If it isn't too invasive, would you be willing to elaborate on the comment about having had sex w/ mtf males before? I've never had sex with a male of any kind, and people constantly use that as a reason to act like I don't know that i'd like it, even though I get really uncomfortable at even the thought of it. Hearing from an older lesbian with more experience would probably help me trust my own instincts more when I'm being talked down to about what I "should want".
I really don’t like body-shaming anyone, so I hesitate to talk about it in detail publicly but I guess this is anonymous. However, I did get sucked into the ‘you should be open-minded!!’ mantra and, since I consider myself open-minded, I had sex with a post-op MTF.
A lot of the changes transition focuses on are purely visual, which makes sense for passing, but sex is far more intimate. When I was actually touching this person, I felt maleness everywhere - the size of the bones, the angle of the hips, breadth of shoulders, the hip/waist ration, even the subcutaneous layer of fat that women have under their skin wasn’t there. The softness and roundness of even the slimmest female body was absent and it was very jarring to me. If you close your eyes, which people generally do during sex, you can absolutely tell you’re touching a man who has breast implants added onto his body and his penis removed.
As for the bottom surgery itself, the scars were hidden under pubic hair but there wasn’t exactly a clit - more like a fold (some surgeons create this detail, others appear to not care) and the placement of the neo-vagina sits too far forward in the hips and the neo-vagina itself doesn’t angle towards their back as you’d expect. The lining also feels thicker and drier. It honestly felt like putting my fingers inside a deep belly button. Oh, and it’s not connected to anything - no cervix, no musculature, no stretchiness and wetness with arousal, no convulsing with pleasure or squeezing… just nothing. As a woman who has sex with women, it’s completely unlike a vagina in every way. It’s literally created by male surgeons based on the idea of what a vagina is, which is apparently a pocket you can put your penis in and nothing else is needed.
So yeah, as much as people are arguing on here based on who can pass in which photo, sex is not a photograph. It involves a LOT of other senses and this experience didn’t pass any of them. I don’t feel any desire to replicate it and you shouldn’t either. And that’s for the 10-15% of MTFs who even have bottom surgery. The rest of the time you will be dealing with a dick which produces far more testosterone than someone who is post-op, so the musculature and feel will be even more obviously male.
No one can tell you what you ‘should’ want. The ‘should’ in that sentence is just offensive from the start. Instead they need to listen to YOU telling THEM what you do want, and ask them why they feel it’s so important to them that you have to settle, that you have to have mediocre sex that doesn’t interest you, that you can’t be the one who decides what you want while they support you in your choices.
This also applies to the trans perspective and the poor soul who was on the receiving end of this encounter. Everyone deserve to have sex with partners who really want to be there, not some lesbian who is forcing herself to ‘give it a fair try.’ It’s a degrading, pointless experience for everyone involved and it appalls me that this rhetoric continues to exist.
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