Too Tired

My BPD feelings

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What do you need to know about me?

Absolutely nothing.

my pronouns are she/they and thats all the identifiable info you need

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I feel like im in a very shiny, padded, comfy cage

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feels like im tumbling around in a very nicely padded and decorated hamster wheel. im so trapped

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me when im single: I need a bf I need someone e to love me im so empty without someone to love me :(

me when I have a bf: i hate this guy why is he in my house

[me-hmm-dead]

THE BOYS s5e01

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I knew a girl-

More than knew her, I loved her. Maybe I still do, a little bit. And she loved me.

She held the broken pieces of my heart together and kissed each crack until it was almost whole.

I would watch her laugh and count the lines on her face, hoping to commit them to memory.

But she was too bright. Her eyes were filled with life that mine simply lack.

The dark pit inside me was going to swallow her up, turn her light into darkness. I didn't want that.

And I left. I felt like a fool, and sometimes I still do.

But the hole inside me has only gotten bigger, and the light inside her shines more than it ever has.

And I'm happy to watch her shine while I drown.

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he threatened to take out my eye last night.

I dont really know how to define the shudder that went though me.

sometimes I think that my head is too backwards to tell the difference between fear and arousal. I feel like a prey animal that begs to be shot

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hitting people with the "yea im doing great!" when im most certainly not doing great

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disordered weight talk

when I was still deep in my ED, I used to think that I would finally be happy with myself if I was small. I mean im like 148 now, which is smaller than my goal back then, but every time I see myself in the mirror I want to cry. I hate my body and the way i look. all I see is a sick, unhealthy body out of my control.

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I love when I can tell that im supposed to be praising him for being a basic decent human and instead I just nod along and I can see him getting annoyed with me about it lol

"yea honey its so great that you arent horrible to customer service employees lemme suck you off for it youre so great." gag me.

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me omw to get attention from the person I know I shouldn't want attention from

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these meds have killed my libido and its scaring me. im scared hes going to decide im not useful anymore.

"its fine im used to fucking myself these days"

[templetv-deactivated20260211]

hey can you come over and surgically remove this heavy, aching rot from my heart? we can watch a movie afterwards

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when hes trying to be cute and hits me with a "what are you thinking about :3" but im thinking about pulling my tooth out with pliers

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I dont have a problem im just a normal person who will say yes to any drug or alcohol or other intoxicating substance offered :3

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if I ignore the growing feeling of discontent with my sexuality im sure ill start liking men again eventually

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he acts concerned for me and how I feel: ❤️❤️🥰🥰

its only because he wants to feel like im mentally stable enough to fuck: