Charmer of the Sepulchre

It's Montparnasse. Monsieur Montparnasse. You've probably heard of me. (Modern Montparnasse (Les Misérables) blog. Multiverse, multifandom, semi-selective, mun is of-age.)

[just-french-me-up]

Who is Montparnasse? I guess give a quick bio? I've only seen the 2012 movie so I don't know much about him

OH MY GOODNESS OKAY!

In the Brick, Montparnasse is a member of Patron-Minette, a criminal gang which operates in Paris. He was a street urchin not unlike Gavroche, before a girl told him he was really handsome and since that day, Montparnasse resorted to crime in order to get himself pretty clothes (I swear I’m not making this up). Since he’s piss-poor and lazy as fuck, crime seemed like the best gig in order to get what he wants.

Okay, so random Montparnasse traits:

He’s vain. As fuck.

Lazy

Loyal

Fucking ExtraTM. Like, the guys goes everywhere with a red rose because?? He thinks he’s cool??

He’s a fucking dork oh my god he thinks he’s so cool but the guy got his ass kicked by a sixty yo dude like son, check yoself because u rek yourself

Edgelord

He likes Gavroche a lot.

He’s around 18/20 in the Brick

His character is written as very ambiguous. Very grey, if you will. Definitely not GOOD but definitely not a villain either. Hence the quote: “He was kind, effeminate, graceful, robust, sluggish, ferocious” See the antithesis? (The original French text describes Montparnasse as “gentil” aka “kind” or “nice” while the English text translated it as “genteel” which doesn’t convey the same connotations and I’m HELLA SALTY ABOUT IT.)

Part of me is convinced that Montparnasse was written as a comic relief

Random Montparnasse facts:

Babet, one of his fellow associates, calls him “pretty boy” once

Has a swordcane

Gets robbed by Gavroche once

Has a sort of brotherly relationship with Gavroche, with Gav’ teasing him to no end

Refuses to speak argot (slang) because he wants to appear PROPER and DIGNIFIED (see the Edgelord entry)

Robber and assassin by night, dandy by day

Javert calls him a “Devilish Dandy” :’)

Anyway, I love my trash son

[gaminturnedassassin]

(...wow where the fuck IS everyone?)

[shakespork]

Writing a character who becomes severely malnourished/dehydrated/sleep-deprived?

Here’s what you’ll need to know! Learn all about the wonders of the human body and add scientifically-accurate drama to your stories.

MALNOURISHMENT

DEATH: average - 21 days (3 weeks), max ever recorded - 70 days (2.3 months)

6 HOURS: grouchiness and hunger due to lack of glucose.

24 HOURS - 48 HOURS: hunger very apparent; pains in stomach; body has entered ketosis and is using fatty acids as energy.

72 HOURS+: muscles begin to get broken down for energy.

You will become: increasingly depressed, irritable, hysteric apathetic; decline in concentration, comprehension and judgement; social isolation and withdrawal; possible self-harm.

If your character doesn’t eat for 5 consecutive days, they are at risk of Refeeding Syndrome. This is extremely dangerous and can be fatal.

recommended reading:

The Minnesota Starvation Experiment

Psychology of starvation based on the above experiment.

DEHYDRATION

DEATH: average 3 days; some live 8 - 10 days

for the calculations: TWV = total water volume in body; average adult loses 2.5 litres of water per day.

Assuming that your character does not eat, drink or absorb any moisture.

9 HOURS/2% TWV: thirst, discomfort, dry skin, loss of appetite; 50% loss of performance for athletes; elevated body temperature, rapid heartbeat, fatigue, dizziness when standing, decreased fluid secretion (sweat, urination, tears, etc).

24 HOURS/6% TWV: sleepiness, severe headaches, nausea, tingling in limbs.

36 - 72 HOURS/ 6 - 15% TWV: no urination, seizures, muscle spasms, shriveled skin, fainting, vision dimming, delirium.

72 HOURS+/15% TWV+: Organ failure.

recommended reading:

dehydration on the psychology wiki.

SLEEP DEPRIVATION

DEATH: not known, but can stay awake for 11 days; max chronic sleep deprivation ever recorded (until death) - 6 months.

NOTE: This does not mean you can stay awake for 6 months. It means you can survive that long with chronic sleep deprivation - going days without sleep and then sleeping once or twice.

24 HOURS: mental ability impairment of someone who has blood-alcohol content of 0.10%; everything is worse - emotional control, memory, attention, decision-making, hand-eye coordination.

36 HOURS: hormonal spikes everywhere; losing time; lack of motivation; head buzzing like you’re dehydrated.

48 HOURS: microsleep, regardless of what you’re doing (you fall asleep for 1-30 seconds and then become disorientated);

72 HOURS+: say goodbye to higher mental processes like decision-making and planning. Also, say good bye to saying goodbye because even simple conversations are hard.

80 HOURS+: … and hello, hallucinations!

recommended reading:

this article of a soldier’s experience with sleep deprivation.

Eleven Days Awake; The Experiment.

[rungalwaysheretolisten]

If you see this then that means my blog still alive and has not been deleted by tumbler.

[grincarved]

rungalwaysheretolisten‌:

If anyone else RP or not, has not to be deleted and are still around reblog this so we know your still here. 

[gaminturnedassassin]

(I’m uncertain of the status of this blog given tumblr’s new rules. they won’t allow custom themes anymore, of that i’m sure, so for now this blog is being set to one of the free default themes. if they find my content objectionable i don’t feel super invested in necessarily saving Montparnasse from being deleted, but if he could stick around for me to play with that’d be nice, considering i’m almost sure my oc is being taken down.

anyways, hi i keep forgetting the email used for this blog.)

[anabundanceofcourf-blog]

“Why are you hugging me?” Montparnasse rolled his eyes with a heavy groan.

“Do I need a reason?” He huffed in mock irritation, although it was rather obvious by the brilliant glint in his eyes that he wasn’t really upset, and if anything the other’s groan only made him cling even tighter. Which was admittedly petty, but he’d always known just how far he could push the other’s buttons without it being too much and…alright, frankly he just wanted the affection right now, and at least he’d waited until they were home again to latch onto him, that had to mean something.

“Besides, what’s got you all crabby?” He added after a moment, reaching up to poke his cheek (which was definitely pushing it), a hint of a pout to his lips. “You were fine when we were out earlier.”

[anabundanceofcourf-blog]

gaminturnedassassin:

The look didn’t faze him; it was one he’d received many times before, actually from said friends, so a demure smirk and shrug of his shoulder was his only response, raising his hands only slightly to dispel the blame and reduce any offense. It was a strange peace they’d worked out in this regard, but hey, it would pass for now. Courfeyrac had to respect his virtuous self-control of his wit and sharp tongue if nothing else. He’d well learned when he’d pushed enough.

“Well, and it keeps the slops from turning rough, too, if you’ve got enough cameras going,” he supplied after a moment, retracting his hands to peel off the leather gloves he wore almost constantly. “Well, not quite, but it’ll slow it down at least. What’s this one for, then? Should I put the nightly news on the DVR to recount your exploits later on?” He gave him a devastatingly charming grin, his teasing back to softer little jibes.

“You’re lucky you’re cute, y’know.” He warned, although it lost a bit of its effect as the object he was currently trying to wave in his direction was a wooden spoon he’d grabbed for stirring the sauce. Of course, it wouldn’t even be the first time they’d manage to make the news with their exploits (much to his father’s irritation), and it did tend to keep things from getting out of control-and if it didn’t, well, then at the very least it would manage to only further their cause. 

Not that Montparnasse really cared all that much for it, or really understood it, and had openly said as much several times over. It didn’t do him any favors with the rest of the group, naturally. “It’s the usual, fighting for basic human rights we shouldn’t have to.” He added with a hum, turning and leaning against the counter once he’d seasoned the sauce to his liking, leaving it to simmer, lips quirking into a smile. “I should hope you’d watch if they run anything, I’ve always looked amazing on camera.”

[gaminturnedassassin]

“Cute? ‘Fey, you know I’m infinitely better than cute.” He gave a big grin as he sidled over to sit on the counter while he worked, utterly unfazed by the utensil gesticulating at him. No, he certainly didn’t care, and he had no problem saying so. It mattered only because Courfeyrac mattered, and it was important to him, and because it opened up further opportunities for that little curly-haired pout he often got when he could successfully get under his skin. 

Having tucked his gloves away into his pockets, he stretched his arms over his head with a little groan, flexing his hands. “You would think after so much of the usual, things would change. Hmph. But ouais, I’ll probably flip it on at some point before work. I’d get to see your adorable determined-protest face, and it gives me an indication of which streets to avoid cops. Win-win.” He gave him a little wink, before he leaned forward to plant an endearing kiss on his cheek.

[enjxras-deactivated20181206]

📳

Enjolras finally worked up the courage to snatch his phone back from his hands. “Are you done?” He asked, anger creeping into his voice as he asked. “Did I give you permission? And how do you know my password? Or how did you get ky fingerprint?”

[gaminturnedassassin]

Montparnasse’s amused smirk won over the disdain and shock for being spoken to in such a manner. “I’d suggest not asking questions you don’t want the answers to,” he replied, brushing off his gloved hands as though rid of some bug. “Or at the very least, keeping a better eye on your pockets, écolier. I could have done some real damage if I’d thought it worth my time.“ He puffed a ring of smoke in his direction, and it smelled strongly of cassis berries. 

[enjxras-deactivated20181206]

The blond had his head down as he went through his phone, checking to see if anything had been moved or sent or seen. “I don’t imagine you could have done much damage considering you were looking at it directly in front of me,” The ‘though I didn’t notice for god knows how long’ he left unsaid, it wasn’t until he’d needed it had he noticed it was gone. If he hadn’t vaguely recognized the man who’d taken his phone he wouldn’t have been so bold with how he gained it back.

As the smoke hit him he pulled a face, wrinkling his nose in slight disgust- he was a casual smoker himself but that didn’t mean he liked the smell of any kind of smoke. “I’d like to know how you got my password, it’s one of the only passwords Les Amis don’t know,” There had been a ‘war’ a few months ago where phones had been messed with, although it had been funny to begin with the joke had run on too long and now passwords were kept under lock and key. 

[gaminturnedassassin]

Sadly, Montparnasse had not had the time to change that truly atrocious phone background before the other boy had snatched his phone back, but he wasn’t too upset. It wasn’t as though he’d be stuck with it for the rest of the phone’s miserable life. But as he scrolled it was obvious he’d closed every application after using it, leaving only his texts on the screen, and there appeared to be nothing new or added.

“Not my fault you underestimate me, garçon, though it’s yet another thing I’d advise against,” he replied cooly. “Pity. Your parents texted, by the by, your rent’s been paid this month.” His upper lip curled into a sneer. “Did they buy you the phone, too? I should certainly hope your apartment has better security. That ‘secret’ password of yours is only too easy.”

[anabundanceofcourf-blog]

“Why are you hugging me?” Montparnasse rolled his eyes with a heavy groan.

“Do I need a reason?” He huffed in mock irritation, although it was rather obvious by the brilliant glint in his eyes that he wasn’t really upset, and if anything the other’s groan only made him cling even tighter. Which was admittedly petty, but he’d always known just how far he could push the other’s buttons without it being too much and…alright, frankly he just wanted the affection right now, and at least he’d waited until they were home again to latch onto him, that had to mean something.

“Besides, what’s got you all crabby?” He added after a moment, reaching up to poke his cheek (which was definitely pushing it), a hint of a pout to his lips. “You were fine when we were out earlier.”

[anabundanceofcourf-blog]

gaminturnedassassin:

Montparnasse rolled his eyes with a smirk - wisely withholding any further comments about the internship. Because that was love, from him. Even if it was exploitation and ‘Fey was infinitely better than it all, he knew better than to deride it too much.

“Wipe that stupid grin off, I said if, dumbass,” he called after him with a laugh, before following him into the kitchen and leaning against the doorway to watch him cook. “And non, I don’t say much about it for the same reason I don’t talk about most of my work with you- you don’t appreciate it.” Teasing, he stuck out his tongue, and yet somehow managed to look proud and dignified whilst doing so. It was truly an art form. “I’d thought you wouldn’t want to know, but just tell me and I can add you to snapchat and keep you updated. What’s going on with les amis this weekend? Not another protest?”

“You say ‘if’, but you’re still here, aren’t you?” He replied cheekily as he started to pull things out of the cupboard to make a quick pasta for dinner, although he pulled a face at the reminder that he likely wouldn’t want to know what was going on; even the vague notion of what he could be doing was off-putting enough. 

“I think I’ll pass on that, unsurprisingly.” He added with a quiet snort of laughter, grabbing a pot so he could put water on to boil, although he did pause for a moment to shoot the other a look at his last remark. Although he supposed it was only fair, considering he obviously didn’t think all that well of his choice in weekend activities most of time, and his friends hadn’t been very subtle in their feelings toward Montparnasse’s sudden appearance in his life. “And yes, another protest, a pretty big one this time too. Enjolras is hoping we get a lot of media coverage off this one, since our last couple didn’t go so well.”

[gaminturnedassassin]

The look didn’t faze him; it was one he’d received many times before, actually from said friends, so a demure smirk and shrug of his shoulder was his only response, raising his hands only slightly to dispel the blame and reduce any offense. It was a strange peace they’d worked out in this regard, but hey, it would pass for now. Courfeyrac had to respect his virtuous self-control of his wit and sharp tongue if nothing else. He’d well learned when he’d pushed enough.

“Well, and it keeps the slops from turning rough, too, if you’ve got enough cameras going,” he supplied after a moment, retracting his hands to peel off the leather gloves he wore almost constantly. “Well, not quite, but it’ll slow it down at least. What’s this one for, then? Should I put the nightly news on the DVR to recount your exploits later on?” He gave him a devastatingly charming grin, his teasing back to softer little jibes.

[bbclesmis]

Jumayn Hunter has been cast as Montparnasse in the BBC’s Les Misérables.

[gaminturnedassassin]

anabundanceofcourf

replied to your

post

:

(pops on for 2 seconds to check replies proceeds...

HE WOULD VAPE

(it’s amazing and 100% perfect because he started smoking thinking it would make him seem tough and worldly 

and now there’s a perfectly good excuse to be like “lol nope” because it’s a popular thing i guess and can also hint at the fact that he’s a wuss)

[gaminturnedassassin]

(pops on for 2 seconds to check replies

proceeds to spend 15 minutes trying to figure out what flavors Montparnasse puts in his e-cig)

[enjxras-deactivated20181206]

📳

Enjolras finally worked up the courage to snatch his phone back from his hands. “Are you done?” He asked, anger creeping into his voice as he asked. “Did I give you permission? And how do you know my password? Or how did you get ky fingerprint?”

[gaminturnedassassin]

Montparnasse’s amused smirk won over the disdain and shock for being spoken to in such a manner. “I’d suggest not asking questions you don’t want the answers to,” he replied, brushing off his gloved hands as though rid of some bug. “Or at the very least, keeping a better eye on your pockets, écolier. I could have done some real damage if I’d thought it worth my time." He puffed a ring of smoke in his direction, and it smelled strongly of cassis berries. 

[anabundanceofcourf-blog]

“Why are you hugging me?” Montparnasse rolled his eyes with a heavy groan.

“Do I need a reason?” He huffed in mock irritation, although it was rather obvious by the brilliant glint in his eyes that he wasn’t really upset, and if anything the other’s groan only made him cling even tighter. Which was admittedly petty, but he’d always known just how far he could push the other’s buttons without it being too much and…alright, frankly he just wanted the affection right now, and at least he’d waited until they were home again to latch onto him, that had to mean something.

“Besides, what’s got you all crabby?” He added after a moment, reaching up to poke his cheek (which was definitely pushing it), a hint of a pout to his lips. “You were fine when we were out earlier.”

[gaminturnedassassin]

anabundanceofcourf:

“It’s not like I’m hurting for the money, and…besides, it’s the experience, or at least that’s what they tell me.” He protested with a quiet snort of laughter, although he couldn’t help the triumphant grin that lit his lips when the other gave in-because that’s exactly what he’d done, of course, the moment that Montparnasse had made the suggestion of just skyping instead of going out he’d won.

“Honestly, if I’m hard enough asleep I probably won’t even notice.” He added with a little wave of his hand, turning on his heel to walk to the kitchen so he could start to make dinner for the both of them, poking his head around the corner after a few moments. “Besides, ‘out of town’ makes this sound like this’ll take awhile, and the fact that you’re avoiding talking about it around me means its probably dangerous, right?”

anabundanceofcourf:

“It’s not like I’m hurting for the money, and…besides, it’s the experience, or at least that’s what they tell me.” He protested with a quiet snort of laughter, although he couldn’t help the triumphant grin that lit his lips when the other gave in-because that’s exactly what he’d done, of course, the moment that Montparnasse had made the suggestion of just skyping instead of going out he’d won.

“Honestly, if I’m hard enough asleep I probably won’t even notice.” He added with a little wave of his hand, turning on his heel to walk to the kitchen so he could start to make dinner for the both of them, poking his head around the corner after a few moments. “Besides, ‘out of town’ makes this sound like this’ll take awhile, and the fact that you’re avoiding talking about it around me means its probably dangerous, right?”

Montparnasse rolled his eyes with a smirk - wisely withholding any further comments about the internship. Because that was love, from him. Even if it was exploitation and ‘Fey was infinitely better than it all, he knew better than to deride it too much.

“Wipe that stupid grin off, I said if, dumbass,” he called after him with a laugh, before following him into the kitchen and leaning against the doorway to watch him cook. “And non, I don’t say much about it for the same reason I don’t talk about most of my work with you- you don’t appreciate it.” Teasing, he stuck out his tongue, and yet somehow managed to look proud and dignified whilst doing so. It was truly an art form. “I’d thought you wouldn’t want to know, but just tell me and I can add you to snapchat and keep you updated. What’s going on with les amis this weekend? Not another protest?”

[bidoctor]

[anabundanceofcourf-blog]

“Why are you hugging me?” Montparnasse rolled his eyes with a heavy groan.

“Do I need a reason?” He huffed in mock irritation, although it was rather obvious by the brilliant glint in his eyes that he wasn’t really upset, and if anything the other’s groan only made him cling even tighter. Which was admittedly petty, but he’d always known just how far he could push the other’s buttons without it being too much and…alright, frankly he just wanted the affection right now, and at least he’d waited until they were home again to latch onto him, that had to mean something.

“Besides, what’s got you all crabby?” He added after a moment, reaching up to poke his cheek (which was definitely pushing it), a hint of a pout to his lips. “You were fine when we were out earlier.”

[gaminturnedassassin]

“I’m not crabby, I’m working,” huffed the dandy, squirming a bit in his grasp that he was sure the boy was making purposefully too tight, and raising up his phone so he could read the text better. “And this shirt is going to need to be freshly ironed, again, écolier.” A harumph left him at the prod to his cheek, earning a light gloved swat at his fleeing fingers.

Still, after a roll of his eyes he out the phone back to sleep. “Ouais, I was, but that was during the daytime. Free time. Not time when i need to be planning with the rest of the ‘Minette, some of us have to work, you know.” Still, he planted a firm kiss to Courfeyrac’s curls, if only to make that pout disappear.

[anabundanceofcourf-blog]

“Hey, I work; just at a more reasonable time of day.” He protested, although admittedly it was just an internship a few days a week at most but hey, that was something at least. Of course, the type of ‘work’ that Montparnasse was referring to was obviously quite different, but he much preferred being kept in the dark as to exactly what he was planning on doing. 

“Do you have to go out tonight?” He added after a moment, although the pout had melted away at the kiss, shaking out his dark curls a bit before he his forehead rest against the other’s chest. “You’ve been out most of the week already, and this is my one completely free night, otherwise I’ll be busy with everyone this whole weekend.”

[gaminturnedassassin]

Montparnasse couldn’t help a smirk. “I think you’ll agree reason has very little to do with my job,” he bit back lightly. “Though somehow, moreso than how much they bother to pay you for your hard work and stress. I think it balances out somewhat, ouais?” It was something he’d never quite come to understand himself, why Courfeyrac had taken a working position for his internship and cluttering up his day further, but the pay truly was abysmal. And wasn’t an internship usually about getting other people coffee anyways? 

He let out a long, drawn out sigh, his head tilting back and his hand lifting to brush his bangs out of his face. “’Fey, I told you we have a big job out of town next week,” he groaned softly. “There’s too many factors we need to secure down still for that.” Still, he knew what Courfeyrac would say next to argue with him- all the more reason to spend tonight together, sentimental dumbass écolier that he was. He knew his boyfriend could out-lawyer him, but he didn’t need to give him the satisfaction of putting him in that position.

His hand dragged down his face, rubbing over his eyelids. “If I stay,” he mumbled, then looked down and held up a finger. “If. Then I’m Skyping in once you go to sleep. Deal?”

[hufflepuff-headcanons]

I got magpie as a patronus and I know absolutely nothing and help plz

magpies are widely recognised as one of the most intelligent animals in the world (check you) 

there’s an old english nursery rhyme that basically tells the future based on the number of magpies you can see:

‘one for sorrow, two for joy, three for a girl, four for a boy, five for silver, six for gold, and seven for a secret never to be told’

magpies don’t migrate and it’s rare to see one more than 10km from where it was born, guess you’re something of a home bird

recent studies show magpies are actually SCARED of shiny items MY LIFE IS A LIE

apparently they’re very inquisitive though and like to pick things up, which might explain why they’ve been incorrectly stereotyped as thieves

magpies mate for life <3

and they live in groups of around 200 during the winter!!! guess you’re p social

in china magpies are admired for their intelligence and are seen as symbols of joy and in korea a magpie is supposed to be able to tell you when you’ll have visitors in the future

but then again in scotland they’re supposed to carry a drop of the devil’s blood on their tongues (and apparently the church said if you cut off a magpie’s tongue it would be capable of human speech??? I feel bad for all the magpies that got mutilated because of this)

there are several collective nouns for magpies, my favourite of which is ‘a mischief of magpies’

also australian magpies aren’t magpies at all. confusing much?

[anabundanceofcourf-blog]

“Why are you hugging me?” Montparnasse rolled his eyes with a heavy groan.

“Do I need a reason?” He huffed in mock irritation, although it was rather obvious by the brilliant glint in his eyes that he wasn’t really upset, and if anything the other’s groan only made him cling even tighter. Which was admittedly petty, but he’d always known just how far he could push the other’s buttons without it being too much and…alright, frankly he just wanted the affection right now, and at least he’d waited until they were home again to latch onto him, that had to mean something.

“Besides, what’s got you all crabby?” He added after a moment, reaching up to poke his cheek (which was definitely pushing it), a hint of a pout to his lips. “You were fine when we were out earlier.”

[gaminturnedassassin]

“I’m not crabby, I’m working,” huffed the dandy, squirming a bit in his grasp that he was sure the boy was making purposefully too tight, and raising up his phone so he could read the text better. “And this shirt is going to need to be freshly ironed, again, écolier.” A harumph left him at the prod to his cheek, earning a light gloved swat at his fleeing fingers.

Still, after a roll of his eyes he out the phone back to sleep. “Ouais, I was, but that was during the daytime. Free time. Not time when i need to be planning with the rest of the ‘Minette, some of us have to work, you know.” Still, he planted a firm kiss to Courfeyrac’s curls, if only to make that pout disappear.