I agree with this very strongly. My mum said to me "aw that's cute, I'm sure it'll help you get the boys, they like feminine things like that!" NO. I want to get rid of it so badly. I hate it with every fibre of my body. My anxiety attacks are getting more and more frequent, and I know I'm becoming an absolute burden to be around. My friends are worried about me so much, and I'm honestly feeling like absolute shit making them put up with it all. It's gotten to the point where I can't talk to people outside my friendship group and immediate family, so I've become dependant on others. There's nothing I want more than to be normal.
Last year, at my friends sleepover birthday party, I just randomly had one. Everyone else was trying to figure out what was happening to me because they didn't know what to do at the time, they had never seen me in that state before. It got to the point where I passed out because of it, and I woke up to found all my friends had surrounded me and were panicking like crazy.
Believe me, extreme panic attacks like mine certainly aren't "cute". They are terrifying. There's tears, sweat, headaches, constant shaking, snot, goosebumps, feeling freezing cold on my body but my head is over heating, my muscles spasm constantly, and I can't help but whimper uncontrollably while I struggle to breath. I feel terrified, like the whole world is spinning at an extremely fast pace, everything is growing taller and the walls close in on me, staring eyes get closer and closer to me as I try my best to stay conscious as their eyes pierce through me like a needle which then sows my eyes and mouth shut. It's the worst feeling in the world, and nobody seems to understand how desperate someone could feel in that situation.
Don't imitate it, you don't want that, trust me. You don't want people to view you as a burden or a freak. Embrace the fact you don't have to suffer this. You wouldn't want it either, if only you knew.
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
gracieabrams
