who am i

raw vent blog! bpd, gad, mdd, adhd, n mood cyclic disorder! trying to get better always! search #me for my vents.

[fxcking-stupid-g1rl]

4/10/2026

11:19 PM

It's funny that I'm still writing these, because I don't think anyone will ever find this blog or the last one that I used to write in. I don't really feel like it's worth it anymore to continue living. I've tried so hard for so many years and I'm just so tired. I can't keep doing it. Every time a new year comes I just become increasingly worse. I don't think I want to make it past this year. I don't think I can. I've lost so much and I don't want to lose anymore. I traumatized him and I did what I never wanted to do to him. I don't want to keep going anymore. It's too much. I'm so tired. I wish I could take it all back and reverse it but I fucked up so much that he will never forget and never forgive me. I wish I could help him cope with this but I don't think he will let me.

[dykemd]

what a typical wednesday looks like

[12thgrave]

"mental illness is valid!" until it makes someone violent.

[ghostofluv]

i just want your love

[bpdbimbo]

sorry for showing symptoms of the disorder i told you multiple times I have. Do you want me to kill myself?

[fxcking-stupid-g1rl]

4/3/2026 - 1:04 AM

I am currently resisting the urge to ask him if he’s telling the truth when he says he loves me. I feel loved but it hurts when I feel like he can’t say it. I want to trust him, I want him to trust me. But it scares me when he doesn’t know if he does love me after showing me he does. I wish I was better at opposite action. I wish I didn’t get weak at night or cry over him. I wish I was stronger. Why can’t he say he loves me? Why doesn’t he love me? I’m lying next to him and I felt safe until I felt he wasn’t being honest when he returned the words. How am I to trust him when he’s taken it back so many times? If I ask him I will just get hurt and then it will be a mess again. I can’t ask him. I have to hurt alone. I have to experience this heartbreak all by myself. I am scared. But all of this is somehow my fault. I’m in so much pain. I wish I didn’t have these thoughts or feelings. I wish I was loved.

[fxcking-stupid-g1rl]

10/5/2025

today i’m not a good girl. today i bothered my boyfriend so much and got on his nerves. he even bought me mcdonald’s but i still was terrible. i don’t know what’s wrong with me. i wish i didn’t wake up. every night before i sleep i hope i wont wake up the next morning. i’m going to lose him like i lost everybody else. i dont know what’s wrong with me. i wish somebody would just put me out of my misery. i hate living the way i do. i hate feeling the things i feel. i hate hurting others. i hate being selfish. most of all, i hate myself. he’s not going to love me for much longer and then what. then i don’t know. why am i not good enough for anyone. why can’t i be normal. why can’t i ever function like other people. i feel like a fuckup around everybody i know. i feel like a failure and a mistake. a joke to laugh at. i think he thinks im dumb. i think he thinks im stupid. that he thinks i’m incompetent, irresponsible, pathetic. all i do is bother and annoy him. i think i’ll go away for a while. i think i’ll do my best to sleep and not wake up. he doesn’t want to talk to me. i’m just not right.

[mooncalss]

i gen sometimes forget i have bpd and then i display symptoms and it freaks me out lmaoo

[zomponiexx]

I hate getting feelings over things I shouldn't

Like why am I so insanely jealous over this even though its stupid to feel that way

I am though

So fucking jealous over something I can't control and have nothing to do with

[call-it-what-you-want-to]

they all want a freak until u start freaking them out

[ghostofluv]

when you’re not giving me attention I feel like ripping my skin off

[your-biggest-nightmare143]

i promsie you ,, i am such a good girl ,, i will do anything for you .

[smolaltgurl]

i want to ruin lifes and hang myself afterwards

[bpderanged]

Nothing will ever happen to my abusers. Karma will not be delivered and justice will not be held. The only thing I can do is kill them a thousand times in my head even though I know it won't change a thing because they're out there living their best lives when I'm here suffering from everything they did to me.

[tootired-tocope]

I love that every time I meet new people im like "this is it these are my forever friends!!" and then im deleting their birthdays off my calenders in like 2 months

[sarahlynnsyndrome-deactivated20]

Ngl I’m chillin right now but I still wish I was dead

[rakkuthedemon]

How would it feel to be normal? To not have this extreme reactions? To have a love full family? How would I be if any of those fucked up things happened to me? Would I be happy? Would I be the same?

Was I broken from the start?