The Night Is Darkest Before The Dawn

The stories of Galina Damodred, my Larp character.

[galinadamodred]

Anxious Galina paced up and down in her small room. Her initial state of shock at her own actions had waned, while talking to Lilith. But now the woman had gone to the library to finish an assignment. In fact Galina still had her own tasks to worry about, but in face of her actions, those seemed like the least of her challenges.

At first she had been confident. But then Lilith had told her some stories of women who tried to progress faster than the Aes Sedai thought suitable. Most of them where severely punished, others died at the hands of their own hubris. At least the first option seemed quite likely at the moment.

The woman stopped herself in the middle of her pacing, ripping off that train of thought. Worrying would accomplish nothing. She had to prepare. For punishment and for success. Her mind raced to find the optimal way. Word had to get out, if something was to happen to her. So she sat down at her desk and started penning a letter to her mother in Cairhien and one to Asmodeos. That ratchet man was the reason for her conundrum in the first place. But she gave her best to keep that out of her words. It would probably give him satisfaction to know about her struggles.

Those two letters, she brought to Liliths room, so the Accepted could send them, when Galina was incapacitated, and the case of her being tested occurred.

Then she sat down on the bed once more and embraced Saidar. And once again began to create the weaves required for the test.

This time she did her best to not get distracted by memories of the Dragonlands. Still once in a while images of herself standing in the circle with Asmodeos flashed in front of her inner eye, straining her concentration.

This flaming man... how could he enthrall her in such a way? Judging by all she had seen and experienced, he was way worse than Cassius. And she had rejected him as a Master, on grounds of being morally questionable.

But she had been another person back then, a child that thought everyone who did not serve the shadow openly, was a good and hones person.

She had learned the hard way, that even among those who seemed to serve the light, danger lurked.

Danger, that she had to overcome, but only if she got stronger, more powerful.

Now there was this mage, that had her have a taste of the power she longed for so dearly. The power enabling her, to fend off anyone who tried to toy with her, make her do his bidding. And he was possibly one of the worst beings she ever had encountered...

The door of the room slammed open. Galina lost the strand of Air she was just weaving and her net of Saidar collapsed, producing a thunderclap.

Lilith stood in the door, face pale and worried, hands pressed on her ears. Galina had jumped up at the intrusion and now heard a loud ringing in her ears, the aftermath of the sound her failed weave had produce. „What in the Light‘s name?“ her own voice seemed far away and dull through her battered eardrums. „Galina!“ Lilith panted. „I saw Erelle at the door of the quarters. Wearing her shawl.“ Dumbfounded, Galina sat back down on the bed. It seemed like her wish would be fulfilled.

Galina sat as straight as possible on her bed, as Erelle filled out the doorframe. Lilith stood beside the door an bobbed a quick courtesy. The grey sister did in fact wear her shawl and her face was solemn.

„Galina Damodred, you are summoned to be tested for the shawl of an Aes Sedai. The Light keep you whole and see you safe.“

Slowly, her face a mask of serenity, Galina got up from her bed, ringing ears forgotten. Meanwhile her heart was fluttering like a little bird, trying to burst out of her chest. One last time, she looked at Lilith, who seemed almost as nervous as she herself was. Then she followed Erelle trough the door onto the balcony of her floor in the quarters.

Other Accepted watched in silence as they passed by. Some with an expression of awe, others with envy. The few among them who where smart, watched with worry.

The Test could kill a woman. Just like the the Test for Accepted could. Galina had nearly given in to it’s mirage, as she went through the third Arch.

If the Test for the shawl was anything like the first test, there was a good chance, she could be lead astray.

The second thoughts seemed to crush her now, but she did not break her outward calme. Only as they left the quarters and no one could see her, she allowed herself to swallow hard.

Like at her first Test, she was lead into the Tower‘s basement. Their steps echoed in the large empty hallway, illumined by lamp light, as the Mistress of Novices brought her to a grand doorway.

With the help of the power, it swung open and revealed a round hall, walls made out of shining white marble.

In the middle stood an oval-shaped Ter’angreal, it’s color seemed to shift in the lamp light. Around the artifact stood seven sisters, one from each Ajah. All with their shawls draped around their shoulders. Galina recognized only two of them, Leane Sharif of the Green Ajah, who had overseen her training, before things happened and Antonia Yosipa Radimiri of the Red Ajah. After her return, the woman had pressed her the hardest about what she had been through and on the people she had met. As Galinas gaze lingered on the blonde woman she met it with a steelblue stare for an instant. For just a glimpse, she seemed to make out approval in the Domani‘s eyes.

„You come in ignorance, Galina Damodred.“ Erelles Voice sounded through the room, as the yellow and the blue sister closed the circle behind them and the door swung close.

„How would you depart?“

„In knowledge of myself.“ Galina recited the ancient text.

„For what reason have you been summoned here?“

„To be tried.“

„For what reason should you be tried?“

„So that I may learn whether I am worthy.“

„For what would you be found worthy?“

„To wear the shawl.“

With the exchange ended, Galina started to unlace her banded dress. She folded it and laid it in front of her on the marble floor. The shift came off next, then her shoes and stockings. Cold crept up from the stone beneath her bare feet, as she took off her Great Serpent Ring. The last thing she removed with great reluctance, was the eyepatch covering up her infested wound.

Erelle embraced the power and wove a quick weave. A sixpointed star appeared in front of her in the marble.

Antonia had stepped up to her, also holding Saidar. She too wove a weave and placed it on to Galina. „Remember What must be remembered.“

Then Erelle explained: „During the Test you will encounter this symbol. The first time you see it, you will walk to it without haste and without falling behind, then weave the weave required.“

The Red sister repeated the weave and her words. „Remember, what must be remembered.“

„The second time you see it, you will go to it at once. Again without haste or falling behind. A failure to do so, will mean your failure in the test. If you loose your serenity or break your calme, you will also not pass“

A third time Antonia wove and spoke the words.

„If you fail, you will be sent away from the Tower, not allowed to ever return and expected to lead a quiet life.“

At that Galina suppressed the urge to chuckle. If she did not pass the Test, she still had a place to go to. A sudden realization , that made her relax a bit. Potentia wound always have a place for her. But if certainly would be not quiet life.

„Remember what must be remembered.“

A fourth and last time, the red sisters weave settled into Galina.

She then turned to face the artifact. Whatever happened in there, if she failed or passed, even if she died, it was the will of the Wheel, the will of the Black Dragon.

With that notion giving her confidence, she walked towards the oval.

Antonia had returned to her place in the circle. Galina could see and feel the Power being woven by the sisters, channeled into the Ter‘angreal. The center now turned into a bright white, that seemed to suck in light from the room.

Curiously, for the first time, the Accepted could see what Andalee had meant with stating that Light was closer to total stagnation than darkness. A reluctance came up to approach the light any further, but she crushed it with determination.

She would take this Test and not even the Light could stop her now.

[galinadamodred]

After lunch, Galina had some hours to her own, while Lilith now had the task to give a lesson. So the Accepted went to her room, sat down on the bed and started practicing the weaves for the Testing. They seemed so menial after having had control over so much more of the Power. But still they had to be done, if she wanted to be Aes Sedai. Actually it was no use, just repeating the weaves. The practice was most effective if someone else helped you with distractions. But the other Accepted stayed away from her, since her return to the Tower. Lilith was the only one who dared to speak with her. At least more words than the bare necessities.

It was like they knew of her conflict, that she no longer fully walked in the light.

But was reaching for power, abandoning the light? Asmodeos had said, that the aspect of Shadow, that the Black Path encompassed, was the same as the Shadow that had dreaded to end her world. But was it?

The Black Dragon‘s major aspect was the End. But not an infinite ending, but one that also allowed regrowth and creation. So unlike the Dark One, the Black Dragon did not exist outside the Pattern or the cycle, how the people of the Dragonlands called it. Shadow at least the aspect of it seemed more like a tool to attain power, like deciet and secrecy were, enlightenment too in a way.

The pursuit of Power did not make her a bad person or a darkfriend. It was neither bad nor good. What you did with that Power, was what determined how you were perceived.

She could follow the path of the Black Dragon without abandoning the light, or at least without straying into the ranks of the Shadow. She just had to find a way to skirt the rules.

Becoming an Aes Sedai would burden her with the Oaths, something that would hold her back in a major way. But attaining the shawl held it’s own powers and freedoms, resources more than useful. And she finally had the opportunity to return to Potentia a place she longed for ever since she had left it.

Galina finished the last weave, she hadn’t really paid attention, but still managed to complete every single one. Maybe it was time to claim what was hers. She got up and straightened her banded skirts. The light willing, she wouldn’t wear them for a long time after what she was about to do.

Calmly she checked herself in the bubbled glass of the mirror, before leaving her quarters. Determined she left the Accepted‘s wing with her goal in mind, the way before her. Only the price was not clear yet.

On her way to her destination, she remembered something Amsodeos had said in the circle. „Elements are willful beings. Do you really think, they like to be commanded?“ The same applied to Aes Sedai. So she laid out her words carefully. Cammanding would not do, begging wouldn’t either. But maybe a firm demand, conveyed in a civil manner could have the desired effect. That realization woke the urge to touch her forehead once more. But she withstood this time.

She wove her way around Novices in the halls on her way down to the Misstresses‘ study. Erelle would not be pleased to hear what she had to say. But she wasn’t either, when she had asked her to go to the Dragonlands and still she had been allowed to leave. The Mistress of Novices might be a Gray, but logic seemed to impress her as much as a White.

Her cool determination, granted her the ability to remain utterly calme, she already felt like an Aes Sedai, as she glided through the white halls, despite wearing the dress of an Accepted. Finally she reached the door made of dark wood, a door dreaded by almost every girl in the Tower. It was a symbol, a harbinger of the punishment that awaited her here, every time she misstepped. Galina had been here more often than she could count, at least in her time as a Novice. Once or twice she had been spanked then. The last time was so long ago, before all that with Tulius and her father had happened. She had been called back to the Tower, since the last Mistress had gotten reports of her misbehaving, prompting a stay in the Tower, including mortification of the flesh. Only a few days after her return to Sutch, the message about her father had arrived and everything had gone south. She suppressed the memories of it and set her mind back on the task at hand. It would never happen again. That was why, the thing she was about to do, had to work.

Galina knocked. Silence. She withstood the urge to fidget nervously, in fact she took all her nervousness and stuffed it in a box in the back of her mind, whilst imagining herself being a flower opening to the sun.

Again she knocked in a firm but still polite manner. Finally she could make out Erelle Sedais voice from inside the study. „Come In, child!“ she said, a tinge of irritation in her voice, only audible to those dealing with Aes Sedai for some time.

Galina opened the wooden door and entered the small room, head held high. It had no windows and the walls were of dark wood like the door. A big mirror hung on the wall, for the delinquents to watch themselves being chastised. Light willing she would not do the same in the near future.

Erelle was an older sister, her hair already turning grey at the temples, putting her between approximately 200 and 250 years in age. She would never know for certain, age being a delicate matter among Aes Sedai. Her otherwise dark blonde hair was in a bun on the back of her head, no strand of it, out of place. She wore round glasses, sea-folk work. And through them, her steelgrey eyes measured her with an air of displeasure at the interruption.

She was not alone, Galina had noticed instantly. A woman with reddish blonde hair sat on the other chair, clad in a white algode blouse and dark brown skirts, her neck was decked out in jewelry and a brown scarf hung around her shoulders. Unlike Erelles smooth features, her face was marked by fine lines. An Aiel Wise One.

She watched her enter curiously, her eyes resting on the face a moment longer, the eyepatch.

Before Erelle could say a word, the Aiel woman spoke: „I did not know, you sent the apprentices into battle too, Erelle Mosalin!“

The Mistress blinked and remained silent for an instant. When she spoke the irritation had increased „No we do not, Galina here is a... special case.“

The Wise One raised an eyebrow, now watching her with intrigue. „I will listen to that story with great interest, Accepted Galina.“ Erelle shook her head. „Not now Kaline. I am sure the child has something she wishes to discuss with me. Were you sent here?“ the Aes Sedai‘s hands went to a quill and the book of punishment but the Accepted quickly shook her head. „No, I am here of my own volition, Erelle Sedai!“ she courtseyed. „And I ask your forgiveness for interrupting your conversation! If you wish, I will gladly wait outside for it to finish.“

The Mistress‘s eyes went to her guest, who only shrugged, still watching Galina with great interest.

„Well it is already interrupted and it was me who asked you in. So what is it, that you wish to speak about? Your reports about the Dragonlands?“ - „No! They are already in the hands of Antonia Sedai. But it is the same direction.“ She suppressed the urge to shift on the spot, while calmly making her demand: „As you well may know, I belong to the very few, who can say, to have seen the worlds beyond the portal stones. And I know First Hand, what dangers they hold, for everyone! Dangers that need to be assessed, so the Tower can prepare, for the case, that these dangers find their way to our world. And who else but, me would be suited better for such an endeavor?“ Erelle looked like she wanted to throw in something, but Galina kept on, voice firm but calme. „I am in the unique position, of having gained some measure of trust by some of the most powerful mages beyond the Stones. And to keep me in the Tower, robs us of valuable time, to prepare all the means necessary to avert catastrophy. Even more, the venture beyond the stones, can give us valuable resources, to counter other threats, from within our world. That is why, I now formally ask of you, to let me take the test for the shawl as soon as possible!“

Galinas last words seemed to hang in the air, as the room turned eerily silent. Erelle watched her for almost a minute, disbelieve, peeking through her Aes Sedai serenity. That demand was nothing she heard everyday, as it was custom, that a girl was tested when the Mistress saw fit, not the other way around. Kaline in the other hand, watched her with a spark of fiendish pleasure in her eyes.

The Accepted just stood there, serene and collected, like expected of an Aes Sedai, shoulders straight and head held with confidence, but not smugness.

„Has she been among the tents?“ the voice of the Wise One broke the silence with a chuckle. The cairhienin shook her head gracefully. „No, I was trained by the atha‘an miere for a time, before gaining a position in a academy beyond the Stones.“

Erelle still seemed to be at a loss for words. Just watched her, face now thoughtful. Kaline shrugged. „I could have sworn to see a spark of Amys in you.“

A gentle smile flashed across Galinas lips. Being compared to her, was an honor.

Finally Erelle spoke. Her voice was collected, she did not seem phased anymore by what the Accepted has asked of her. „You are aware child, that it is custom for the Mistress of Novices to decide, when a woman is tested for the shawl. But do you know, why this custom is in place?“

The woman had not expected her to just say yes and questions along those lines had seemed very likely, so she was prepared. „Because the Mistress of Novices watches the Accepted very closely and has insight into their development and abilities.“ Erelle nodded satisfied at her words and seemed like she wanted to point out, that this was the exact reason, why an Accepted did not make such demands. But Galina kept going. „But isn’t it the woman in question, the one who has the greatest insight into her own advancement? Or at least she should, if she is really ready to become Aes Sedai. I am fully aware of my abilities, my strengths and my challenges. I know my goal, I know the way and the price that needs to be paid. Let me prove myself in the Testing! And if I fail, I will claim responsibility in front of the Tower, in front of the whole world of you wish and then quietly take my leave!“

The Wise One had listened, face thoughtful. Now barely recognizable, she seemed to nod, and Galina recognized a sense of approval on her face.

Erelle‘s face on the other hand, had turned to a cool mask, violently keeping back any trace of emotion.

Maybe she had gone to far. Nervousness crept up once more and she had to stifle the urge to swallow.

„You have made your point, child. I will consider your words.“ her voice showed next to no clue on how she would decide. Galina felt a strong sense of reluctance, but she could have imagined it aswell.

With that she was dismissed.

Out in the hall, she had to pull herself together, not to lean against the wall, around the next corner. Instead she crossed her arms behind her back and glided back to her quarters.

She made her way back to the Accepted‘s wing and her room, where Lilith waited. The other Accepted sat on the bed, muttering over a book. Galina closed the door quickly a and sank against it, needing all her strength to not slump down.

„There you are! I‘ve been waiting for... Galina? Are you okay?“

The Cairhienin had bowed her head, and her hand once more rested on her forehead. Shadow, to cloak her from the eyes of her enemies.

She shook off the stupor and with a sudden laugh she looked up to her friend.

„I must be mad Lilith! I just outright demanded of Erelle to test me!“

[galinadamodred]

In the days after her return to the Tower, Galinas thoughts were clouded by everything that had conspired in the Dragonlands. She was constantly tired, mostly because the Festival had messed with her sleep schedule and the fact, that the little sleep she got was swamped with disturbing dreams. Not of the Daedra, like before. No now it were Asmodeos, Alvaro, Redgar and the Black Avatar herself who haunted her nights.

They were malestroms of fear and uncertainty. Over and over she saw herself being surrounded by darkness. Looked into the mighty jaws of a black dragon, ready to swallow her whole. One night she even dreamt of Asmodeos standing in her small quarters in the Accepted‘s wing, smelling her in her sleep. And when she awoke in that particular dream, he told her: „You smell different when you sleep.“ a menacing smile on his face.

After that Galina had sat up straight in her bed, despite the cold outside, soaked with sweat. Panicking she had scrambled for the source and woven a ward around her room. The next day, Lilith had asked her, what was wrong, but she had found herself at a lack of words to explain the situation.

How could she have even understood the conundrum she was in? That she was in the midst of deciding wether to walk in the Light or plunge herself into the maw of shadow for the sake of attaining the power she longed for so desperately. If anyone ever found out she even thought about that, she would hang within the hour, after being stilled in a circle of thirteen.

„Galina?“ with a start the Accepted returned to the real world, realizing, that the Novice in front of her had just asked her a question. „Come again child.“ she said, her voice full of irritation, that she had gotten distracted once more.

The girl just wanted some advice on the weave, Galina was practicing with her Novice class. So she forced herself to a smile and patiently explained her the weave once more.

Half an hour later, the class was dismissed and the young woman was left to herself in the empty classroom. In silence she tidied the room for the next class that was to be held here, while her mind again wandered. Like so many times before, she went back to the last night of the festival, just before dawn. When she had made this horrible mistake, to ask Him for help.

They had left the camp and walked into the ritual circle, right in front of the temple. Under great duress, feeling the panic from before welling up once more, she had told him, what Fion had seen, whilst delving her. How the black mass of dark magic in her head had grown and festered, how it had reached out, creating a bond to the light knows where. He had not seemed phased by this at all. Instead he had started to summon a sphere of protection, an energy field, blocking everything from going in or out. Galina was sure, he would kill her. He was so menacing, so intimidating as he circled her, while she just stood there trying to not let him leave her eyesight. Afraid he would hurt her or worse.

What followed was hazy in her mind, a flurry of questions, challenging everything she had believed up to this point. Even if she tried most of it would not come back to her. But she remembered the gist. It was up to her to decide, wether she continued on her path, remaining weak and tethered to the rules upon those who walk in the light or if she embraced the Black Path and all the Power that came with it. Just thinking of it gave her chills.

Then he demanded of her to channel all five powers at once on herself. Something impossible, she had thought. But he would not take no for an answer. And so she did after some failed attempts. And she finally saw, the thing in her head, the cursed wound the Dremora had inflicted her with. She saw it in all it’s vileness. And she saw the band, the chain that was in the midst of forming. The realization had send her to her knees on the edge of weeping.

It all ended with him, giving her a blessing of the Black Dragon, that was supposed to cloak her in the Shadow, against the eyes of her enemies. She still felt the touch of his palm against her forehead and a shudder ran through her body, as she touched that exact spot.

„Tell me Galina, why are you touching that spot all the time?“ Again Galina gave a start, this time much greater than in front of the novices. Lilith had entered the classroom. She just now remembered, they wanted to meet for lunch.

„Headaches...“ she lied blatantly, showing a weak smile.

„You seem to have them ever since you returned. Maybe you should go to a yellow sister.“ The other Accepted said, eyeing her with worry. „I don’t suppose that’s necessary. I had them once in a while when I was younger. They will pass.“ She rubbed her temples to support her lie. Lilith shrugged. „If you say so... let’s get to lunch. I am starving! And by the way, you still wanted to tell me of that lizard!“ Galina smiled. „Indeed! Let’s go!“