fuk

TW sw: 155 cw: unknown gw: 98 h: 5’5

[fvkmdsn]

Currently experiencing the side effects of a 4 day binge / bender. Ghosted my job, phone on dnd. No shower. Only slept during the day and only left my bed to get my food delivery. I feel like I’ve gained 30 lbs. the voices in my head are unbearable. My body’s in pain. I’m considering missing my college graduation on Saturday. The thought of walking across the stage in front of thousands of strangers is suffocating me. This is a new low :( I wish I could escape it all

[fvkmdsn]

Shedding years from my life just to shed more pounds. Convinced if I drop the body mass, the voices will follow.

[fvkmdsn]

Somewhere along the line, it reached a point where-

It was no longer about wanting to lose weight, but wanting to disappear

[fvkmdsn]

[fvkmdsn]

I wish I had some anonymous friends to talk about the things I am scared to explain to my loved ones. Someone to exchange secrets with. Someone to share all that I write in my notes app. Someone who doesn’t ask for my name, but what it is that keeps me up at night. Someone who doesn’t respond with opinions or worries, but just listens. Hears me, understands me, validates me.

[fvkmdsn]

2 more lbs down

[fvkmdsn]

Anyone else watch ‘To The Bone‘ on Netflix, religiously?

[fvkmdsn]

my body dysmorphia sees the pudge on the stomach. 7lbs away from my gw

[fvkmdsn]

Veins

[fvkmdsn]

There is nothing in this life that I want more than to fall in love with life, itself.

[fvkmdsn]

I look at this photo of myself when I’m triggered to binge

[fvkmdsn]

A 50 pound difference

[fvkmdsn]

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want my ED to end me

Like I hit the lottery

Sick enough not to kms

Is that a win or a loss?

[fvkmdsn]

OD on a lax

To stay thin

Perhaps be a little more empty

Within

[fvkmdsn]

I’ve been heartbroken, and now I am heartless

I have a completely new personality

I am still getting to know her

She doesn’t hurt the same as she used to

She is quite numb

She is no longer apart of this world

She is apart of her soul

An introvert

A loner

But somehow more alive

Growing from the inside

[fvkmdsn]

Love, touch, fuck me for the summer

And I’ll leave you by July

I’ll be your thrill until June, from May

Then you may forget about me

And then i’ll find my next prey

...