Surprise! You're Dead

I act like a child when I am not, and I simply just want to make people smile, that is my quest.

[anothercleverjedimindtrick]

Being on tumblr after the update like

[ratfuck]

the american government enlists me for a special mission and they tie me to a giant bullseye target on the ground and starts airdropping tons upon tons of cheese right into my screaming mouth

[bogleech]

There’s a comparison graphic

[bogleech]

1 like = 1 prayer for the huge cheese to turn around and eat the government

[ampersandworm]

wokka wokka wokka wokka

[cheesepress-deactivated20191231]

look at this stock photo

[lunaeregia]

there is so much energy in this image

[broannalmao]

He’s got his toast in the napkin holder :/

[odin-n-out]

Same energy

[bronweathanharthad-moved]

sir that’s my emotional support gardener

[eltonjohndenver]

[crrocs]

how am i supposed to make creative funny text posts when nothing happens in my life at all

[applethefruit]

you just use a story from sims and pretend it really happened to you

[c8says]

one time i was swimming but the pool ladders disappeared so i couldn’t get out of the pool and i swam for 10 hours then died

[thebootydiaries]

classic

[sawsbuckcoffee]

dont fucking sass me youtube

[dennsokagi-deactivated20221213]

Hahaha amazing door

[thyrell]

finger remover 9000

[dolleyeresponse]

concept: all normal checkouts are replaced with self-checkouts but instead of losing their jobs the cashiers now get to sit on top of lifeguard chairs and periodically throw wine glasses at me like dracula while i buy my goods

[llonelyrollingstarr]

what is a customer? a miserable little pile of coupons

[dankmemeuniversity]

[elderitchblaest]

I love that this post is here to dunk on logan paul and the flat earth society

[dankmemeking]

assert your dominance by calling your friends by their student ID number

[communistbakery-deactivated2017]

i sent the bee movie script over imessage to my friend who lives overseas but it didn’t send as an imessage and sent as 315 text messages instead and i’m gonna be charged for international texting for all of them

[fourofthem]

#karma is real and god always protects the good

[threebigolsausages-deactivated2]

my favorite sport is jousting. except without the pole because thats too dangerous. just riding my horse angrily towards another guy riding a horse angrily, that is my passion

[luthordyke-deactivated20190608]

me absolutely plastered at my own wedding with my beautiful wife right beside me

[beaft]

book legolas is pretty cool but film legolas reminds me of one of those incredibly beautiful, incredibly stupid long haired pedigree dogs that you sometimes see in grooming parlours having their claws painted purple. like you could just pick him up and look into his eyes and there would be nothing going on behind them. film legolas has the elvish version of elevator music playing in his head at all times and i honestly love it

[champainemami]

If any of u are vegetarian send me some recipes or something

[jxnc-deactivated20170922]

lettuce

[yesterdaysprint]

Searle’s Cats, Ronald Searle, 1968

[pettycentral]

[thegr8mattsby]

Which episode of Black Mirror is this?