Funny sayings, quotes and puns

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A farmer counted 196 cows in the field. But when he rounded them up, he had 200.

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I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I had to do it only three times a week. This every-day thing is overkill.

[justdickingabout]

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War is God’s way of teaching us geography.

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Never try to tell everything you know. It may take too short a time.

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There’s no “I” in denial.

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My New Years Resolution? I'll probably keep it at 1280x1024 like always. But thanks for asking.

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Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it

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Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.

Alcohol

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Promises are a bit like babies: fun to make but hard to deliver.

From 5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners @ http://amzn.to/2DjMNLj

[funnysayingposts-blog]

I Had Amnesia Once...Or Maybe Twice.

From The Mammoth Book of One-Liners @ http://amzn.to/2COTKmw

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I think a lot of the conflict that happened in the Wild West could’ve been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.

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We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It’s cheaper, and you get more feet.

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“Um...?” - First horse that got ridden

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Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.

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A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.

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Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence. After all, intelligence has its limits.