves him?'

I see now. This is love. Love turned inward. A tending of wounds I had never dared to face. Wounds inflicted on my infant body that had gone too long unattended to, until your absence forced me to look.

These tears are not in vain. They are the salve, the dressing, the bandage, the soft kisses laid upon injuries I never gave myself. Oh, how I needed this.

How would I have known I am wounded if you had not pressed against me so tightly?

In your absence, I am convinced-- I love you more than I ever did before.

I wish you knew just how easy you are to love.

I love you, my dear friend.

[fullyshizo]

Do you not know, young sailor?

For the earth to flower, it must first take the dead and decaying only then will the flowers take the earth.

Look! The tomb that is your heart where your loved ones lie, shoots have sprung. And tomorrow, the buds will form.

A thousand blooms shall stand as witnesses to how deeply you loved.

From beyond the grave, the dead still love you. You may hear it in the echoes of yesterday.

In their rest, they feed the flowers of your sorrow.

Mourn no more, child. Your love was not in vain.

Let the buried fulfil their duty.

Let the seasons pass.

This, too, shall pass.

[fullyshizo]

In the least, I have convinced myself not to count the hours we have been apart.

63 days and 19 minutes later, the shape of you is still burnt into the corner of my eye.

[fullyshizo]

Every crevice of my mind,

Every chamber of my heart was full of you.

You have left my soul hollow and in longing.

My very own is unfamiliar to me.

Come back to me.

Come back.

[fullyshizo]

On my soul, to love you was to stumble on fresh waters in a desert.

I loved you with the hunger of unwritten pages, with the sleepless ache that shapes a dreamer, with the tenderness I prayed for me.

But in the end, I was not her. How could you drink from hands so calloused such as mine? My love was too heavy for one who swore he deserved nothing.

Each night, I mourn. I bury you and unearth you again. To love you was to live. To lose you is to learn the true weight of thirst.