Garden For The Living

~She always said to keep on keeping on even though she was letting go~ Welcome to Garden for the Living. We are an initiative that was started August last year on Wattpad when one of our close friends, Daisy, committed suicide. This whole project is in her memory. Our main page is on Wattpad. The account is @gardenfortheliving. Please check it out! Before she died, Daisy wrote a lot of poetry to express how she felt. You can check it out in her book Songs from my Heart published on the @crazyassbitch52 profile on Wattpad. To show that she will never be forgotten, this profile is accepting poems and letters about Daisy, or anyone else you knew that was lost to suicide. These poems can also be about depression, anxiety, or any mental illness you've been struggling with. The poems will be published with full credit being given to the author and I will make a visual to go with it. If you have any questions please check out my book on Wattpad “Garden for the Living" which hopefully will explain everything. To submit an entry either pm me or publish it with the tag #gardenfortheliving or #gftl The goal is to give voice to those who have been forced to remain silent in their struggles, and hope to those who think they are alone. Together we can make something beautiful and keep the memories of our loved ones alive. If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, depression, or anything else you want to talk about please pm I want to help, and I will always respond as soon as possible, because you are not alone in this. I care and I'm here for you, and so many other people are as well.

[gardenfortheliving]

Just some words of wisdom from our insta account. If you ever think about ending it all, let your mind wander back to this quote. Everything you would have suffered and triumphed through would ultimately be for nothing if you give into the harsh words whispering to you. You’ve made it this far. If it really worth it to give it all up now?

[gardenfortheliving]

This isn’t exactly a post matching our account and message, but the quote just really spoke to me. As you guys know, we have our main account on Wattpad, which as an app where people can self publish their books chapter by chapter. This quote came from the Wattpad book Silently Falling, and it is an amazing book. It’s about a girl that became mute after being raped at a party her freshman year, but two years later someone came into her life and helped her find her voice.

I guess the quote might pertain to our message. In life, an ending might not always mean the end of everything. There is always new hope and new beginnings, and there is always a chance to find your voice again.

[gardenfortheliving]

Just Another Day

Poem from our wattpad book Shattered Mind

Written by Shadowhunters77 (a wattpad user)

I losing my grip,

It's slipping away,

I struggle to not let go,

To fight yet another day.

My heart screams in pain,

My soul shrieking in agony,

My fingers giving way,

But I must be strong to live another day,

Darkness engulfs my vision,

My mind is ripped in two,

But I think I can make it,

Just live another day,

I'm tired of the pain,

Exhausted from trying,

Weary from fighting,

My fingers slip,

Will I make it just another day?

My body withers in pain,

It can support me no longer,

I lose my grip and suddenly I'm falling,

I couldn't make it just another day

I'm in a pit of torments,

Tortured by my own mind,

The voices say I failed her,

I am in hell every day

It's been a month,

But time doesn't heal,

It just finds different ways to stab you,

And every day I tell myself just fight another day

[gardenfortheliving]

You might think things won’t get better; that you will spend the rest of you life suffering in the dark. But you won’t.

Storms don’t last forever, including the ones in your mind. The shining sun will always be there, peaking through your cloudy mind when you need it the most.

Never give up on that sun, because it will never give up on you.

[gardenfortheliving]

Why Us?

Poem from our wattpad book Shattered Mind

Written by @heronstairs310 (also on wattpad)

Why did you chose us?

Why did you find us when you needed help?

Why were we the people chosen?

You were drowning. Why were we the people you chose to hang on to?

You found my parabatai's book. You found her, and through her me. You connected with us. When you were closed off, but you opened up to us. Why were we chosen?

There are thousands of people on Wattpad you could have found. They could've helped you. But you chose us. You found us. Why?

Other people could have been there when you needed them the most. We couldn't.

I tried to help you. I was there when you needed someone, but I couldn't be that person. Nothing I said was good enough. Why did you chose me?

Someone else may have been able to help you. Why did you decide to open up to us? What made you trust us? We couldn't help.

You should've chosen someone else.

[gardenfortheliving]

Where Are You Now?

Poem from our wattpad book Shattered Mind

Written by @Shadowhunters77 (a wattpad user)

The words 'I miss you' do not suffice,

They are inadequate to describe how I feel,

Every day my heart aches and yearns for you,

My soul reaches out with longing,

But there is no response.

My arms are open to welcome you,

I stand ever awaiting your arrival,

But I know you will never come,

You will never respond to my call again

Where are you now?

Why did I let you slip away?

How could I let you let go?

Why can't I see you again?

[gardenfortheliving]

My Pain

Poem from our wattpad book Shattered Mind

Written by @Shadowhunters77 (a wattpad user)

Why do people not understand,

That I am experiencing physical pain?

Every memory tears at my heart,

Every thought of you rips it in two.

My heart is sore, in excruciating pain,

My eyes puffy and red from tears,

My mind hurt by the world's indifference,

It is too much to bear.

Every second brings more pain,

As I search for bread crumbs that will tell me who you were,

Why does my heart shatter over a stranger?

Over a face I never knew?

But I am engulfed in pain now,

Suffocated by my tears

But if you ask,

I'll say I'm fine,

It's what the world wants to hear.

[gardenfortheliving]

Dark and Light

Poem Entry by eattacos (a wattpad user)

Dark: with little or no light

Light: the natural agent that stimulates sight and makes things visible

Light, some do not see it

Dark is what they see

They live in that darkness

Light they don't see

Some drown in darkness

Some see the light

It may be small, but they see it

That light is hope or as I like to call it the good side

There are so many of us in the dark

Few of us see the light

Dark and light are two separate things

You want to aim for the light, try your hardest and you can get there

At one point there will be light

You just have to hang in there

Don't let the darkness take over

You can win the battle

[gardenfortheliving]

No matter what people tell you, you are amazing. Your love can light up the sky.

[gardenfortheliving]

[gardenfortheliving]

Eulogy

There are an infinite number of possibilities in this world. Every action, every choice we make, not only the big decisions, but the small as well, can alter out path in untold ways. For some reason, perhaps based on my choices, or perhaps just luck, our paths crossed at the end.

What I saw then, was a girl that I didn't know, and whose struggles remain unknown. But, that's not all that you were. You were an amazing girl, stronger than most, who was pushed down by a cruel society. I have never seen someone fight as valiantly as you did, my sister. You were the strongest warrior, but no person can solely hold off an entire army of enemy troops. And, when you needed me most, I, your cavalry failed to arrive on time, and you were lost.

You were sucked into a dark abyss that no one helped pull you out of. You were pulled down in the cruel tide of in humanity, and it drowned you. You were in so deep that there came a point where you decided that it was easier to swim down than to keep fighting, and I didn't throw you a life line to help you.

In every way, in every analogy, I have failed you. Why then, out of the infinite possibilities, was I the one sent to you? Why not someone capable of saving you from the bowels of the earth where you were forced to live? Or why not a me that made different choices? One that could help? 

That is something I will never know. But, know that you are my greatest regret. Not meeting you, but being the one chosen to help, and failing. I failed my duty. I was supposed to help when no one else would, but I simply because everyone else. If I could turn back time, I know that I would make different decisions that would save you, but I can't, and I am eternally condemned to live with my most grievous  failure.

It is possible, that in one of the other infinities, I managed to help you, but that is not the me that I have to live with. I am confined to the small infinity that I currently live in, so to day dream about a time or place where I succeeded in saving you is certainly folly. I will have to learn to live with my guilt.

Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. It is my fault, my most grievous fault. The blame lies squarely on my shoulders. For everyone knows that the enemy from without doesn't bring the most pain, it is the enemy from within who's betrayal is the most painful. And, while I review our brief friendship, I am unconscious of intentional error. I am nevertheless too sensible of my defects not to think it probable that I may have committed many errors. Yet, the one error that I am incapable of being blind to is the fact that when I was most needed, and when you cried out to me, I was nowhere to be found.

I pray that you will view my errors with indulgence, however I realize that they are much to egregious to consign to oblivion. I hope that after the eternity of pain that you have endured you will at last find yourself at peace in the mansions of rest, and that you will find yourself capable of forgiving my incompetent errors. I anticipate with pleasing expectation the sweet enjoyment that awaits me when I find you again when I am at last forced to join you. I promise to take my time and to live a life that I hope you will find respectable. I will see you in another infinity. Ave Atque Vale my sister warrior,

Shadowhunters77 (a wattpad user)

Originally posted in our wattpad book Shattered Mind

[gardenfortheliving]

Time

Poem from our wattpad book Shattered Mind

Written by @heronstairs310 (also on wattpad)

One day things are here,

The next they aren’t

What seems like yesterday could actually be a year ago

So much time spent on the wrong things,

Neglecting what’s important

So much wasted time

You don’t realize how precious something is until time swallows it up

Until it swallowed her up

With wasted time comes regrets

And lost time with others

Unsaid words you never got to say

Things you wish you could take back

If only we had more time

[gardenfortheliving]

Eulogy

I sit here, grieving you, when everyone carries on. You changed my life, for better or worse. I loved how well you write, I could never write like that. My Parabatai is better at that. I miss reading your writing. No words could describe how amazing your writing is, or how much we miss you.

My Parabatai wrote an amazing analogy, but I am not that talented. I can try though.

The earth was pulling you under. It was trying to swallow you, but you fought it. You held onto whatever you could to survive. You fought as hard as you could for as long as you could, but the earth didn't get tired. It never stopped. You were slowly losing the battle, and you were in pain. Crazy amounts of pain, but you kept going. We tried to help. We have you our hands, reassured you that we could help. We told you we would pull you back up and not let you get swallower by the earth. We failed. When you holding on became too much, when you called out to us for help, we weren't there. We didn't pull you back up when you were being overtaken by the earth. We weren't there. You couldn't keep holding on, so you let it take you. You stopped fighting. You let the earth swallow you, okay with the idea that the pain will stop. When we finally came running, you were already gone, it was too late.

This haunts me everyday. I couldn't help. I let you sink. This analogy is similar to others, but it was the only way I could explain.

We failed you. We didn't help when you needed it the most. This knowledge eats me up every day. I try to hide it, try to push away the pain, but it doesn't work.

I envy the people that live life as if everything is normal, when I'm slowly being pulled the same way she went. I won't let it take me. I have people that care, and I won't let it take me.

I have been pulled up, and people keep me up, as I do the same in return. Daisy (crazyassbitch52) told us something. She said, keep on keeping on, and that's what we are doing.

No matter how hard it gets, we will keep on keeping on, for her.

Eulogy by @heronstairs310 (also on wattpad)

This eulogy is also posted in The Garden For The Living’s book Shattered Mind on wattpad.

[gardenfortheliving]

In remembrance of Daisy. Today is Daisy’s Day, and I want you all to reblog this in honor of her. She will not be forgotten.

[gardenfortheliving]

Drowning

Poem from our wattpad book Shattered Mind

Written by Shadowhunters77

Every day, I am drowning,

Drowning in my tears,

They are ever flowing like an endless river,

Two permanent streams raging down my cheeks

There are tears in my eyes,

My heart cries secretly.

When my heart is silent,

My soul screams

Someone listen to me,

Because you have left me all alone,

Someone give me the strength to go on,

Or end it all,

Because there is no strength left in me

I have already drowned,

In my floods of tears,

I am too weak to go on,

I could really use somebody to lean on

[gardenfortheliving]

Never keep it in. Even if it’s just writing in a diary, it will help. Daisy’s book Songs From My Heart on wattpad was her diary, filled with poems about how she’s really feeling inside. I feel that that is the one thing she did right: she told people. Even if they didn’t know her in real life, only on the Internet, they were still good friends to her. Though I do encourage you to tell people you see everyday. Anyone close to you. Don’t stay silent. You have a right to tell the world how you feel.

[gardenfortheliving]

Daisy’s Day Is Coming!

Daisy’s Day is in just a few days. I still haven’t gotten any entries from anyone on tumblr, but I encourage you all to please enter something! Anything! Spread the word about Daisy’s Day!

Don’t forget, it’s August 3rd. Make sure to post something on your blog about suicide, depression, selfharm, anxiety, or anything similar to that on her day. You can even post something about Daisy herself if you’d like.

We will also be accepting entries after Daisy’s Day, but I would like to post a whole bunch of entries that day. But...we have to get more entries to do that. So, go on and write a story or poem or create an image. Anything that you like to create.