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Yoga Conclusion

Yoga was an interesting journey for me. I started off thinking that i would be terrible at it and i would never be able to headstand or ever do any sort of inversions. When we went into side planks in classes, my arm would shake like crazy and i would always have to use my legs as support. My arms were the weakest ever and its quite amazing to see how much has changed. Currently, i can do side planks and side plank variations (although for not as long and my arm still shake but theres progress!). I think one good thing about yoga was that it helped with my pessimistic attitude. I always viewed things with a “I don't think i can” sort of attitude. But yoga classes are always malleable to your fitness level and they never look down on you if you can’t do it. It taught me to be more introspective and really look after my body and know my limits and most importantly when to push my limits. It also taught me to be more accepting of myself and what i’m capable of. I never thought i could headstand but here i am flowing through variations and playing around in headstands anywhere. I’ve done headstands on a beach, on a standup paddle board, on rocky surfaces, on inclined surfaces. I’ve definitely progressed and gained confidence in practicing yoga. i’m currently practicing my pinch mayurasana which is a forearm stand and i can currently hold it for a couple of seconds (Celebration!! hhaha). I’ve learnt to be proud of all my achievements no matter how small and to take my failures and learn from it instead of letting them tear me down.

Many people think yoga is a selfish practice. Its all about what you can do and its very intrapersonal but actually practicing with friends really pushes you to excel. Your friends sometimes know you better than you do and they might know you’re capable of something that you’re too scared to try. I was too scared to try a front walkover but my friend pushed me to do it and now i love doing them. I pushed my friend and coached her into a headstand scorpion variation and now she really enjoys practicing them for stretching her flexibility.

Yoga has really changed my attitude towards things and i’m so thankful i embarked on this journey with my two friends who really pushed me, encouraged me and challenged me to better myself. Yoga is definitely something i will continue practicing for a long time.

#yoga

Spoken Word 7

Recently, i wrote a piece when i had a lot of things on my mind and i was just feeling weighed down and i wouldn’t say depressed but somewhere along those lines....maybe despondent and pessimistic but i just needed to get thoughts out of me and i didn’t know how else to express myself but through a poem. It didn’t solve anything or help me realize why i felt that way but it did help me feel a tiny bit better and helped me feel a bit more in control.

You think no one notices But they do You open up Or so they think Your masks change Introduce new characters Caricatures of the person you want to be You scream to be heard But you’ve clamped the walls around yourself so tight You can’t even let yourself out You struggle to breathe You ache It burns I feel my stomach churning with acid Swallowing itself whole Consuming itself Like you do to yourself You slave day after day Putting on mask after mask You’re not even sure who you are anymore What you feel is irrelevant Live to please Live to succeed Living but not alive I see you struggle to reach the next rung. The next level But you fall The masks have collapsed You are exposed Turning in on yourself You tear yourself apart Leaving a trail of destroyed dreams behind you Your walls cave in And i do nothing I’m just another mask An avatar of your creation In the end If you see it like I do You destroyed yourself

I passed this to my friend to read for feedback (she has watched all and read most of my spoken word poems) and she gave me quite a detailed breakdown. From all my past works, she noticed a trend that when i was metaphorical, i wasn’t metaphorical enough and when i was being literal or explicit, i wasn’t explicit enough. Whenever i talk about emotion, i use symbolism and then suddenly the poem continues explicitly without any sort of flow or gradual change from metaphorical to explicit. She’s a close friend and so she said that she could understand where i was coming from and what I was trying to say in my poems but others who might not know me as well wouldn’t be able to because my poems don’t have a specific thematic or structure to it, making them read between the lines. I think this could because i tend to write as i think and so my poems tend to reflect my thought process or the way I jump from point to point from imagery to reality. She said although my poems are generally quite vague, hinting at things, it still carries tonality and has a certain, distinct style to it. To her, my works as a collection are engaging but individually its not the same.

I asked her to explain further on what she thought my writing style was and again her explanation was quite detailed. Apparently i have a sort of child-like element to my poems while addressing quite cynical or morbid issues and feelings. I utilize dark humour and i link to symbols a lot. The overall effect is creepy but i could play more with having a child like tone while confronting issues that are terrifying to hear. My tone of voice is slightly sarcastic but i could play more on it as currently it is very touch and go. I also dont have very substantial or concrete poem content, instead having an overarching idea but no real details to the poem. I have to work on adding more context because there is only so much the audience can read from what i have.

I guess these are all things i have to work on but i’ve never ever considered my poems as having child-like qualities to it. It’ll be interesting to play on.

#spoken word

SADeaf Conclusion

Again because of scheduling issues, i hardly had any time at all to be part of this CAS but I did manage to learn some basic Singapore Sign Language. I can sign months, days of the week, some places in Singapore and the alphabet. So whenever i use SL, i tend to just sign words in alphabets. However, i think i did quite well considering i only went for 2 out of 4 of the sign language classes. I wish i could have gone for more but it always conflicted with my theatre rehearsals. But I really gave it my all during those two days and i managed to learn and retain a lot. I still practice the alphabet and i’ve gotten quite fluent in signing and reading words being spelt out. It’s actually a lot harder to read it than to sign it, i still can’t read it that quickly but its a lot better than it used to be. I always practice with my friends when we’re out just for fun to see if the other can guess what we’re trying to say. I think the attitude is the most important. If I went in without the intention of learning and retaining the information, i would have learnt nothing and i wouldn’t have learnt this useful skill. I remember once we met a couple who were signing and we had to take the same bus as them so we tried signing to them as we waited and it was so difficult. Not only because of our rudimentary grasp of Sign language but also because they weren’t Singaporean and therefore the sign language they knew was different from ours. It wasn’t extremely different so we could guess certain words but it was so difficult to converse. Although we did converse and it was a great experience to sign to others, it also opened my eyes to how sign language is different in different places and that even though you know sign language, it doesn’t mean that you can converse with others. There will always be a barrier between us and that just motivates me to learn all the different types of sign language out there so there wouldn’t be a barrier. I want to get to know people and once i have the time (After IB) i will definitely be picking sign language up again.

#sadeaf

Jumping Jacks Conclusion

It’s hard to reflect on this CAS group because of how little we met but when we did meet, i felt like i always put in 120% to all the exercises we had to do no matter how tired i was. Its hard to say we were very committed to this CAS activity because of our busy schedules and how they always clashed. We really only met a few times and did the same things. But i do think i took away a lot from this experience. It always helps to have a positive outlook and a why-not kind of attitude. If you’re always scared, you’ll never try new things and never realize the potential in you. Some of the things we did in lessons, like front tucks and back tucks, i never thought i could do but all i had to do was forget my fear and just try. You never know what you’re capable of until you try. I tried doing the wall climb, which is where you bounce on your back and sort of walk up the wall. Sounds strange but its so difficult and at first i couldn’t do it and i kept losing control of my body and just flopping around but i kept at it and eventually i was one of the few who could do it. This CAS group actually has a lot of teamwork and the likes because when you get a move before others, we always made it a point to help each other and point out areas of correction or give tips. We would help spot as well so no one would get injured. Trampolining is actually very dangerous and its very easy to get hurt while doing so, so it takes a lot of commitment and correct behaviour from everyone to avoid injuries. I think that i’ve definitely improved in terms of physical ability and teamwork. You’d think trampolining is very much an individual sport but it actually relies a lot on teamwork to build each other up and help each other out. It was a great experience and i will keep working on those tricks and exercises to gain better control over my body and mind.

#jumping jacks

Spoken Word 6

Today we started with writing a poem using the senses of taste and sight. We had to start with what we saw and end with what we tasted. I got cut fruits on the table and mosquito repellent in your mouth.

I see it there Tempting me The fruits on the table Apples to be specific. Neatly cut little perfect slices and laid out just waiting for me to grab it. Thing is i’m not sure if i want to. Its like when you have a cut and you bandaid it. Do you let the bandaid fall off by itself or do you nip it in the bud and rip it off yourself I want to eat the fruit but what happens if i do? What if the fruit isn’t safe. What if it’s a trick. She reaches down and touches one. I feel its juice. It has to be real. What if the fruit were the bandaid And to really be better, you have to get rid of the fruit. OK Mind set. Now the question. All at once or slowly bit by bit. Feel the grind of enamel against crisp meat. The slow caress of feeling and touch But too much of one thing is never good. It gets clingy, demanding more until you tire of it. Get rid of it. Yes all at once. She has decided. She grabs one holding it tenderly. Cradling it against the crevice of her face. Breathing it in. Juices flowing. Dripping down her joints past what she knows into the abyss of coloured imaginations. The muscle moving to break every bit of pain away She gasps. The pain returns. Only this time a different pain. A sting! I was eating fruit covered in mosquito repellent all along.

The response i got was that they enjoyed how i played with perspectives but they mentioned that i could have played with that more as it interrupted the narrative flow and was almost like the writer was making a decision on something by watching another person make the decision. I could also have built up on the bandaid imagery as its quite touch and go. They said the poem was hinting at some sort of decision within a bad relationship, which was interesting as i didn’t start writing with any intention but it wrote itself like that.

We had a sort of feedback session with Vanessa and Rachel on the showcase and it was quite informative. According to them, my poems shared a common thread, which was that i had many clear images but what i could work on was developing a deeper layer to my poems. That means developing it such that it seems like one thing but hints at something deeper, which i randomly dip in and out of within the poem. So i think what i do is make everything just mean that one thing, theres no deeper meaning or real meaning hidden behind what i explicitly say.

To me, the only way i can think to improve on these areas is to watch more spoken word and just write more. I think writing poetry is sort of like working a muscle. The more you work at it, the better it gets. Obviously some have a natural inclination for writing but that doesn’t mean that those without can’t write poetry either. I think it’s all about finding your writing style, finding issues or subjects you want to talk about and just getting life experience to share through poetry.

I also managed to question them on why we do exercises in class and they said it was just for us to get creative in terms of writing and sometimes you would find a line that you would like to expand upon or maybe there was a symbol or imagery you really liked. It really is all about picking apart the material we churned out and making something better or more from that.

I’m definitely going to watch more spoken word poetry to get better. I also want to figure out what my style of writing is so that i can tune in on it and hone it.

#spoken word

Spoken Word 5

We recently had a performance where we showcased our works on a larger scale than just our group and we were also allowed to share our own personal works. I wasn’t sure if i wanted to showcase “I See You” as it was written from such a private place and it contains things i haven’t even told my closest friends or family, things i kept only to myself. I want to tell this in order so we’ll get back to whether or not i shared that poem later. One thing i noticed was how everyone had their own very distinct style to writing. This definitely made me more comfortable with my own writing style because i used to think that there were only a few ways of writing spoken word poetry.

I admit to a big case of nerves prior to the sharing as i had never in my life shared my poetry on such a public level. I was afraid of judgement and that my work wasn’t of the same calibre as some of the more well-established writers in our group (by well-established i mean that people in our school know they write and the way they write has a sort of sophistication to it unlike my own which is very raw and could use a lot more polishing). However, i pushed through and took this performance as a learning opportunity to see how receptive people are to what i write and how i can improve in delivery and writing. Rachel’s and Vanessa’s pieces both were flowered with imagery that seemed to hint at something deeper, the underlying meaning to the images they were linking together. In a way that made it less accessible to me emotionally because i had to think about what it meant and i had to break down their imagery and look for the deeper meaning. Although i felt that i couldn’t identify emotionally with the issues or content they were putting forth in their poems, i could still appreciate how they crafted their poems and the language they used.

Kristabelle’s very emotional piece gave me the courage to put my own personal piece out there. In her piece, she laid the emotional turmoil she went through while she was in a 2 year relationship that she recently broke off. There was a lot of deep-seated emotions and it was a piece of self-discovery in a way. When she practiced it in front of me, she never got emotion but i could feel the emotion behind the words she wrote. Although her poem wasn’t exactly a spoken word poem in terms of form or use of imagery, it was her style and it was a letter to herself written in a way that hinted at more problems and emotional turmoil behind what she expressed in her poem. We all foresaw a break down when she was reading her poem since it is such a private piece of work and she did end up crying but what she told me after was that she ended up crying way before when she thought she would start crying. I thought this was quite interesting because i always thought that the part where you feel most emotional would be written in as the climatic moment of the piece.

When it came to my turn to showcase my poem, i was so unsure of myself. I started my poem and it was like the floodgate to all my repressed memories and emotions opened. I felt so overwhelmed by the emotions i was experiencing and how broken i felt back then, how much self-blame and dislike for myself i had. There was a point during my own personal rehearsals when i thought “yes this is probably where i will cry if i do cry because it is the climax of the poem”. However during the real thing, I felt the onslaught of emotions the minute i started the poem and i broke down way before the line i thought i would. What i realized after i finished my poem was that i felt a lot better about myself. I felt lighter as if something i didn’t even know was there was lifted off my shoulders. I guess in a way, showcasing my poem was a cathartic experience for me as it was an open expression of strong emotions that i’ve repressed my entire life and that i’ve literally told no one. People who were listening told me how they identified with my poem because they could relate to the self-confidence problems i brought up and how i never felt good enough.

I think the main thing i took away from this experience, was the understanding of how spoken word is not merely to sound pretty or to address social or private issues but also functions as a form of catharsis not only for the speaker but for the audience as well. People in the audience were crying along with Kris and I...I had no clue spoken word poetry could be this powerful. I realize i have to work on the delivery of that piece because how i performed it for this showcase was purely organic and emotion driven rather than performed properly with as much thought given to its phrasing as i would for a theatrical monologue. Still, i feel like this opportunity has gifted me with something greater than just a platform to express and showcase my works and this might sound cheesy but i think it has helped me gain confidence in my ability as a writer, I will definitely showcase my pieces again if there is another opportunity to do so.

#spoken word

Climbing Club 9

I realized that i never reflected on one of the moments in climbing i am quite proud of. During Gotong Royong, there was a CAS booth section and I helped arrange the climbing club booth. I helped plan what we would do and i aided in bringing down the climbing board and setting routes for the juniors to try out. I stayed there the whole time and it was quite an eye opening experience to see juniors who never had any sort of training, finish routes that I had set with pure strength and determination. We were also supposed to make CAS boards that share what our CAS group does and i am proud to say i managed to design it myself and i filled in all the information and everything. I never thought i could design it mainly because i’m a theatre student but i thought why not. Its a chance to learn new skills so even when i had troubles with designing and formatting the poster, i persevered and i managed to complete it. I got many compliments on it, which made me feel that my struggle was worthwhile.

It was difficult trying to arrange everything and figure out when we could get the wall down and when we could bring it back up. It was also quite difficult for me to find routes on the wall that weren’t too simple just in case the juniors were very skilled at climbing or any other climbing club member wanted to try the wall. I watched Grace set routes and it was pretty impressive because it was almost like she could visualize herself on the wall climbing the route as she planned it. The routes she set were always very fun and challenging, and i realized that if i wanted to become better at setting routes, i had to become more familiar with how my body moves on the wall and what is challenging for me. Any sort of move that includes a pull up is quite difficult for me as i lack strength in that area (i am working on it though. I do many pull ups but not the up-down kind because i can’t go up but i would use assistance to get up and then lower myself slowly. I’ve progressed to the point where i can now lower myself down very slowly and i am quite happy with the strength i have managed to build up. I still have a long way to go if i want to do a pull up but what i’ve managed to achieve is not bad - i’m quite proud of my progress).

Anyways, i think this experience was quite interesting as i was able to work collaboratively with my friends to plan our Gotong Royong booth and the logistics of it as well as planning activities and routes that the juniors could try on the wall if they wanted to. I’m glad to be given this opportunity to share what i had learnt with the juniors while having a fun time with my friends planning and creating this Gotong Royong booth.

#climbing club

Climbing Club 8

I haven’t gone climbing in a while because performances and other theatre related activities got in the way but i finally went for todays session! Although i had to leave early because i had to watch a play, at least i climbed for slightly over an hour. We climbed at climb central and i have to say, lead climbing at their walls are a lot more fun than climbing lead at climbasia mainly because of the heat factor. The mechanism at the top of the route in climb central is a lot more difficult to hook yourself into than climbasia’s. I struggled so much with that and i was told that the next time i go up and i’m too tired to hook in, i can just take a fall. This is pretty great because i love taking falls.

My second route that i did was heavily inclined and i had never done those kind of routes before. I ended up using heel hooks and different moves that i never normally employ while climbing. I also had to trust my strength more and really just hold on to the holds i grab because i don’t have enough arm strength to pull myself up to holds (i swing up to holds or reach for them). The hardest bit was when i climbed over the incline and the wall just continued on vertically. I was so tired from the incline i took many breaks and sometimes i just wasn’t able to hold on and clip in. Grace was belaying me and told me that i could climb up to the next clip and just fall. Joell was beside me and we were both tired so we agreed to both do that and just fall instead of continuing. Joell wanted me to go first because we hadn’t fallen in a while and he was nervous to do it. I was fine with falling. I love it so much. I think sometimes i might just climb in order to fall hahah. Anyways, i climbed up to the next clip and i realized that it wasn’t actually as hard as i thought it was and the clip was actually right next to me and i could clip in and continue. I was only 2 more clips away from finishing the route but my fatigue and love for falling won and i let go. Next time i climb at climb central, i want to climb that route again and prove to myself i can do it.

I wasn’t able to stay for Mel’s training because of my show but i think that 1 hour or so of climbing really refreshed me as i hadn’t climbed in so long and i pretty much forgot how to climb. It’s still ingrained in muscle memory but i lost stamina and i definitely lost strength so i’ll need to work on those things before our next climb.

#climbing club

Spoken Word 4

Here’s a collection of what i’ve written so far. It’s not perfect and they can still be improved upon but i’m proud of what i’ve written so far. The last piece “I see you” is my favourite as it really comes from a place within me that i’ve shielded from people for so long. I’ve always felt uncomfortable with sharing emotions or opening up and trusting people because of my past growing up but writing out in a form of spoken word poetry has really made me more aware of how much i’ve changed and developed and how i’m still in the process of healing from past wounds but that now i’m no longer alone. It’s a piece that resounds deeply with me and i’m not sure i’m confident enough to share it with everyone during the showcase yet.

Whisky

Theres this indescribable feeling whisky gives The first sip When the warmth seeps into my aching bones relieving me of fatigue and stress The way the glass fits perfectly in my hand As if it was made just for me As if it was the thing missing from my life The feelings of success and accomplishment when i down it without a chaser The familiarity it brings The memories of you That night As clear as if it was yesterday It’s like when you’re on a swing And you go higher and higher Swinging faster and faster Releasing your hands Then falling First slowly Suspended in the air Then falling Hard and fast But that one moment right at the top Before the crash That moment is one of the clearest and most euphoric moments in your life Everything is vivid and sharp Your mind goes into double-time Trying to absorb everything you are experiencing Every new memory Every new feeling Every moment Every drop But it wasn’t yesterday and I haven’t had whisky since Come back Let me in Share this bottle of whisky with me

Hate you to the moon and back

I promised myself i would never let this happen Every time the screen lights up to your name My stomach squirms in a nervous dance of anticipation The knots in my soul bloom on my lips as a smile A light laugh at your stupid comments A warm feeling pulsing through every vein The world becomes my kaleidoscope My heart an oyster and you the pearl You could ignore me for hours days weeks yet the minute you text me me stupid foolish me would reply you instantly I 6glance at my screen hoping it would light up hoping it would be you yet half-knowing it would never be true i wait for the rush for the electricity to fill me for the intoxication that sends me under to where time has no meaning and everyone is but a distant star to look upon from a grassy knoll It’s like we coexist in a bubble A bubble that only has so much space and air I give and give trying to make the bubble fit us both Yet the bubble shrinks and i cant breathe I feel like i’m sinking drowning the ocean of my mind floods the bubble raging crashing i reach out but no one grabs my hand where are you the bubble closes in on me swallowing me caressing me with its despair the despair that feels all too familiar i’ve been here before many times it welcomes me envelops me accepts me for what i am who i am what i need and as i delve deeper into the whirlpool of despair I remember what brought me to this point You weren't replying my text I hate you I hate you to the moon and back You irritate me so much Why do i even put up with you you have no respect for me no decency no manners When i next see you, i will cut you but not with a sharp knife no with a dull knife so your torture is prolonged you deserve it you inbred pig oh wait i take all of that back He replied me

I see you

I see you 17 Wondering if you would make it through the year Grasping at straws hoping to pull the one for extra time Wishing God gave you a different brain I see you 16 When your inspiration and mother figure left you Breaking down in the middle of the shopping centre Black eyeliner running down your cheeks Staining your smile with loss I see you 15 Wondering who your true friends were Screaming at the universe for making you the insecure little bitch you are Stalking Crying Cursing the heavens for making you go through this again I see you 14 Questioning why he left without a word Changing yourself for him Maybe if you were prettier Maybe if you weren’t Asian Maybe if you were good enough 13 Why your friends ditched you Why you weren’t good enough 12 Alone in a room crying at your friend’s birthday Realising you weren’t wanted there Wondering why the world hated you Why you weren’t good enough 11 Why you weren’t good enough 10 Why you weren’t good enough 9 Why weren’t you good enough 8 Cut knees Bruised ego Scraped shins Why weren’t you good enough 7 Eating alone Crying in the toilet No friends Why weren’t you good enough 6 Fresh faced Still new to the world Why weren’t you good enough 0 Why weren’t you good enough Pushed into a world with everything against you Why weren’t you good enough I want you to know I see you I SEE YOU Born into the world with so much to give so much to offer i see you 0 Fresh faced Still new to the world You were good enough 6 Being alone taught you independence Brought you to music You were good enough 7 You grew thicker skin You made friends You were good enough 8 You found your passion 9 Bright-eyed and inquisitive You realised you loved learning 10 You performed in the Sydney Opera House You won Gold You were good enough 11 You left those friends behind You moved on You started anew You were good enough 12 You discovered the importance of friends who accept you for you You were good enough 13 You didn’t need a boy for self-worth Don’t pretend to be something you’re not Someone will come along at the right time You were good enough 14 Building walls around you got easier Learn to break them down Be vulnerable Let people in Hurt Afraid I see you 15 Yes she is gone Yes you miss her So do others Be strong for them I see you 16 You made it through You survived Realise the potential of your brain Working hard I see you 17 Standing here today Your life’s not perfect You’re still stressed Still insecure But you’re getting through it You have friends who would never leave you You have people who accept you for who you are You’re learning to accept yourself You found a career you love Blossoming Growing I see you I hope one day you can see you too

#spoken word

Yoga 3

So recently i’ve reached a point in my yoga journey that i felt was quite momentous. After a few months of practice, i have managed to be in an inversion for extended amounts of time and in various poses while being very confident in my ability to control it. I never thought this day would come! I’d always plan sessions with Kris to practice our inversions (which i might add was quite difficult since we always had something on with school but i managed to find time to squeeze in a little practice). I admit it took longer than i thought it would take to feel secure in a handstand but i think i was expecting too much from myself. Not that goals are a bad thing but i think unrealistic expectations can be quite damaging. I wanted to master headstands quickly but at the same time i wanted to do it correctly. There was this one headstand variation where you arch your back and try to bring your toes to your head, in a type of scorpion pose.

The picture is of me in the scorpion pose variation after close to a year of practice. I have a very flexible back so when i first started learning this pose, i thought the aim was to get the toes as far down as possible (which is the aim but i’ll address this later). What i used to do was collapse my back into itself and just let it hang without control. After i researched on how to do the pose i found that it was more about controlling your descent and using muscles to hold the position instead of pure flexibility. One of the key things i realized as well was that i should picture my front stretching and lengthening not my back collapsing. If i hadn’t researched, i would still be doing my old method of getting into this variation, which is quite scary because i could have injured my back doing that.

I think the best part of this journey was that I had someone going on this journey with me. I had someone to share experiences and milestones with. We would always show each other new variations or try out different things and i felt like i learnt more because i was learning a new skill with someone else on the same level as me. There were times when I felt like giving up because i just could not balance or i could not bend as far as i would like but i would power through because i knew in the end, i would get it and all i needed was more practice. Of course it wasn’t as easy as just telling myself that, many times Kris had to get me back on track and give me a wake up call that we are both new to this and that we shouldn’t expect so much from ourselves. I guess its always good to remind yourself to not get ahead of yourself because that always tends to end badly. One great thing about learning with someone else was that whenever i learnt something new of she learnt something new, we would share it with each other. I offered many tips and stretches to help with getting into the scorpion as she had lots of trouble with stretching into that variation. She helped me when i switched from a tripod headstand to the variations above where my hands are under my head.

I realize i have a lot more to learn like how to walk down and up while in headstand but i have learnt how to pike press up into a headstand (something i never thought i’d be able to do because it takes a lot of core strength). I also want to start learning how to do other pinchas like pincha mayurasana (a forearm stand) and handstands. the headstand relies mainly on balance but pincha mayurasana and headstands require not only balance but great muscle strength as well. Currently i can only hold them for a couple of seconds but i will work on it so that i can expand my pincha vocabulary.

#yoga

Spoken Word 3

I haven’t been very good with reflecting on my spoken word journey but i personally felt that I hadn’t made any progress despite the sessions i attended. During the sessions, we would get words or motifs, themes etc. to write on and we would write for about 10 minutes i think. Whatever material i churned out, i felt was never any good. They didn’t resound with me and it sort of felt like forced creativity. To me, writing poetry, spoken or not, should resound with the individual and come from a place with strong emotions. It should be concerning something you are passionate about and something you want to express, it doesn’t have to be about you or your experiences personally but it should in a way reflect something about you and the way you view the world around you. Of course, it’s different for everyone but that’s my take on it. With the spoken word showcase coming up, i’ve taken to writing and reflecting on my life, my journey and the world around me to get ideas on what i think is poignant in my life that i feel strongly about and that is relatable. That’s another key point to me, it should be relatable. Art, whether in the form of spoken word or not, should touch the audience as well as yourself. Works should be cathartic in a way and lead you and the audience in some sort of transcendence. In a way, it can be quite self-indulgent, in that you can share your problems and your story with the audience yet at the same time, it is the role of the artist to be able to bring the audience along with them. I do need to work on writing more and figuring out my way of writing. Right now, i’m just floundering around writing whatever comes to mind but i know there’s a type of spoken word i’m drawn to and i know i need to find my own style in writing. The one good thing about these sessions though is that i’ve learnt how to churn out material and then edit later. Normally i’m so caught up in my thoughts that i just beat down every idea i get because i think it’s not good enough but i should always pen it down and come back to it later because some of it could be used or edited or it could be a springboard to other ideas. I am overly critical of myself almost to a fault but it’s just something i need to work through.

I wrote a short poem on the bus home as my brain was going into overdrive and i was seriously thinking way too much about everything. My brain just wouldn’t shut up so here it is:

The Ocean

The ocean of my mind calls to me

Yearning. Loving.

Wishing to be reunited with itself

I descend into the whirlpool of sadness

Dreaming in nothingness

The ocean erupts from crinkled lids

Disappearing faster than it appeared

The ocean of my mind rages on.

#spoken word

Climbing Club #7

So today was our first time having training with Mel. We bouldered for the whole day and it was quite fun. At first i was a bit unsure, i thought it was going to be all drills and repetitive things but actually it was more engaging than that. We did drills where we would cross the wall as quietly as possible so we would place our feet and hands carefully and with purpose. I found this quite useful as sometimes, i get very tired and i just let my feet flop everywhere. We also started crossing the wall in as little steps as possible just for fun and it was really interesting for me to see how far i could stretch my body. I had always utilized my limbs when climbing but i didn’t know that i could actually stretch further and use them even more efficiently. Afterwards, Mel gave us problems and every time 3 people or more completed it, she would set a new problem that was harder than before. I was fine for the first few, climbed them without a problem but when i got to the second last one that required us to start low and then swing up and grab a hold, i couldn’t hold on after i swung up. I was afraid of hitting my head and it was one of those moves that you get it into your head that you just can’t do and so you end up only putting in half the effort. That happened with this problem. I shouldn’t have done that, i know, but at that moment I just thought i couldn’t do it and it became a self-fulfilling prophecy. If i went back and tried it again, i think i could get that move. I just need to believe in myself more.

I also felt that just watching my fellow climbers helped me learn more as I could see how they approached different problems and how they utilized their bodies. For example, i noticed that Galen uses his arms mostly when he climbs and a lot of what he does and how he approaches problems is to rely on his upper body strength rather than footwork or using techniques. Whereas someone like Grace, for example, is very technical when she climbs. She climbs with fluidity and ease as a result of her muscular level but also because of her technicality. She knows where to place her hands and feet and always seems to know how to climb problems. It is very interesting to just watch people climb and that’s what i did after i couldn’t complete the problems.

I think next time I climb, i will be less negative towards myself and believe that i can do what i set my mind to. I will endeavour to be less afraid and more positive. :)

#climbing club

Climbing Club #6

It’s finally time to be lead certified! The past few days have been the best, just learning all the theory and climbing and techniques. The first day was very content heavy, refreshing the basics and then learning the math behind falling in lead. It’s quite interesting actually, you fall twice as much as what you have climbed from your last clip because of how elastic the rope is. I think elastic rope is better for climbing, simply because of how it makes falls less jarring and also requires you to rely more on your own strength than the tautness of the rope to make you feel secure on the wall. A lot of what i’ve realized in this course is relative to trusting yourself more and learning what you’re capable of. There was this one time we had to learn how to get ourself down from the wall when there was no carabiner device at the top of the wall meant for our descent. We had to climb up with all this equipment and eventually we had to just hang on the wall without an attached belayer. We were attached to a sling and we had to retie knots and clip in and out of carabiners. It was extremely fun with this slight element of fear which i enjoyed but others didn’t feel the same way as me. I remember i was up there tying all the knots and the person next to me (i can’t remember who) was having trouble remembering the steps and tying the knots because he was so nervous and was getting very frantic and messy with his movements. It really showed me how important it is to stay calm in stressful situations or situations where you could get very nervous and frantic. By staying calm hanging up there on the wall, i was able to finish tying myself in relatively quickly without forgetting or fumbling. I’m quite glad that i’m not afraid of heights or of falling, instead i really enjoy them so when i was climbing, it was all the more fun because of the thrill I got from the height and the possibility of falling. My favorite was when we practised falling, it was so fun just falling so much. I do need to get better at belaying falls though. I was belaying Joell and when he fell, i let myself get pulled forward so i could brace against the wall but my feet didn’t touch the wall, my hand did because i had turned sideways and was hanging on my side. I tried again and i was better, i didnt turn on my side, but i think falling is way more fun than belaying a fall.

I think climbing is actually a very social sport. Within this course i was able to interact and climb with people i’ve never partnered up with before and make new friends outside of my normal climbing group. We were able to give each other tips on routes and basically support each other in this new thing we are all embarking on together.

I do need to work on building up strength as that is something i lack therefore, with the added element of clipping yourself in, i tend to get tired faster. I also have to stick to the relatively easy routes partly because i just learnt how to lead climb but also because of my lack of muscle.

I felt climbing without a rope attached to the top of the wall challenged me mentally more than physically. I mean, yes it’s more tiring because you have to hold on and clip yourself in rather than just climbing non-stop but to trust yourself to be able to hold on and clip it in and to trust your own skills, it was a new experience. I wish i could unlearn lead climbing so i could learn it again haha. I can’t wait to put all these new skills to good use :)

#climbing club

Climbing Club #5

So apparently I haven't gone for climbing in really long...I didnt even notice i only went once, the weeks are blending into each other and all i see everyday is work and more work, i feel like i havent had a chance to breathe and so i guess its good that i have to take climbing more seriously and really commit every week. Today's climbing session was rather structured and a lot of fun. We started off with warmups: the normal stretches etc but after that we did a warm up climb, which was climb up rainbow and then climb down rainbow. I tried a new route and it was a bit challenging on he down climb because there was this move that would end up in me swinging to the side because of momentum. I got to the move and i could feel myself being pulled in that direction and i couldnt hold on so i literally just let go of one hand and dropped to the hold below me. It was like a downward dyno and i was so glad that the ropes were slack enough that i could drop all the way down to grab on to the hold below me, if not, i would have just jerked in the middle. After that, i bouldered a bit and then we practiced smearing. Smearing in SMU is so much easier and more fun than in ClimbAsia, simply because their walls are textured, have fixtures/cracks and are generally made to be "smearing-friendly". On the way up, i didn't feel the urge to depend on a foothold, a really big difference from when i was smearing up the wall in ClimbAsia. We then had a cool down, which was traversing across the bouldering wall. Everyone went at once and so we really had to work on coordinating movement and hand holds. It was really fun to watch because it really built teamwork as well as supportiveness in the group because everyone had to work together to make sure we all finished traversing the wall. i realized how much i have missed out on when i missed those sessions of climbing and i shall endeavour to be absent from practice less.

#climbing club

Climbing Club #4

This was my first time climbing in two months and I was really nervous that I would have forgotten my technique or lost some of my finger strength. I started off slowly, climbing a 5c as a warm-up. We also had to climb down and I had never climbed down before; it was a strange feeling because my route had a lot of those movements where you really have to stretch and shift your weight around and so climbing down was a bit scary but I managed it. Then I moved on to a 6a because I really wanted to try the auto belay. Its supposed to be training for lead climbing and I enjoy the sensation of falling so I was really excited to try it out. I started the climb without knowing that the whole climb was basically all pinches and crimps. I enjoy climbing with crimps but I absolutely detest pinches; I hate them more than slopers because it feels strange to pull myself up with pinches; I always feel like I am going to fall and that I’m not strong enough to hold on. Surprisingly, I finished the climb really quickly and I enjoyed it; it was a fun climb and I surprised myself by being able to hold on to the pinches and crimps. The auto belay was also really fun; I know a lot of people don't dare to let go and fall but for me it was the best part of the climb. The feeling of letting go and falling was exhilarating and exciting; I wished it had been faster though; that would have been so much fun. After that I tried a 6b and I was surprised at the grading because it was rather simple and straightforward climb and I had managed to onsight it; i didn't rest or slip at all. It was a really great moment and I was really pleased to know that my 2 months away from climbing hadn’t affected my technique at all and I was still able to climb 6bs. i had been working out at home to try and make up for not climbing for 2 months and I think that helped because I was able to do a lot moves I didn’t think I had enough muscle and strength to. There was another climb I did that was a 6b and it was a lot harder than the other 6b I climbed. Where the previous climb focused more on balance and moving your body around, this climb was difficult purely because of the types of holds. This was when I was really grateful to have nuo lin as my belayer because everytime I wanted to give up and go down because I kept trying the same move over and over again and I was so frustrated, he didn't let me down and he believed that I could do it and that encouragement really bolstered me and immediately after he said he wouldn't let me down, I managed to finish the move and reach the next hold. If he had listened to me and let me down, I wouldn't have known that I could actually pull up on a tiny crimp; its like I didn't know how close I was to the finish line because I was doing it but other people can see and so they make sure you keep pushing on so that you end up finishing it. I ended up finishing the climb but I think I only managed to because I kept at it and had my friend’s support and encouragement. Supportive friends are very important in climbing especially if they are about the same level as you. Nuo Lin suggested this climb to me because he thought I could do it, if he didn't think I could have done it, he wouldn't have suggested it to me and sometimes you have to trust your friends more often than yourself because I know I always think I’m worse than I actually am and I always end up surprising myself when my friends are always like “I told you you could do it”. Like this one time, I was scared to try a front walkover but my friend kept pushing me to do it and I did it and got it on my first try. Sometimes, you just really have to trust your friends to know what you can and cant do and I’m glad I trusted nuo lin in completing this climb. For cool downs we had to climb a route but we weren’t allowed to use any footholds. We had to smear all the way and if it was in SMU, I wouldn't have minded but we were in ClimbAsia and their walls were so smooth and without texture. It took me very long to finish the climb and at the end, my arms felt sore form hauling myself around. When we were talking afterwards, Grace said she felt it in her abs but I felt it in my arms and I don't know whether it was the technique that accounted to this difference or whether it was just because some people are stronger in certain areas than others. Personally, I know I have quite weak arms, I cant do pull ups or pushups but I can do a lot of situps and planks and mainly core exercises. Those are my favorite kind of exercises and it really helps me with my balance when climbing. I am trying to work on my upper body strength because I am severely lacking in it and it really holds me back when climbing. I also am working on trusting my abilities more because I always think I cant do it but turns out most of the time I can. It was a fruitful day and my next goal is to climb a 6c. it doesn't have to be clean but at least I can manage it.

#climbing club

Climbing Club #3

Today was at ClimbAsia and I have to say it was a very fruitful day. I overcame personal hurdles, pushed gradings and achieved things I didn't think I could do.

I tried a 6b+ for the first time and I didn't even realize it was a 6b+ until after I started climbing. It was a couple of grades higher than what I normally climb and I didn't think I would even be able to start the climb. The route was very difficult for me as they consisted mostly of slopers, which I tend to have a lot of problems with. I only made it a quarter of the way up before I was well and truly stuck. As this was the first climb I had attempted that day, I realized I hadn’t even given myself to warm up on an easy climb first before attempting such a difficult climb. I changed to a 5a and climbed it rather easily. I really need to work on slopers, it’s something I plan on practicing a lot. The minute I encounter a sloper, my confidence just drops to the ground. If I’m to get my level twos, I really need to get better at using slopers. I decided to raise my moral a bit by climbing a 6a, which I had watched Nuo Lin climb just before. He told me it was quite simple and he was right; the route was very simple but the challenge came with the types of holds as they were all mostly crimps and pinches. I have rather large hands and long fingers and so I found this climb a bit more challenging and painful than others of a similar grade. After that, I climbed another 6a and it proved to be more fun than challenging, as I had to manipulate my body into different positions and shapes, which I enjoy. The holds were not too small and I wasn't scared that I would lose my grip. There was another climb, which Nuo Lin couldn't climb (a 6a+) and as we have this friendly competition going on, I wanted to try the climb to see if I could finish it. I tend to use Nuo Lin as a gage for whether not I could finish a climb as I feel like if he can’t climb it then I probably wouldn't be able to either. I tried it and surprisingly I managed to finish the climb. This climb really got me back to that place where I found the joy in finishing difficult routes and not just feeling bad about the climb I had completed. I mean its good to reflect on how you could have climbed better but not to the point where I no longer feel joyed at finishing a difficult route. There was this one point in the climb where Nuo Lin got stuck previously and I could tell why. There was this tough maneuver with a sloper and I had to reaching for a hold that was slightly out of reach. Since I already have so much trouble with slopers, I was certain I couldn't do it but I kept persevering at it and eventually I found my way up. I had to smear and push myself up on the sloper, which was something I never thought I could do. I guess today is a day of discovery for me. I learnt a lot about what I could do and what I need to work on. My next goal is to climb a 6b.

#climbing club

Climbing Club #2

Today’s session was at Kinetics and as usual, I started off with the easier problems and then worked my way up the different grades. There was this one problem, which was on a slight incline and I kept trying it over and over, getting further each try and I finally touched the last hold but slipped off before I could complete the route. The thing is that this route utilizes a lot of drop-knees so it really improved my technique as I hardly ever use drop knees when climbing. There was this other route, which really helped me improve my technique as it forced me to shift my weight around a lot, utilize the wall more and try out different hand positions. I found that it was rather easy for me to start the route and I think all my past training in dance and fencing really help me with balance and shifting of weight. The changing of hand positions was what helped me finish the route because at first, everyone was trying it with their hands parallel to each other whereas when I tried it, I crossed my hands over each other so I could push off immediately instead of pushing up then off to be able to reach the next hold. There was also the problem that I couldn't do the last time we went to Kinetics and so I decided to try it again and turns out this time I could do it. This time, I learned from the mistakes last time and I utilized my body more. I made sure to use my knee to secure myself and balance myself while attempting the crux of the problem. Not only that, I also feel that all this climbing and all the exercises that I do at home really helped to strengthen my arms and fingers. I’ve always had trouble with slopers and today was no different but I persevered and with all these new things that I’ve learnt and realized about myself, I managed a few climbs that involved slopers.

#climbing club

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