samsclub gunjeans

i'm delaney follows from snime

[funkmetalalchemist]

ex nepo job interview SUCCESSFUL (my stepdad was the boss there like a decade ago) we shall see if I will remain unemployed!!!

[funkmetalalchemist]

NOT successful, someone else got the job 😀 they told me to apply for a different similar position and that they’d recommend me for that but also, kms!

[funkmetalalchemist]

Oh my god I just got my THIRD rejection of the DAY. not to be an asshole about it but before today i’d literally never gotten a rejection in the field of [REDACTED] and now I’ve accumulated my first three all in one day. this is because I didn’t comment “CLAIM 🍀” on one of those hokey reiki instagram reels that said I’d have good luck this week isn’t it. fuckkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!

[funkmetalalchemist]

ex nepo job interview SUCCESSFUL (my stepdad was the boss there like a decade ago) we shall see if I will remain unemployed!!!

[funkmetalalchemist]

NOT successful, someone else got the job 😀 they told me to apply for a different similar position and that they’d recommend me for that but also, kms!

[funkmetalalchemist]

everybody jokes about what would be your body and blood à la communion wine and wafers, but nobody ever asks what would be your anointing oil!

[memorycycle]

money beyond ypur wildist dreams

[chirasul]

one hundred and seventy dollars

[memorycycle]

[kaylmao]

work like a red onion

play like a white onion

fuck like a green onion

[funkmetalalchemist]

ex nepo job interview SUCCESSFUL (my stepdad was the boss there like a decade ago) we shall see if I will remain unemployed!!!

[funkmetalalchemist]

at what point in the cross country moving process do you just pack up all your pots and pans and accept that the rest of your cooking until you move will be done via microwave

[funkmetalalchemist]

we’re moving soon and the time is slowly approaching for the Stuffed Animal and Throw Pillow Tribunal. Who stays? Who goes? Who’s lost forever? we can only hope we find the answers

[0v9]

A truthberry might make you tell the truth... But a lieberry? A lieberry will loan you books

[funkmetalalchemist]

you’re telling me that guy’s gonna jack off all trades??

[funkmetalalchemist]

had a kid sign an email “Sinceriously, ____” and it’s my new favorite portmanteau. I can’t stop saying it

[funkmetalalchemist]

just had to break the news to my wife that our favorite sexy elderly man show was cancelled. Please respect our privacy at this time

[funkmetalalchemist]

nobody ever tells you as an adult that something that might happen to you is that you’ll take an edible and then less than 10 minutes later you discover someone stole your identity and took out a personal loan under your name and then you’re high and contacting the federal trade commission or whatever trying to figure out what you even do here

[funkmetalalchemist]

I missed gromit’s birthday????????????

[funkmetalalchemist]

how many times in life am I gonna hear “you HAVE to read/watch/listen to this, it’s life changing!!” and I, a fool, listened to them only to consume the most unrelentingly disappointing piece of shit of my whole life

[funkmetalalchemist]

god I wish so bad you could reply to emails with “I’m going to kill myself and it’s your fault”

[funkmetalalchemist]

Still so mad about this email this morning that I forgot my purse upstairs and didn’t realize until I was trying to unlock my car because I was too busy mentally drafting a reply

[funkmetalalchemist]

Sent a very professional reply just sticking to facts this morning and got a response just now that was basically just like “thank you, you’re right, we’ll speak to [x] about this.”

[funkmetalalchemist]

god I wish so bad you could reply to emails with “I’m going to kill myself and it’s your fault”

[funkmetalalchemist]

Still so mad about this email this morning that I forgot my purse upstairs and didn’t realize until I was trying to unlock my car because I was too busy mentally drafting a reply