ɢᴀʟᴀxy

I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart. I am, I am, I am.

[galaxy1x1]

caerulevs

Out of every story he had heard about a thing called love, Bash didn’t really think his story with Phoebe fell any category that didn’t include a bad portrayal of his species in a love triangle with a vampire. It was strange, perhaps even selfish of him, to keep himself around Phoebe when they weren’t even in the same species —- those same thoughts had drove him away once and he refused to let his mind keep him apart from the woman he loved. Love. Bash wasn’t even sure he was capable of it —- my God, she didn’t even know what he had done to his family, how much of a monster he was… That realisation stole the light from his bright, grey and blue eyes for a moment before he let the image in front of him fill him whole, yet again. She was a ray of sun and he got to call that piece of warmth his. 

Bash loved the feeling of her lips on his. Every word that left her mouth was unpredictable and it was one of the things he loved about her; her randomness, how she seemed as in love with him as he was with her… —- it was a feeling he never thought he’d find, specially after the curse that he had been given to love with. But Phoebe saw something more in him, something other than the monster he was, and Bash was more than grateful for it. Letting out a small laugh, he shook his head slightly. “I won’t.” He had to laugh after what she did; if he didn’t, then he was sure he didn’t have a heart. “If something happens to it, then we can’t do this again. And we both know I need practice.” Bash teased, a hint of deviousness in his eyes as he put his arms around her and pulled her more to him, wanting no space between them. Kissing the top of her head, the werewolf then ran his hands through her hair, loving the feeling of it on the tips of his fingers. “I won’t leave.” His voice more serious now, almost a whisper. 

It seemed fair that there was a slim part of her that still feared that he would leave. He had tried once and that was enough for her to worry that he wouldn’t be there when she woke up every morning. Phoebe didn’t want to experience that heartbreak ever again; she was sure it would be the end of her. His warmth, the splatter of grey in his green eyes and that stupid but absolutely wonderful smile of his. It had all nestled its way into her heart and there was nothing that could ever replace it. Sebastian was engraved in her bones and a part of her soul. She had never been hungry for love but now that she had gotten a small taste of it, she was ravenous. She was a kid on a playground with a toy that she refused to share with anyone and she would bite anyone who dared come close. Sebastian might be the werewolf, but Phoebe was the biter. 

“I know,” she sighed for a dramatic effect, attempting to hide the grin tugging at the corner of her lips, “so much practice. It’ll be a tedious process but we have to do it. Over and over and over again.” With ease, she made herself comfortable against his body when he pulled her closer, pressing soft kisses to his collarbone. She relaxed further when he told her he wouldn’t leave, unable to miss the seriousness in his tone and it made her feel secure. “I won’t leave either, mainly because this is my apartment and I can’t but I wouldn’t want to either, who else is supposed to keep my little toesies warm? Socks? Blankets?” She snorted as if she had offended herself at the absurdity that socks would keep her warm rather than the heat of his body. “You’re much cheaper and hotter and your dick is excellent even if you need a bit of practice on how to use it.”

[galaxy1x1]

caerulevs

Up until he felt something on his shoulder, Bash was sound asleep. Tired, perhaps even exhausted but not in a bad way; no way, not after what happened just the night before. As he returned to the land of the living, slowly but surely gaining conscience, it didn’t take long for the memories of the night before to return to him and a small yet lazy smile to appear on his lips. Second after second, his senses began waking up —– smell, touch and hearing becoming promptly overwhelmed by her and only her. The woman he had fallen so head over heels for, without even realising it was love he felt. It was made him feel warm (warmer than usual) and weightless. For a moment, Bash felt scared that he was still asleep and dreaming; that Phoebe wasn’t right there next to him; that they hadn’t slept in the same bed, falling asleep to her heartbeat, which, in turn, had calmed his down even after what they had done.

As he felt her warm breath on his skin, Bash lazily opened his eyes, letting them get used to the sunlight dripping through the curtains; even as a werewolf, he still couldn’t just open his eyes without feeling like he was going blind. The moment his eyes saw her, her voice becoming clearer and clearer by the second, Bash’s smile increased. God, she was beautiful, and to wake up and have her be the first thing he sees made him feel like he was the luckiest werewolf in the world. A small grunt escaped him as he moved a little, adjusting himself so he would be more comfortable. Furrowing his eyebrows, a chuckle escaped him; how did he manage to be lucky to the point of having someone like Phoebe be the one to find him and welcome him into her house? “Did you… Did you just bite me?” Bash lazily spoke with a grin, lying on his side, his head slightly propped up. All he wanted was to spend all day with her, just like this. 

He was smiling. Still dazed from the sleep but smiling nevertheless. If Phoebe could live in that moment, watching his lazy smile for an eternity, she would. She had never been much for love, everyone around her thriving on it, eyes lit up when they spoke about it and she never understood it until now. Only thinking about Sebastian made her all tingly and warm, and she wanted to pull people down by the neck and press her face against theirs to proclaim her love for the man that she found in the woods a year ago. She was so happy that she had craved ice cream so bad that she took a shortcut through the woods. Who knew that you could stumble over a naked and confused man in the woods only to fall in love with him? It was so absurd and crazy, it suited her perfectly.

“No,” she drawled with an innocent smile tugging at the corner of her lips, “I would never.” Of course she would and she would do it again and again and again. They both knew that. She leaned closer to his face and pressed her nose against his. “Here, smell my morning breath,” Phoebe insisted before she placed a soft kiss on his lips, shortly after she nuzzled her face against his neck and took a deep breath to smell him. It smelt like home. It felt like home. “You can never ever leave me, okay? Well, during the full moon but you have to come home. If you don’t, I will,” her voice trailed off as she wrapped a hand around the edge of the covers and peeked beneath it to look at his naked body, “oh good, it’s still there— but it won’t be if you don’t come back to me.”  

[galaxy1x1]

It was with a small grunt that Phoebe stirred in the bed, ray of sunlight hitting her in the face which she attempted to escape by rolling over. Her face hit something unfamiliar since she slept alone, especially now that Yoda had been stolen by Sebastian. Hazel eyes fluttered open and she realised that her forehead was pressed against Sebastian’s upper arm. After that, memories of last night came flooding in. Her body ached and she was certain that she was bruised in different places but it didn’t matter. Smile tethered to her lips while she recalled the events. It had been awkward at first, a lot of fumbling and encouraging words, puzzled facial expressions and reddened cheeks. So very awkward. Second round had been better. 

It didn’t matter though, Phoebe was so full of joy that she was able to wake up besides him.

She propped up on her elbow, watching his chest rise and fall while she attempted to restrain herself from waking him up. It lasted for twenty seconds before she leaned down and gently gnawed on his shoulder. Kisses were more appropriate but she had never been one to conform. Besides, it wouldn’t be right to showcase her love in ways that weren’t her own. So he had no other choice but to endure her quirks. “Bash, Bash, Bash— wake up, I want attention,” she mumbled against his warm, soft skin before leaning back to look at him again. It was disgusting; he was so damn beautiful and she wanted to slap him for it. 

[galaxy1x1]

caerulevs

Before she could protest what he had said to her about the food, she saw him bend down and the next thing she knows, she’s being thrown over his shoulder “Hey!” She exclaimed, trying to kick her way out of it before he secured her legs in one place. What the hell was wrong with him? After a few moments, she gave him, knowing that, whatever he was made of, was surely enough to tire her out within seconds. Pretty sure it was on the same group as iron or really hard plastic — whatever it was, every thing could be bent, one way or another. Lara wasn’t a fighter, but she wasn’t a quitter either. Sure, she was born with a silver spoon on her mouth, but she was still the daughter of a dangerous man. And she didn’t spend a lot of her time at home doing nothing; there were a lot of things to eavesdrop on and others to learn from a distance and Lara was sure that, when it came to planning, she wasn’t as stupid as most pegged her as. Including Oliver. The latest plan just hadn’t been thought through properly.

When he dropped her on the floor, a noise of pain escaped her and she gave herself a few seconds to gather her thoughts — didn’t he know he could’ve seriously injured her? If she walked out of the motel with a limp, people would question it. A scoff escaped her, looking at him with a glare before she rolled her eyes. “Save me? You kidnapped me. How’s that fucking saving anyone?” Lara spoke, out of frustration, out of annoyance. There was no logic to his words, that much was obvious. Standing up, she stretched her back and her neck; it was as if the pain emanated throughout her whole body when he dropped her. “Everything irritates you. A supermodel could walk through that door and you’d be pissed at her.”

“Has there been any indicators that you’ve been kidnapped?” Arguing with her was the last thing he wanted to do and he could care less if all she saw was a bad man; he was a bad man. Bloodstained hands and if psychoanalyzed, sociopath would be written across his forehead. Oliver might lack empathy, but he knows that murder is wrong. It just doesn’t stop or bother him. Earth was overpopulated anyway, right? “Have I asked for a ransom? Called your father? Cut off an ear for proof that you’re in my possession?” It was delivered harshly, in a sense challenging her in hopes that it’d shut her up. Perhaps if he showed her what he truly was, she’d have better sense than to aggravate him. But Oliver doubted that she had enough logic to bite her tongue even if she knew that he was capable of murder. He’d never spared anyone’s life but he had seen enough shitty movies where murderers were revealed and those around them hadn’t feared them. Movie magic. It had likely influenced those in front of the screen to think that fear wasn’t necessary. Fear was necessary.

“Only if I don’t have any condoms on me,” he replied without missing a beat. And then he snapped. His large hand wrapped around her throat and he pushed her up against the nearest wall, tightening his grip with ease. Hazel eyes stared into hers, jaw tightened and visible rage tethered to his features. “I want you to know that I have killed numerous people over the years. I may look young but the list is longer than you could ever imagine.” Oliver paused, tilting his head while he contemplated on what to do next. It would be so easy to end his own misery right there and then. “You think I want to babysit a brat who doesn’t know when to shut up? I spared your life and I’m not going to let you go only for someone else to kill you, so here’s some advice— do as I fucking say and shut up in between. It’ll be easier for the both of us.”

[galaxy1x1]

caerulevs

Lara just wanted to go home. She just wanted to be with her father again, feel safe again with him by her side; though she had no doubt that it was her last name that prompted the man to kidnap her in the first place. There were some perks to the wealth her family had, but there were some downsides to it too — and one of the biggest ones were the enemies that Lara knew her father had collected as many of those as he possibly could, still leaving space for new ones. And the man seemed like he fit the latter; he didn’t seem old enough to have known his father at his peak but there was the possibility he was just a mercenary. What she couldn’t understand, though, is why, in the couple of days they had spent just the two of them, he had done nothing about it — no ransom call, no threats, no “you’ll meet my boss later” kind of talk. Lara could ask, but she doubted she’d get an actual answer.

“Yeah, obviously.” The brunette commented, narrowing her eyes as she spoke. Oliver seemed robotic, at best, programmed to do one thing and, clearly, whoever made him forgot to code some actual sense of humour into his brain. “Maybe I don’t like that food, ever thought about that Mr. Robot?” Lara asked, rhetorically so, shaking her head as she spoke; she doubted he cared about what she liked or didn’t like. Arms crossed over her chest, the girl knew she was probably walking on thin ice, still high on the sense of being untouchable due to who her father was. “Not until you tell me where you’re taking me.” Lara demanded, looking up at the man that towered over her, almost two fold. As soon as those words left her mouth, Lara was expecting the man to just roll his eyes, grab her arm and drag her back to the room, a grip far too tight for her to escape. Did she think about that before she spoke? Not a chance.

An audible sigh rolled off Oliver’s tongue when she demanded to know where he was taking her. If he knew, he might have told her but alas. “You eat what we have or starve, that’s your choice.” Without any hesitation, he bent down and wrapped his arms around her waist before throwing her over his shoulder. She was frail in comparison to his build and weighed practically nothing as he wrapped his arm around her legs to secure her place on his shoulder. “Scream and I’ll pull out a couple of your teeth,” Oliver warned her nonchalantly while walking back toward the room he had rented while he attempted to figure out where to go from there. He had fucked up beyond his own control. All without a reason. Either he killed her and sent her father a picture of his daughter’s dead body or he was stuck with her until he could figure out what to do with her. Neither seemed great but in reality, the latter was the only choice he had. 

He kicked the door shut behind them with the heel of his boot and dropped her to the floor without care. “I don’t know where we’re going— I’m just trying to save your bratty ass.” Hands ran over his face, exhausted in every possible way. Questions were reasonable, he had after all kidnapped her, but it didn’t mean that Oliver felt particularly chatty. It was pointless anyway, she wasn’t going to believe him for it was all too absurd for someone who had born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Who wanted to believe that their own father wanted to kill them? If he cared about anything but cigarettes and cheap whiskey, he would have killed her father but it was a waste of his time and resources. Lara was merely an annoying little chihuahua with too much attitude that he’d eventually get rid of. “Take a nap or something, you’re irritating me.”

[galaxy1x1]

caerulevs

ROADTRIP TO HELL // LARA & OLIVER starter for @galaxy1x1​

Honestly, whatever she had done, throughout her whole life, would never warrant for such a heavy karma. Maybe the universe looked at her last name and decided to deliver based on that fact alone; truly, the only person she had to blame would be her father and it didn’t seem like she was going to see him any time soon. The moment the tall, dark haired man exited the motel room, Lara put on her jacket and crossed every finger available that he wouldn’t catch her. It wasn’t like her plan was foolproof but it wasn’t like she had thought it through either — it wasn’t her style, anyways. Just walk, slowly and like she belonged, and everything should be fine.

At least that’s what her hopeful mind decided to go with. 

Of course, the universe wasn’t a big fan of Lara Baker, so nothing would go as she hoped. The moment the brunette closed the door and walked a few paces, hugging herself and her oversized jacket, looking back to see if he was behind her, a sharp sigh left her. Had she gotten away with such a half-assed plan? No, she had not — the answer she got when she finally turned to face the way she was going and saw him standing, back against a wall. Busted. “You gotta be kidding me.” Lara muttered under her breath, cursing him to hell and back. Should she turn around and run? Or play it off? “I had to — y’know. Vending machine. I’m hungry and all that.”

Oliver wasn’t particularly pleased with the decision he had made a couple of days ago and quite frankly, he had moments of doubt where he could’ve easily killed her like he was supposed to. While his hands were already stained red, it wasn’t the act of murder that stopped him, killing was easy, death was simple; it was the fact that it was her father that had paid him a million dollar in advance and promised another after the bloodshed of his daughter. Even Oliver knew that it was fucked up and he had dismembered dead bodies numerous times. All thoughts that kept haunting him, made him restless, and as a result, he smoked more than normal. Pacing back and forth, inhaling and exhaling; trying to think of an end to this mess.

It came to an abrupt end when he saw the frail figure leave the motel room and attempting to make a run for it. Quite amusing and definitely stupid. Oliver leaned against the wall where she was headed, letting the smoke of his cigarette disappear in front of his face while he waited for her to make the discovery. “I don’t do jokes,” he informed her when she realized that her plan had been spoiled. “No, you’re not— there’s food back in the room, I know that you know that.” The cigarette fell to the ground and he stomped the embers off it out with his boot, nodding for her to head back in the direction she came from. For her sake, he hoped that she would comply but she seemed foolish enough to believe she could get away easy, so hope was futile. “Back. Now.”

[galaxy1x1]

caerulevs

The moment he stepped out of Phoebe’s house, he had to get away. He had to run, run until he was out of breath. And so he did and he stopped right in the spot where she had first rescued him, something she kept doing each day by never giving up on him. Sebastian could know the entire population of Earth and he would still think Phoebe was the best person he would ever meet. Perhaps he was looking at her through rose tainted glasses, after all she was the woman he loved — the first girl he had ever fallen in love with. Yet, despite his probably biased opinions, he loved her even when she was stubborn, even when she was having a bad day. 

Phoebe had saved him and he was saving her. It was only a matter of time before the monster in him grew so vicious that not even the woman he loved was safe from its teeth and claws. Bash would rather live his life without her love than knowing she wasn’t living at all. It was a choice he had made and he regretted it because he missed her. Hours had passed and it was as if the world had lost its color. It was for her own safety, though, and he would have to learn how to live with it. What else was he supposed to do? Be selfish and go back to her? He couldn’t live with himself if something happened to Phoebe because of him. He couldn’t. 

Even though he had distanced himself from her house, his legs had brought him to the place where they had first met. The corner of his lip twitched into a momentary smile, thinking back to how pure her acceptance had been. She chose to see the best in people and Bash could only wish he would one day be as good of a person as Phoebe was. Even in the pouring rain, he couldn’t leave the woods. They brought him peace. Standing at the entrance of a cave, one he was sure he was one of the few to know the existence of, he had set himself a small corner to sleep in for the first night away from Phoebe. And then the second, the third, the fourth. 

A gush of wind brought to him a scent he never thought he’d smell again — what the hell was she doing out here? Following Phoebe’s smell, the memories of her natural scent swarming and taking him by surprise, Bash ran as fast as he could. Then, after running for a few minutes, he saw her, through the mist the rain had created, he saw her and didn’t hesitate to go to her. “Phoebe?” He asked, ready to give her his jacket — only to remember he wasn’t wearing it at that moment. “You’re freezing, what the hell are you doing here?” Bash wanted to hug her, warm her up with his own body and give her the warmth she deserved — but he wasn’t even sure if he should do that. Phoebe was his social coach and right now, he needed lessons on how to interact with her.

Phoebe couldn’t see herself but her skin had a blue-gray tone to it by now, most of her body parts numb while she drifted in and out of consciousness. All she could hold onto was Sebastian, tracing his features in her head the best she could. She couldn’t feel the vibrating, aching hole in her chest anymore, but not because it was gone; she was just too cold to feel anything. At this point it was too late to get up and head back to her apartment, her legs wouldn’t carry her but it didn’t seem to matter. She didn’t want to live without Sebastian. It was fucking crazy and irresponsible but it was her feelings, or rather thoughts. All she wanted was to feel again. Anything but the nasty heartbreak. 

She wanted her heart back.

For a second, she thought she heard his voice among the sound of the violent rain. Such a small comfort in the moment. It was only when she managed to pry her eyes open that she saw him standing there, but it could’ve been an hallucination. It was, wasn’t it? Her brain was slowly shutting down and in a twisted way, it was trying to comfort her. 

“I— I know— I know you’re not— real,” her speech was slurred between shivering lips, unable to form a coherent sentence, but it hardly mattered. “I don’t— want to...” Phoebe’s voice trailed off, trying to find the word that slipped her mind. “Die. I— don’t want to die, but— I don’t want to— live without you.” Her eyes fluttered close as she attempted to take a deep breathe, not sure why she was using the little energy she had left to talk with a hallucination her brain had conjured for her own comfort. “I gave you my— heart and I hope... I hope the real Sebastian knows that. I hope he knows that I— that I love him.”

[galaxy1x1]

caerulevs.

I want you to leave. I shouldn’t have helped you. You were a mistake. 

Those words echoed inside of his mind and they burned every little bit of light he had left in himself. The light that she gave him, that burned so bright because he had her. She was the only good thing in his life, hands down. From hearing her footsteps coming up the driveway, the anticipation of seeing her beautiful face after a long day to the way she so effortlessly was the most amazing girl he had ever seen. That’s why he had to leave. That’s why he had to let her go before he killed that light of hers, that spark that made everyone around her smile. After what he had done, Bash knew he didn’t deserve her or anything she had done for him. 

Part of him knew that she hadn’t meant those words; for most part however, Bash made himself sure he heard those words loud and clear. He knew them to be what he deserved at that moment. There he was, trying to protect her and even then, he managed to hurt her. “I know, I know.” His voice cracked as he made sure to now make this about him; his emotions didn’t matter, they weren’t as important as Phoebe and, after what he had done to her, he didn’t deserve to feel sad. It seemed like everything he touched burned to a crisp, died right before his eyes — he was just keeping Phoebe from being one of those that suffered in his wake. 

Gulping, Bash looked down and shook his head, trying to keep his composure. After a few moments, he looked up again, meeting her again. Taking a good look. Letting her face engrave itself in his mind, more than it already was. He wanted to prolong that moment for as long as he could. He wanted to take all of her in, even if it wasn’t in the way he found himself craving for. The more he had of her, her beauty, her scent, the more he could keep inside of his mind. “You weren’t.” And with those words, he turned around, leaving without any belongings — where he was going, what he was becoming… he didn’t need them.

The moment the door closed behind him, Phoebe collapsed on the floor and broke out in a violent sob. Everything around her disappeared and all she could focus on was the ache inside. She didn’t know how she was supposed to carry on with her life or if she wanted to. Why would she want to when she knew that there would always be an empty space in her heart? Sebastian was engraved in her bones, an imprint on her soul and the first man she had ever loved. There was nothing that could ever change that. Nothing would ever erase his smiles, his laugh and voice. His eyes that felt like home. She gasped for air in between the sobs, Yoda snuggling as close as he could, while she tried to comprehend what had just happened. It felt like everything within had withered only to be replaced by an ache so terrible that she felt broken beyond repair.

Phoebe didn’t know how much time had passed since she fell to the floor but eventually her body was too exhausted to continue the tears. It was then that she decided that it wasn’t okay; that she stubbornly would refuse to let him go. She wasn’t willing to lose him and he was worth fighting for. So she would fight fiercely for man she loved.

It was pouring, her clothes soaked almost immediately as she left her apartment. No jacket, no shoes. She wandered the narrow path to the edge of the woods where she had first seen him and then, some nights, spent reading books while waiting for his return. It wasn’t likely that he would now, but everything was grey without him so if she had to, Phoebe would spend every night sitting there in hopes that he would come back to her. After a while, her body numbed and she couldn’t feel the violent shakes from the cold. In fact, she didn’t feel much of anything. Her eyes fluttered close as she leaned her head back against the tree again, arms crossed across her chest in a silly attempt for warmth in the pouring rain but it was useless. It didn’t matter, she didn’t care if she froze to death. All she wanted was Sebastian.

[galaxy1x1]

caerulevs.

Everything hurt with every word that left him and with every breath he took. Everything burned with every moment that passed, specially with the realization that things with Phoebe weren’t as clean cut as before. Nothing about his feelings for her had changed, at least compared to the last few months, he had realized. Bash looked at her and felt the same tingling in his finger tips as he did before, he saw her face and all he wanted to do was keep her around and her voice was like music to his ears. The werewolf had heard those same words in a song before but he had never really gotten it until recently. Even if the human world was still a mess to understand, there was one thing that made perfect sense to him as it always had: Phoebe. And now he was throwing all of that away. Bash told himself it was for her own good but, as he looked at her, he wasn’t so sure. It had to be, though. It was. 

When Bash heard her question, his lips parted and it was as if he had gone back to being a werewolf, full time. Suddenly, the human world didn’t make sense to him and everything Phoebe had taught him and seemingly disappeared from his mind. He had no idea what to say, he had no idea what to do just like he had no idea why doing what he thought was the right thing was so hard. Why did it had to be so hard? 

“I’d rather hurt you like this than find out I tore you apart, Phoebe.” Bash admitted, and out of the blue, it was if his mind had unlocked what his thoughts tried to protect him from. Flashbacks of when he first turned and killed his own family, unable to control himself. That’s what he was, ultimately, scared of. Everything she seemed to be putting off because of him, it was the things that he would take away from her eventually and perhaps in a more permanent way. 

It didn’t take him long to realize he had spoken of something he would never want her to know. “I couldn’t live with that.”

It was as if the ground beneath her feet was cracking, the world around her falling to pieces as she tried to maintain the balance. Phoebe didn’t have a single regret, every struggle of his in a world he didn’t recognize anymore and her frustration that came along with the obstacles, all of it meant something to her. Sebastian meant everything to her. His smiles when she came home with pastries from work, watching that confused crinkle between his brows when something didn’t make sense and the sense of accomplishment when something went right. It was pure happiness, even when they both struggled. How was she supposed to live without someone who meant everything? 

Her lips pursed together, blinking away the tears pooling in her eyes when he spoke again. A sharp jab within when he admitted something so raw. Phoebe didn’t believe that he would ever do that to her but she knew better than to voice it. It would only prolong the inevitable because he was going to walk away and she was going to fall apart. 

“I want you to leave,” she lied, voice barely audible but she knew that he could hear her. Her voice was trembling, forced out because she didn’t want to say any of it.“I wish I could turn back time and leave you in the woods. I shouldn’t have helped you or let you into my life. It was a mistake.” It tore her apart but she had to do it, didn’t she? She had to make this easier for him because that was what you did when you loved someone. A selfless act so he could do what he believed was right even if she didn’t. And then, for the final blow, Phoebe obliterated every ounce of happiness in her small frame. “You were a mistake.”

[galaxy1x1]

caerulevs.

Sebastian just wanted to get it over with, rip it off like a band-aid and let Phoebe get back to her old life without him. “No.” The boy said, shaking his head as he looked at the girl, far shorter than him but so much stronger. He was weak, he was scared and he would be nothing if it wasn’t for her. And there he was, hurting her, making her cry when he promised himself he’d protect her from any harm —- he never really thought he’d be the one on the other end of the story, however. Just like he didn’t expect to grow so attached to someone; so attached that he couldn’t imagine his life without her. He could, however, imagine her life without him and how much safer she was. “I’m a werewolf, Phoebe. Not human.” He turned into an animal every month and killed whatever he finds if it’s a particularly bad day. “Humans get angry and they break stuff or cry or whatever it is you’re supposed to do in that situation. I get angry and I can kill an entire room of people if things go badly.” He had done it before; people he loved more than anything and he ripped them apart like they were chew toys. 

A scoff escaped him and he shook his head. Maybe he wasn’t as good of a person as he thought he was; maybe his year of Phoebe had only calmed down is persona. Maybe it was just a dream and he was just saving her from the bitter ending before things got worse. “How is it better for me, Phoebe? You’re the only person I have left. There’s nothing for me out there. No home, no friends, no family.” And he didn’t have to wonder why. He didn’t want to leave; all Bash wanted was for his mind to stop screaming, all he wanted was for his brain to stop telling him that he’d become a burden, a furry burden. How was he supposed to put his thoughts into words? How was he supposed to tell her what he really thought without ruining everything? He wasn’t good with words, he wasn’t good with gestures, he wasn’t good with anything human. “You’re all I’ve got, Pheebs, and I can’t risk hurting someone I love again.” That’s what friends feel right? Bash had heard Phoebe say ‘I love you’ to some of her friends and, although he wasn’t familiar with it, he knew he cared. How much, he wasn’t sure, but he did. It hurt just as much as it had when he realized what he had done to his family, so that means something, right? 

It daunted on her that this was it. There was nothing she could say or do that would make him stay and it broke her heart. It would’ve been less painful if he broke through her rib cage and tore her heart out. Phoebe couldn’t believe that he was standing before her and claimed that he wasn’t human and that he loved her. You didn’t claim to love someone as an excuse to leave. She had stood there, staring at him for minutes now. From the word werewolf to the claim that she was all he had. If she closed her eyes, she could hear a clock tick at the back of her head. As if it was counting down the few minutes she had left with him. Because he was leaving and there was nothing she could do. She wasn’t sure what hurt the most, that he could leave her or that nothing she said mattered. 

Suddenly she felt exhausted and she gave up. She couldn’t convince him to stay.

“Then why are you hurting me?” It was a fair question for someone who supposedly didn’t want to hurt her and yet there she stood, tears clouding her sight as her chest ached. He wasn’t just hurting her, he was annihilating her. Phoebe was in love with him. She knew that. She knew that she wanted him to sleep in her bed so she could cuddle up next to him and steal his warmth. She wanted silly picnics and beach days. She wanted to watch a show with him and get mad when he watched an episode without her. She wanted to kiss him. A lot. Above all that, she wanted to tell him that. 

It seemed stupid, but she wanted him to know that her heart was his. She wanted Sebastian to know that the heart he was breaking was his. 

[galaxy1x1]

caerulevs.

Everything was rushing inside of his mind and all he wanted to do was make it all stop. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her her, the last thing he wanted to do was say goodbye to the one shred of happiness he found in his day-to-day life. Phoebe had quickly become his only reason to remain human, the only reason he actually went on with his day, even with guilt and blood all of his hands. And, from where he was standing, he had become a burden. Because, really, what future was there for her with a killer living inside of her house? “It is better for you.” Bash began, shaking his head, trying his best not to just outright tell her what he had done, have her look at him like the monster he was. “You just have to take my word for it, Phoebe, you’re better off without an animal living inside of your house.” It took everything in him to not call himself a monster, at least in front of her. What if some day he decided to come knocking on her door with his paws and turned back to human only to realize he had hurt the one person his thoughts would go to the first thing in the morning?

You want to leave. 

It was the last thing he wanted to do. “I’d be lying if I told you that, Phoebe. But —” God, he hated talking about these things. He hated thinking. He hated feeling. He hated the guilt and the weight of it all — Phoebe didn’t deserve any of it, she didn’t deserve someone that turning into an animal every month. “I’ll never be the person you deserve, alright? You don’t know what I did. You can’t know.” He refused to tell her, he refused to let the light on his life fade away just because he told Phoebe he had killed his own family and have her look at him, seeing right through him and seeing what he truly was. Bash couldn’t remember the last time he felt something so strong and so frustrating towards someone; and whatever it was, and with his thoughts, it was telling him that this was what he had to do. Just watching her eyes tear him —  he wanted to hug her, wrap his arms around her and protect her. But what would he protect her from when the person that was clearly hurting her was him? “I don’t want to leave you, Phoebe.”

Animal.

Her eyes widened in shock as the word rung in her ears. They both knew that he was a werewolf, and while considered an animal, they also knew that it wasn’t what he had meant. Phoebe couldn’t tell if this was real anymore or if it was a cruel dream that eventually would end. It felt like a joke, a taunt or, obviously, her worst nightmare. “Don’t you ever say that again,” she spoke through gritted teeth, furious that he had called himself an animal to make his sick and twisted point. “You’re a human being.” It was said with a certain finality, as if he couldn’t argue and he couldn’t; not with her. “You’re human and you can’t escape that, and you can’t excuse what you’re doing right now with your fur or that you think that it’s better this way ‘cause it’s not.” She was stubborn, and if he would continue repeating that it was better for her, she would continue to deny it. It would never be true, no matter how many times he said it. He had been lost when she found him and now he was about to leave her in the dark. How was that fair?

“It’s better for you,” she said, voice breaking as a tear rolled down her cheek. It was quickly swept off with her fingers before she shook her head. “It’s not better for me, but it’s better for you, isn’t it?” It wasn’t a question because she firmly believed she knew the answer. At this point it didn’t even matter, her chest was aching and eyes clouded with tears. No matter what she said or felt, Phoebe knew that he would leave. Because life was cruel and unfair. It gave her something she never had before and then took it all away. “Say it,” she repeated again, but this time harsher. “Say you want to leave.” It was already tearing her apart from within but she needed to hear it. She didn’t care that he believed he was doing this for her. She knew that he wanted to leave, for several reasons, and perhaps thought it was better to wrap it up in a blanket and pretend it was for her own good. 

[galaxy1x1]

caerulevs.

Every word that left his mouth left behind a sour taste. Bash had meant every word he had said and yet, he wished he hadn’t said them at all. It was a mixture of feelings. He wanted to stay but he knew he couldn’t. It would be selfish, right? The way he cared about her, more than he imagined possible for him to feel, staying any longer made him feel like he was a burden. Bash was holding her back because of a curse that was only his to bare and he couldn’t live with himself knowing that he was keeping her from living her life. She was young, she was kind, funny and — my God, so beautiful. It would be selfish of him to keep her from the world, wouldn’t it? It would be selfish of him to want to keep her for himself. And really, what future was there for him? He was a werewolf. He turned into a monster every month and to ask her to deal with that any longer than she had already would be a bad thing to do, that much was clear to him, in his oversimplified way of thinking.

A sigh escaped him when he heard Phoebe’s words, shaking his head. “How many things have you passed ever since I came here, Phoebe?” Bash asked, guilty ridden and feeling like he was only making it worse for every second he stood there, in front of her. And every time his eyes scanned her features, he just wanted to give in, stay and go back to how things were. But his heart convinced his mind that giving Phoebe her life back was his way of making her happy; somehow, it made sense to him. Bash wanted to just walk towards her but everything in him told him not to; that he’d be better for her, everything he meant to do. Leaving was the safest choice for her; after all, she didn’t know what he had done before. And if he managed to kill his family, there’s no way he’d be able to control himself and not hurt her. He was a monster. Always would be. Her safety was more important to him than anything else, even if being with her had been the happiest he had felt in years. “It’s just — it’s better this way. You’ll realize that.” And at the same time, he was trying to convince himself.

Phoebe couldn’t believe that this was happening. Not now, not ever. She hadn’t passed up anything that she couldn’t live without. It wasn’t because of him, but because the things she hadn’t participated in wouldn’t make her happy the way he made her happy. She had chosen happiness as she would continue to do. Because that is who she was when it came to it. Beyond the crazy, unpredictable feelings and thoughts, she wanted nothing else but happiness. It was what drove her. So if something wouldn’t make her nearly as happy as he did, she would pass the opportunity. 

It wasn’t all, was it?

She knew that it wasn’t just about the things she had said no to. It was the reflection that stared back at him in the mirror. She knew very little about his past, but she knew that it wasn’t full of rainbow and sunshine. And now he was about to leave her.

“You don’t get to decide if it’s better or not!” Her loud voice resonated in her living room, panic evident in her eyes. “It’s not! It’s not better for me,” she continued even if it felt like her throat was closing off; making it difficult to breathe. It was hard to argue or even speak, no thought or feeling was clear. It was just coming all at once. “So don’t do that, don’t tell me that you’re doing this for me because you’re not. I don’t want you to leave so it’s not for me, it’s for you. You want to leave.” She was unable to stop her eyes from tearing up, on the verge of tears. She couldn’t believe it was happening. Her entire life collapsing without warning. Was this how heartbreak felt like? “Just say it. Say you want to leave.”

[galaxy1x1]

“I don’t want you to miss out on things anymore, Phoebe, I — I think I should go.”

Her mouth dropped open, eyes widening while she tried to comprehend the words that lingered between them. It was a camping trip with three other friends that she wouldn’t have gone to even if he hadn’t been there. Phoebe liked her friends but she knew that they would get drunk and whine about men for the majority of the time and she had no patience for that. There was only so much alcohol she could consume to pass out and skip the whining. Was it so wrong that she preferred Bash over it? It hardly seemed fair that he would show up and change her life for the better only to leave just like that. She didn’t know what she would do without him. It wasn’t dependency as much as it was love. Something she had yet to figure out, but it dictated every feeling and want of hers.  

“Why would you say that?” She finally managed to string together a sentence, on the verge of losing control of herself. All she wanted was to scream and cry. Frustration and fear was building up and she had never been good at controlling her feelings, or fake them for that matter. “I didn’t want to go— I really didn’t want to.” Desperation resonated in her voice but eventually anger would take precedence. “I’m not missing anything. It’s just a damn camping trip. Why is that so hard to understand?” Phoebe stared at him for a moment, letting out a deep sigh before she finally spoke again. “You can’t just leave me, you fucking fuck!” 

[galaxy1x1]

It had started last night, Andy had assumed that it was signs of labor that came and went like it had with Isla. She thought it was normal and had gone to work; any other regular day. How wrong she had been. Her pain progressed, it was an abdominal pain that continuously felt like a stab in her gut before her body finally gave up and she fell to the floor during her break. Andromeda didn’t pass out, so she could hear her lifey go off frantically and she knew. She knew something was very wrong and that it had everything to do with the baby she was carrying. Even in incredible pain, she was quiet; her heart threatening to beat out of her chest as she was taken to the hospital. No one had to say a thing, she knew that he was gone. She had lost her and Jax’s baby.

She had been right.

She was neither there or here; stuck in between worlds where every sound was background noise and the people around her became nothing but ghosts. Shock, the doctor said. But it was more than that, Andy felt hollow, like everything had been lost and it was her fault. If she had gone to the hospital, request a check-up, perhaps the death of their baby could’ve been prevented. They told her that it was the natural selection, that something had been wrong with the fetus and then forced her to give birth. 

He looked so real, a smaller version of Isla at birth; but he wasn’t alive. He wasn’t screaming because he wasn’t breathing. They wouldn’t struggle with breastfeeding, she wouldn’t cuss at him for biting her nipples or throwing up on her chest. She wouldn’t have to complain over the lack of sleep as she spent nights feeding and changing him. Isla wouldn’t have a little brother to pester. Jax wouldn’t get the chance to be there from the start. To be the dad she had robbed him off before. They wouldn’t welcome another edition to their crazy family and it was all Andromeda’s fault. She couldn’t protect him and couldn’t give him the life that he deserved.

Sitting in the bed, the small boy wrapped in a blanket in her arms, she had yet to cry. Still in shock, Andy was deluded; waiting for him to gasp as he took his first breath followed by a cry. She kept telling herself that none of this was real and that her baby boy was fine; that he was sleeping despite the fact that he was cold. Fingertips kept softly running across the cold cheek as she patiently waited for a sign of life. He was fine, he was okay and nothing was wrong. It became a mantra as she refused to leave the place where she had ended up in; neither there or here.

[galaxy1x1]

caerulevs.

Sebastian kept the smile on his lips, looking at Phoebe with mischief still on his expression – even though she had shut any other attempt he could have when it came to outwit her. “And you will never see me complain about that.” A smirk appeared on his lips. Bash knew he was smart, but when it came to actual social interaction and fast replies, he found himself preferring to just listen and not reply. Although that rarely happened with Phoebe – he enjoyed talking to her and her only at that point – she was still so much better at it than he was. And he would bet anything on how that would be the case until the end of their days together; which he hoped would never come. She made him happy, she made him feel safe and normal when he was anything but – it was sort of funny to him, still, how a human did that; someone that should’ve been scared of him but wasn’t, even if he was a monster. His eyebrows furrowed, watching as she gestured over him, his eyes following the movements of her hands before he looked down at himself. Part of him was confused and wanted to ask what she was talking about, another part wasn’t sure he wanted to know. “So… does that mean I’m not getting a larger shirt?” He asked, though he couldn’t help but feel like he shouldn’t have.

His eyes were glued on her, trying to gauge her reaction; and his gaze lingered for longer than necessary, only looking at Leah once Phoebe said the other girl only cared about one thing and that was because he forced himself to look away. Sebastian took things as they went – how else could he survive? – and so he didn’t question the reason why he hadn’t been able to look away from Phoebe as easily. “What is that?” He asked; he found himself having a constant confused look on his face – and he wasn’t sure he liked it. However, that look soon got replaced by one of mild panic when Phoebe said she had to go to the bathroom – should he go with her? Was that a thing? Those questions soon got an answer when he felt her let go of his hand and all he wanted to do was take it and never let it go, even if he had to use duct tape to made sure she never left his side. “No, Pheebs, wait –” and just like that she had disappeared to wherever the bathroom was. It was as if his safety had been ripped away from him in a place with too many noises, glass cups and alcohol. Turning around, a sigh left his lips before Leah appeared again, by his side, arm locked with his. “I want you to meet a friend of mine, come. He’s going to hate seeing you with me.” It was obvious she was already tipsy; even if he couldn’t smell the alcohol on her breath – and he was sure it didn’t take a dog’s sense of smell for that – the way she carried herself made it easy to spot. “Hm, alright.” Bash agreed, although he couldn’t understand why she’d do that – he saw nothing wrong with it, however, and with no Phoebe around, his moral compass had gone haywire. 

Walking through the dance floor to the other corner of the room, Leah never let go of his arm. “Joshy,” she slurred the name, a high pitched voice that almost made Bash’s ears bleed, he was sure. “This is Bash, he’s my new friend, see?” Bash heard her say, locking her arm even further with his. His attention was everywhere but the subtle tense conversation before him, just hoping Phoebe would appear soon. “Hey, I’m talking to you.” He heard a male voice, far too close for comfort and his attention snapped back to the boy Leah had gone to. “What?” Sebastian asked, casually and, obviously, that had annoyed the other. “You stay away from her or I’ll punch you square in the face.” Again, what was with drunk people acting so aggressively? Sebastian chose to not say anything or even care. Although, he didn’t notice it, the other’s hand was already in a fist – Bash didn’t care, however. He just wanted Phoebe.

Was Phoebe sure that it was a good idea to leave Bash to fend for himself? Absolutely not, but at some point he had to learn. As much as she adored him, he couldn’t spend his life depending on her. It wouldn’t do neither any good. So she stood in line for the bathroom, fidgeting with the edge of her shirt while her foot tapped impatiently against the wooden floor. It took everything in her to stay put instead of returning to his side. She knew she had to stay, but the thoughts gnawed in her head; between his incapability to restrain any heightened senses and Leah’s grabby hands, Phoebe was practically going mad.  Her phone did little to serve as a distraction, Facebook was boring and Instagram full with picture of the party she was amidst. When it finally was her turn, she shut the door hard behind her and leaned up against it. She didn’t need to use the toilet but the moment of silence gave her the opportunity to collect her thoughts. There was not much sanity to them, but she could at the very least sort through and hopefully put them to rest. A somewhat unrealistic thought in itself, but she had never been one to use logic even when a situation required it. Instead she let out a heavy exhale before she left the bathroom to find Sebastian.

People pushed her and she pushed back, colliding with elbows and shoulders as she pushed through the sea of sweaty, intoxicated people. He hadn’t been in the kitchen and she assumed Leah had dragged him along. It was fine, she told herself. Although she was on her tip toes, trying to find the familiar face to put her thoughts to rest. He was an adult yet Phoebe felt incredibly bad that she had left him alone. It was his first party and she had left him. She wondered briefly how many sucky points that scored her. Relief washed over her when she saw him beside Leah, standing in front of her ex and had it been anyone else, she would’ve been surprised but alas. When she managed to get closer, her eyes widened at the sight of Josh’s clenched fist. Her jaw tightened and before she had a chance to stop herself, she pushed Bash aside and threw her fist to punch Josh before he had any chance to harm Sebastian (even though she knew it was highly unlikely that any human could harm him too much). She let out a groan of pain when her fist landed against his jawline but still managed for a brief moment. “Don’t touch him— fuck!” Phoebe shook her hand, pain throbbing as she grimaced. So it hadn’t been the best plan, but it summed her up perfectly.

[galaxy1x1]

caerulevs.

A small chuckle escaped him, looking down at his feet as he heard Phoebe’s words. “Well, they are good pastries. And you do just leave them there, it’s fair game.” Bash said, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly although he had a somewhat mischievous smile on his face. One would think he actually knew how to bake from how he would just observe Phoebe as she baked, watching her from the couch as she did whatever she did in the kitchen. It was interesting to him; and sort of funny to see when she got flour on her cheek or nose and was completely unaware of the fact. It ended up being amusing to Sebastian. “Speaking of Nana, she gave me a shirt but it’s way too tight.” Sebastian couldn’t even remember if he ended up telling Phoebe that her grandmother stopped by a few days ago, while she was out grocery shopping. Well – that time was as good as any, really. Sebastian didn’t want to think of actually getting a job, getting money and then just go to his own place. He felt good with Phoebe and he knows he’d just crumble and get lost all over again without her. Although there was no denying that she would surely be safer on full moons. 

Sebastian only felt a small pinch, a little burn on most of his hand before it was reduced to two simple spots – the places where he had shards still in his flesh, no doubt. He had no idea what he was supposed to do. Normally, he’d just take them off, toss them aside and carry on with his life. No harm done. However, as soon as Phoebe pulled his hand, and him, towards her and removed the shards, quickly wrapping a towel around it, Bash quickly realized that the way he was thinking of dealing the situation with was not socially accepted. The grey eyed boy kept his eyes on Phoebe’s face, watching as she took care of him – yet again. As soon as she looked up at him, reassuring him that everything was okay, he couldn’t help but let out a small sigh, shaking his head. “I lost control for a second.” Bash whispered, knowing that he wasn’t supposed to let anyone else hear them. “Won’t she think it’s weird I got no wounds?”

His smile and laugh were two of Phoebe’s favorite things in the world, she would never tell him, but her days would be bleaker without them. It wasn’t a secret, she was very outspoken, but there was a part of her that had yet to figure out why his presence in her life was no longer wanted but needed. Like a heroine addicted needed his fix, she needed Sebastian. “They are yours, that’s why I leave them there.” She corrected to wipe the mischief off his features. Baking was a passion of hers for many reasons, but baking and working in a bakery seemingly dulled the consumption of pastries. There were only so many cakes and cookies she could eat. Mainly because exercise wasn’t something Phoebe actively took part in. “I think it was on purpose, she might be old but...” Her hand rose to gesture over him and his physique, Phoebe couldn’t blame her or anyone else who chose to let their eyes linger. If she hadn’t been accustomed to it by now, she would’ve stared too but alas. 

“I know,” she whispered in return; but it was good, now they knew what they had to work on and that in itself was a reason to see this as a successful night. Hazel eyes darted over to Leah who was now busy tossing back another shot and Phoebe smiled, their luck hadn’t ran out yet. “She'll forget that this happened in ten minutes, especially since she only cares about one thing...” It was quite funny, she knew he hadn’t figured out what Leah’s intentions were just yet and she wasn’t sure whether she wanted to tell him or not. She couldn’t help him with everything. Speaking of, she had to throw him to the wolves. Ha. “I need to use the bathroom, I’ll be back in five minutes, okay?” Phoebe let go of his hand, not particularly in need to use the toilet but she wanted him to be without her for a few minutes. It was a small test of some sorts, she wasn’t quite sure; she made things up along the way. “You’ll be okay.” Before he had any chance to stop her, Phoebe turned on her feet and disappeared into the crowd of people in the living room and left him to fend for himself.

[galaxy1x1]

caerulevs.

There was a calmness that surrounded Phoebe and, by association, it calmed down Bash, even if he didn’t quite realize it. Maybe it was the fact she was all he knew for a year, the only person that knew his secret and still accepted him as he was. He latched onto her and, absentmindedly, became less anxious whenever she was around, specially surrounded by so many people that he didn’t know – an anchor of sorts. “You know I’m clueless.” Sebastian spoke, a small smirk on his lips although he thought that of himself; he wasn’t stupid, no, just… rusty when it came to social things, behaviors that he had picked up in the wild that would not be accepted in society. But he was getting there, he thought. Phoebe was a good teacher and although there were a few things that still needed to be polished, he could pass as a regular human being – albeit perhaps not a normal one. “I don’t think I’d be able to handle any job without you there with me.” 

Sebastian couldn’t help the laugh that left him as he saw Phoebe flex her arm, shaking his head. “Should I compare them to mine?” Bash asked, smirking at her still as he rose his eyebrow – he might not have the best social skills but at least he had strength to make up for it. He tilted his head, finding her reaction… not as Phoebe as it should’ve been. But he shrugged it off, knowing that if something was wrong they were close enough that she’d tell him. “Alright. A shot it is, then.” He nodded looking at Leah before she let out a shrieking ‘yay’, clapping her hands together and preparing two regular sized cups with whatever it was she had gotten from a cabinet in the counter. Sebastian didn’t even know if he could get drunk, but they could try, right? “We’re going to start with tequila, ease our way up.” The girl spoke, preparing two cups and moving her body to the sound of the music. The boy didn’t answer; instead he just waited for the girl to give him the cup, only two fingers of liquid in it. “Cheers.” The blonde said before she threw it back, Sebastian following suit. Furrowing his eyebrows, the bitterness of the shot dancing on his tongue, he coughed. “Wow.” He said, voice raspy – and then, it happened. Overwhelmed by the flavor, the werewolf had forgotten about his own strength, breaking a cup right in his hand.

A smile spread on her lips as the world clueless resonated between them. She couldn’t deny that it was true but eventually even the clueless werewolf had to learn to fend for himself in human form. If anything, Phoebe had enjoyed the journey alongside him even when he had tested her patience. “I don’t think you’re suited for a bakery, it only suits you to devour what I bring back home from it.” It had been quite the sight at first, frosting and crumbs everywhere but like everything else he did, Phoebe found it charming and hilarious. “Nana might have a soft spot for you, but even that has it limits,” she pondered aloud. It was evident that he had grown attached to her, but also relied on her far more than any human being relied on another. Quite ironic considering Phoebe was the least responsible person in town. Somehow it had worked and every mishap was a good memory, she had a hard time imagining her life without him now. It’d be far too empty; a piece of her would be missing.

She let out a sigh of defeat, shaking her head in the process. There was no chance that she would win, his arms were twice, perhaps even three times, her size. If anyone would know, it was her. She had lost count on how many times she had seen him naked the first few weeks of his adjustment. Hazel eyes squinted when Leah let out a shriek, watching the two toss back the shots with a mixture of amusement and jealousy. Only when the sound of glass shattered did Phoebe’s feelings ebb out for fear to take precedence. While Leah let out a gasp, Phoebe quickly snapped a towel of the counter behind her and closed the proximity between her and Bash. “It’s okay, he’s okay.” Words stumbled out her mouth as she yanked his hand toward her, pulling out two pieces of shards from his palm before wrapping the towel around his hand. “It’s okay, it’s just a silly little mistake. We’re okay.” She assured him, forgetting Leah’s presence and that it looked weird to anyone but them.