Life As We Know It: The Gas Station Diaries

The rants, ramblings, and crazy stories of a 28 year old overnight gas station cashier on the job.

[fuck-customers]

It’s a new program called “You done been slapped up”

[fuck-customers]

[life-of-eris]

If you had five billion you could hop from job to job, calling entitled customers idiots all across your city, putting the fear of You into every shithead in town until people become afraid to be rude to servers and cashiers, lest you emerge from the back room like some kind of manners-enforcing specter

[aceofsquiddles]

[gasstationdiaries]

@ the recent post about regulars..... my gas station has a regular who often comes in with a rag, bathes himself with it in the bathroom stall (multiple people have walked in on this while cleaning) and then buys a soda and leaves. He always leaves in a nice car so we’re pretty sure he’s not homeless, so the biggest theories among our staff about why he does this are: 1) it’s his fetish 2) ????

I'm leaning on number one. Number two is my final answer

[gasstationdiaries]

Gas Station Customer Service: Now With Specialization In Insects!

That title will make sense in a moment.

It's summer time! Alongside the endless hoards of people craving midnight snack time, there's also visitors of the four legged pesky insect variety. Usually it's beetles, flies, and gnats. We do our best to kill them but when there's fifty thousand, it's quite difficult.

One customer walks in complaining about the bugs outside. Fair. But there's not much I can do against the horde of the little fuckers. I have no bug spray. Just a broom and feet.

He then starts inquiring about the bugs. Repeatedly asking what kind they were or if they bit. The questions become very specific and he was not satisfied with my "I have no idea. They're gnats. It's humid as hell. They come about in the summertime." He literally asked like five times "what are they?"

Apparently gas station jobs now require an extensive knowledge in insect research. Who knew?

Also let me note I really hate this time of the year for this reason alone. THE FUCKERS ARE EVERYWHERE. I CAN ONLY SQUISH SO MANY.

[gasstationdiaries]

I was liking all your posts then I noticed you use XD unironically... Not sure what to with this information except for automatically declare you untrustworthy... Just kidding though. Love your blog

*sniffle, sniffle* I am hurt. Ha, it's all good and thank you for liking and sharing the blog! Yeah... I do use it to excess (trust me you haven't seen my Facebook, there are XD emoticons that would drive you nuts). Old habits die hard. Lol.

[real-retail-stories]

[cashiertimes]

The realest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

[gasstationdiaries]

Hey! I was totally just stalking your blog all day at work (my boss is super awesome and lets me slack off when there are no customers) and I was sorta wandering, with the whole goth thingy mabobby, are there any songs you really love and want to rant about forever? If so, when and how did you find the song? Im like, a huge song loving sponge and would love to hear your opinion on the best songs you've found! ^.^

Oh man! I have so many! I can recommend you bands if you like.

My top 5 are

1. Aesthetic Perfection

2. Lord of the Lost (which is a band I could rant about for days. Mostly because I think the members are attractive and talented and their TV of the Lost series of life on the road is so entertaining to watch)

3. Combichrist (who I got to meet last weekend! Such awesome guys!)

4. Blutengel

5. Covenant

If you’re looking for some awesome stuff just run any one of those through a YouTube mix and you’ll find some great music! Hope this helps. And cheers to an awesome boss

[gasstationdiaries]

I work at a gas station/convenience store. Had a middle aged couple come in to get fountain drinks, which are sometimes free with a rewards card. I am ALWAYS supposed to ask people if they have our card, I could jeopardize my job if I got caught forgetting to ask! So I ask this couple if they have one. Their response? The woman THROWS a $5 bill at my face and screams "JUST PAY". Then laughed the whole way out the door like what she'd done was hilarious and cute.

Sometimes laugh is all we can do!

My bad. I thought you had laughed. Not her. In that case, fuck her. I hope she tripped and fell on a nail. This makes me wish violence was okay in some cases

[gasstationdiaries]

I was Following you and Hearting your posts until I see you are not a President Trump supporter. Sorry but I can not support someone that is for the destruction of the USA.

I normally wouldn't have cared because I get stupid shit like this all the time from Trumpkins but this was just too funny not to at least post for the sheer irony of it. I think I laughed for five straight minutes

[gasstationdiaries]

I work overnights at a gas station and I serious appreciate your blog. You say everything I want to say.

You're welcome!

[gasstationdiaries]

you die in 2017 too?

I die every day. Inside.

[gasstationdiaries]

Just a quick note. I binged your entire blog in less than 24 hours. I love the way you write, and gawd but your stories remind me of my retail days. I think the highlight of those years was getting to tell the state's governor to shag his ass to the end of a very long holiday line. Thanks for the entertainment!

Anytime! Glad you like itAlso now I really want to hear this governor story. Do share the details

[gasstationdiaries]

THANKS TUMBLR

So I went to edit my blog and saw I had ten asks in my inbox that weren't apparent until now. Somehow Tumblr hid them from me.

I will now reply to these. Some are probably old as hell. But I will still do it.

[giggleboxx3000-deactivated20190]

Why do regulars™ feel the need to shop here EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. ???????

are they bored? do they not have a life? how hard is it to do all of your shopping at a fucking grocery store instead of buying the same shit here 7 days a week?

[cashiercomplaints]

I see the same people in my store multiple times a day, multiple days a week. I just don’t understand. Why?!

[never-work-retail]

I think when it comes to old people, the reason they visit every day is because maybe they’ve lost their family and friends and they’re alone. So a daily trip to the shop gives them something to do, keeps them active, and gives them people to see and talk to. I’m happy to be that person to talk to if they need it.

As for younger people that visit every day, multiple times a day. Yeah, I’ve not figured that one out yet. Boredom? An excuse to get away from home?

[gasstationdiaries]

I don't mind it at all. At least the regulars are nice and easy to please. Then again 95 percent of my clientele is regulars. I think it's just cause they like the place. It could be close to home, they like the people that work there so they want to support the business, or they just feel like it? In some cases, yeah, it's definitely older people that don't have anyone to talk to so they'll come here. They're pretty pleasant though

[eggings]

apparently almost no one’s seen the video it’s free real estate comes from so here it is

[gasstationdiaries]

Wait that's a Tim and Eric skit? Really?? The things memes are born out of

[never-work-retail]

It is REALLY FUCKING RUDE when I say “hello” to customers and they do the following:

Ignore me

Put their shopping on the counter without making eye contact

Only communicate by shaking their head in response (so I know they heard me, because they’re not looking at me)

Do not say “please”

Do not say “thank you”

Do not say “bye”

Give me the stink eye for talking to them and being poilte

Like who the fuck raised you to think you’re too good for basic manners and respect?! Go to self-scan or order online if you can’t be bothered to communicate with a human.

[gasstationdiaries]

I had some old fart do this to me the other day.

"Hi How are you?"

"NUMBER 21 SCRATCHER" followed by a glare.

Really? Is this how we ask for things now?

And it's always old dudes. Probably pissed that a pierced, purple haired woman with a visible tattoo dares to be in public WORKING and not in the kitchen servicing a man.

Another one I had didn't say a damn word. Just stared, grumbled for his cigarettes, paid and left.

I try to be nice here, people, I actively try

[bantheletterg]

When you’re closing and a customer comes to the door

[cashiercomplaints]

A customer coming in contact with literally any sign ever.

[baddayatwork]

Me: *has three signs up on the regester saying that the card reader does not work*

Customer: *Ignores all the signs and puts about $100 worth of grocerys on the belt*

Me: *knowing people don’t read I ask what shes playing with*

Customer: Credit.

Me: ಠ_ಠ

[never-work-retail]

I had a self-scan til with THREE signs on it saying it was ‘card only’; one above the screen, one to the side on the printer, and one on the cash dispenser (the one that people FINALLY notice when they go to pay).

One woman put her shopping through and then went to pay by cash. As I suspected, she got the arse and called me over, and proceeded to complain about the lack of signs.

Without a word, I pointed to the one directly in front of her at eye level, then the one just off to the side, still at eye level, and then to the final one that she had just seen.

I can’t even remember how she responded, I was so done after that.

[gasstationdiaries]

I have several signs pointing to which register I’m on.

And people fuck it up.

Every. Single. Time.

Let’s not forget the ones that pull signs down on things out of order and wonder why it doesn’t work.

Gee…. I could give you a few clues

[blahblahkitty42]

Ok yeah I completely agree but like…yesterday I was at the gas station, and when I went to pay the cashier waved me over to check out and there was a sign there that said closed, and I was like “sorry I didn’t come over I thought this register was closed” and he said it is closed, and took me to another register. I feel like that one wasn’t my fault since he waved me over to him.

[gasstationdiaries]

That is a cashier being a moron. Why wave someone over to a closed register? That's just silly