Maybe he's.... .... a unicorn

❝Better to build schoolrooms for the boys than prison and gallows for the men❞

[galgens-blog]

[text] I want to sedate you.

[txt] can you do it long enough until this nightmare of a ""CRUISE"" is be over[txt] wait[txt] you're being serious right

[unmeme]

SUXT MEME DOS.

[text] I want to see you nuked. [text] are u talking to me [text] You have lonely tits. [text] I want to sedate you. [text] I walked off thinking of you. [text] Kick me until I gnome. [text] I want my hands in your pints. [text] Your body looks like a piece of fart. [text] You’re so petty. [text] Slip a ginger in whilst you lick me. [text] Name Five Things That Aren’t Kill La Kill. [text] I peed your clock inside me. [text] Pimp me fool of hot jazz. [text] My aunt is baking for you. [text] Imagine me massaging your bowls as you educate. [text] Let’s give each other plesiosaurs. [text] I want to explore your body with my mother.

[galgens-blog]

[ text ] I want to gently strike your face.

[txt] I DON’T THINK GENTLY MAKES A DIFFERENCE WHEN YOU SAY IT?!?!?!?!?

[galgens-blog]

[ text ] You’re so previous to me.

[txt] uhm excuse me?[txt] do you even KNOW who you're texting?!....[txt] please text me back

[unmeme]

SUXT MEME.

[ text ] Imagine me slowly licking your dish. [ text ]Make loaf to meat. [ text ]You make my cook hard. [ text ] I want to gently strike your face. [ text ] I need to walk. [ text ] Who’s your diddy? [ text ] Put your hams in my pants. [ text ] I can’t wait to get you a loan. [ text ] I want to play with your bills. [ text ] My panties are soaring. [ text ] You turn me onion. [ text ] Talk duty to me. [ text ] I want long romantic wanks on the beach with you. [ text ] I’ll fill your hope. [ text ] I just made myself dumb. [ text ] You’re so previous to me.

[galgens-blog]

[shofu voice] IM TIRED OF THIS. IM TIRED OF THIS DISRESPECT!!!!!

[whyght-blog-deactivated20170826]

God save this poor soul.  Shido’s poor soul, not Subaru’s.

Subaru is actually, quite content with his coffin placement. If he HAD to be on this cruise, then this is where he was going to spend it. Who was Shido, to him, to try and stop him? He tries to tone Shido’s incessant nagging out and for the most part, he’s able to up until he mentions his coffin. The youngest Sakamki then turns on his heel, facing his fiance head on. He quickly closes the distance between them and crosses his arms before replying. "Where do you think you’re going to sleep?"

"On the floor.  Unless you want to sleep in there with me? — Aah? Do you? Are you that perverted already?"

Talking to Shido always has Subaru feeling a way. “Anyway, how much time do you plan to spend in the room? I’m not leaving it until this damn cruise is over with.”

The vampire turns back around, not having any more to say and heads back over to his coffin atop the bed. He wonders if its be easier to outfit it with a comforter instead of like this but doesn’t have the time for such a thing. Though…now that he thinks about it, the coffin is still big enough for THAT guy if he had to think about it. Shido is small enough to fit atop Subaru if it HAD to, ABSOLUTELY come to that. 

In fact, he glances over his shoulder to size Shido up once more. "You can fit…probably"

[galgens-blog]

Shido opens his mouth to reply to Subaru, but now his mouth only gapes (in disbelief) when Subaru quickly answers that for him. The floor? THE FLOOR? No. No, this just won’t do. Shido will not have this disrespect. Subaru Sakamaki, with that nerve! Sometimes he can’t believe that this is the guy he was paired to thanks to this weird city.

…

“A-a PERVERT?!” He echoes those words, “Who do you think I am!? Are you sure that’s not you- since you CLEARLY thought of it first?! I am being completely realistic here, while you’re just being…!” He gestures at the coffin, “Do you think this is a fitting place to put… This!” Lord, this is too much. He’s getting a headache.

He shakes his head, “Puh-lease, it’s already ridiculous that maste- erm, Kyoya is making us share a room. Share a bed?” He pauses, “Ugh… That’s still too much, what do you think sharing a coffin would make this any better?”

Running a hand through his hair, he continues to shake his head a few more times. He’ll live through this, somehow.  

Of course, just at that moment- a card from Shido’s pocket begins to glow. That small little twinkle floats over to that coffin, and the shining becomes brighter. Then it suddenly dies— oh god, why at THIS moment— the coffin opens slowly, and Shido’s buddy, Gallows decides to make the worst entrance in his SD form.

「If you ask me Sha-sha-sha-shido is more fitted to sleep on the floor!」 And with that said, the little Death Ruler laughs his sha-sha-shas, as if his joke is just a KNEE-SLAPPER, Shido scurries over in a panic, and grabs the lid of the coffin. He can’t really hold this coffin lid for too long with his weenie weak arms, so he lets go almost immediately as he loses his grip and the top slams on top of his Buddy.

“… … Haha, so where were we again?” He says, with a fake, nervous smile on his face, clasping his hands together, “Coffin bed-time, tonight? Yes… That sounds SPLENDID! Your ideas never cease to amaze me, Subaru.”

[galgens-blog]

[shofu voice] IM TIRED OF THIS. IM TIRED OF THIS DISRESPECT!!!!!

Shido will never understand why Kyoya decided to be oh-so kind and host such a disgusting party. Is he trying to suck up to the people that run Iunctum? That’s quite possible, or maybe he’s just trying to make yet ANOTHER name for himself, and be popular and all that. Insert SIGHING HERE! Oh well, at least they get free food, and stuff, right? Free room and board… That sounds extremely nice… He’s down for that.  

Even though the last time he was on this yacht he spent the entire party under the table due to EXTREME EMBARRASSMENT. However, that’s in the past. Today, is a new day, and a new yacht party. Almost no one here knows of Shido’s blunders, yes, this is perfect.

Now, there’s only one problem… That he just couldn’t BELIEVE Kyoya for. They get their own room, that’s great! Although… He has to share this same room—

With his spouse.

Subaru Sakamaki.

Okay, okay, he wasn’t that upset about it. However, his spouse, is just a little bit on the weird side. He was just so odd! He baffled Shido— and not to mention, he’s just really scary. Tall, and scary. He fears what might come out of the white-haired boy’s mouth, because 90% of the time it’s mostly something rude, or yelling.

Not to mention this guy is a recluse.

With a coffin.

Here Shido is, with THE PROBLEM. In his own room, staring at that same damned coffin… That happens to be RIGHT ON THE BED he will be sleeping in tonight (well, not anymore unless it gets removed)!

“W… What is the meaning of this!!” He exclaims, in complete disbelief, “Subaru Sakamaki! Did you really have to bring… Bring this unnecessary, useless piece of driftwood onto this place? Where am I going to sleep? Heey! Answer me!!”

[arisugawaotome]

[galgens-blog]

Stunning live broadcast, tonight! Heroic warrior steps out of the shadows! Inspired fighting style... Destined for glory! Our next superstar is born!

[gxrgons-blog]

Maybe we can get together and I can see more of your fedora collection.

Honestly, Terumi’s second time visiting the tea shop is against her own will, fetching things for people is becoming quite annoying. She slowly snakes her way into the shop with a sigh and crosses her arms on the counter where she needs to set her order. It’s fine, if she keeps a positive mind, she won’t have to deal with people or find her temper rising. It’s sad that she has the worst temper out of all the disaster members but snakes are cold-blooded creatures but her hot attitude warms up, just a tad.

Finally when she’s able to place her order, the person behind the counter is someone that well, she isn’t expecting to see. The first thing she states is a, ‘ugh’ that leaves from her lips and shows her distaste for the older boy before her. She clears her throat afterwards, having to seem like a respectable person. Fingers rise to push up her glasses so that emerald optics could stare down the person before her, though the spectacle cuts her icy glare in half.

She’s slightly stressed of course, closing her eyes and a shake of her head. There isn’t much to be said when it comes to people like him. People like this brony.

"Ugh.." Just get me a cup of tea.

[galgens-blog]

Working at the teashop honestly isn’t his style. It’s really… Boring, and lame, truly. Sure, the place had a good air, one would say, but these kind of places are for old people— OF COURSE, there’s no way Shido would say that in front of Master Kyoya, which Shido still has no idea why Kyoya would even have the right idea to own this type of store! AND he even tells the entirety of disaster that it’s required for them to work at it? Well, it makes sense but… A teashop of all places…

Ugh. Whatever.

It’s not like anyone knows in Iunctum that the tea shop is owned by the one-and-only leader of the Disaster Gang! Haha. [shofu voice] NOICE.

For some reason, that same leader isn’t on shift today, but he told Shido to do something really, REALLY important things. What things? All of that will be revealed… Soon. As of right now, his elbows are rested upon the counter, his chin rests on one of his gloved palms and he stares at all the customers with a nasty glare. How utterly BORING can this shift get!? How long does he have until he’s let off… It can’t be that long now.

His eyebrows only furrowed at the sight of That all too familiar ginger haired girl who walks in- as if NOTHING is completely wrong! TERUMI KUCHINAWA… WITH THAT NERVE. At this point the two kids were having a staring- no glaring contest at each other.

“Terumi Kuchinawa. WHERE have YOU been?” His voice suddenly raised, making his annoyance towards the girl obviously, “Being useless as always, I see! Instead of standing around maybe you should actually do something for once.” Seriously, why did Kyoya put her, of all people, in Disaster?! Annoying.  

He picks up a note that Kyoya conveniently placed on the counter so that someone that had counter duty that day could see, “Since you probably can’t read either, don’t worry. Let me handle it,” Ahem, “Davide is apparently in the hospital or something,” (this is totally not what the note says, mind you), “Well… That sucks for him… But we should be nice… I guess. Since he’s in our group… And buy him a get well gift or something of the sort.”

He crumbles the note, and throws it into the nearby trashcan (he probably missed), “ANYWAY, I think it’s time for you to work your load, don't think you could've come in here casually and waltz away with a cup of tea. We’re going to get this … Uh, farewell— Get well present.” Oops. Yeah.

[galgens-blog]

why is it so loud in a cemetery? because of all the coffin! [@subaru]

[whyght-blog-deactivated20170826]

Confined isn’t what Subaru preferred, being confined only served to remind him of unpleasant failures and yet being sealed in his coffin was preferred to anything else. He could be alone here, and being alone was what he could find comfort in by a wide margin. Though he could hear muffled sounds outside of his coffin and outside of his bedroom — he didn’t pay it any mind it wasn’t as if anyone could open the heavy lid and even if they tried they would give up and be on their merry way. So he assumed, anyway. It appeared, much to his chagrin, however that his assumption was wrong as a voice resounded much closer than it should have been.

Subaru’s brow furrowed and he tried to ignore it in vain as his irritation grew and grew. Something about the unfamiliar voice was driving him up the wall with the incessant chatter and he was a hair’s breath away from breaking his coffin — if not for sudden sliiide of his lid being pushed open. His lips turn a scowl and his eyes snap open and he then sits up abruptly. It takes a moment to adjust to the light, frowning at the fact that it’s still daytime of all things.

"… … …"

It’s almost deliberate the way he ever so slowly turns towards Shido, his gaze narrowing at what Subaru can only call a brat. Subaru doesn’t waste time climbing out of his coffin and make a beeline for Shido, grabbing his collar and hoisting him right up and high into the air, shaking him (rather vigorously) to stop his panicking or that he’ll just stick him in that coffin he’s so afraid of. He has half a mind to do it anyway even if he doesn’t quite down.

He huffs next with a proceeding grumble, "Tch. Seriously… …what are you doing here anyway? Eh? Being so annoying so early is really pissing me off! Hah? Hey! Answer me!"

[galgens-blog]

Haha, there’s no such thing as living dead, right? RIGHT?! The White-haired menace is awakes from his coffin, and Shido- oh, Shido… He’s scared. He’s EXTREMELY frightened! It’s not even Halloween, he doesn’t have time for this. Frozen in fear, the other male grabs Shido by the collar, and lifts him up, and all Shido can do is reply with a shriek that rings throughout the entire apartment.

He lifts up his hands, and in a panic he waves his arms to stop the taller boy to make anymore moves, so Shido can be allowed to speak for himself, “No, no! Please! It’s all a mistake- an honest one, really!” How do you even tell the living dead to pop off? He doesn’t know this! He wasn’t raised to fight off the living dead- he needs a vacation…

He lets out a nervous laugh, fingers pressing together awkwardly, “I, uh… AHEM…” Okay, Shido, you got this, “Don’t you KNOW who I am. Seriously, I’m here to meet my spouse… Subaru Sakamaki, I think…”

Okay, now's probably not the time to sweat the small stuff like his spouse's name. He just really wanted to get out of this boy's grasp. How dare they touch Shido S. Shidoson's beautiful uniform! Ugh, what if he wrinkles it. A disgrace!

“Now if you please… Let me down, I have no time to deal with outdated Halloween tricks!”

Nailed it.

[galgens-blog]

why is it so loud in a cemetery? because of all the coffin! [@subaru]

Finally, his moment of truth have arrived. He had to wait quite a bit, but it was worth it. Obviously, Iunctum was just searching for the MOST PERFECT spouse for someone as PERFECT as Shido Magoroku, himself! It was pretty exciting getting that note sent to his apartment from the top ranks who arrange the pairings after so long, he decides it’d be a swell idea to go meet him. They should be thankful, Shido going out of his own way to make him grand appearance just for his spouse.

When he arrives to apartment 1.007, he knocks on the door with his gloved hand, and slowly grows impatient when there’s no reply. How dare!!! How dare they do not open the door to Magoroku M. Magorokuson! With that, he reaches for the doorknob, and to his avail it’s actually unlocked? How unsafe, but that didn’t matter right now. He gently opens the door, and peeks through. Dropping on all fours he slowly crawls in, he speaks up with a faint “Hello?” but noting that no one is around, he stands up straight with a sigh of relief. Ah yes, good job Magoroku, good job. Stealth is A+, just like your good looks.

Although, this isn’t right… Why isn’t anyone here? Where is everyone? Hello??? Hm, odd. Very odd, indeed. Oh, well, maybe he can snoop out the place for a while before going back to his home. The house is just the same as all the other apartments he’s seen, not too shabby, but not too impressive. He makes his way into one of the bedrooms, presuming to be the smaller bedroom for the child rather than the parents and one thing he notices right off the bat is—

A coffin?

“What is this..?” He muses to himself out loud, with a scoff he walks towards it, and crouches by it, “Is this family some kind of Halloween fanatic? I think they’re a bit too late to be celebrating it, though. Ah, silly people! How outdated. What a surprise… I wonder…”

Time to take a little peek inside the coffin to see if there’s any special surprise inside it! With a sly smile on his features he gradually opens the coffin to see what contents it holds. Although, he more he opens it, he finally sees… An arm…? Clothes…! A… A PERSON!!

The coffin closes with a slam, Shido falls back on his butt against the floor of the room with a high-pitched scream, eek!

“W-W-WHAT IS THIS!!! NOW’S NOT THE TIME FOR HAUNTED HOUSES?” Should he call the police?!?!?! Or his dad?!?! The person in there looked awfully real, there’s no way they’re… D…Dead!!

[unmeme]

TFLN meme part 11.

[ text ] just saw a guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him [ text ] i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn’t even a Klondike bar. [ text ] that’s the nicest way anyone’s ever asked me to send them naked pics before [ text ] His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old [ text ] I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer… that’s how stoned you got me. [ text ] went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit…tomorrow im fucking in style [ text ] strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are [ text ] Some old bald man in a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the financial district. [ text ] on the bright side, nobody died. please bring me back my left shoe. i have work in an hour [ text ] How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night? [ text ] How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I’m peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time [ text ] what do i have to do to get you laid? i talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was “stanley kubrick is my favorite director.” [ text ] He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late…Is that a compliment or not? [ text ] I’m sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit. [ text ] I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You’re still mad. [ text ] you know this whole “i show my love by being a total dick” thing is getting old, right? [ text ] Truthfully, 50% of me thinks it’ll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is a little turned on. [ text ] i don’t know if i want to fuck you or punch you in the face. maybe i’ll multitask. [ text ] You haven’t demanded nudes today. You alright? [ text ] You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots does not count. [ text ] I find it pretty astounding you spelled drunk wrong but pterodactyl right. [ text ] Can we progress our friendship to a point where i’m at least granted a blowjob allowance? [ text ] Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that’s all I have in my bail jar. [ text ] 4 feet of snow. Teaching the cat how to snow swim. And by that I mean throwing him off the porch and seeing what happens. [ text ] He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting ‘this.is.a.good.idea.’ [ text ] You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don’t have a cat.

[slowpainfall-blog-blog-deactiva]

"Y’know on second thought, all this ‘Picking on Shido’ is rather mean, dont’cha think?" Honestly, we should throw him a party or something!

[galgens-blog]

"Do you mean it...?" Honestly...!!! Please, he deserves this. 

[solosteorra]

Ah yes, that was definitely Shido. Sofia knew few people that would be so enthusiastic despite being constantly picked on. Sadly, she can’t say she’s particularly excited by the prospect of seeing him again, much like last time they were ‘separated’. 

“I suppose I could be.” About as happy as she is to see other members of Disaster, perhaps. Here’s an ounce of care, Shido. “There’s no denying that having more of us here will prove to be useful, later on.”

[galgens-blog]

Please, Sofia! He's so excited!! Just look at this face, why would you want to be ever so cold to such a great student council president? Really! Shido's had a long day of teasing, he needs a break, truly.

"Oh, come on... How about a 'welcome Shido', or something of that sort..!" He suggests, "So, how have you been I hope your family's been treating you well?" Hopefully, she isn't as unlucky as Shido who has a dad that won't even LISTEN TO HIM! Geez!!

[solosteorra]

Ah yes, Shido, hello. Have the warmest welcome ever from Sofia.

"…" Oops.

[galgens-blog]

"Oh, Sofia! What's with that face? Aren't you at least one ounce glad to see me, I mean... We've been separated for quite awhile, haven't we?" Please everyone else is giving him the WORST welcomes! It's so saddening, honestly. He's trying so hard.

[znakhari-blog]

Ah, so it’s like this. Time to conveniently ignore everything Shido said and instead continue with his rant, one hand now placed on his son’s shoulder.

“Look, son, there’s nothing to be ashamed of — whatever you like now is merely a phase, after all. Soon, you’ll get into puberty, start chasing girls in short skirts and whatnot — until then, you can enjoy your horses. But, oh, please don’t carry this habit into adulthood. I think I’d have to disown you if you did.”

[galgens-blog]

Ugh! This is so terrible! Being ignored, AGAIN? He has a feeling this theme is getting rather repetitive...

"Don't touch me with those hands of yours-- HEY, pay attention to me!!" He waves the hand away that's currently on his epaulet, "If there's one thing I hate it's when people talk to me as if they know me. Do you KNOW who I am?" Family, or not... He won't have this! Not at all! Clench fist emoji. 

Oh, sigh, "I can't believe you'd doubt me, of all people. Don't you have even a little faith in me, daddy?" 

[znakhari-blog]

“Well, I, for example, don’t see anything wrong with liking unicorns. You know, there are the Hot Wheels kinds of kids, and then there are the My Little Pony kinds of kids. Looking at my son, it’s pretty easy to tell what he’d pick —”

[galgens-blog]

"But he wasn't even telling the truth, he was TEASING me!" And you know who will not have this? Shido s. Shidoson, no way... No way, "Don't listen to Davide, he doesn't even know what he says most of the time anyway!" Hmph!!!