ｐｒｅｓｓ ｐｌａｙ. "I𝙛 𝙙𝙚𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙞𝙨 𝙘𝙧𝙚𝙚𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙪𝙥 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙢𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙗𝙚 𝙛𝙖𝙘𝙚𝙙, 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙣 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙩: Y𝙤𝙪 𝙢𝙖𝙮 𝙚𝙨𝙘𝙖𝙥𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙖 𝙢𝙖𝙪𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜." - D𝙧. R.W. S𝙝𝙚𝙥𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙙 (an excerpt from my blog post dated aug. 17, 2011) I don't know which phase of depression is more difficult - when you're trying to hang on to hope long enough to conquer depression's suicidal siren or when you're working your way through the lightness-darkness state of limbo as you try to pry the barnacles of negativity from your skin fast enough to stay afloat and come 'back to life'. I've been experiencing waves of the latter phase over the past few months. For a few days or a couple of weeks I feel energized, awake, focused, social, content; dare I say, 'happy'. And then I sink. I sink, I sink, I sink back under the comforter. Again, my body and mind want rest and darkness. This will last a few days, and then I will be back to washing my hair and singing along with 'Wilson Phillips' on my way to work in the mornings. And the see-saw continues to see and to saw.
I know that I’m capable of getting myself out of bed on those lead-limbed mornings but I'm not always convinced and then the morning swallows me whole and the rest of the day is shot. Each time after I tell myself that I will not allow myself to be fooled into shutting down again, I find that I am making the same exclamation not long after, and again, not long after that. I want to get off this merry-go-round but I know it takes time. I try to remember that every mood is temporary and, as with reaching any goal, it takes patience, persistence, diligence and faith. It also requires taking, as William Styron puts it, “synthetic step[s].” As daunting, overwhelming, or impossible as a task may seem, it's best (and possible) to get up and go through the motions. I'll be the first to admit that I don't always practice what I preach, but I'm getting there. Steps, steps. Synthetic baby steps. And in the meantime, I seek out tools that help to widen and strengthen my stride. (at Mental Health Awareness) https://www.instagram.com/p/CUIr6qIvRUs/?utm_medium=tumblr
