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๏ฝ๏ฝ ๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ. "I๐ ๐๐๐ฅ๐ง๐๐จ๐จ๐๐ค๐ฃ ๐๐จ ๐๐ง๐๐๐ฅ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ช๐ฅ ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ข๐ช๐จ๐ฉ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐, ๐ก๐๐๐ง๐ฃ ๐จ๐ค๐ข๐๐ฉ๐๐๐ฃ๐ ๐๐๐ค๐ช๐ฉ ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐ฃ๐๐ฉ๐ช๐ง๐ ๐ค๐ ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐จ๐ฉ: Y๐ค๐ช ๐ข๐๐ฎ ๐๐จ๐๐๐ฅ๐ ๐ฌ๐๐ฉ๐๐ค๐ช๐ฉ ๐ ๐ข๐๐ช๐ก๐๐ฃ๐." - D๐ง. R.W. S๐๐๐ฅ๐๐๐ง๐ (an excerpt from my blog post dated aug. 17, 2011) I don't know which phase of depression is more difficult - when you're trying to hang on to hope long enough to conquer depression's suicidal siren or when you're working your way through the lightness-darkness state of limbo as you try to pry the barnacles of negativity from your skin fast enough to stay afloat and come 'back to life'.ย I've been experiencing waves of the latter phase over the past few months.ย For a few days or a couple of weeks I feel energized, awake, focused, social, content; dare I say, 'happy'. And then I sink.ย I sink, I sink, I sink back under the comforter.ย Again, my body and mind want rest and darkness.ย This will last a few days, and then I will be back to washing my hair and singing along with 'Wilson Phillips' on my way to work in the mornings.ย And the see-saw continues to see and to saw. โฉI know that Iโm capable of getting myself out of bed on those lead-limbed mornings but I'm not always convinced and then the morning swallows me whole and the rest of the day is shot.ย Each time after I tell myself that I will not allow myself to be fooled into shutting down again, I find that I am making the same exclamation not long after, and again, not long after that.ย I want to get off this merry-go-round but I know it takes time.ย I try to remember that every mood is temporary and, as with reaching any goal, it takes patience, persistence, diligence and faith.ย It also requires taking, as William Styron puts it, โsynthetic step[s].โ As daunting, overwhelming, or impossible as a task may seem, it's best (and possible) to get up and go through the motions.ย I'll be the first to admit that I don't always practice what I preach, but I'm getting there.ย Steps, steps.ย Synthetic baby steps.ย And in the meantime, I seek out tools that help to widen and strengthen my stride. (at Mental Health Awareness) https://www.instagram.com/p/CUIr6qIvRUs/?utm_medium=tumblr
